A Lesson With Smarty Pants

By: Heart of Blades

It had been a productive day at Sweet Apple Acres. The trees had been tended to, animals fed, and crops watered. The smaller things that needed doing could be handled by Applejack and Apple Bloom, much to McIntosh's glee.

The big pony wasn't trying to slack off or get out of helping his sisters, that wasn't in his nature at all. However, today he had important work planned. It required him to be alone so he wouldn't be bothered and plenty of time so he could think and do this right.

After a quick check to make sure Granny Smith was out of the house, Big Mac headed to his room.

The normally calm, collected pony found himself nervous, butterflies in his stomach and hooves a bit sweaty.

'Butterfly,' he always found that to be a peculiar name. Butterflies weren't flies and they sure as hay weren't made of butter. And how could they get in your stomach anyway? With these thoughts, he shook his head, realizing he was getting distracted form his main priority.

Seeing no point in wasting anymore time, Big Mac sighed deeply and nudged the door to his room open. Giving his best, warmest smile, he stepped into the room.

Though he refused to show it on his face, panic instantly gripped his mind. Should he say good evening or good afternoon? It was the afternoon time, but evening just felt more right.

"Uhh, good evenin' Ms. Smarty Pants." He said, sounding a bit shyer than he had intended.

The old doll sat on the floor in front of a little table Mac had 'borrowed' from Apple Bloom. On her head was a fancy hat, once worn by Granny Smith in her younger years. This too was 'borrowed.' On the table sat two glasses and a tea pot. Those were just kept in the kitchen and seeing as no pony actually claimed them as there own, they weren't technically 'borrowed.'

Though the doll did not answer McIntosh's question, he blushed liked she had and her answer had been favorable.

"Y-you don't mind if I join you, right?" Had he stuttered? He mentally kicked himself; he had to keep it together and not seem so nervous. "It's just that I saw ya here all alone and got the idea that maybe I could give you some company."

Again, acting as though Smarty Pants had replied, Big Mac approached the child's table and sat. He avoided eye contact with the doll at first, feeling that this was just too silly. Not to mention the fact that this was Twilight's old doll, maybe he shouldn't have taken it like he did. But then again, she didn't seem to want her anymore. Still, maybe he should try and return her once he was done.

Done. That didn't sound right to him, it made it seem like he was using the poor doll, which wasn't the case at all. It was more like he needed Smarty Pants' help.

Pushing all these unneeded thoughts out of his head, Big Mac brought his thoughts back to his…date.

"Would you like some tea, Ms. Smarty Pants? I've heard it's quite good." Doing his best to be careful, he gripped the handle of the tea pot in his mouth, lifting it up before doing his best to pour the imaginary liquid into Smarty Pants' cup.

At first it seemed to be going well, he was pretty sure had there actually been tea in the tea pot, it'd all be going into the cup. That is until his bedroom door was kicked open, causing him to drop the tea pot in alarm, spilling all the imaginary tea all over Smarty Pants.

"Big McIntosh! What do you think your doin' slackin' off in here. I told ya I needed your help balin' up the hay, how am I supposed to do it all by….uhh…what the…?" Applejack was at a loss for words at the sight of her big brother, appearing to be having a tea party with what must have been the ugliest, most worn out doll she had ever seen.

Big Mac was equally stunned into silence. He had completely forgotten about helping with the hay baling and now as a result, he had been caught. But not only did he have to deal with that humiliation, but now Smarty Pants had hot tea spilled all over her…or would have had this been a real date and not pretend.

Unable to think of an excuse and trapped with no place to run, he thought the best course of action was to turn this around on AJ.

"Haven't you ever heard of knockin'?" He grumbled, getting to his feet. "If there had actually been hot tea in that tea pot then you would have caused me to horribly burn Ms. Smarty Pants here. Now I'm sure she's mighty upset, but if you just head back outside I'll calm her down and then be along shortly." He ended his sentence with a nod. Yup, it was sure some fast thinking and talking on his part.

"Oh." Applejack managed to say. "Well uhh, I'm mighty sorry there and…" No, just no. This was not normal! That outburst of his almost got her out of there, but she just couldn't ignore…whatever this was! "Wait, I'm not sorry cause I ain't got nothin' to be sorry about. Now just what on Equestrian is goin' on here?"

