Kirk's Imaginary Girlfriend

Twenty-two-year-old Luke looked up as the bell above the door of his recently opened diner rang. Sixteen-year-old Kirk ran into the diner and took his usual seat at the the counter, right in the middle. Luke, upon noticing that it was only Kirk, turned his attention back to the receipts he was counting.

"Luke," Kirk said trying to get his attention. "Luke."

"What, Kirk?" Luke snapped back. He was beginning to regret opening a diner. If he knew Kirk would form some weird sort of attachment to it, that somehow included the need to come in daily, then he never would've opened it. Though it was paying off the debt left from his father's funeral and hospital bills, so he couldn't really complain.

"Luke, there's this girl," Kirk started, "but I don't know if she likes me."

"What girl?" Luke asked confused, he hadn't seen anyone new in town, though he had heard the whispers of an eighteen-year-old girl staying at Mia's inn with her young daughter, maybe that was who Kirk was talking about. "What's her name?" Luke asked.

"I don't know."

"What does she look like then?" Luke was silently praying she didn't have dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes- a description had come along with the story of the girl staying at the inn. Luke didn't know her personally, or at all, but he admired that she'd left her supposedly well off family to give her daughter a different life, or so he had heard.

"She looks like a girl," Kirk told him being completely serious.

"Okay, fine," Luke said, "so what's the problem? Go ask her out."

"I can't," Kirk said physically trembling.

"And why not?"

"I'm not like you, Luke." Luke looked at Kirk confused. "You're Butch Danes, forever the heartthrob of Stars Hollow High." Luke cringed at what Kirk was implying. "Like you and Carrie, she's two years younger than you Luke."

"I did not go out with Crazy Carrie," Luke said, his voice rising.

"How do I ask someone out, Luke?" Kirk asked.

"I don't know," Luke sighed, he'd never really asked anyone out before, the girls always came to him. "Just go up to her and talk to her."

"Okay, sure," Kirk said as he stood up. "I can do that. I'll be right back."

"I'll be here," Luke said as Kirk half walked, half ran out of the diner. Luke made his way over to the window, so he could catch a glimpse of the girl Kirk liked.

Kirk ran over to the town square and stopped near the gazebo, sitting down on a bench. Luke looked at him confused. It appeared as though Kirk was talking to someone, yet there was no one there. Luke put it down to Kirk preparing and shook his head at the craziness of it all. Luke was about to go back to work when he caught sight of her; the girl from the inn. She was all the way across the town square, just off the road to the inn. She was chasing a little girl no more than two years old. The young girl swooped up her young daughter and Luke smiled at the sight. They looked so happy.

"Oh, Luke," Miss Patty said from one of the tables. "We're ready to order."

Luke turned and saw Miss Patty and her close friend Babette sitting at the table. He was so wrapped up in Kirk and the girl from the inn that he didn't even notice the pair come in.

"Sorry about that," Luke said, taking one last glance out the window. The girl and her daughter were gone, and it appeared as though Kirk was heading back. He would have to question Kirk once he came back.

Luke took their order and waited impatiently for Kirk to return. He cooked Patty and Babette's order and took it to them, but Kirk still hadn't returned. Luke looked out the window and noticed Kirk sitting on the same bench as before, talking to himself again. Luke shook his head, Kirk was strange. Out of everyone in Kirk's family Kirk was definitely the oddest and maybe that was because he was the middle child.

Kirk eventually made his way back to the diner and sat down in his usual seat.

"So?" Luke asked when Kirk stayed silent. "How'd it go?"

"She said yes," Kirk replied seemingly unfazed. "I guess deep down I knew she'd accept."

"Does she have a kid?" Luke asked suddenly. Needing to know once and for all if Kirk liked the girl from the inn.

"No," Kirk answered. "Why would she have a kid? I can't deal with that kind of baggage."

"Right, sure," Luke replied visibly relieved. "So she said yes?"

"I told you that already."

