A/N: Yes, Stealth Dragon and drufan have coauthored a story. We have chosen the name the EOW's (the Equal Opportunity Whumpers) for obvious reasons. We hope you enjoy! Spoilers for anything up to and including The Real World.

Disclaimer: We own nothing.

Warning: mild language

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Chapter 1

When He Broke Open the Second Seal

Teyla always tricked him with that same head feint. It was embarrassing since he was a big college ball fan. Running backs used the maneuver mainly to fake out the defenders. The head indicated movement one way and the body went the other. The ruse served to confuse and delay the defender enough for the runner to juke around him. If done correctly, the guy was left scratching his head, searching his pockets for his wallet, and playing catch-up. Like Thomas Dolby sang, it was poetry in motion.

Teyla had only seen football (American style) a handful of times and had the move down pat. Alright, maybe the move was not just used for ball, but for other disciplines as well. She still would have given Neon Deion a run for his money.

This expected and anticipated decoy was successful seventy percent of the time, now being one of those times. He did mention embarrassing, didn't he? Yeah, he thought he did.

Her head and shoulders went left and the sticks went right stopping inches from his ear. His sticks and brain followed her head and shoulders, not her knees, toes, and her lethal sticks. He was doomed to keep repeating the same miserable mistake over and over again. Experience and common sense had completely abandoned him.

"Uncle."

"In other words, you surrender, John," Teyla said with the condescending smile she liked to aim at lesser combatants.

He loved that smile directed towards anyone else. For instance, McKay came to mind. Their one and only session had landed McKay on his knees with a bruise on his hand and that smile aimed right at him. A fitting retribution for all of McKay's condescending smirks aimed at everyone else. The smile was fine for others; Sheppard just hated it when it was directed towards him.

"Exactly, and seeing as we are exploring the West Pier today, I figured to do it as un-bruised and un-welted as possible," he calmly reminded her.

The condescending smirk that followed his statement he liked even less than the smile. Not much he could do about it, not like he could wipe it off her face. The better part of valor told him to bow and get his stuff together. So, he conceded defeat with the bow and walked over to the bench. They packed up their equipment and towels and put on their jackets.

"Carson'll be joining us today, because Rodney and Radek think that the area was used for a medical center and research facility," Sheppard casually relayed while slinging his gym bag over his shoulder.

"Yes, Elizabeth already told me. He's very excited from what I understand. The preliminary survey suggested something about nano-technology and actual, Ancient diagnostic equipment."

Sheppard had to smile. Teyla's vocabulary and grasp of the more advanced technologies found within Atlantis had improved over the last two years. She did not trip over the words anymore and even had picked up some of the Earth-born humans' grammatical quirks. Every once in a while, a contraction would pop out of her very proper Athosian mouth. Charin would have cringed.

"We're going to use an advanced version of the MALP on a stick to scope out suspect rooms first. We don't know if any of it is related to the Asuran's or their human hating virus so it will go pretty slowly. Definitely, don't want a repeat of either of those incidents."

"A most wise precaution," she replied sagely.

"Yeah, I think so," he agreed sensibly.

They left the gym and started the long walk back towards civilization. "Since the Ancients tried to remove any trace of the Asuran's existence out of the data base, we're- as in Rodney and Radek, okay myself included- hoping all we find is super cool tech and lots of mankind saving type of stuff."

"Knock on wood," replied Teyla.

Snorting, Sheppard nodded his head in agreement. Teyla continued to expand her phrase dictionary and to make it her own. Now, if only the ability to anticipate and block her head feint would rub off on him.

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The thing John Sheppard loved about exploring Atlantis was the regulated temperature. Here, there was no high humidity, no insects flying or crawling up his nose and/or into his mouth, no rain messing up his hair-do, and finally, no complaining, miserable scientists because of the aforementioned reasons. They were loud from excitement and from disagreements about how best to proceed, and blessedly not from the aforementioned reasons.

Also, on a side bar of the scientist angle, Dr. Carson Beckett did not have to travel through the Stargate.

