HIII! So since this is my first story go easy! Give criticism if you must and any and all advice I would want to help the story out. Some Cases and backgrounds in this story will be harsh. Warning! I don't mean to offend anyone if I hit home on a certain subject so please do take it to heart it's just a story. I really hope you enjoy I will be posting pics and such of people or tats or really anything I can to help you visualize it better. If there's something you want explained or a picture of ill try my best. And also RATED M so be warned it has lemony juice and pulp all up in it! Enjoy. Let's get this started!

Emmett: Wait!!!! I don't want it started yet…

Me: what the? It has to be started. It's a story duh.

Emmett: no! I protest against things all who agree say "Ai"!!!

……………

Me: um listen vato its silent so imma start. Wait .. Why are in this chapter? Nobody knows you yet! You're ruining my story! Leave! Go to future chapters!!

Emmett: HAhahah that's right I snuck in this chapter and you can't write me out! Ha!

Me: I didn't want to have to do this but you're making me….

Emmett:………….. do what?

Me: no lemons for Emmett

Emmett: *gasp* fuuuuck that I'm outta here and I'm taking my lemons back bitch! You can't have them I won't let you own my lemons!

Me: Haha but I do. I own all your lemons.. Your just lucky Stephanie Meyer owns twilight and all its characters or you would be the big buff ballerina!

Chapter 1 The Open Road

Chapter song: lost highway- bon jovi

'I don't know where I'm going
But I know where I've been
Now I'm afraid of going back again
So I drive, years and miles are flying by'

I love the way the trees look as we pass them by or the way that farther you drive the clouds change shape, move, leave, and disappear. Like all my problems, they just leave the further we travel. And I'll never go back, I'm different and better, most of all stronger. The memories don't even have a place in my mind anymore it's as if my past never happen but just as that thought passes through my mind I look in the rear view mirror and I see myself and I know. I know what's happened what will always be a part of me and it did happen.

"Can I change the cd? Seriously we've listened to your damn Bon Jovi for an hour I can't take it. Its shit!"

And just like that I'm brought out of my suffering even if he is saying crap about my music. "Yeah, that's fine."

Ethan whips his face around to look at me from the passenger side of my baby "What the fuck is wrong?"

"What are you talking about? I just told you that you can change it after all your bitching now that's not okay?"

"No. you just never let me get away with ragging on your music... Where were you just now then? In the past?" Ethan asks me softly. But then again if he brings up the past he's always careful about it.

I scoff "Psht no I was trying to figure out where we're headed to next since you haven't decided." I almost crack a smile at his disbelieving face but that would be an even deader giveaway that I just lied.

"Shitiest liar in the world" he mumbled

"Excuse me?"

Ethan looks over at me with his perfect smile, you know the ones that show the blinding teeth and crinkle at the eyes and I can't help but giggle a little.

"Dearest Bella I know where were gonna go I was just waiting for you to ask"

My god he could have just told me already. "So where then?"

"Abbotsford. Its Wisconsin first city. There isn't much but when is there ever when we stop at the towns we do."

"Is everything alright?" Ethan is always excited to go to a new town. It's both our favorite part.

He blew out a harsh breath and looked determined."I wanted to talk to you about something… I just I don't know…."

I was starting to get nervous and my hands started to sweat. He hasn't even said anything bad yet and I'm already freaking out.

"Okay look. I want to go to a city like a real city. We always stop at towns 'nd its great but I just want maybe a month or two of somewhere big and adventurous but I get it if you don't wanna it's cool ya know ah shit balls never mind forget it, it's too much I know I -

"Hey! Calm the fuck down... Jeez "

"Shit sorry B I just don't want you uncomfortable."

"No don't worry about it we can go. Where did you have in mind? I mean Wisconsin isn't really exciting."

"Seriously?"

I nodded without looking away from the road

"Alright! Well how about Chicago Illinois it's about six hours away from Abbotsford. What ya think?"

