Notes: Written for Smythofsky Week 2013 (Day 5 – Genderbending). In which our boys are cisgirls.
Dawn has spent her whole life being made fun of and feeling unattractive, and the last thing she needs is for Bast, the most popular girl in school, to see her cry.
Title is taken from a song by The Beatles with the same name. Thank you to Danielle for the beta-reading and Gabe for letting me stream random dialogue at him for hours over Skype.
Here Comes The Sun
Dawn stared into the mirror and sighed. Transferring to Crawford County Day was supposed to have made her life easier. There was a strict no-bullying policy in place and after she'd been outed at her last school, that was exactly what she needed.
It was easier, to an extent. But there were still comments sometimes, and they still hurt. She'd heard them her whole life; she was bigger, more muscular than most girls. Her dad always tried to make her feel better by calling her his Amazonian warrior, but it didn't stop the sting when her peers called her butch, or drag-queen, or dyke.
She'd thought she was used to it, hadn't imagined it could get any worse by the time she was seventeen. But by then she'd also realized that she had no interest in boys – and when the other teenagers figured out they'd been right about her being a lesbian her school life went from hard to brutal. So her dad found a school where she'd be safe and respected. In theory.
There was none of the more outright harassment she'd suffered through before; at Crawford her stuff didn't get covered in graffiti, and terrible names weren't shouted at her across the school courtyard to the jeers and laughter of the rest of the student body, but she didn't feel respected, either.
To be fair, only a few of the other girls had ever said anything nasty to her (and of course, never when anyone else was around to witness it), but there was just a general air around her that made Dawn feel uncomfortable.
The worst part, she thought, was that they weren't even saying anything that Dawn wasn't thinking. Since her enrolment she hadn't heard a word against her being into girls; it wasn't a secret but somehow no one at Crawford cared about that. When it came to her physical appearance, on the other hand, she knew that she was the butt of jokes all the time.
She tried to ignore it, but it was hard when she looked in the mirror and could see exactly what they saw. And it was even harder on the odd occasion someone got brave enough to say it right to her face, like that afternoon. She couldn't think of anything she'd done to draw attention; she'd walked into the locker room after gym class and went about her business as far from everyone else as she could, just like normal. She'd spent a little more time in the shower than usual, maybe, but she was tired and achy from class and she didn't think she'd been bothering anyone.
Apparently her presence was enough, though, because one of the girls – Amanda, who was miles ahead of Dawn in both looks and popularity – had stuck her head into Dawn's stall, looked her up and down blatantly and laughed. "So you don't actually have a penis then? Damn, I'm out twenty bucks. Still, you should probably be in the boys' locker room."
It was mean and cutting, but the comment on its own wasn't what hurt. It was the flippant, careless way Amanda had spoken; as though it was just a fact of life and not an attempt to make Dawn feel like shit. And even worse, they hadn't been alone. Dawn hadn't realized that at first, but then Bast stepped into the shower area and left with Amanda in tow, which meant that she'd heard it, too.
Amanda was pretty and popular, but she was nothing compared to Bast: Queen Bee. Bast was the perfect girl; everyone wanted her or wanted to be her. Dawn kind of wanted both. But Bast was another one of the girls who laughed at Dawn behind her back. She never said anything cruel to Dawn, unlike Amanda, but she didn't need to. She could just stare, whispering to her clique until they all giggled with her, making Dawn feel uncomfortable without risking breaking any school rules about bullying or harassment.
And Dawn knew she shouldn't care what the other girls thought, what Bast thought. She shouldn't.
But she did.
Dawn scrubbed her hands over her face and shook her head. She needed to pull herself together. Gym had been during final period, thankfully, so no one would be bothering her in the locker room. She could take a bit of time to herself and maybe even wait until she was sure the grounds were empty before she went home. There were still people around – she could hear loud voices in the hallway. They were angry sounding, although Dawn couldn't make out any words. She didn't need to walk into the middle of an argument, especially not with how down she felt. It had only been a few minutes since the locker room emptied, but her eyes were already red rimmed and she was a mess. Her tie was sitting on the sink, dangling so haphazardly over the edge that she was surprised it wasn't already on the floor. Her shirt was untucked and rumpled and her top two buttons were undone, but classes were over and she wasn't going to be able to make herself pretty, so what did it matter? She wished, not for the first time, that she was more feminine.
She just looked so manly. Her uniform should have hidden her body, but even the largest size was a bit tight around her arms and broad shoulders. She hated it. She'd tried giving herself a makeover once before; had bought everything recommended to her at the cosmetic counter and even sat there patiently while the cosmetician showed her how to use it all. But when she got home and tried it alone, it had been a disaster. With enough effort she could learn, maybe, but she was too disappointed by her first attempt to really try. What if she couldn't ever do it? What if she was just a failure at being a girl, no matter what?
"Are you okay? Dawn?"
Dawn jumped, wiping at her eyes furiously. "I'm fine," she said quickly, probably too quickly, as she turned to face Bast. Just what she needed: for the most popular girl in school to see her crying. As if Dawn wanted to give the other girls more ammunition against her.
"You're not fine."
Dawn didn't reply. She didn't really think she'd sound too convincing, anyway, so she just glared.
Bast shook her head and stepped closer, putting her hand on Dawn's arm unexpectedly. Dawn tried not to flinch as she moved away, tried to make her backward step look casual, but she wasn't sure whether or not she succeeded.
"Amanda shouldn't have said those things to you. I'm sorry. I've spoken to her about it and if it's any consolation, I don't think she'll be bothering you again."
"What's the matter?" Dawn snorted. "Worried it'll look bad for you if your friends openly break school policy?"
Dawn was expecting Bast to roll her eyes, maybe snap something about Dawn being ungrateful, but instead she just looked confused and…hurt? That made no sense because Dawn had seen exactly how Bast spoke to people who tried to offend her. Bast knew when someone was beneath her, and that's how she treated them. She was kind to her friends, probably; they were usually smiling at her, after all, but Dawn had also seen Bast give a verbal lashing to someone when they deserved it. It was somehow scary and attractive at the same time, not that she would ever say so out loud.
"Amanda isn't my friend," Bast said eventually, expression smooth once more. "I stopped speaking to her weeks ago, and I just told her that if my friends or I hear her speaking to you like that again we'll report her and make sure no one will be caught dead hanging out with her."
