Searching for Paradise

Hey, I'm Sam! Thanks for clicking the link, hope you enjoy... alright, for starters. I do not Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I write merely for my own amusement, and yours. Anyway, enough of this blah blah-itty. On with the the story!

R&R

Willow bit the tip of her pencil eraser as she reread the paper before her, pensively. It was late, the others had left hours ago and she still sat in the library surrounded by books and papers. Academic Wizard was she. That was her story, her life.

While Buffy, and even Xander, partied at the Bronx she could be found surfing the web or her nose in a book. It wasn't that she was antisocial, at least, that wasn't the whole reason; in truth, she loved hanging out with her friends. It was just her grades were important and…

Glancing up at the clock, she tapped her now chewed pencil rhythmically against the desk as she pondered on what the others would be up to.

Cordelia, of course, would be as chick as ever, probably wearing some new designer dress. Xander would be drooling over her, while cracking some lame pick up jokes and Buffy would be with…

"Angel." She whispered, and jumped at the sudden noise.

Blushing, she returned to her work and tried to disperse the sudden image of the dark eyed vampire from her mind. Her face flamed even more as she ignored the real reason she was here instead of there.

She was jealous.

What kind of friend was she to be jealous of Buffy? She was utterly ashamed, but she couldn't help it. No matter how many times she had encouraged her friend in their relationship, expressed how happy she was for her, no matter how many times she saw the utter perfectness and tenderness between them that screamed 'COUPLE OF THE YEAR'…that little green monster always seemed to raise its nasty head to rage at Buffy.

'I'm a horrible person…' she sulked, slumping over the table, her flamed hair veiling her face. Staring at the paper beneath her, she blinked when she noticed moisture dotting the page. Bewildered, she raised a hand to her cheeks and froze.

She was crying.

Shaking her head, she sat up right and scrubbed at her face furiously. This was ridiculous! She had no reason to be weeping like a moony...she had absolutely NO right to Angel…she had NO reason to be shedding tears over him. She didn't know him at all…right?

He hardly ever paid attention to her, only when it came to researching things.

Remembering back to the time at night when he had visited her in her room, she winced when she recalled that she had labeled herself… 'Net Girl.'

Sighing, she began to try to think logically about the situation.

Three reasons why Angel couldn't be hers:

She was underage….even though Buffy was what, only a month older?

He was dead…well, undead. But certainly not circulating blood…which brings to mind how he had…y'know. A conundrum…

He wore leather, and that was something she did NOT approve of…even though he looked incredibly sexy in it…in that billowy coat Mystery of the Night way.

She was not Buffy.

Pausing, the last reason echoed through her, tearing open scars that she didn't realize she had until the feelings that poured forth swamped her. Insecurities sprang up, years of being told how hideous and nerdy she was. All the years of Xander not noticing her, even though her every action expressed her affection for him; of being the Homework Helper, and Captain of the Nerd Squad.

Bottom line was, She wasn't Buffy, and she never would be. Not even close.

There wasn't anything special about her, nothing that would attract men, especially ones like Angel.

So she should just forget him, because he was way out of her league…

Sighing dejectedly, she stood and gathered all of her papers together.

Biting her lip, she slid them into her bag then slung it over her shoulder. Turning to leave, she stiffened with a yelp.

The very man of her thoughts stood before her, regarding her with a dark, intense stare.

"Angel." She breathed.

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter, more to come.

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