I was bored. And so I wrote this. It is slightly humorous. It is not overly good, and I probably could have done better, but what is done is done. This is, hopefully, just a one-shot. I really do not think I can go any further with this.

Blackmail and Bribery

The bullpen was dark. It usually was after a certain hour. The only light to fill the room was that of the emergency exit signs and the three desk lamps that were fighting to keep their owners alert. Damn paperwork. Every other agent in the building was home, in bed, asleep. Or building a boat. But no. There they were, stuck in the office at some ungodly hour because Anthony DiNozzo had spent the whole day bragging about his hot date for the night and doing his utmost to distract them from their work. And because every action has and equal and opposite reaction, as stated by Sir Isaac Newton himself, they were being punished. For something that wasn't their fault. Newton was wrong. This was not an equal reaction. McGee tried to focus his eyes on his computer screen, but gave up and focused them on his partner instead, shooting as many daggers as possible in one glare. Of course, he wasn't very good at the whole, evil glare thing. That was more Ziva's forte. Or Gibbs'. Not him. He wasn't a glary sort of person. No. Tony could be, sometimes, and so could the director. Oh, Abby definitely, and on the odd occasion Ducky, but him, not so much. Palmer couldn't either. It wasn't in their nature. He wondered when it was that he started putting himself in the same team as Palmer. And then realised that there was something much more interesting going on between his two colleagues.

"You and your stupid little comments." Ziva snapped.

"Well, you could have just ignored them." Tony shrugged.

"No, we could not. Do you know how hard it is to hear someone you…to hear you go on and on about a different conquest every day?" Her eyes were full of rage now and she was standing jabbing a finger at him across the room to punctuate every word.

"What did you just stop yourself from saying?" His brow furrowed and he walked around to the front of his desk, leaning against it. He still maintained a curious smile.

"Nothing. I did not stop myself from saying anything. Stop changing the subject."

"Why don't we change the subject away from me changing the subject and go back to what you were going to say."

"I was not going to say anything." He really was angering her now. Although, McGee contemplated, it was Tony. Tony could anger even the most patient of men in mere seconds without even trying. He thought about warning Tony, telling him to stop whilst he still had all of his fingers and toes.

"You were." His smile faded as Ziva crossed the space, and her desk, in a flash, her body pressed against his, her face millimetres from his. This was it. This was the moment that he would have nightmares of for the rest of his life. Could you get therapists for the specific topic of co-workers killing other co-workers? He was going to be the one left to clean up Tony's blood, too, wasn't he? He thought of interjecting, stopping them before anything could happen, but when he tried his voice wouldn't come.

"I was not, Tony. Drop it." Her voice was so quiet as she searched his eyes that McGee was unsure if he had heard her.

"No. I can't." Tony's eyes were locked on hers as he shook his head. "What is that in your eyes? What is it that you're feeling?" He held her chin as she tried to look away.

"Why is nothing in your eyes?"

"I asked first."

"And I am not going to answer." Where was the blood? Where was the limp body falling to the floor?

"Ziva…"

"Tony, you do not want the answer to your question."

"All I want is the truth."

"No, Tony. You do not." She shook her head. Her voice was sad. Why was it so sad? McGee couldn't work it out.

"You were going to say that you love me, weren't you?" Her face fell and she pulled away from him, backing towards her desk. "Don't deny it if it's true." She stayed silent, continuing to move slowly backwards until he grabbed her wrists, stopping her from moving anywhere.

"Let go of me Tony. It will only hurt more."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I won't let anything hurt you."

"But you are the one hurting me." McGee couldn't believe his ears. Were Tony and Ziva, two of the most closed off people he knew, besides Gibbs of course, confessing their love for one another? No, they couldn't be…but they were. Wait. Was this because of his book? Did Deep Six start this all off? He had just needed a love interest, and really – could anyone see LJ Tibbs falling in love? No, not in Deep Six, at least. And Amy wasn't falling in love any time soon, not after that thing with Agent McGregor. So who else could it be? Tommy and Lisa. He hadn't meant for them to actually fall in love in reality. Oh, God. It was all his fault – Gibbs was going to kill him.

"Tell me how and I'll stop."

"You cannot stop without lying to me and to yourself and to everyone." She shook her head.

"Tell me what it is and I will stop." He demanded.

"You cannot because you do not love me." He thought he heard tears in her voice. No. That wasn't right – Ziva didn't cry. But there she was, the light from the desk lamps reflecting off of her damp cheeks.

"Oh, how wrong you are, Miss Dah-veed. How wrong you are." Tony murmured before pressing his lips to hers, softly and slowly. Wait. Stop. Rewind. This was not happening. This could not be happening. Had they not realised that he was still sat there, staring at them. Obviously not, as Tony slipped his hands around her waist and moved her backwards, their lips still locked together. He hitched her onto the desk when her back slammed against its corner and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Again, McGee thought of interrupting them, but then thought better of it as he realised how close Ziva really was to at least three weapons that could be used to dispose of anything that stopped her and Tony from doing what it was that they were doing.