"Making her a social pariah? Isn't that against the anti-harassment policy?"
Bast shrugged. "Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire." She hesitated for a moment. She was playing with her collar in a way that on anyone else would be a sign of nervousness, but Dawn couldn't imagine that Bast would be nervous talking to her. "Do you want me to sit with you for a while? Until you feel a bit better?"
"Why are you being so—why do you even care? And why would you defend me to Amanda?" Dawn knew she was being rude, but Bast's behavior didn't make any sense, and she hated that.
"Amanda needed to be put in her place. That stuck up little princess treats people like dirt; she had it coming. Besides," Bast continued, adopting an exaggerated air, "her hideous new haircut offends me. It looks like her baby brother hacked her hair off while she was asleep."
That startled a laugh from Dawn, though it came out sounding more like a sob. She felt three steps behind the conversation and had no idea what to say, so she just turned to the sink with a shake of her head. Dawn splashed some cold water on her face, hoping it would help. She tried to ignore the other girl, but it was difficult when Bast moved nearer and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Look, don't get me wrong; her terrible hair and general attitude are already grounds for social destruction…but what she said to you? That's the final straw. It was horrible and offensive, and she was completely out of line. You've never done anything to deserve—" Bast paused. Dawn could see her in the mirror and she looked upset, much to Dawn's growing confusion. "She just had no right to speak to you like that, alright? And someone needed to make sure she knew that."
"I just…I don't understand you at all," Dawn muttered as she turned to face Bast again.
"What do you mean?"
Her expression looked so innocent, as though she really didn't know, and it made Dawn furious.
"Do you think I'm an idiot?" she exclaimed. "Do you think I don't know what people say about me behind my back? What you say about me?"
"What are you…? I have never—"
"Bullshit!" Dawn's voice echoed loudly through the locker room, so she took a deep breath to calm herself down. "Don't…don't lie to me, okay? I know that I look like…that I don't look like you all do. I know I'm not pretty. I just…please don't pretend to care then say those things behind my back. That's worse."
"That's not what I'm doing," Bast said softly, looking horrified. "How could you think that?"
"I've seen you. I know you stare at me and laugh with your friends. I'm not stupid."
Bast was shaking her head and her eyes looked wet. Dawn's stomach lurched with guilt, but she ignored it. She wasn't the one pretending. Maybe she could take up a career in acting, she thought snidely.
"You're right, I have been staring," Bast admitted before squaring her shoulders and meeting Dawn's glare head on. "But I'm starting to think that you are stupid, actually."
Of all the scornful things Dawn thought Bast might say to her, that was quite possibly at the very end of the list.
"As far as insults go, that was pretty lame."
"Accurate, though." Bast huffed and folded her arms. They drew attention to her breasts, propping them up and pulling the normally modest cotton of her uniform tight. The frustrated tapping of her foot made the shortened hem of her skirt bounce and her perfectly shaped eyebrows were pulled together angrily. She looked ready to rain hellfire on mere mortals like Dawn. "Fuck. I should—I should destroy every fucking person who said things to you that have made you so…so stupid."
"W-what?"
Bast glared at Dawn for a few more seconds then visibly deflated. Her anger ran out from one moment to the next and she was left looking sad. Dawn felt guilty, though she knew she absolutely shouldn't.
"Just because you don't think you're pretty, doesn't mean you're not."
"…Okay?"
Her confusion must have been obvious, because this time Bast did roll her eyes.
"Look, I know everyone thinks I'm the prettiest girl in school, but I don't see it, okay?"
"Is this…are you trying to give me a pep talk? Because—"
"Just listen. I'm happy enough with how I look, but I don't have the same looks that I find attractive in women. If I saw someone just like me on the street, I wouldn't want to date her. Do you understand what I'm saying? You don't like the way you look, because you don't look like the kind of girl that you find attractive, either. But you are attractive. You're beautiful, just not in a way that you appreciate for yourself."
"You…what? Wait, you like girls?"
"Are you kidding me? I stare at you all the time. How much more obvious can I be? I'm sorry you thought I was being some awful bitch – because apparently you think I'm Satan – but I'm not. I'm just…you're gorgeous, okay?"
"You're just saying that." Dawn felt uncomfortable. She was completely out of her element. Bast could be just acting, just playing some cruel prank, but it didn't feel that way and Dawn had no idea how to react.
"I'm really not. God, the first time I saw you I forgot to breathe. How can you not have noticed the way I watch you?"
Maybe Dawn shouldn't believe her – in fact, her brain was screaming against it – but for some reason she did. Bast seemed so sincere.
"I-I'm used to people staring. I just thought..."
"You thought I was making fun of you."
Dawn nodded. Bast looked offended again, and Dawn felt like she should explain. "Well, you're…you. You're popular and everyone loves you, and you've never really spoken to me much—"
"How could I? I've tried to say hello to you before, but you usually glare. I thought you hated me. I thought I'd make an idiot of myself if I just kept pushing."
Dawn cringed and stared at the ground. Bast had spoken to her, sometimes, and Dawn hadn't really been welcoming. "You…I noticed you staring at me sometimes. And Amanda has called me some awful things. She was one of your friends."
"Well, I didn't know that, before! She never said anything like that when I was around. When I found out I had a big fight with her and reported her to the principal. That's why we all stopped speaking to her. And that's why she'll leave you alone now. I told her I'll report her again if I have to, and if that happens she'll get suspended."
"Oh. I thought you were making fun of me. You know, when you said hi. Like…like you were talking to the freak then laughing behind my back." Dawn swallowed thickly, remembering the first time Bast had tried to speak to her. Dawn had thought the other girl was being genuinely friendly, until she turned to her friends and they all laughed. "Sometimes I'd hear you giggling right after."
Bast shook her head, dropping her face into her hands briefly before straightening her spine and looking Dawn square in the eye. "If I was giggling it's because I was embarrassed about how stupid I was being. I— God, I think I spent weeks blushing and twittering like an idiot every time I even saw you. The first time I said hello and you smiled back I thought I was going to puke from the butterflies it gave me. Fuck and you thought I was just being a bitch. No wonder you never smiled at me again. I thought you just couldn't stand me mooning over you like a lovesick loser."
"You're not a loser. I'm the—"
"Stop it. You're wonderful, and you don't even realize it. You have gorgeous eyes and such crazy pink lips, and everything about you is just so fucking strong—"
"Masculine," Dawn mumbled.