"This is bloody brilliant! I believe this machine'll cut blood work down to half of the time!" Carson flitted from one diagnostic tool to another extolling the virtues of each.

An oft exasperated and frustrated voice answered him. "Unfortunately, it's not portable and it's built into the wall. So unless we move the entire infirmary two hours away or magically take this entire section to our infirmary, it's not going to be much use," sniped Rodney. "Even with transporters…"

Sheppard saw this as his chance to save everyone from a long dissertation- yet again- on the futility of some of their discoveries of the day. "I'll say it one more time-- why such an advanced race did not have some other form of transportation-- like cars… Heeey, that's what we need!" Sheppard snapped his fingers while switching gears mid-thought and smiled big.

"What do we need?" Rodney asked, looking like he was already regretting it.

The look of course did not deter Sheppard and, as a matter of fact, it had the opposite effect. "Flying cars, I want my flying cars. It's the twenty first century and we need flying cars!" Sheppard stood against the back wall staying out of the way. This had been the first room opened and checked. It soon became the base of operations for the search teams and scientists. He had come back to physically check on everyone while his team moved on to the last section of the day.

McKay's sigh filled the room with its condescension. "Colonel, do I need to tell you the logistical problems inherent in flying cars and the types of traffic control problems…again?" McKay never looked up from the console he was studying.

"Nah McKay, I think I can remember each argument against since I actually agree with you. It would just be really cool."

"Mmm, yes, cool and explosive and an insurance nightmare and …"

"Spoil sport."

They openly scowled at each other before returning to their assigned tasks. McKay's duty was checking, supervising, and clearing each piece of new technology. It also seemed to encompass being an overbearing know-it-all. Of course, that was an everyday occurrence and not something just discovered today.

Sheppard's mission, if he should choose to accept it (of course, there really had not been a choice), was checking, clearing, and supervising of each new room. And probably, according to McKay, he did this with infantile abandon.

There were twenty others assigned to this in-house adventure, but, they, the two most qualified (also according to McKay), had the final say.

"Well, now, since that is settled and since the fallible Ancients did not have enough imagination to create a transportation system for my flying cars, I'll go finish up my search of the nether regions of this facility." Sheppard tapped his P 90 and pushed off the wall.

"Yes, yes, you go and do that. I believe nether regions are a specialty of yours," McKay responded with false inattentiveness. He was already engrossed in the scrolling screen on his laptop. The thing had more lines of code, data, and encrypted information than Sheppard cared to think about or understand. Sheppard still sent McKay a scathing, albeit unreturned glare.

Sheppard tapped his headset and cordially greeted Teyla. "Teyla, I'm on my way back to you. Did Lorne find anything new?"

Her controlled voice sashayed through his ear canal. "No, Col. Sheppard. We're (there was on of those naughty contractions) on our way to the last room to be cleared for the day. Maj. Lorne has sent in the sensor device and it is clear of any foreign particles. I am (back to formal, alas) waiting for your return to enter."

"Okey dokey, tell Lorne to get any wayward personnel and gear packed up, and we can handle the last room."

"Maj. Lorne can hear just fine, sir." Lorne's voice sounded very displeased in his ear. "Will wait here for you and then get the kids ready for the long walk back."

"Be there in five."

Sheppard knew he could have just asked Lorne, but he also liked to remind the men that Teyla was a leader in her own right, and not just the token female on his team. She had expertise that he did not have-- especially in their first year here. She, Rodney and even Ford had knowledge of and/or traveled through the Stargate before he had even known of its existence. He was a newbie, a novice, and was making it up as he went along. He had chosen them because a good leader needed good people behind him and at his side. And even with all the changes, he did.

Sheppard walked the long corridor to a transporter that would take him to the lower level. This was how he liked his exploration-- a nice comfortable walk, a leisurely pace, no scary monsters chasing him back to the Gate, no hostiles shooting at him, no tree limbs smacking him in the face and no squealing scientist ranting in terror. This was the best part of exploring a different (he could not say 'new' anymore) galaxy. It was the only way to do it.

