Cora's first time alone with baby Regina.
A daughter. I have a daughter. A nagging thought reminds me that a son would have been better. A son would have been king. A daughter, no matter how wonderful or beautiful or talented, can only be queen. I can sense the blackest orbs that I have ever seen staring at me in awe, and suddenly I'm very conscious of the fact that my companion and I are alone for the first time. I try to force the disappointment off of my face … for her sake.
I can barely bring myself to look into her eyes, but when I do I quickly realize how soulful she is. I see her potential and can't help but wonder who needs a son when they have such a precious little one like her? I begin to get lost in the warmth of her doe-like orbs, but then I remember what feels like a lifetime ago.
A lifetime ago I was looking into bright, blue eyes that were equally full of life and equally innocent. If only the situation was different back then then maybe I would be different today. Those eyes are too painful to remember. I begin to frown and the babe must sense my uneasiness because she begins to cry.
"Shh." I gently sway her in my arms and try to reassure her as best as a mother without her heart can. "Shh, my love." My features soften and soon her cries end. "Good girl." I hum a song that I recall from my childhood, the only thing that I can ever remember my own mother sing to me. The melody is so calming that the babe in my arms lets out a small yawn and begins to drift off.
My thoughts return to what a female heir means to the future. Rumple will no longer have her, for she is not his own. I cannot decide if I am more relieved or saddened by this truth. Henry, the fool that he is, is thrilled. He didn't want a boy anyway, and his ambitions in life have little to do with the throne that is well within his grasp. If there is one thing Xavier and I can agree on it is our disappointment in his lack of ambition.
Ah, King Xavier. Just the thought of him meeting his granddaughter brings a smile to my face. I can already imagine his fear as he holds her and looks into the same eyes that I've found solace in. He will deny his fear of course. He'll proclaim that my daughter will bring about some new hope for the kingdom, and he'll ignore the fact that she is the byproduct of not love but a contract in which I have the upper hand. At the end of the day he will still have his fear, no matter how deeply he tries to bury it.
"Sweetheart, I will tell you a secret that I was told far too late." My voice is but a whisper. "Fear is how you get what you want. Fear is power. You will hear others say that love is the key, that it is our greatest strength, but they will be lying to you."
I bring her to my lips and place the gentlest of kisses on her head. "Love is our greatest weakness. It clouds our judgment, and destroys our priorities. It eats away at our very being. Love, my dear, holds us back."
For a moment I allow my mind to do something I vowed I would never do. I ponder what it would feel like to be looking at her with my heart inside my chest. A lone tear escapes my eye as I realize I will never know. Her breathing is deep, and I focus on it to escape my own thoughts. We sit like this for what feels like hours, and yet I cannot take my eyes off of her. She is so tiny and helpless. She needs me.
"I will do everything in my power to ensure you get the best. You will have that of which I could never have. You will be the queen." Her eyes open slowly as she stirs from her nap. I hold my breath waiting for her cries to return, but instead she releases joyful coos. I smile the most sincere smile I've given anyone in a lifetime.
A son would have been better, but he wouldn't be you. "My darling Regina."
A/N: Thanks for reading! I haven't written a full piece of fanfiction in years, but the writing bug has bitten me again. I've never written a one-shot, and I dread writing in first person, so I wanted to challenge myself to write a first person one-shot. I wrote the first draft of this fic well before Zelena's origin story was shown, and I incorporated just a tad of it in my final drafts (Cora's speech to Regina was written before Bleeding Through aired). This piece is a reflection piece exploring Cora's psyche in particular relation to The Miller's Daughter and more abstractly to Bleeding Through. Reviews are appreciated.
Cora is a complicated character who definitely did a lot of negative things, but I do think she loved Regina as best as she could. That does not mean she was a great mother, but it does mean that she was human.