"Fucking gorgeous," Bast insisted. "Do you need me to tell you things about you that I find beautiful? Because I can."
Dawn blushed and shook her head. "No, that's—"
"I really like your hair."
"What? Why? Are you crazy?" Dawn pulled the end of her ponytail in front of her face and grimaced at it. She'd tried to keep it from getting wet in the shower, though the ends were damp. "It's boring and I don't know how to do anything with it except put it up in a ponytail. It looks better when it's down, I guess, but it annoys me so much like that, so it almost never is—"
Bast was rolling her eyes so hard Dawn stopped speaking and frowned.
"If you want to learn how to do stuff with your hair, I can teach you. But that's not the point. Your hair is thick and healthy and insanely straight even though you probably don't blow dry it, let alone use a straightener, do you? Actually," Bast mused, "that's probably part of why it's so healthy. Anyway, I'd love to have hair like yours and I doubt I'm the only one."
"But you have really nice hair!"
"I do." Bast agreed, preening for a moment and curling a lock of honey streaked hair around her finger. "And do you have any idea how much effort I have to put in to keep it that way? How many sprays and creams and serums I have to use all the time? I'll give you a hint: too many. It's annoying."
"But it looks so nice…like, all the time."
Bast grinned and winked. "Of course it does. The hard work pays off; otherwise I really wouldn't bother, would I?"
Dawn's stomach flipped when Bast reached up and ran her fingers through Dawn's thick ponytail. Bast was really, really close.
"I thought so," Bast said, eyes darting over Dawn's hair.
"Y-you thought what?"
"It's really soft." Bast's voice was quiet and she seemed even closer, somehow, looking at Dawn with sparkling eyes.
Dawn couldn't help the heat spreading across her cheeks. She lifted a hand involuntarily, covering one side of her face as though it could hide her embarrassment.
"And your hands," Bast commented abruptly, taking a step back. Dawn stifled the tiny blossom of disappointment she felt and focused on breathing like a normal person again.
"Huh?"
"They're impressive. They're fantastic."
"They're man hands," Dawn argued.
"Really? Well in that case, you'll have to pass my compliments on to the surgeon who grafted them to your very female body. I can't even see a hint of a scar."
Dawn frowned, folding her hands under her armpits to hide them. She tried not to notice the way Bast's eyes lingered for a moment where the open buttons of her shirt gaped to frame normally-hidden cleavage; tried even harder to ignore the way her own body reacted to the look. "You know what I mean. They're big and clumsy. And I can never grow my nails long."
"I think they're strong and capable," Bast said, tugging at Dawn's wrists until she let her hands drop to her sides. Bast wrapped Dawn's right hand in both of her own. They were warm and soft, and surprisingly gentle for someone who could be so caustic. Bast looked over Dawn's hand for long enough to make her feel even more self-conscious than she already did. "I bet there are a lot of things you can do with your hands that I'd never be able to do. You should see me trying to open a stuck jar, I must look hilarious. And who cares if you can't grow your nails? I keep mine short, too."
"But that's because you play guitar!"
"You…know that I play guitar?"
"Uh, sure. Everyone does."
Bast shook her head, a small smile playing on her lips. "No one does, actually. In fact, my parents probably wouldn't know if they hadn't paid for the lessons."
"I um…well, I saw you at the mall once. You were messing around in the music store...you looked like you knew what you were doing, I guess."
"Oh." Bast's smile disappeared. She looked disappointed. "Well, that's a shame."
"It is?"
"Of course. I thought…it's nothing. It just sounded like might have been watching me, too."
Oh.
Dawn had been. And if she were brave enough she'd say so. Even when she'd thought Bast said awful things about her, Dawn hadn't been able to stop herself from looking and wishing things were different.
"Well, I mean…I…maybe…" Dawn was trying, she really was, but Bast was watching her expectantly and the words didn't want to come out. She shook her head and Bast pulled her over to one of the benches to sit down.
"Are you okay?" This time when Bast asked, Dawn thought she could be honest, rather than defensive.
"I'm..." she sighed. "I'm just embarrassed, I guess. Sorry."
"Don't be," Bast said slyly. "You're cute when you're like this. Lucky for me I'm not done complimenting you. Maybe I can get that blush to come back out."
Dawn blushed as if on cue. She hung her head, mortified. Her life was the actual worst. A pretty girl was trying to flirt with her and all she could do was blush and stammer like an idiot.
Bast giggled suddenly and Dawn glanced up, remembering what she'd said about her giggling. Bast's eyes were sparkling and she looked mischievous, but there was also a faint pink tint to her cheeks which made Dawn feel significantly better. She grinned widely. Bast was better at hiding it but it seemed like she was a little embarrassed as well.
"You're blushing, too."
"Don't get too cocky," Bast snarked, but there was no heat in it. Her eyes were still bright and it was clear she was amused, though Dawn couldn't tell whether it was at herself or at Dawn. "I'm clearly expressing sympathy embarrassment. Don't think for one minute you can still make me giggle and blush after months of glaring at me and assuming I'm evil."
"Well," Dawn started, taking a deep breath and forcing a joke through her embarrassment, "evil is supposed to be…sexy. It made sense." The instant she finished speaking her eyes fell shut in mortification. She wished she could draw the words back in so that they'd never been spoken.
After a few moments Bast still hadn't replied, and Dawn opened her eyes, slowly. Bast was smiling, a full, bright smile that made Dawn's heart race.
"Can I assume, from the way you just flirted back, that you're interested in me? Even if it's just a little bit, that's definitely a better starting point than you glaring. Don't get me wrong, hate-sex is pretty interesting, but I don't see that working in our case because I really, genuinely like you."
Dawn had absolutely no idea how to mentally process Bast's comment on hate-sex, so she ignored it in favor of thinking about the fact that Bast had just said she liked her. In her head Dawn knew she sounded like she was still in middle school, but Bast liked her.
There was no way Dawn was going to let herself miss out on this just because she was feeling shy.
"I'm…yes. I'm interested," Dawn admitted. "A lot."
"I'd really like to kiss you." Bast licked her lips and her focus flickered between Dawn's eyes and her mouth. "And I'm about three seconds from just going for it, so if you don't want me to you should probably say so. Or hold me down or something." She paused then corrected herself with a smirk. "Scratch that last one, actually. I think that might send me some mixed signals."
