I took the stairs up to my room as slowly as possible, knowing he would be there waiting for me. I wasn't in the wrong thought my best friend was hurting because of me, so I had to see Jacob. Sighing heavily as I opened my door my eyes immediately locked with his. Pitch black eyes bore into mine from the other side of my room, but I did not shy back. Holding my head up high I strode over to him stopping a foot away from him, holding his angry glare with my own. We stayed like this for moments until I began to speak needing to voice my explanation not excuse.
"He is my best friend Edward, werewolf or not he needed me so I went to him. I understand if you were slightly distressed but I have my own free will."
"Slightly distressed? That's the understatement of the century Bella! Your whole future disappeared with in a matter of seconds, my future going along with it."
"You can't stop me from seeing him or the rest of the pack Edward! They are my friends."
"The heck I can't!"
"I beg your pardon? Do you realize you are my boyfriend not my fucking father!"
"You will not put yourself in danger, you're going to stay away from them!"
"Never, they helped me stay sane when you left and he kept me a whole as I could get. I understand if you don't get where I'm coming from but you left me allowing mine and Jacobs's friendship to form."
Shock crossed his face morphing into pain that I had brought up what happened when he left. We had hardly spoken about it due to the pain it caused us both and here I was bringing it up to gain the upper hand in an argument. He just continued to stare at me his mouth moving up and down as if to say something but nothing coming out. I moved towards him but he moved back a step towards the window. I shook my head unable to speak trying to convey with my eyes that I didn't mean what I said. However he moved closer to the window until he was on the ledge taking one hard look at my face then jumping out. I called out his name but he didn't come back, I stumbled over to the window sitting down on the ledge sobbing quietly to myself, I had finally driven him away for good.
I woke up on the window ledge a blanket around my shoulders. Standing up I wrapped it tighter around me numbly walking into the bathroom to look at myself, my eyes were red rimmed and tear marks down my cheeks. I placed the blanket in the laundry basket and went about my daily routine mechanically; showering and dressing for school. I knew he wouldn't be there to drive me to school so I picked up my keys from the hall and got into the truck. It turned on with a rumbling groan which became a humming back noise as I drove to school, last night replaying in my head over and over. Pulling into the parking lot I scanned for his Volvo seeing it in the usual spot Alice perched on the bonnet talking to Edward but looking straight at me. I killed the ignition on my truck and got out placing my bag on my shoulder heading towards homeroom.
"Bella" Alice called out to me waving me over to them, but I just forced a smile and carried on.
The day passed in much of a blur until lunch, I decided to head to the library not having it in me to face the millions of questions my friends would ask me about what is going on with me and Edward. Ducking behind the shelves at the very back of the room I took a seat on the floor picking up a book on biology to study for finals and take my mind off things. I hadn't been there long when I felt someone take a seat next to me.
"Here I guessed you must be hungry."
"Thanks"
"I know what happened so you don't have to explain."
"I really have blown it this time haven't I? He'll never forgive me" I sobbed putting my head in my hands. She wrapped her small arm around my shoulders trying to calm me down.
"No, no Bella he just needs some time to sort himself out. He could never hate you, he is just hurt." This made me cry harder, enough not to hear him approaching us. My head snapped up when he spoke.
"Alice you left your bag in the cafeteria."
"Thanks bro"
"Edward?" I whimpered, he looked down at me his face emotionless.
"Yes?"
"I- I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."
"Save it. I'll see you later Alice." He muttered walking away from us into the shadows of the shelves.
"Are you going to be okay?"
Nodding I stood up wiping my eyes, I pulled her into a hug thanking her for being there before walking to biology. As I entered the room I saw Edward at our usual seat looking out the window, I held my head up high taking my seat next to him focusing intently on what was ahead of me. Feeling a tap on my shoulder, I turned to see Mike smiling down at me, I smiled back.
"Erm so Bella I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie or something tonight?"
"Mike I have a boyfriend you know that, so no sorry."