"Alright, I'm just confirming. So when is the big date?"

"Friday night," Kirk answered calmly.

"Aren't you excited?" Luke asked confused. "This is your first date, right?"

"Right," Kirk confirmed. "And I am excited, can't you tell?"

Luke really couldn't.

"So where are you taking her?"

"I was thinking Al's," Kirk said.

"For pancakes?" Luke asked confused.

"Everyone likes pancakes, Luke."

"Kirk, you can't take a girl to Al's Pancake World for a first date," Luke told him. "You have to find somewhere a bit nicer than that."

"Like the school bleachers?" Kirk asked and Luke looked at him confused. "You took Carrie under the bleachers on your first date and if the rumors are true then you also got to second base."

"I never dated Crazy Carrie," Luke told him forcefully. "And we never went under the school bleachers."

"So today's the big date," Luke said as Kirk took his usual seat at the counter. "Are you nervous?"

"No, why would I be nervous?"

"It's your first date, Kirk, you know, with an actual girl."

"I know this Luke, I was the one who asked her out, remember?"

"Okay, moving on," Luke said. "Have you decided where you're going to take her yet?"

"Here," Kirk answered.

"Here, where?" Luke asked dreading Kirk's answer. "Here as in my diner?"

"Yes, you were the one who told me not to take her to Al's."

"I remember," Luke sighed. "So what time is the date? Do I need to reserve a table?"

"No, that won't be necessary, I just told her to come by when she could."

"So I'm stuck with you for the rest of the day?" Luke asked. "Great. Can I take your order at least?"

"No, I'm going to wait for my date."

"Okay, sure."

Luke soon got swept up in the duties of running his diner, but he checked in with Kirk every so often.

Luke just finished the dinner rush and he was ready for things to start slowing down for the night. He went to check on Kirk again and maybe suggest that he go home. Kirk had been waiting all day and the girl hadn't shown, Luke didn't think she would, however Kirk wasn't in his usual seat. Luke quickly scanned the diner concerned. Luke spotted Kirk pulling a chair out in the corner and then sitting down across from it. Luke smiled to himself, Kirk really seemed to want this date to go well.

"Luke, we're ready to order," Kirk said, breaking Luke from his thoughts.

"Umm, we?" Luke questioned confused as he made his way over to Kirk who was clearly sitting alone. "As in more than one?"

"Luke," Kirk said standing up. "I'd like you to meet my date Geraldine, Geraldine, this is Luke, he owns this diner, he's also a homosexual."

"Kirk, there's no one there," Luke said, "this is a joke isn't it?"

"No, Luke, and be quiet or you'll hurt her feelings. It's okay, Geraldine, don't listen to him." Kirk slid his hand across the table and turned it palm upwards.

"Come on, Kirk," Luke said, "can't you see that ther-"

"Excuse me a moment, won't you?" Kirk said effectively cutting Luke off mid sentence. "A word, Luke."

Luke was speechless about the exchange in front of him, but he let Kirk pull him over to the other side of the diner.

"Kirk, what's going on?" Luke asked. "There's no one there, you know that right, please tell me that you know that."

"She's imaginary, Luke," Kirk replied in a 'duh' tone.

"Your girlfriend is imaginary?" Luke asked. "I'm dreaming, aren't I?"

"No, and I'd like you to show some respect to Geraldine."

"She's not real Kirk."

"Please do this for me, Luke, she's my first girlfriend."

"Well technically she isn't-" Luke began, but stopped himself. Kirk, emotionless Kirk almost seemed happy. "Okay," Luke agreed, "but why did you tell her I was a homosexual, I'm not gay, Kirk."

"Oh, I no. I just figured if Geraldine thought you were gay then she wouldn't leave me for you."

"Wise move, I am Butch Danes after all," Luke joked.

"My point exactly."

"Let's get you back to your date then. Oh and another question Kirk, why does she have the same name as your mother? That's just weird."

"Well I imagine her mother liked the name," Kirk said, "and I'll have you know that Geraldine is a very popular name, Luke."