Something about the way Bast looked gave Dawn a surge of boldness and she leaned in, encouragingly. If this was going to happen she didn't want to sit back passively, she wanted to be kissing instead of just letting herself be kissed.
When Bast moved in closer Dawn slipped her eyes shut and didn't give herself the chance to hesitate. If she thought about it, she'd get too nervous. Instead, she parted her lips slightly, moving them gently against the warm flesh that pressed against them.
Kissing felt a lot like she'd expected, but different as well. She'd seen enough people doing it, plus there was that time in third grade that Ricky Pearson caught her in catch-and-kiss and smacked their mouths together roughly before screeching and running away. But that hadn't counted, had just been a careless mash of mouths between children playing silly games. This—this was definitely her first kiss.
She'd expected the heat, and the way Bast's lips massaged against hers. But she hadn't expected the sweet, almost-sticky gloss or Bast's breath tickling her skin. She loved it. She loved the way the tip of Bast's nose touched her cheek and the way she pulled at Dawn's lower lip gently with her mouth, teasing it with her tongue. She even loved the way Bast carefully took the elastic out of her hair so she could sink her hands in, her palms warm against Dawn's scalp.
Dawn followed Bast's lead, sliding her hand over Bast's shoulder to cup the nape of her neck under the loose waves of her hair. When Bast didn't protest and instead moved closer, straddling the bench and hooking one leg over Dawn's thighs, Dawn's confidence grew. She let her fingers comb through soft, silky hair and the next time Bast's tongue darted against her lip, she let her mouth fall open, meeting it with her own.
And oh, Dawn didn't know what she'd thought it would feel like, but she'd never anticipated this. She wasn't prepared for the heat of Bast's mouth, or the way Bast's tongue curled around hers, slippery and wet and persistent in a way that made her breath hitch. She wasn't prepared for the way her heartbeat quickened when Bast sucked on her tongue, or the arousal that spiked low in her belly when teeth nipped at her lower lip.
She groaned when Bast pulled away, disappointed but also glad for the chance to catch her breath. Dawn's breathing hadn't quite stopped during the kiss, but it had been quick and shallow to keep up with her hammering pulse and she knew she needed to stop before she became lightheaded.
Her eyes opened when Bast moved her hands from Dawn's hair, tucking the now loose locks behind her ears and dropping one hand to her knee.
"So, what were we talking about, again?" Bast asked, jokingly. Her words sounded uneven and Dawn couldn't help but notice her lips were darker and swollen. She liked knowing that caused that.
Dawn shook her head. "I don't remember."
"Well, I'm pretty sure I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend," Bast said. Her foot began to move, rubbing up and down Dawn's calf. "Will you?"
"Oh." Dawn was going to have to visit a Doctor soon, she vowed to herself, because there was no way that it could be natural to blush so often. "You could do so much better—"
"Your legs," Bast interrupted. "That's next on my list of things that are gorgeous about you. Since you obviously aren't convinced yet."
"Seriously? My thighs are huge!"
"Are you crazy? They aren't huge, they're powerful. I can feel them under my leg right now and they're all muscle. I bet if you flexed them, they'd be rock hard." Bast punctuated her comments with a sharp poke to Dawn's thigh. Dawn couldn't help but tense in response and it earned her a smug look. "See? On the other hand, my legs are so long and thin that when I was little I looked like a gangly foal."
"Yeah, right. Your legs are perfect. Everyone thinks so. That's even written in one of the bathrooms at Dalton, I heard." Dawn hesitated for a moment, wanting to drop her hand to Bast's thigh where it was still draped across her legs, but not quite confident enough to do so. Instead she fiddled with the hem of her own skirt, her fingers close enough to sometimes brush Bast's skin accidentally.
"I know that everyone else thinks so, but I don't. I'd rather have legs like yours, if I could. You look like you could kick down a door, whereas I look like my legs will snap if I take the stairs two at a time. Do you have any idea how much more intimidating I could be if I could back up my patented bitch-face with some real physical presence?"
"Trust me, you're intimidating enough," Dawn joked.
Bast shot her a scary grin, but otherwise ignored what she'd said. "I wish I had your feet, too."
"I wear a size ten, though. It's ridiculous."
"Yeah, I mean, they are big," Bast conceded. Something about her smile stopped Dawn from feeling any sting from her words. "But my size is out of stock of the best shoes all the time. I always see them in larger sizes, though."
Dawn didn't want to laugh, because she'd always thought her feet were enormous, but she couldn't help herself. "Are you honestly saying that you want my giant feet just so you can find shoes you like?"
"Yep," Bast said, popping the 'p' for emphasis and grinning toothily. "In the fight for fashion, you take any advantage you can get."
"You are insane."
"Maybe," she shrugged. "But I know what I want. That's you, by the way, in case I haven't made that clear enough." Bast paused and the teasing expression on her face morphed into something more sincere. "And just for the record, I like your whole body. But I also like you. Inside."
"Are you going to tell me I have powerful and impressive lungs, now?" Dawn winced when her words came out sharper than she'd intended. She hadn't meant to sound so sarcastic, she just wasn't used to being complimented so aggressively; not by anyone who wasn't family and therefore obligated.
Bast didn't look at all offended – in fact, she was smirking – but Dawn shot her an apologetic look anyway. Bast grabbed Dawn's still-fidgeting fingers, flattening Dawn's palm onto her thigh right above her knee. It wasn't far up; it wouldn't even have been suggestive, except for the way Bast was encouraging Dawn's hand to move. Dawn swallowed thickly as she involuntarily traced a small, continuous circle. Bast's skin was warm and smooth, and Dawn could feel her body reacting. She could slide her hand further, she was sure, and Bast would let her – would like it.
"That depends," Bast replied, her voice dropping low and husky. "How long can you hold your breath underwater?" She was clearly teasing, but Dawn got the impression that there was more to it; that maybe Bast wanted to find out. After a few seconds Bast shook her head. She stilled Dawn's hand with a squeeze and spoke more seriously. "Don't be obtuse, Dawn. Hiding from compliments won't make me stop giving them to you, not when you deserve them. I like your personality. I've seen how you treat other people, even ones who treat you badly. You're a much kinder soul than I am. I like you, and I don't really like a lot of people."
"You have a lot of friends."
"I'm popular. It might seem like the same thing, but it's not, not exactly."