"You mean that?" She asked, slightly short of breath as he pressed hot kisses down her neck.

"More than you could know." He reattached his lips to hers, leaning her backwards onto her desk. McGee gulped and hit the off button on his computer, grabbing his back and going the long way round to the front elevator.

"Night guys!" He called as the elevator doors slid shut, wondering if they had even heard him, or if they were so absorbed in one another that they were completely oblivious.

He turned the handle. Locked. Tried to open the door with his key. Locked from the inside. What idiot invented a lock that if locked from the inside couldn't be unlocked from the outside? And what idiot put such a lock on the door to an observation room in a federal agency? The idiot who didn't want national security to be put at risk, he supposed. But why was it locked now? There had been no interrogations over night, and there was no-one in the interrogation room itself now anyway. He knocked. Waited for an answer. Knocked again. Something fell over inside. There was a grunting sound, followed by an almost silent conversation.

"Who is it?" A husky, masculine voice asked from the other side of the door.

"Er, Harry. Who's that?" Someone was in his observation room. Of course, he knew it before, but now he had proof he was somehow very angry.

"Uh…um…hi, Harry. Can you just give us – me, sorry. Me – can you just give me a few seconds. Why don't you go get a coffee or something?"

"Because I already have a coffee."

"Then get one for Agent Gibbs. He takes it black with more coffee than water." It sounded like whoever it was in there was trying to get dressed. In the dark.

"Look, I'm not in the mood for fooling around." Harry was loosing his patience. He just wanted to get to work.

"Nor are we – me, I mean. Sorry, me – so why don't you just do what I suggested and go and get Agent Gibbs a coffee.

"Agent DiNozzo, is that you?"

"Ow! Ziva! What was that for?!"

"For being so obviously you!" Harry's eyes widened.

"Officer David?" That chick scared the hell out of him. "Look, I'll keep quite, I won't tell anybody that you were in here. I promise. I think I might go and get Agent Gibbs a coffee. How about you two? Coffee?"

"Oh, yeah! Um, I take mine…Ow! What was that one for!"

"Tony!" Her voice was a warning. "Anyway, you seemed to like it last night." Harry cringed.

"Okay, I'm off to get that coffee." He ran down the corridor and straight into Agent Gibbs and Agent McGee. "Good Morning." He smiled then stopped.

"You seen David or DiNozzo this morning?"

"Er, seen them, no, don't think so."

"They're late." Gibbs voice was gruff.

"They're probably around here somewhere." Harry shrugged and McGee frowned at him as Gibbs stalked off down the hall.

"Do you know where they are, Harry?"

"No…not really."

"So you haven't seen either of them?"

"Stop interrogating me!"

"Whoa, I wasn't interrogating you!" McGee shook his head. "I just want to know where they are."

"No. You really don't. Some things are just too…grrr for a Thursday morning." He shuddered. Just…don't go into observation. Not until I have purchased some industrial disinfectant at least. I don't want to know what they were doing in there, or why they were doing it, I just want to stay out of Officer David's reach. That chick really scares the hell out of me, I mean, you work with her every day, is she really as scary as she seems? Don't get me wrong, she's hot and all, and there are days when I don't think I'd mind being interrogated by her, if you know what I mean, but she's really, really scary." He blabbered on, not noticing McGee turn a shade paler.

"You think I am scary, do you, Harry?" She smirk as she whispered in his ear and he leapt out of his skin.

"I mean it as a complement. It's useful when you're an agent."

"McGee, do you think I am scary?"

"Uh, well, you...um…you do have a…um…intimidating…quality about you…"

"Tony, am I scary? Intimidating?"

"Ha, not after last night." He grinned and shook his head. "No, you're just a big pussy cat, Ziva."

"You dare call me a pussy cat again, DiNozzo, and I will castrate you where you stand."

"Understood." He nodded and gulped, understanding that it was most certainly not an empty threat.

"Harry, tell me something." She leaned against the wall of the corridor, placing the tip of her index finger on her bottom lip. "What does a promise mean to you?"

"Uh, well, it means that I will do something, and I won't let anyone down for not doing it."

"Very good. And you know what a lie is?"

"Yeah, it's the opposite of telling the truth. And, before you ask, I believe that lying it wrong."

"Correct. So, when you promised that you would tell nobody about what you just heard in the observation room, you were…what? Lying?"

"Uh, no, I made a promise." He cringed.

"Then why is it that you are discussing what you think may or may not have been going on it the observation room last night between myself and Agent DiNozzo with Agent McGee?"

"I, uh…he tricked me into saying it!" He held his hands up in defence and she smirked again as she walked into his personal space.

"Did I live up to your expectations, Harry?" She straightened his tie and turned on her heels, leaving the three men staring behind her, one in fear, one in confusion and one very, very aroused.

I just have one question. Why did this never happen in the show?!

For my reference: 30th NCIS fic.