Mac mentally swore to himself, this wasn't good. Just how was he supposed to explain what had been going on? He thought his intentions seemed innocent enough, but now faced with confessing, it was down right embarrassing.

"Nothin's goin' on AJ." He managed to say with full confidence, as if what had been taking place was normal. "I was just having some light conversation with Ms. Smarty Pants here and…" Applejack interrupted.

"Would you stop actin' like that thing is alive! Now McIntosh, I don't know what's goin' on and I'm not judgin'. But you will not stand there lying to me when something is clearly not right. Now whatever you were doin' here, just tell me, I can handle it."

She actually rethought that last statement. True, she didn't know what was going on, but she had a few guesses. None of them did she want to think about and certainly didn't want to hear about. Still, this was her brother and if something off was going on with him, she wanted to know about it.

Knowing his sister all too well and seeing as all hopes of fast talking were long gone, Big Mac could only lower his head, feeling a bit ashamed now.

"Well you see…aw hay I know this sounds stupid but, well, me and Ms. Smarty Pants…that is I mean myself, well I was usin' the doll to practice ."

Applejack shifted a bit uncomfortably on her hooves. Practice? Whatever kind of practicing was going on, she was definitely sure she didn't want to here about it. Unfortunately, before she could stop herself, the next question was out of her mouth.

"Practice what?"

Now it was Mac's turn to shift about uncomfortably. If he told her he'd never hear the end of it. However if he didn't fess up, there was no telling what she'd think.

"I was practicin' on how to ask a pony out!" He finally spit it out. The answer gained a confused look from Applejack.

"Wait wait wait." She held up a hoof, unable to believe this. "Since when have you ever needed help askin' another pony out?"

Mac couldn't help but laugh at her reply. "Since when have I ever asked another pony out?"

AJ thought about that for a moment and she realized she had never seen her brother even speak with mares, let only go out with one.

"Oh Celestia! McIntosh! You're scared of girls!" She hadn't meant to blurt that out, or start having a laughing fit, which she was desperately trying to fight back. But Applejack just couldn't help it. Here was her brother, one of the strongest, bravest, toughest stallions she'd ever known, who always seemed larger than life to her and never lost his cool. Now to learn he was so unable to talk to a mare that he was resulting to playing pretend with a doll, well it was just too unbelievable.

Big Mac was not at all amused by her outburst and he made it known with a snort. "See, this is why I wasn't goin' to tell ya! And for your information AJ, I am not scared of girls! I just…well I have a hard time talkin' to them is all!"

Once she was able to get over the initial shock, Applejack felt a bit bad for her reaction, thought she still had to fight off the giggles. "Aw shucks, I'm sorry big brother. It's just I would of never in my life guessed you of all ponies would have a tough time talkin' to girls."

Big Mac just shrugged, looking away some with a bit of a blush. It was a topic he wasn't interested in talking about much.

Then a revelation hit Applejack. If this was an issue for her brother, why had he never seemed to care about it before or ever attempted to practice talking to girls before now? Could there be somepony he was interested in?

"Oh now hold up! You know I'm not the pryin' type." She stopped to give Mac an annoyed look as he rolled his eyes at her statement. "I'm not! Anyway, am I correct in assumin' all this creepy tea party thing is goin' on cause there's some mare you've taken to fancyin'?"

Well crabapples! Why'd she have to go and ask that!

"Nnnope!" He answered much too quickly.

"I knew it!" Applejack pumped a hoof in victory for figuring it out. "Who is she? You have to tell me now! Is it anyone I know?"

Mac grumbled. "Well, I suppose you do."

"Hmm, I got it! It's Flutteryshy ain't it? No wait, what about Carrot Top?" She then paused and looked at him with worry. "It ain't Rarity is it? Cause I don't think you're her type."

"Nope, nope and no." He said, offering no hints or clues. Why couldn't she just drop this?

Still not willing to give up, Applejack thought on this a moment longer then looked at him with surprise. "I know! Rainbow Dash! Haha, McIntosh you sly pony, I can't even imagine the competitions her and I will be getting into when you start bringin' her around for family get together. She'll make such an entertainin' sister-in-law."

The older pony could only look on at his sister in both confusion, surprise and, well, confusion.

"What?" AJ asked.

"Umm, I thought Rainbow Dash was…" His incomplete sentence got a mean glare from his little sister.