"Sounds good to me. Just two months at the most right?"

"Yeah but um there's something else I wanted to talk to you about but after Chicago."

The way he said it left no room for argument about it so I conceded in just nodding again. In all honesty though I'm terrified... I hate this feeling. I shouldn't be scared of a city that's nowhere near the past but I am. What if I see him? Oh god what if THEY just happens to be there? I'm just going to have to brave this one out no matter how badly I want to run. Since that's what I'm good at.

I don't want hold to hold Ethan back even when I can't move forward. I'll always be stuck in this medium. A place that's not in the past but can't be in the future and rarely in the present. But for more than 4 years Ethan has been at my side. Always faithful and always protective. I remember meeting him and we had an instant connecting.

'This is the house? It's so normal. Oh god what if by coming here I'm ruining his life. Oh shit! Oh fuck! I Gotta leave! Escape plan! Fuck fuck fuck. I'm outta here. '

Just as I went to turn around and get back into my '68 camaro and walk away from the house that has a possibility of having my father here someone stops me.

"Excuse me? Did you need something?" A stranger said and in front of me was a boy about the age of late teens or early twenties. He was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. Slightly shaggy hair that was dark brown, eyes almost the color of black and an angular jaw. He's got to be at least 6'2 and intimidating.

"Oh um no I was just walking the streets ya know…I'll be leaving no worries! Bye!"

"Wait.. You're walking the street, staring at my house in the rain with cut up jeans?"

"uhh"

All of a sudden he smiled warmly but that smile transformed his whole face. He looked so familiar.

"Llisten I'm Ethan and since your soaked why don't you just come in and I'll get you some clothes and hot tea… No worries I'm not crazy or anything my father lives here to. Hes the chief of police if that'll make you feel better."

"Th-this is your house?"

"Yup come-on you're freezing"

I watched him walked up the steps and couldn't stop myself from following. Inside it was warm and homely nothing like what I came from. I followed into a kitchen and saw him start to make tea.

"So what's your name? And what brings you here?"

"Oh umm my names Bella. I'm here actually to meet a Charlie Swan.. This house is the last place I know for his address."

His eyebrows shot up and looked at me curiously. I watched him take in my features and eventually his eyes narrowed suspiciously and he looked to be studying me. I knew what he was thinking. I thought the same thing when he smiled. And that's when I realized I was hoping with everything I had in me that this could be my father's house because the handsome man-child before looked almost exactly like me.

"And why Miss Bella are you looking for Chief Swan?"

And I was stumped as to what to say. Here I traveled miles hoping for some saving grace and when I might have it I'm terrified to say he could be my father. And if he is then what if he doesn't want me or he's cruel and if he's not and I tell them my full name they just send me back. Nothing is ever easy for me! I swear. Jeez!

As if god himself heard me a man walked through the door and stopped me from answering.

Thank you sweet baby Jesus I swear to give a bum a buck!

This man was in a police type uniform and was slightly older but had brown hair and eyes obviously Chief Swan. The exact second his eyes laid on me they almost popped out and he looked two seconds away from a coronary.

"Hey pops! This here is Bella. She was just looking for you."

Chief Swan looked to Ethan then back to me and went to the fridge took a beer and chugged it right away, then walked right past me and into the living room. I just followed this Ethan fellow who followed chief. The living room had a fire place, a couch, and a TV. On top of the fireplace were pictures but only one stood out. And I knew the lady, Id know her anywhere. I picked up the picture and looked at a younger Chief Swan, a younger version of my mother, and a small boy who looked like Ethan. I turned around and looked to Ethan.

"Your Renees son?" I asked with a shaky voice

"Yes."

With that one answer my entire world changed. I found that he was 3 years older than me and we could pass as twins. I also found out that chief swan wasn't my father. But he became the closest I had to one. I now have a half brother and had a man I consider my father, a lot happened in that first week. Secrets revealed and lives changed and I'm grateful for it every day. Now I at 24 and my brother at 27 we drive to everywhere and anywhere.