Dawn considered what Bast was saying. She still wasn't used to seeing her so serious and it was unnerving. Dawn's eyes were drawn to the hand on her own; smaller and more delicate, but gripping tightly. There was a shiny silver watch on Bast's wrist that told Dawn they'd been sitting there talking for over an hour. Bast had spent an hour of her day just telling Dawn why she liked her, and she'd been so genuine about it that Dawn could no longer doubt that she meant every word. Bast wanted to be her girlfriend, and Dawn wanted that, too.
"Okay," Dawn smiled.
Bast blinked. She looked confused for a moment before amusement took over. "Are you patronizing me right now? Because I'm serious; you can be popular without real fr—"
"No," Dawn laughed. "I mean, okay. Yes. I'll…I'd like to be your girlfriend. That is, if you still want me to be."
An impish smile appeared on Bast's face before she covered it with a thoughtful expression. She tapped a finger against her lips in mock-consideration then sighed. "Oh, well in that case I've completely changed my mind—"
"Stop it, you're awful!" Dawn tried to pout for emphasis, but she couldn't. She was too happy to pretend otherwise and she knew it was plastered all over her face.
"Yeah, but you like me anyway. I'm your girlfriend now; you have to put up with my shitty personality."
"If you really had a shitty personality," Dawn countered with an eye roll, "you wouldn't have spent all this time trying to make me feel better."
Bast winked as she smirked wickedly. Her hand disappeared from Dawn's, moving to the hem of Dawn's skirt to trace the line where it met her thigh. She dipped a finger under the fabric, just a fraction. "Maybe I'm just trying to get my hand up your skirt."
A tiny part of her – a sex-focused part that Dawn hadn't even known existed – wanted to let Bast keep touching her and see how far it would go. But that meant ignoring the way Bast had insulted herself and Dawn wasn't okay with that.
"You know," she took Bast's hand and twined their fingers together, feeling braver, "it doesn't seem fair that you don't want me to put myself down, when you think it's alright to do it to yourself."
"Okay, fair point. But I'm mostly happy with who I am, whereas it doesn't seem like you are."
The annoying thing was that Dawn knew Bast was right. She still didn't like Bast making jokes about herself but she also knew that her self-esteem was much higher than Dawn's was.
She sighed. "It just gets overwhelming sometimes, you know? I don't hate myself or anything, but sometimes I think…maybe I should have been born a guy."
"Do you mean that? Do you actually feel that way, or do you just think it would have been easier?"
Bast looked very, very serious about her question and Dawn shrugged. She liked who she was most of the time; she just didn't want to be made fun of anymore. "I just wish people would quit giving me such a hard time. I'm a girl and I'm sick of people making me feel bad about myself because I'm not what they think I should be. And I'm sick of looking in the mirror and believing them."
They were both quiet for a few minutes. It didn't feel tense, but Dawn couldn't bring herself to look at Bast. She didn't want to see the disappointment she was expecting on her girlfriend's face – and Dawn just got herself a girlfriend, she shouldn't be moping. Bast had been trying so hard to make Dawn feel better about herself – and Dawn did feel a little better, actually – but the wounds were too old and too deep to heal in one afternoon.
"I know exactly how you feel."
It was the very last thing that Dawn had expected Bast to say. She would have argued, would have said Bast couldn't possibly know how Dawn felt, but when Dawn glanced up and caught the solemn, steady look in Bast's eyes she believed her.
"You do? How?"
Bast looked away. "Do you know why I go by Bast instead of my proper name?"
Dawn frowned. She had thought Bast was going to open up to her, but instead she changed the topic abruptly and without even an attempt at subtlety. She wanted to be understanding, but it hurt a little after she'd tried to be completely honest.
When she didn't say anything, Bast glanced back at her.
"Oh, hell. You could do some real damage with those kicked puppy eyes, Dawn." Bast nudged her gently. "Put them away. I'm not trying to avoid the subject. It's related, I swear."
"Umm...okay." Dawn had no idea she could even manage 'kicked puppy eyes', so she tried to focus on what Bast had asked and pushed away her unwarranted hurt. "I don't know…is it because of the Egyptian goddess?"
"Dawn you are a constant source of surprise for me and that makes you pretty much perfect. You are the first person to guess that," Bast looked impressed and her eyes were bright. "Not that I talk about this a lot, but yes, it's because of Bast, or Bastet depending who you speak to. It's because she was wild and amazing and that's the kind of person I want to be, and I just happen to be able to shorten my name into hers. But that's not what I meant. Do you know why I even use a nickname in the first place?"
"No. I mean…I like Sebastienne. It's pretty. And kind of rare, I guess, which is cool, too."
"Yeah, maybe," Bast conceded, but then she smiled and it looked mocking rather than genuine. "But my parents wanted a boy and they were ecstatic when they were told they were having one. They didn't pick Sebastienne because they thought it was pretty; it was because they'd already decided to call me Sebastian. They were so disappointed to have a girl that they were going to call me Sebastian, anyway. And I'm not even assuming this – they love to tell this story. They even have a 'happy families' version for right after they introduce me to new people at dinner parties. 'Oh, this is Sebastienne'," she mimicked, "'We were hoping for a Sebastian, but she surprised us!'" Bast rolled her eyes. "They only gave me a feminine name because my grandfather said it would be inappropriate not to, and he was still alive and kicking and managing the family money. I think I've heard the phrase 'if only we'd had a son' from my father more often than I've been called his daughter with any actual pride."
Dawn gaped. She couldn't imagine her father treating her like that. Bast sounded bitter, and Dawn didn't blame her at all. "That's...that's stupid. They should be proud of you, you're amazing. Why does it matter that you aren't a boy?"
"My father is from old money," Bast said, as though that should make perfect sense by itself. Dawn just stared at her, brow furrowed, until she explained. "He considers it a personal insult that his heir isn't male, and mother had a difficult enough pregnancy that she can't have any more kids. He'll never have his male heir, and somehow that's my fault."
There was nothing Dawn could think to say that might make the way Bast was treated by her parents any less upsetting. She couldn't fix it, but maybe she could make Bast smile, anyway. "Well...the cat goddess was cool," she ventured. "So, Bast suits you. Do you know...I mean, of course you do, never mind."
"Oh, come on! You can't say 'do you know' then not finish your sentence! What were you going to say?"