"You thought she was what?"

"…nothin'. Besides it ain't her! And all I'm lookin' to do is ask this pony out to get to know her better. I ain't lookin' to get hitched. So you can just go on and drop the in-law talk." It was a good recover and thankfully it got the conversation moving on so AJ wasn't asking more about what he almost said about one of her closest friends.

"Well fine then, no hitchin' talk. But I'm tired of guessin'. Now land sakes Big Mac, just tell me who the mare is so we can go on and get that hay baled."

Finally having no way around it and once again being reminded of the work they had to do, McIntosh finally caved.

"It's Cheerilee." He admitted at last, casting his eyes downward. After getting no reply from Applejack, he looked at her, seeing a not too sure look on her face.

"Uhh…who?" She asked.

"What do you mean…she…" How could AJ not know who Cheerilee is? "She's one of Twilight's friends, you know, Apple Bloom's teacher." He elaborated.

"Oh! Her…oh." She started giggling again, much to Mac's annoyance.

"And what's so funny now?" He demanded.

"Oh nothin', I just realized why you always insist on walkin' Apple Bloom to school!" This caused her to have another round of laughter before she made herself stop. "Aww, but it's just cute also. My big brother getting' hitched with a teacher."

"I ain't gettin' hitched!" He corrected.

"Well you ain't if you never ask her out. Now come on, we're losin' daylight!" She turned and walked out of his room, causing Big Mac to follow her in a panic.

"What, no! I can't go ask her now. I-I don't even know where she lives. And I still need more practice!"

Stopping out in the hall, AJ turned with a raised eyebrow. "I meant we're losin' daylight for the hay."

Mac's cheeks grew a dark shade of red. "…Oh, I knew that."

In the couple days that passed, AJ and Mac spoke very little on the episode that had taken place. Other than Applejack insisting her brother stop playing with dolls and just go get him his mare. While he was thankful she hadn't told anyone else, her comments on him getting hitched and his marefriend were getting very old.

But today, today maybe, just maybe he'd finally put an end to all that. He wasn't feeling totally confident, but he was sick of AJ's little sister comments.

"I don't get why you have to walk me to school. I'm old enough to walk myself you know." Apple Bloom complained as McIntosh walked along side her.

Giving a shrug he answered. "True, but it gives me a break from the farm and a chance to stretch my legs." It was a very poor excuse, one Applejack would have seen right through. Thankfully, Apple Bloom either didn't care or wasn't witty enough to challenge his answer.

It didn't take long for them reach the school; once there, Apple Bloom quickly ran off to play with her friends before the first bell rang.

As he usually did, Big Mac stopped a moment to look over at Cheerilee. She was standing just in front of the school steps, keeping an eye on the little ponies as they played. He took note of how nice her mane always looked, as well as how nice her flower cutie mark looked against her fur.

She took notice of him, turning her gaze in his direction and raising a hoof to wave. He smiled and nodded in return.

He turned, ready to head back to the farm, all thoughts of going over to talk to her abandoned. But he paused a moment, his mind drifting to her. He really did think she was an amazing pony. Teaching young ones was important and the one who did it had to have lots of patience and understanding. Apple Bloom always had good things to say about her teacher. McIntosh frowned, wishing he could just go over there and ask her out or at least tell her how much he admired what she did.

Maybe if he practiced just a little more with Smarty Pants…no, AJ would not stand for it if she caught him again.

He took a deep breath, forcing himself to turn back. Cheerilee was watching the kids again. It took all his courage to force himself to walk over to her. His heart skipped a bit when she looked up at him as he stopped next to her.

Clearing his throat, he knew it was now or never.

"Uhh, Ms. Cheerilee. I just wanted to ask…"

Author's Note: Well...that was different for me. Anyway, I got this idea after watching Lesson Zero of course. Not muck more to say other than this is a stand alone one shot and I don't plan on following it up.

Huge huge huge thanks to my long time close friend 'Amber Treelights'. She was beyond kind enough to beta read this for me. So hurray for corrected grammar.

Final note, I've not abandoned Broken Unicorn (though I've thought about it...o.O, sorry, lol) I will be getting back to it soon.

So if you enjoyed (or even if you didn't), please review and let me now what you thought. Until next time readers

- Heart of Blades