"But Jessica said you and Cullen had split."
"Jessica would say that because she is jealous about me being with Cullen. We are just going through a rough patch that is all."
"Ok"
I turned back around in my seat to see Edward staring intently at me; I simply smiled at him and began taking notes on what Mr. Banner was saying. Occasionally I would think about my forming plan to get Edward back. I got my phone out of my pocket to text Alice.
Meet me at my locker end of day- B
No problem, I've already seen your plan its brilliant!- A
Flipping my phone shut I put it in my bag along with my notebook and slung it over my shoulder. Gym class went much the same as normal ending quickly, I changed into my normal close quickly rushing to meet Alice at my locker. She literally crushed me to death in a hug, yelling Bella Barbie and dragging me to my truck. She drove home pushing the truck to its upper limit causing its constant groaning hum to come out in a load churning noise. Eventually we reached my house not even pausing as she rushed me up to my room, pulling out the exact outfit she needed. A white long blouse top, blue skinny's and cream fabric ballet flats, laying on my bed to change into after she did my hair and makeup. When she had finished I grabbed everything I needed and hopped up onto Alice's back heading towards the Cullen's home - we didn't take my truck because we wanted my arrival to be a surprise. As we came up the drive I hopped down from her back taking out my guitar and quietly a possible tuned it up.
"He's been hunting he'll be here very soon. So I suggest playing in 30 seconds, good luck! She kissed my cheek then disappeared into the house. I counted to thirty in my head; 28, 29, 30. I saw him approaching from the forest so I started playing the song I wrote so many months ago.
What have I done
I wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
Hecame to a stop in front of me his face a mask of confusion; I continued sing putting all my emotions into the lyrics.What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
'Cuz my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it rightCan I start again
With my faith shaken
'Cuz I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay
And face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this
[ Lyrics from: .com/lyrics/g/glee_cast/get_it_ ]
What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
'Cuz my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
But how many times will it take for me
To get it rightSo I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah I sent out wish
Yeah I sent up a prayer
Then finally someone will see how much I care
Tears had begun to fall at this point but I used them to make the song as powerful as possible.What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down
Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just want to fix it somehow
But how many times will it take
Oh how many times will it take
To get it right
To get it right Opening my eyes I was met by to amber pools of emotion staring straight at me.
"Bella I-" Shaking my head I began to play again but this time a song we both knew.
(Italics= Bella, Bold= Edward, Underlined= Both)
How can I just let you walk away,
just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all
How can you just walk away from me,
when all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain,
and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at allSo take a look at me now,
'cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now,
'cos there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me
is against all odds and that's what I've got to faceI wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at allSo take a look at me now,
'cos there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
just the memory of your face
Take a look at me now,
'cos there's just an empty space
But to wait for you,
well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now,
'cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take, oh, oho
Just take a look at me now
I put the guitar back into its case placing it on my shoulder, beginning to walk my way down the drive. Embarrassment mixed with sorrow running through me. How could I think this would work? Sing to your boyfriend to try and win him back, how cliché. I had only gotten three feet away from him before he pulled me to him I couldn't meet his eyes. He grabbed my chin forcing me to look at him his eyes held only one emotion, pure devotion. A sudden sob ripped through my chest as I gripped a hold of him believing he would disappear if I did not.
"Bella why didn't you tell me you could sing or play the guitar."
"Because I'm not that good it's just something I do when I get upset or have to many emotions, it helps me calm down."
"You truly are beautiful you know that?"
"Edward I'm so sorry, everything I said it was only through anger. You have to believe me when I say I never meant it. Please I can't handle you hating me, I jus-"
"Shh love, I know. I'm not angry at you I never was."
"But in the library."
"I was mad at myself for making you cry, I just couldn't stand to see you like that. I love you Bella never doubt that, ever."
"Never" I smiled up at him, taking my face in his hands he brought his lips to mine crushing them together. I became breathless and he pulled away, rushing us up into his room.