"Okay," Luke replied defeated.

Kirk was officially crazy in Luke's mind. An imaginary girlfriend, that was just insane.

A couple of weeks passed by and Luke couldn't help but notice the positive change in Kirk, he was semi-normal now, and it all seemed to be because of his imaginary girlfriend, Geraldine. Everything seemed perfect in their relationship until Kirk came running into the diner on the verge of pulling his hair out.

"Luke I need your help."

"Trouble in paradise?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, we were walking around the town hand in hand when some old friends of yours came past on their skateboards. Now I don't know exactly what happened, but Geraldine got this far away look in her eyes and muttered something about skateboarder's being hot. I think she's going to leave me, you have to help me, Luke."

Kirk was beyond desperate and Luke could see this.

"How can I help?" Luke let out a sigh.

"Teach me to skate."

"Really? Kirk, you have no co-ordination, or balance for that matter."

"I need to try Luke," Kirk said desperately.

"Fine."

"Great, Mom bought me a board and a helmet, I'll go grab them."

Kirk ran home and grabbed his board, and was back at the diner in no time.

"You ready?" Luke asked him.

"Yes," Kirk said as he placed his new helmet on his head.

"Nice helmet," Luke said sarcastically.

"Thanks it's orange."

"Right, everyone out now," Luke ordered his only two customers, Miss Patty and Babette.

"That's not very nice, Luke, we're your customers," Miss Patty said, "your only customers, you should be treating us with respect."

"Yeah, sugar," Babette added. "What's so important that you have to close the diner in the middle of the day anyway?"

"Kirk has a crisis involving his girlfriend and he needs my help," Luke explained.

"Come on, Luke," Kirk all but whined. "We don't have much time."

"You're teaching Kirk to skateboard?" Miss Patty asked once she saw Kirk awkwardly holding his board. "Luke, honey, do you think that's a good idea?"

"Probably not," Luke said, "but I'm not going to be the one Kirk blames when they break up."

"We'll come and watch," Miss Patty said excitedly. "Something bad is going to happen and this way we'll get the jump on East Side Tilly."

"Luke," Kirk pleaded again.

"I'm coming, Kirk," Luke said, exiting his diner and locking the door behind him.

Luke hadn't been teaching Kirk for long before a crowd gathered, everyone was eager to see Kirk hurt himself.

"That's it," Luke said excitedly as he let go of Kirk and let him roll along by himself.

"I'm doing it, I'm actually riding a skateboard," Kirk said excitedly, slowly gaining speed. "Ah, Luke, how do I stop? Luke, help me please."

Kirk was picking up more speed and Luke could see it wasn't going to end well. He looked behind him for help, but everyone was watching Kirk, waiting for him to fall, no one was helping. Luke quickly ran back to the diner and grabbed his skateboard from behind the counter. He raced back out and skated quickly towards Kirk.

"Luke, how do I stop?" Kirk asked, completely petrified.

"Just lean back like this and let the tail scrape along the ground," Luke said demonstrating. "It will slow you down."

Kirk tried leaning back, but he quickly leaned forward again. "I can't do it, Luke. I'm going to fall, this was a bad idea."

"You're not going to fall, Kirk," Luke reassured him as he matched Kirk's speed again. "Do you trust me?"

"No, I don't trust anyone."

Luke sighed.

"Well you're going to have to trust me, Kirk, just... just close your eyes. Are you ready?"

"No."

"Just trust me, Kirk, I know what I'm doing."

"Okay, my eyes are closed."

Luke sped up and pulled his board in front of Kirk's. Luke leaned back, so the back of his board slid under Kirk's. He lowered the front and Kirk was essentially riding on the top of Luke's board. Luke slowed down enough so Kirk could safely jump off.

"Okay, Kirk, open your eyes and jump onto the grass," Luke said.

Kirk slowly opened his eyes, he didn't want to jump onto the grass, but he figured it was better than hitting the curb coming up.