"It's just...she was a moon goddess, right? But before that, she was a sun goddess. So, it's sort of like…you and I, we're…" she trailed off and shook her head, embarrassed. "Forget it, it's dumb."
"Firstly, let me just say it's incredibly sexy that you know your Egyptian mythology. And secondly, it's not dumb. It's sweet." Bast's tone changed suddenly, as though she'd stepped right out of an outdated romance novel. "You're the rising sun and I'm a sun goddess. Like a—a poetic connection. Or something." She was definitely teasing, but she was smiling as well and there was no malice in her words. Dawn laughed.
"It sounds so corny when you say it out loud."
"You wound me! How dare you disparage our ever-strengthening emotional bond?"
Dawn snorted. "You're even weirder than I am."
"If you tell anyone, I'll deny it to my final breath."
"Your secret is safe with me," Dawn whispered good-humoredly as she patted Bast on the leg. Her mood was so much better than it had been after class and she smiled softly. "Bast? Thank you."
"For what?"
"For trying so hard to make me feel better. I know I shouldn't let other people get to me, but it's hard when I look at myself and can see why they say those things. I wish I couldn't, but I can."
"Well, I can't. I think they're idiots."
Bast's lips were pursed and her eyebrows were drawn together, carefully sculpted yet radiating annoyance. The shiny gloss she'd been wearing earlier was almost completely gone, rubbed away until there was just a smear under her bottom lip that she seemed oblivious to. Dawn could still taste a hint of the sticky sweetness on her mouth and it left her thoughtful.
"Do you think you could teach me how to put on make-up?" she asked. "I'm really hopeless with my hair, I feel like I don't have enough hands to do anything complicated with it, but maybe I could learn to do my make-up. I tried once and it was a huge disaster, but I could try again?"
Instead of answering right away, Bast was watching her, thoughtfully. Her lips parted then closed more than once, as though she wanted to say something, but didn't know how.
"Before I answer, tell me one thing," she said, finally. Dawn nodded. "Why do you care about make-up? Do you want to wear it for you, or do you just think you're supposed to?"
Part of her wanted to tell Bast that was a stupid question, but she knew it wasn't. They'd spent all afternoon talking about Dawn's issues, so she figured it made sense for Bast to ask. She almost brushed it off with a flippant reply, but she didn't think that would go over too well.
"I...I don't know. Sometimes I think that if I could be more feminine they'd leave me alone. I can't change my body, but I could try to look more like a girl. Sometimes I just wish I was more like everyone else, I guess—"
"Everyone else would be lucky to have your skin," Bast said emphatically. "You don't need to cover it up just to prove something to a few catty little vipers that use too many different concealers."
She was sneering so viciously – so absurdly – over their classmates that Dawn couldn't help but grin at the irony. "You wear make-up every day."
"This is my war paint, Dawn. And I hope you don't ever feel like you need something like that just to face another person." Bast's tone was harsh enough to make Dawn flinch, even though she could tell the anger wasn't directed at her. "I don't give a fuck about make-up, but my parents never let me forget how much they wish I was a boy. It only seems fair that I give them the girliest girl to ever pick up a tube of lip gloss."
Dawn didn't speak. She didn't want to say the wrong thing and make Bast more upset, so she just squeezed the fingers still tangled with hers and used her other hand to rub slow circles on Bast's back. She hoped it felt soothing.
"I know I probably sound like a hypocrite," Bast continued eventually, "but I'm not doing it to make someone else happy – I'm doing it to say 'fuck you' to the people who make me feel bad about myself, and that makes me happy."
"Fair enough." Dawn didn't know how to explain what she was thinking. She wanted people to see her differently, but she actually wanted this, too. "Okay, maybe there's a part of me that wants to see if it makes a difference to everyone else, but honestly? I've always wanted to know what it was like to get all done up. And I don't mean for a reason…I want to wear the perfect clothes and hair and make-up just because I happen to be in the mood. Some days I want so much to feel flawlessly put together, like you see in a magazine. But I never can, because I don't know how. And I know that I'm never going to be a runway model but I see other girls touching up their make-up, or fixing each other's hair, and I just…it looks like fun."
She took a deep breath and stared at the floor. Instead of convincing Bast that she was really interested in learning, she'd gone on a long rant. She'd probably just convinced her to keep her distance, instead. But then a hand cupped her chin, urging her to look up, so she did. Bast was smiling.
"Well in that case, I'd love to teach you. And you can teach me how to kick ass at dodge ball because you were terrifying out there today."
Dawn laughed. She hadn't even realized how much tension she was feeling until it eased.
"Well, sometimes my build comes in handy," she admitted. The bitterness she normally felt making a comment like that was absent. She smiled. "My dad likes to call me an Amazon. He says they were beautiful and strong."
"They were. It suits you." Dawn shrugged at the compliment, trying to stop the blush she could feel creeping over her face. Bast shook her head, looking exasperated. "I know you think it's unattractive to be muscular, but it's not. It's...it's gorgeous." Bast paused, her eyes running up and down Dawn's body until she licked her lips and Dawn's skin pricked with heat. When she spoke again, her voice was throatier and suggestive. "You're so strong; I bet you could lift me up easily. I don't weigh a lot. I bet you could lift me up on your shoulders, hold me against the wall and eat me out like that...if you wanted to."
Dawn tried not to look as affected as she felt by those words. She was anxious, almost scared, but the idea of doing exactly what Bast suggested was tempting, very tempting. Her stomach was warm and she could feel her body responding, but she'd never done anything before and that was...well, it was a huge step.
"Too much?" Bast asked, looking curious rather than disappointed.
"I-I haven't...I mean, that's–"
Bast's eyes widened for a moment before realization crept across her features. "Never? What about—"
Dawn shook her head. "Nothing. Ever." She didn't want to make a big deal out of it, it wasn't as though she were saving herself for marriage or making some big commitment to wait for the love of her life, there just hadn't been anyone yet. She'd had a few crushes, and had even found out about one or two crushes on her, but those had never overlapped before. And even if they had, Dawn didn't think she'd have been ready, or confident enough, then.
"Okay," Bast said. "Do you want to?"
"Maybe...uh...maybe not that? Before...that was my first kiss." She flushed. "I don't–I don't think I'm ready for what you said, but...maybe some other stuff?"
A little smile played on Bast's lips. "If you can't say it, Dawn, you probably shouldn't do it."
