Genesis

by The Crownless Queen

"All stories have beginnings. Some are just impossible to trace back. Luckily, the beginning of your salvation is quite easily traced. It all comes back to him after all." A gift for Amber.

This was written for Amber. If you're reading this, I hope you like it.

Word count:4033

Genesis

o. (before)

(Sometimes when you close your eyes and ignore the outside world you still remember how it felt to have a big sister. You can almost feel her arms around you as you cry because you fell in the stairs or because Narcissa stole another one of your dresses – those reasons do sound ridiculous now, but then it was something terrible to you.

You can still her voice in your ears, telling you that she would always protect you, because she's your sister.

You can still see her, so strong and just amazing as she defended you from everything. She was more of a mother than your mother ever was, and she did everything right.

When you keep your eyes closed and wish very hard, you can still see the three of you (Bella', 'Cissa and yourself) smiling and laughing in the garden behind the family summer house as you planned a trick on your baby cousins.

You still remember how a young Bellatrix was just so wide-eyed all the time.

You wish you could say she hadn't changed.)

You read somewhere that some stories don't have a beginning. At the time you thought the idea terribly romantic but how you realize how wrong that is.

All stories have beginnings. Some are just impossible to trace back.

Bellatrix's descent into darkness' is one of those. It saddens you, because that means you'll never know when exactly you lost your sister (sometimes, it seems you never even had her), but at the same time it's a relief, because if you knew then it means you'd have seen it. And if you had seen it, then you could have prevented it.

(and you didn't)

Luckily, the beginning of your salvation is quite easily traced. It all comes back to him after all.

i. (first act – Eden's garden)

The first time you see Ted Tonks is in Hogwarts, which really isn't surprising, considering you both go there.

What does surprise you is that though he's a Muggleborn, he researches on Pureblood families and traditions. He's a Hufflepuff, but he doesn't look like a pushover as he sits surrounded with books in the Library.

It contradicts everything you know – everything Bella taught you – and in that moment you just want to know him better.

(who knows, maybe he'll even prove himself to be useful. Doubtful, since he is a Muggleborn, but from what you learn through the gossip, Ted Tonks is one of the good ones, so maybe you'll give him a chance to prove he can be more than mud on the underside of your boots.)

You're a Black and you're not used to being proved wrong. No, actually you've never been proven wrong because Blacks are the best.

And yet, this… Tonks intrigues you. You want to learn more, and see if perhaps Bellatrix wasn't missing some facts when she made her mind about the so-called Mudbloods.

(she's not wrong, of course not, but she made enough strange choices you just can't approve of these last few years that you begin to doubt her judgment)

It's not that you really believe them to be unworthy of magic or that they should be exterminated like some of your most vocal relatives, but you just don't really care about them. To you, they just exist but you never had any reason to pay attention to what they did.

Everything you know comes from other people and suddenly, in that very moment you feel like it's finally time for you to make your own mind.

You think talking to him will be easy. After all, you're a Black and a Slytherin – this puts you at the top of the social hierarchy in Hogwarts. He should be honored that you even deign talk to him, that you decided to spend some time trying to get to know him.

Of course you're wrong.

(it's a first, and instead of being discouraged you feel a kind of childish amusement you can't remember ever feeling. It bubbles in your chest like laughter and it gives you a purpose.)

You sit at the same table as him in the library, but he doesn't even acknowledge your presence.

You stare at him, because you remember Bellatrix telling you that it's a sure way to win men over ('Men are like dogs Andy. If you let them know you're interested, they'll come running.'), but of course he acts like he doesn't even notice.

Sometimes you even think he really doesn't.

In the end it takes you three months before he even talks to you. A less stubborn woman would have renounced a long time ago, but the more you see of him the more interested you are. You like the way he always twists a strand of his hair when he's having a problem understanding something, and the way he somehow always end up with small smudges of ink on his right cheek, just under his eye.

You know you're obsessing, you know the person you see in your head when you imagine the two of you having conversations most probably isn't real and that everything you see in your mind are just fantasies, but you can't help it.

"Are you going to sit there and watch me for the rest of the year too? Because it really is kind of creepy," are the first words he ever says to you.

It's so completely different to everything you ever imagined that for a moment your mind comes up blank, before you burst out laughing.

He looks at you like you're absolutely mad, but you're already concentrating all your energy on trying to breathe through your burning lungs, so you can't exactly form a reply.

You sober up pretty quickly though, because you know that the librarian won't hesitate to throw you out of her library if she thinks you 'disturb the calm' , but you know your cheeks are probably redder than they have ever been, and that your breath is still that little bit out of control.

It wouldn't take you long to crack up again, and from the twinkle in his eyes, it looks like he knows it.

His brown eyes look older than they should be as they seem to weigh you up to some standard you know nothing of, but they're also kind. It's a weird mix, because you're used to old people being completely crazy and always talking of heritages and successions and what would happen if someone 'happened to die'.