"Hurry up, Kirk," Luke said. Kirk closed his eyes again and jumped safely onto the grass.

Luke started to slow down, when Kirk started yelling at him.

"No, Luke. You have to crash."

"What? Kirk, I'm not stacking on purpose."

"Please, Luke, Geraldine's here, she saw everything, she's looking at you like you're a hero... just crash for me please."

Luke sighed. "You owe me for this, Kirk." Luke picked up a little more speed before running into the curb and flying through the air, thankfully he landed on the grass. Kirk was at his side in seconds.

"Luke, are you alright?" Kirk asked. "Geraldine wants to know."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Luke replied, but Kirk gave him a stern look. "But I think I broke a nail," Luke said in a high pitched voice. He really hated acting gay, but by now he knew there was almost nothing he wouldn't do for Kirk.

"See I told you he was a sissy," Kirk said presumably to his girlfriend. "I'll see you later."

"Kirk, can I get up now?" Luke asked after a few minutes.

"Yes," Kirk said. "I think I really impressed Geraldine, she won't leave me now."

A few days later, Luke opened the diner as usual, but he got worried as the day went on and Kirk never showed up. Kirk was always his first and last customer, but it was already noon and Luke hadn't seen him. Luke decided to call Kirk's mother and see if she knew where he was because this was definitely not like Kirk. He grabbed the diner phone and dialed her number.

"Hello?" A woman answered.

"Hi, Geraldine, this is Luke."

"Luke?" she questioned confused.

"Luke Danes, I'm a friend of your son Kirk."

"Kirk has a friend? Well good for him."

"Yes, anyway, I was wondering if you've seen him."

"Did you two have a play date planned?"

"No," Luke said. "Kind of... Do you know where he is?"

"No, I don't, but he tore out of here upset early this morning, and before you ask, no I don't know why he was upset."

"Okay, well thanks anyway." Luke returned the phone to its cradle. "Okay, everybody out."

"Again?" Babette asked.

"Yeah," Miss Patty agreed. "This better not become a habit, Luke."

"What's Kirk done this time?" Andrew asked.

"Can't you guys get jobs?" Luke questioned the townspeople confused. "It's the middle of the day and you have nothing better to do than sit in my diner ordering only coffee."

"Umm, Luke, I work at the bookshop," Andrew said. "I'm on my break."

"Does it look like I care?" Luke asked as he made his way to the door. "Fine, you can all stay here seeing as you have nothing better to do, just don't touch anything."

Luke left the diner in search of Kirk. He walked around the town three times before he finally found Kirk sitting on the old bridge down by the inn. Kirk was sitting in the middle, his feet dangling above the water. His head was cast downwards and he looked so dejected.

"Kirk," Luke spoke softly as he approached him. "What happened?"

"Geraldine left me," Kirk said, his eyes full of unshed tears.

"Oh," Luke said shocked. He was sure Kirk and Geraldine would stay together, she was Kirk's imaginary girlfriend after all, surely he could just make her stay, but obviously not. "Did she say why?"

"She likes girls now, or at least that's what she told me. I think she just wanted to leave me, everyone leaves me, Luke, it's not fair, I can't help that I'm weird."

"Don't put yourself down, Kirk, I'm here aren't I?"

"Now you are, but I'm sure you'll leave me too, Luke."

"No, I won't."

"Why not, everybody else does."

"Well I'm not everybody else, am I? Come on Kirk, get up, you can't sulk here for the rest of your life."

"Why not?"

"Come on, Kirk," Luke said. "I'll give you a chocolate milkshake on the house," he tried to persuade.

"Free of charge?" Kirk asked.

"That's what I said, come on."

Kirk got up and followed Luke.

"Hey, Luke," Kirk said.

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

Luke smiled to himself. Kirk wasn't that bad, yes he was a little eccentric, but that's what made him Kirk, and without all his little quirks he'd just be normal.

"You're welcome, Kirk."

The End