Hello again, my fellow SVU nuts! I started this little thing months ago, but just got around to fnishing it. It's a songfic based on the Reba McEntire song, You're Gonna Be. My need to reach 100 stories (this is number 89) and my anger that MH's pregnancy was hidden compelled me to finish this, so here ya go! Enjoy, and please review!
Disclaimer: If Olivia isn't molesting Elliot in the crib, it's a safe bet to say they're not mine!
This songfic is dedicated to Kelly, Essy, Rachel, Jess, Confused, and ElNLiv4Ever, for all their wonderful help and encouragement, especially now that I'm trying to reach that 100 story goal. Thanks, everyone!
Sitting in her hospital bed, Olivia Benson cradled her newborn daughter in her arms. "Hi there, baby girl," she cooed softly, watching as her tiny eyes opened to reveal their icy blue color. Olivia marveled at how tiny she was, even though the doctors assured her that she was perfectly normal and healthy.
Six pounds and nine ounces, looking up at me
Like I have all the answers, I hope I have the ones you need
I've never really done this
Now I know what scared is
Olivia had at first been terrified when she learned that she was pregnant. She had always thought that she would wind up being a lousy mother, just as hers had been. Her own mother was always either drunk, or out on a date, leaving a young Olivia to learn to fend for herself at a very early age.
She learned at a very young age that her she and her mother were different from the other girls at her school. She had been making her mother drinks when she should have been playing with baby dolls and trying on her mother's big girl clothes.
But she was different, and her daughter would not be forced to grow up like she had: alone and nearly starved for the affection and attention of her own mother. No, her daughter would never have to know that desperate and lonely feeling.
Sometimes I'll protect you from everything that's wrong
Other times I'll let you just find out on your own
But that's when you'll be growing
And the whole time I'll be knowing
And the first time she had held her baby in her arms, she made a realization. She wasn't her mother, and she never would be. This baby would have a mother who would always be there for her. She would have a mother who would let her make mistakes, but would also help her learn from them.
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair
But if you hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
"It's just you and me, baby girl. But don't you worry. We'll be just fine," she said aloud, more for her own comfort. A friendly looking nurse dressed in brightly colored scrubs walked in, flashing Olivia a big smile.
"Do we have a name for this little girl?" she asked cheerfully, and Olivia thought for a moment.
"Her name is Ellie. Ellie Cameron Benson," she said finally, kissing the baby's tiny hands. "Ellie Cameron Benson," the nurse repeated, writing on the clipboard. "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful baby girl. Congratulations."
"Thank you," Olivia murmured, swallowing the lump that had risen in her throat. The nurse smiled at her again, then walked back out of the room. Once the door was shut, she let the tears fall freely from her dark brown eyes, the ones she had been holding in since she had left New York.
"I'm sorry, Ellie," Olivia whispered, slipping her finger into the baby's tiny fist. "I guess I really screwed up this time, huh?" Ellie opened her mouth and yawned, and Olivia kissed her tiny forehead, inhaling her sweet baby scent. "I don't know how I'm going to fix this, baby girl. But don't worry. I'll do my best to make this right."
I'm afraid you'll have to suffer
Through some of my mistakes
Lord knows I'll be trying
To give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference in getting by and living
Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you'll have to live with
All the choices that you make
So make sure you're always giving
Way more than you're taking
The cool hospital room was silent as he slipped inside, and his eyes fell on the woman asleep in the bed. His eyes watered, and he continued to watch her sleep easily until a small, snuffling noise startled him out of his reverie. Curiously, he walked around the foot of the bed, and his mouth dropped in surprise when he saw the clear bassinet and the baby inside of it.
Before he realized it, he had walked over to the bassinet and was standing over it, looking down at the newborn baby. Looking around, he leaned down and carefully picked the baby up, cradling her carefully in his arms.
He looked down at the bracelet that dwarfed her tiny wrist. Ellie Cameron Benson, it read, and more tears stung his eyes.
"Hi there, sweetheart," he choked out, kissing her tiny hands. She gurgled and kicked her tiny feet, and he let out a small laugh and sat down in the chair by the window.
Olivia opened one eye, and she was surprised and worried to see her newborn daughter in the arms of her former partner. "Elliot?" she called, and he turned and looked at her with tears in his cerulean eyes.
He slowly rose to his feet and walked over to the side of her bed, looking at her with sad features. "Why didn't you tell me, Liv?" he asked softly, and a stab of guilt beat into her heart. "She's my daughter. I had a right to know. You just… disappeared one day, and I never saw you again. What were you thinking?"
Olivia swallowed thickly, all of her resolve gone. "Because," she whispered, "it was a one night stand. You were lonely and drunk, and I took advantage of the situation."
"Did you ever once think that I wanted this to happen?" he interrupted, his voice cracking. "I love you, Liv. These last nine months have been hell. I couldn't hold you, or even look at you. Do you know how bad that hurt?" His voice had dropped to a whisper, and tears were falling down Olivia's cheeks.
"I thought it would be better for everyone if I… we just disappeared," she argued weakly, and Elliot looked down at his tiny daughter who was sleeping safely in his strong arms. When he lifted his head again, tears were dripping down his cheeks, and Olivia's heart broke again, because she knew that she had put them there.
For several long seconds, they stared at each other, and everything else in the world faded away.
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
You're gonna cry, but know that that's okay
Sometimes life's not fair
But if you just hang in there
You're gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
He took a step forward, and Olivia breathed sharply before reaching out to him, silently pleading for him to hold her. He quickly stepped forward and lifted himself onto the bed, wrapping his free arm around Olivia's waist.
They sat in silence for a minute, then Olivia said softly, "I never stopped thinking about you. I even named our daughter after you. Ellie."
He sniffed and paused before leaning over to kiss the top of Olivia's head. "I noticed," he said softly, resting his chin on the top of her head. She lifted their daughter out of his arms and held her tenderly, humming quietly as Elliot rubbed one hand up and down her back.
Someone's everything, you're gonna see
Just what you are to me
Olivia fell asleep in Elliot's arms, listening to his soft singing. He kissed her forehead, then carefully climbed off of the bed with their daughter in his arms. He walked over to the window and looked out into the starry night sky, and then he looked down at his newborn daughter.
"I love you, little Ellie," he whispered, and she gurgled and made him grin by grabbing his long finger with her entire tiny fist.
He looked back at Olivia's sleeping form, then kissed Ellie's tiny forehead and whispered, "I love you and your mom more than anything else in this world. And I'm never going to lose you two again. I swear."
And for the rest of the night, Elliot remained in the stiff hospital chair beside Olivia's bed, watching protectively over her and Ellie as they slept peacefully.
You're gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You're gonna be
Always loved by me
The End!
A/N: 89 down, and 11 more to go! Woo hoo! Review and let me know what ya'll think, bunnies and duckies!