(it's then you realize in the back of your mind that there may be something a bit wrong with your family.)

"I'm Ted," he says as he extends a hand toward you.

Your first reflex is to be repulsed – after all, you've been told all your life about how disgusting Muggleborns are, but then you remember that nothing you saw him do made him any different from any Pureblood you know.

He's actually more… genuine.

So you take his hand and shake it. "I'm Andromeda."

"I know."

He smirks and you smile.

Five minutes later you're both working again. You do have a lot of homework after all. But something is different. Somehow you both drifted that little bit closer, and you know that if you ever need help of him to lend you a piece of parchment you won't even have to ask.

(It's nothing important – yet – but it still feels like something. It feels like seeing the sun for the first time after a storm. It's like you're finally out and breathing fresh air after spending all your life cooped up inside a dark house.

And maybe you did too.)

ii. (second act – snake and apple)

The year passes by both too slowly and too quickly.

Too slowly because you fear the moment when you will be seen by the wrong person and when the fact that you spend time with Ted will get back to your family. Every time someone sees you, you feel your heart trying to beat its way out of your chest.

Each time you think of him and of your meetings in the library, you feel like your betrayal to everything your family stands for is written on your face, and that a single glance from the wrong person would reveal everything.

For the first time, you wish the next year would hurry, because it means Bellatrix won't be there anymore, and that you'll be just that little bit safer to do what you want.

And too quickly because even though you know she'd never understand why you're doing what you're doing and even though you can see everything of the big sister you remember slowly slipping away, she's still family, and somewhere she's still someone you love.

When the year will end she'll leave Hogwarts, leave you behind and you know that when she turns eighteen she'll be married. Nothing will ever be the same after this year ends.

(but maybe everything has already changed a long time ago)

It feels weird to you, because you can't figure whether you're happy about that fact or not.

Ted teaches you about Muggles. You discover that far from being savages like your parents told you all your life, they seem to be actually quite clever and not that different from wizards. They just learned to deal with everyday life without magic.

(sometimes you think it makes them braver than you could ever hope to be)

He tells you about electricity, about boxes that can be used to store everything and food that never goes bad, about machines sent to other planets and men walking on the moon.

It seems like the world is that much bigger and better when you're with him as you slowly unlearn everything your family taught you.

Your eyes are finally open to the world, and how it is a wonderful place.

You're human, Ted is human and Muggles are human. You wonder how you never saw it before and as you ask him more and more questions, become more honest with him too, as he comes to trust you and sees that you're not doing this to stab him in the back afterwards, Ted slowly becomes your friend.

(you never had a friend before)

Honestly, most of the time you wonder how that happened, but you can't really find it in yourself to care.

You have a friend, and you think that maybe it's what Bellatrix has been missing all these years. Perhaps hadn't she been all alone with you and Narcissa…

(guilt rages in your stomach, and some nights you can't even sleep as you wonder what might have been had you been enough for her like she was enough for you)

But there's no use wondering about perhaps and might have beens. This is a lesson you've begun to learn for some time now, and the more you spent time away from your family, the more you want to be away from them.

It's like you're only discovering you had been bound by steel chains before, your eyes blinded to the world and only allowed to see a certain image. Now you're freer though and though it's difficult, you're learning how to be your own person.

(perhaps this is what growing up means, becoming your own person)

And of course, somewhere along the way you fall for him. How could you not? Ted is sweet and kind, he listens to you and he taught you how to fly with your own wings.

(it's because of him that every morning, when you look into the mirror, you see yourself and not just Bellatrix's reflection.

You remember how you used to be proud of that, but now all it does is make you sad. It's a reminder of simpler times, and it tastes bittersweet.)

Your feelings are your secret though. Ted is your friend, and you're not about to ruin everything just because you feel more strongly than you should for him.

You're pretty sure he doesn't like you in this way anyway, so you will do anything not to lose his friendship. It's too precious anyway.

After all, it's the only real thing in your life. Ted is the only person there for you because you're you and not because you're a Black, or Bellatrix's sister, or a Pureblood, or rich. He's here because he likes talking to you, but also because he believes you are worth something more.

He's the first to believe that you might be able to do more with your life than following in your family's footsteps and be the Dark witch they expect you to be.

(the Dark witch you never wanted to be)

You know you're on the edge of something, something important and with a great potential (for good or for bad, that you don't know) but you can't see what'll happen once you walk over that edge. It scares you so much sometimes you just want to go back in time and forget everything you learned.

But you can't. Once learned, knowledge can never be truly forgotten, and everything you discovered in this year feels much too important to lock away and forget.

You wouldn't want to anyway, because it would mean leaving Ted behind and you really can't bring yourself to do that.