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Dawn bit her cheek. She was grateful that Bast wasn't turning her lack of experience into some patronizing discussion on how it was okay to wait and how she had nothing to be embarrassed about. She knew those things. Still, the idea of repeating the filthy words Bast had said left her equal parts thrilled and mortified. She the words were true, though, so she mustered whatever inner minx she could find.
"Fine. I'm not ready to 'eat you out', okay?" she parroted the words back. It must have been easier that way, because when she tried to use her own words she stumbled. "Or...or for you to do that to me, I don't think. But...I'd like...I mean..." she frowned and took a deep, fortifying breath. "I'd like to touch you. If you'd like that, too."
"Where would you like to touch me?" Bast looked sly, suddenly, and the temperature in the room felt like it had climbed. She ran a finger along her pulse point. "Here?" After a moment she dragged her finger down her collar until it slid along the cotton draped over the curve of her breast. "Here?" she asked, rubbing a circle where Dawn could only assume her nipple was. When Dawn didn't respond – couldn't respond – Bast snaked her hand down her stomach and hips, playing with the hem of her skirt, teasingly. Dawn couldn't pull her eyes away when Bast's hand disappeared under the pleated fabric, and the movement of her wrist and the way it bumped Dawn's thigh told her exactly what was happening. When Bast spoke again, her voice sounded breathier. "Here?"
"Fuck. Everywhere."
"I'd like that." Bast's eyes were dark and she licked her lips. When her hand reappeared, her fingers were shiny and Dawn's mouth went dry. "But how about we start nice and slow?"
Dawn didn't feel nervous when Bast gripped her by the wrist, too preoccupied with the way Bast's fingers, still slick, slipped across her skin. It wasn't until she felt a warm weight in her hand, soft and heavy and perfect, that she realized Bast had brought Dawn's hand up onto her breast and coaxed her into squeezing gently.
Her absent nerves reappeared immediately and her heart rate rocketed. It was stupid, they were just breasts, she had her own, but this was Bast and it was somehow completely different. She groaned softly, cupping and squeezing without any more prompting, moving in closer to press kisses to the smooth column of Bast's neck. She wanted more; wanted to feel hot skin under her hands, wanted to feel Bast's nipples pebbling under her touch. Bast's shirt and bra were in her way; she needed them gone. Dawn ran her thumb along the shirt's buttons, wondering how to ask, when Bast pulled back with a smile, slipped her tie off, and popped the top button.
"In case you were looking for permission," she teased. Her hands danced up Dawn's arms and onto her shoulders. "Can I touch you too?"
Whether she meant above or below her clothes, Dawn didn't know. But her skin was itching to be touched so she nodded eagerly.
"Can I take your top off?" Bast asked. Her fingers skipped over the already open buttons of Dawn's uniform shirt, lingering on the first that was still fastened, fiddling but not actually unbuttoning it.
"God, yes."
Instead of working on Dawn's shirt immediately, Bast leaned in for a second kiss. It was hotter, more urgent than the first. It went straight to hungry instead of teasing into it and Dawn gasped. Before she even realized what was happening, her shirt was being pushed back over her shoulders.
They didn't need to stop kissing – and suddenly Dawn appreciated button downs. Unfortunately, to let her shirt come off completely she still had to drag her hands away from Bast. When her arms were free and she could touch again, she was struck by how horribly unfair it seemed for Bast's shirt to still be in her way.
She could fix that; Bast had even started the job for her. Her fingers felt bigger and clumsier than ever as she tried to undo the Bast's buttons. She'd managed about half of them by the time Bast broke away to start kissing at her shoulder, but it felt awkward with Bast draped on her while Dawn was twisted on an angle to face her.
Dawn could move Bast. She knew she was strong enough, and with the way her girlfriend had spoken before, Dawn was pretty sure Bast would like it. And if she didn't...well, Bast would make that clear pretty quickly but Dawn doubted she'd be particularly mad considering the circumstances.
She quit fumbling with the buttons and let her hands travel down to Bast's hips. She thought about just helping her slide across until she was in Dawn's lap, but Dawn was bolstered by the things Bast had said. She wanted to show off how strong she was, because even though she wasn't ready to actually follow through with the scene Bast had described, Dawn wanted to give her something. She silently prayed she wasn't making a mistake then slid her hands under Bast's hips, gripping her upper thighs. Dawn lifted, bringing her a few inches into the air and startling a gasp from her. Bast's fingers dug into Dawn's shoulders as she was settled in place, straddling Dawn's hips with their breasts pressed together.
Bast's eyes were wide and her pupils were huge. Her mouth was open slightly as though she was searching for something to say and there was a dark flush spreading across her cheeks. "D-did you just–?"
"Was that okay?" Dawn asked. She wasn't sure if she'd done something very wrong, or very right, but then Bast let out what could only be described as a whine and pulled her own shirt over her head, ignoring the last few buttons in favor of speed.
"Fuck," Bast breathed, squirming in Dawn's lap. The movement rucked Dawn's skirt up high under Bast's thighs, but she didn't care, not with the way Bast's breasts were rising and falling as she breathed. They were resting against Dawn's so they looked fuller, pushed up higher in the cups of Bast's bra and Dawn wanted to lower her head, to press her mouth onto the soft skin and run her tongue down the valley between them. She wanted to see them bare, to run her fingers over Bast's nipples until they were hard and aching. She wanted to feel the friction of them dragging across her own, instead of the muted, smooth sensation of Bast's bra through the much thinner fabric covering hers.
She wanted to make Bast moan.
Dawn had never felt so turned on before; she was captivated by Bast's body, by the softness of her skin and the way she moved. She was getting wetter than she'd ever thought possible, and braver by the second. She lowered her head, slow and still a little uncertain until Bast arched herself higher, eagerly. Dawn dropped her lips to skin, mouthing and licking at every inch of breast not hidden.
After a few moments Bast was wriggling again, shimmying her hips until most of her weight was over Dawn's right leg and Dawn felt damp fabric on her mid-thigh. She straightened in surprise – Bast's panties, soaked from how aroused she was, were rubbing along her skin. Bast stopped moving in favor of grinding down firmly, just once, against the muscle of Dawn's thigh and licking her lips. "God," she panted, and Dawn's clit throbbed at the sound, "you're so...fuck, Dawn, can I touch you? I wanna make you come."