"SMELLERELLA!"

"What!"

"I have to take a fucking piss and if you don't want me too piss on your white leather seat stop the fucking car!"

"Jesus ass munch! Why didn't you say anything when we were at that bug infested shit-hole town back there?"

"Well Sorry but we were not stopping in that nasty brother butt fucking town with goddamn bugs the size of squirrels so I can get diseases off the porter-potty that are only created when you fuck your own aunt. Now pull the fuck over!"

"Fine fine"

As I pull the car over he jumps out and whips out his disgusting cum rocket out and relieves himself as cars fly by. Only he wouldn't give a shit if his sister was standing by and he's pissing on a fucking cactus. Nasty bastard.

"I'm driving smellerella."

"Shut up with that damn or I'm going to start calling you crabby again." I snapped as I hand the keys over in his stretched hand. I walked over and got in the passenger side with a smirked on my face.

Ethan got in a second after me with a heated look."What the fuck B you said you'd never bring it up again! It was one time! One time! Stupid slut didn't say shit to me about it!" he fumed as he started to drive.

"Ohhh all I want to do is make you feel better be your friend even if it's just for a night. Let me help you honey." Ethan mimicked in a high falsetto voice.

"If I ever see her see her again…" he murmured still pissed as hell as I laughed my ass off.

"I…still remember you running…out of... the bathroom like… a …girl!" I said in between cracking up.

"It wasn't funny Isabella!" he huffed

"Of course it was. You made me look at your wanker because and I quote 'Bella there's something eating my dick! Get it off!' it was priceless except that I had to surran rape my seats I wasn't taking chances." I told Ethan still chuckling.

"Bullshit. I have to check every chick's pussy just to calm down and get what I need now."

"Well jeez aren't you the gentleman" I replied sarcastically.

"I'm going to take a nap wake me at the hotel Eth."

"Yeah. Yeah." He muttered still peeved that I brought it up.

I was awoken by my brother getting dressed and looking showered. He must have carried me to the room.

"Mornin'" I grumbled

"Hey I'm gonna get coffee while you get ready then well go look around town. Cool?"

"Sure."

(9 hours later)

"What the hell. They don't even have an actual bar."Ethan complained

"Eth we can just go to the half-time bar. It actually looked alright." I said to Ethan while looking at the ground as we continued to walk down the street. We just left the comfort inn again after looking around the town. It was small and just like every other place except Ethan didn't think their bar could be considered a bar.

"I guess. But I don't want to stay long. I just want to get going to Chicago, it's only 5 hours away so if your rested enough we can make it "

"Sounds like a plan."

As we entered the bar I could feel it, the panic, Scared that people would recognize me, terrified that someone I know might be here, afraid that they would see my flaws and see me as a monster and murderer.

As always Ethan's knows my inner struggle and puts an arm around my shoulders as I lean on him. He gets us beers and the routine begins all over again. A routine where Ethan becomes the over-protective big brother and I become a shell. I'm never here when we come to town, I shutdown, lock myself away. As if it will help me cope. I don't speak unless necessary and don't look anyone in the eye and Ethan… well Ethan, he just gives me reassuring jesters and fights my battles that I never do.

This is our routine around people. This is why we never stay because I can't. I'm terrified that if I stay people will eventually see me for what I really am, a dirty monster. That is also why we love the road. For me, I can let loose and be who I feel like I am, be the person that makes my brother happy. For Ethan he loves it because I'm confident and content which allows me to truly be me around him. Not like when were in a town or city I have to shut down to survive even a minute.

This is also a reason I'll never settle because I can't. Eventually I know Ethan will find a woman that will make him truly happy. Even if I'm scared of that I want it to come because he deserves it. And when that time does come I'll let him go and be on my way. I'll let him have his happiness and maybe by doing that it makes me a little less of a monster. I just hope I can make it through Chicago now.