Fog- Why we all hate cold nights.
Ah, I don't own Gundam Wing. Don't sue me, I only have a bag of peanuts to offer you… Um, yes, there's yaoi, 3x4. Angst, romance, death. All I can say, "Depressingly Sweet." Ah god, and writing in first person is harder than you think! lol
Fog creeps over the moonlit valley, illuminating the rocky surface below.
They say fog comes on little cat feet…
And it looks over the harbor, almost as a guiding light, it sits.
But fog is not always your friend.
You can lose your way in the fog, you can lose your soul in the mist…
Lose your soul, heh, what a terrible thing to say. Your soul isn't lost they say, it's merely misplaced... Mine was lost. My soul died, my heart died along with my lifetime partner.
Three years ago, there was a terrible winter storm howling outside of our house. I rolled over in our bed, and sighed into luscious blonde hair.
"Mmm Quatre," I purred intently into his ear.
No answer.
"Quatre?" I poked at him with a long finger. It was then that I realized his forehead was hot. I shook him softly. He murmured something undecipherable in his fever driven sleep.
I jumped off the bed and called 911. I didn't know what else to do for him. I stooped over our bed and caressed his hair, and at that moment, two tired blue orbs appeared from behind drooping eyelids.
"Trowa," he mumbled.
"Shhh," I warned. "Keep quiet, save your strength."
"No trowa… I… I…"
"Quatre, please," I pleaded through my tears.
"Trowa… Ai shiteru…"
"Quatre…" I gasped. I shook him lightly, but he didn't respond to my touch. "Quatre? QUATRE??" Terror and grief held my heart for a few brief moments. My heart rate quickened, and I clenched my beloved to my chest. "No…" I pleaded through my tears. "Please, no, not Quatre…"
He died in my arms, on that frozen winter night, only minutes before paramedics arrived to save him.
I can't tell you how long I cried, or how much my pain hurt. I could never tell you of the emptiness I felt inside of my heart. He was gone… The boy I had loved, the boy that had been mine for six years, was gone…
A few months after his funeral, I wandered back to the circus, scared and alone. I didn't know what awaited my future, and I only hoped that my "family" would be there to take me back into open arms. Thankfully, Catherine was. I hadn't been able to reach her at the time of his death, so Catherine was shocked to find me without Quatre.
"Where's that husband of yours?" Catherine asked playfully while she poked me in the stomach.
I gently embraced her, and then rested my chin on her shoulder. "He's dead Catherine… He died in my… arms…" A single tear slipped down my cheek. I could feel Catherine's body stiffen.
"Wha-what?" she stuttered. She pulled away from me and looked into my eyes. "Oh Trowa…" she said as she hugged me fiercely. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I cried. I howled like some dying animal, while my sister held me close.
Any other memories from that time are a blur…
So, here I am today. I think I've been doing really well lately. Three years have passed, and I still feel that piece of me missing. I dread winter, the time of the year when I have to share a cold bed… alone…
I'm glad though, that Catherine is around to help me, and performing in the circus has really helped in my recovery. I know Quatre would want me to move on with my life, and that's what I intend to do, although he will always be there "tugging on my heart strings."
"Trowa!"
I turn my head swiftly to the East.
"Yeah Cathy?"
"Come here a second!"
My sister has probably misplaced something. That would be so typical of her. I take my time jogging around the Circus. This place is bigger than most people think. Oh, there she is… Oh great, she looks like she needs a 'favor' of me. "Yes?"
"Ah Trowa, can you go into town tonight? Seems like we're low in supplies." She says as she sorts through various large boxes.
"Um, sure I guess I can. I wasn't planning on going out tonight, but…"
"Oh I know Trowa, it's your time off at night, but we really need supplies."
"Fine, it's no problem. I'll just go in tonight when I leave to cash my paycheck."
Cathy smiles at me. She's been so good to me, and so has the Manager. The carnie folk really are good people, we just have a bad reputation. I nod at her, and go to my trailer to find my coat.
It's getting dark now. I can see some stars shining through the high rising clouds. The air smells fresh and clean. I love Autumn, it's always the best time of the year.
I nod and wave to Cathy as I climb in my car. "Ah let's see here," I mumble to myself as I examine the crumpled list in my hand. "Hmmm toilet paper, soup, toothpaste, hmm… more miscellaneous stuff…" I smile as I place the paper in my pocket.
Waving, I pull away from the circus. Hmm it seems like it's gotten colder, so I turn up the heat. I've always hated driving down those long country roads too, so desolate, so quiet, so foggy.
Fog? Oh no, not fog… I sigh in desperation as I enter a heavy fog cloud. "Damnit, this is going to delay me a good 20 minutes."
My mind begins to wander, since I can't see anything outside of my car. I think about the list of supplies, I think I about Cathy, I think about…
Quatre… Oh, I can see his blue eyes in my windshield. Those bright blue eyes that always shined with adoration. Adoration for me, and me alone. I sigh deeply into my coat colar, and close my eyes for a moment.
Visions of Quatre, with beautiful white wings fill my mind. Oh how I'd love to see him now, one more time. How I'd love to hold him, kiss him, touch him. Oh I miss him…
When I open my eyes, all I can see is a bright light. Startled, I cry out. I feel the force of the car smashing against a tree, and I feel an intense pain in my left arm. Then I feel…
Nothing. Silence, no more pain in my limbs. Dazed, I look around. I see beneath me, my car, and I see me trapped within it. I cry out in silent desperation, but I feel powerless in my current state.
Suddenly, I feel a soft, warm hand take my own. And I turn to my right… My eyes light up with love and joy, pain and sorrow.
Quatre…
He smiles at me, his sweet, loving little cherub smile, and I smile back at him, my secretive only-for-Quatre smile. I tilt my head to the side in wonder, not yet realizing what has happened.
"Are you ready?"
"Wha-What?" I stutter.
Quatre asks again, "Are you ready to come with me?"
"Where are we going?"
"To heaven silly!"
"Heaven?"
He nods. "I don't suppose you realize that you're dead now, do you?"
I shake my head.
He gently takes my hands in his, and his voice lowers as he whispers into my ear, "I've been waiting a long time for you Trowa."
I nod, a single tear slipping down my face, "And I've been waiting a long time for you."
He nods, and smiles, in a sad sort of way. "Will you come with me Trowa?"
"Of course."
He takes my hand, and leads me towards the heavens.
Ai shiteru my Quatre, forever…