She couldn't answer; there wasn't a word for how much Dawn wanted that, so she just nodded quickly. Her heart felt like it was going to hammer out of her chest, but it somehow managed to beat faster still when Bast leaned in and latched her mouth over the fabric covering Dawn's right nipple, tugging the peak carefully between her lips while she used her fingers to tease its twin. The heat and moisture from Bast's tongue soaked through the thin cotton of Dawn's bra and she whimpered, tangling a hand into long, wavy hair. Her right arm wrapped firmly around Bast's slim waist, dragging her even closer and eliciting a shocked whine.
"You don't know what that does to me," Bast murmured. She pulled back for a moment, running her eyes over Dawn. "If you want me to stop, tell me, okay?"
Dawn nodded again, though she couldn't imagine actually doing so. Bast grinned and dropped a tiny, oddly innocent kiss to Dawn's nose. She let her right hand fall between them, snaking it past her own leg until she could slip it under Dawn's skirt and along her inner thigh. Dawn shivered as her skirt moved, causing the air near her panties to stir and cool the damp material briefly.
Bast began kissing her again, lathing and nibbling at the skin of Dawn's neck. Just as she was relaxing into it, fingers that weren't her own trailed across her panties, teasing her through them until she was moaning and letting her legs shift further apart. She hadn't known it would feel so incredibly different to have someone else touching her, but it did. Bast's fingers were slender but longer, and moved against her in a rhythm that Dawn couldn't predict. The anticipation of what would happen next was almost as arousing as the actual touch.
One of Bast's fingers – her thumb, maybe? – traced the elastic at the edge of Dawn's panties. "On or off?" Bast asked against Dawn's skin.
"L-like this," Dawn swallowed. "S'good."
Bast hummed and returned to her movements, sliding her fingers more firmly until Dawn's panties were drenched and clinging to her like a second skin. It felt almost uncomfortable as the thin material molded against her, warm and wet and caught between her folds, but she didn't care; not when Bast's fingers were rubbing and pressing along her sensitive flesh, circling her clit in a rhythm that was growing steadily faster and stronger.
It wouldn't take much longer, Dawn knew; not if Bast kept touching her like that. She couldn't keep still any longer, bucking her hips gently back and forth; pushing into Bast's hand despite the weight on her leg. Dawn was suddenly aware that her movements were having an effect on Bast; her thigh was slick where Bast was sitting on her, grinding down as Dawn rocked. It was hot, so hot, that she couldn't focus on anything but Bast's fingers working her, Bast's bitten off noises against Dawn's neck, Bast's smell, the scent of her arousal, thick and heady and sweet. Dawn's orgasm was building, the spikes of pleasure from Bast's clever fingers pulling her closer. She was getting so close, familiar heat and tension low in her stomach, coiling tighter until her breath caught in her throat and she was crying out, her release crashing over her in waves.
Dawn's whole body was tingling. Bast's hand wasn't rubbing at her anymore, had stopped when she'd flinched with sensitivity, and was instead gripping Dawn's inner thigh as she twisted her hips, riding Dawn's leg to get the friction she needed. It might have been enough, eventually, but Dawn still wanted to touch her, still wanted to slide her fingers under Bast's panties to see if she'd beg. Dawn's body felt satisfied, but she still wanted.
When she shifted Bast again, lifting her by the hips and placing her centered over the space between Dawn's thighs, Bast whined. Whether the reaction was from Dawn's show of strength or the sudden absence of pressure on her core, Dawn didn't know. One of Bast's hands was on Dawn's shoulder, but the other was inching up Bast's thigh. Dawn grabbed at her wrist and tugged it up to rest on her other shoulder. "Let me?"
Bast looked dazed, but she nodded eagerly. It didn't look like she was far from snatching Dawn's hand and rubbing herself off on it, if her lidded eyes and shallow breath were any indication, so Dawn quickly slipped her hand beneath Bast's skirt, burrowing her fingers under the elastic of Bast's panties and between her folds.
She was hot and slippery, so wet that Dawn's fingers were soaked from the first touch. Bast felt so familiar, so similar to when Dawn touched herself that she felt confident, even without feeling the pleasure herself. The way Bast was trembling and clutching desperately at her shoulders let Dawn know exactly how close she was. Dawn didn't want to waste time teasing her, not when she seemed so near to the edge, so she eased a finger in deep, pumping with slow, even strokes. Bast choked out a gasp, looking flushed and delicious. Strands of hair were beginning to stick to the light sheen of sweat on her face and Dawn kissed her.
In seconds Bast was devouring her mouth, licking and nibbling and sucking until Dawn felt dizzy from it. It was urgent, almost pleading, so Dawn followed her instincts. She knew what she'd want in Bast's place, so she added another finger, delving as far as she could, thrusting in and out and curling them. She used her thumb to swipe and circle at Bast's clit until Bast stiffened and arched, moaning loudly as her inner walls clamped around Dawn's fingers rhythmically.
"Fuck," Bast breathed against Dawn's lips.
"Yeah. T-that was—"
"Awesome."
"Yeah." Dawn smiled softly, extracting her hand carefully from between Bast's legs, absently fixing her panties and skirt as she went.
Bast shuffled closer, until their hips and breasts were slotted together and Dawn could feel Bast's heart thumping. Her arms were looped around Dawn's neck, her fingers twirling through Dawn's hair. Dawn had one arm curled around Bast's hips, her opposite hand trailing patterns along the sweat-damp skin of her back and shoulder blades. They stayed like that for several minutes, exchanging soft, slow kisses, until Dawn's heart had returned to its regular pace and her skin began to feel cool.
"We should get dressed," she said, somewhat reluctantly, as she became more and more aware of how exposed they were.
"Mmm…I didn't even get your bra off," Bast replied with a faux pout. She dragged a finger along the edge of Dawn's bra strap with a mournful expression on her face.
"Next time?" Dawn was suddenly uncertain, though she didn't know why. Bast was wrapped around her and looked sad at the idea of moving, but Dawn still felt a sliver of doubt.
"I hope that when you say next time," Bast answered playfully, "you actually mean as soon as we get cleaned up and can get to my place to 'study'. And every opportunity we can manage after that."
Bast dropped a soft, quick kiss to her mouth, easing her doubt and leaving Dawn smiling.
"Well," Dawn said, resting her head on Bast's shoulder and pressing her mouth to the skin there, "I could probably use some help with Biology."