Unfortunately, this galaxy, as he supposed every other galaxy liked to do, threw a wrench in his five minute estimate. Lt. Thackery sliced his hand on some piece of Earth based equipment and had to be hurried to the medical staff. It was not an average cut, but one of those that surgery might be needed. Once everyone was situated from that bit of melodrama, he approached his final objective.

"Teyla, Lorne," he casually greeted.

"Colonel," they casually answered.

They all wore a smirk and gave a brief nod of the head.

"As we said sir, no foreign particles, no mutating particles or any other pulsating energy signatures. There are no sleeping alternate members of the expedition or contagions of any kind, which we can detect. The room is initialized just waiting for your search." Lorne gave the update in a cheeky amused tone. He kept a straight face through the entire statement and only flared his nostrils once. Obviously, he had enjoyed the nice easy afternoon as well.

"Thank you, Major. Dr. McKay thinks this room held nano-technology so I wanted to make sure of this one myself. Why don't we get the party goers on the bus so we can head out as soon as we're done here?"

Lorne saluted and turned on his heal.

Teyla gave another nod as Sheppard gestured for himself to go first.

"Too bad this section is so far away. It has some very interesting devices," she lamented for laments sake.

"Yeah," agreed Sheppard, "thus my obsession with flying cars."

"That would be cool, sir!" Lorne shouted down the hallway before he turned a corner.

"Now if only McKay would agree," Sheppard pointed out in a conspiratorial tone to Teyla.

She rolled her eyes and appeared to care less about flying cars and Rodney's view of them.

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Dreaming, she had been dreaming for so long. Sensations tingled at her receptors and light reflected off other, seemingly long-dormant receptors. The dreams had lasted longer than she had anticipated, but her father should be here soon. They were evacuating the city and he was coming back for her.

She activated her visual nodes and remained hidden just in case it was not her father. It was fortunate she had taken such a precaution, because strangers were in the laboratory. She adjusted her sensory nodes and observed them. They looked like her father's people but were not dressed like them. As she extended herself along the room's surface, she realized they were not her father's people at all. They were something else, something more primitive. She would have asked Atlantis, except the great network was not answering. Only remnants of what had been provided feedback. It would take some time to receive a full answer.

Father had promised to come back for her. He had promised to come right back. These beings looked like the seedlings that his race had scattered across this galaxy. Why would they be here unless they were in league with the enemy? Her father would not leave her to these primates. He had said to hide. He had said he would bring her with him, but he just had to power down some of his experiments. His experiments would have to be left and he was so fond of them, especially her. He would be back soon and these weeds would be removed. They would be sorry for interloping in Pater's private laboratories.

She reached out again to the great network and received no answer. This time she found smaller systems working, less advanced programs. Obviously, it belonged to the seedlings before her. However, it did connect with the database. She had not thought to ask about that.

Answers started to compile as she searched the primitive system. To her utter sorrow and disappointment, Pater was gone. He had left her for all eternity to slumber with the city. Ten thousand of these creature's years had passed and he had left her alone and shut down. Anger rose within her, but she suppressed it the best she could. These imposters were the new residents and if she could sense it right, the male before her was as close as the primates could get to being part of her father's absent race.

Humans, they called themselves humans. Pater had considered them a diversion of the council's, something to occupy planets with and nothing more than pets. They were expendable and apparently learning with slower speed than her kind had.

Without the great city wide network, she would have to use other means to discover the level of contamination. She had to believe her father would return. He had named her Carus after his dead, flesh and blood daughter; he would not just leave her.

These seedlings were the failed, lesser experiment, fodder for the enemy. She would eradicate them from Atlantis and hold the doors open for the return of Pater and his people. Certainly, he would not have purposefully forgotten her?

As the woman drew near to her nexus, Carus reached out and touched her. Memories, experiences, and a swell of emotions filled Carus for a moment. She also made the woman forget the touch in that same eternity of a second. She could not trust this creature to keep a secret on her own.

Seeing his companion's pause in front of the wall, the almost member of Pater's race asked if Teyla was all right.

The affected seedling placed a serene smile on her face, slowly turned, and confidently answered him.

"Yes, Colonel, I'm fine."