Soon you'll have a choice to make, but you don't know whether you'll be able to make it. After all, by leaving your family behind and denying everything they hold dear, no matter how wrong you think it may be, also means rejecting the Dark Lord and his ideals, when you already know he's interested in your family.

(Bellatrix told you so. She's so excited – it's part of the reason why you began to distance yourself in the first place. Any group of people who finds pleasure in torturing and killing others is too twisted for you to even think of.)

Can you handle the pressure of being chased, of being threatened by your own family? Can you make a choice knowing that any family you might have one day will probably suffer from its consequences?

You really don't know, and that scares you.

(but what scares you even more is that your heart will always chose him.)

iii. (third act – truth always comes out)

In retrospect, it really is a wonder you both managed to keep your friendship a secret for so long. You escaped Bellatrix's watchful eyes and avoided being caught all summer as you somehow managed to keep a letter conversation with Ted, but in the end it's the one you least expected who destroy your dream of safety.

You thought yourself safe with Bellatrix gone. You should have realized that Narcissa was only too happy to take her place and report everything that happened to your parents.

(she had always been more dangerous in that way – Narcissa wouldn't be the one to curse you or touch you, but she wouldn't lift a finger to help you if she didn't like you, and she would do anything for what she believed right. She was a non-violence kind of girl, but she would have made an excellent spy.

It was something you used to have in common, and to see it used against you hurts.)

You became complacent and overconfident, believing that nothing could touch you anymore.

Only you never noticed that which each step you took to rise to the top, your pedestal became that much more fragile and easy to knock down.

You left the library and allowed yourself to get courted. It was kind of sweet, but the fact that it was forbidden gave it the kind of spice you've always been looking for in your life.

He gave you flowers and chocolate, talked with you of everything you wanted to and though he didn't have much, he got you a wonderful pendant you had told him about for your birthday.

(it's the pendant that ruins everything. You should have known better than to wear it in front of everyone, but you love it so much…)

Of course your sister was bound to notice, but you trusted her with your secret. After all, Narcissa always seemed doubtful of Bellatrix more violent tendencies and you never really heard her complain about Muggles or Muggleborn that much.

You knew that if anyone could understand you, it would be her.

Or so you thought.

Turned out, she didn't, and she told on you.

You should have known it was too good to last. You couldn't keep living with the best of both worlds forever after all, and that choice you always dreaded does seem to have come.

(you're so afraid you can't sleep or eat. The only things keeping you afloat are Ted and your schoolwork, which you can't afford to fail in, now more than ever.

The holidays are coming and you know that then you'll have to 'face the music', as Ted would say.)

Ted says he knows you'll make the right choice, but there are moments you can't see what that is.

('What am I supposed to do,' you beg him to tell you as he holds you by the Lake, on that one spot where you know no one can see you, even if it doesn't matter anymore.

'I can't help you I'm afraid. Merlin knows how I want to, but I can't.'

You almost want to take his words badly and get angry, because if you get rid of him then you won't have any problems anymore, but there's such sorrow in his eyes that you can't. Not to mention that your heart already utterly belongs to him. You fell under his charm, and you don't regret it.

'Why?'

'It wouldn't be fair to you. You need to do this on your own 'Dromeda. You need to do this by yourself, but know that my thoughts are with you, always.'

His kisses are tender and sweet, and somehow they feel like goodbye.)

Your mind tells you that Ted doesn't expect you to choose him. It's a heresy, and you know you shouldn't, because choosing Ted means leaving everything behind and becoming an outcast. Yet… Something stops you from even thinking of letting him go.

(your choice was made a long time ago, wasn't it?)

You prepare yourself and everything you need for what might be your last trip to your family home, but you can't bring yourself to be sad.

You still have something to come back to after all. It could be worse.

iv. (fourth act – getting thrown out)

"You walk through that door and you won't ever be allowed to come back. Andromeda, you leave us now, then you leave us forever. Do you understand that?" Narcissa's voice is concerned, but she's only one of the dozen you can hear.

(Your parents summoned everyone to 'make you see reason' after all.)

"Don't you dare leave this room Andromeda Black," yells your mother in a surprising fit of anger. Absentmindedly you realize that it's the first time you saw her loose her poise. "Leave, and you will have no name. You'll be banished from this family, the one we'll never speak of again. You won't exist anymore to us."

Bellatrix's betrayed tirade didn't hurt as much as you thought it would, and it's then you realize that she's the one who betrayed you, that she's the one who 'let you down'. You're not the one who wanted her to become someone she wasn't after all.

Cousins and uncles and aunts and parents all try to stop you, but as they yell and scream and talk at you you realize that they're not talking to you, that they don't listen to what you might have to say.

It makes you wonder if it was always like this or if it's a new development you caused. Perhaps it's a bit of both, but you rather think it's mostly the first.

You just never noticed it. You were so blinded you never saw how terrible your own family was, and it hurts because they are – no, were since you're going to be throw out soon enough – the only family you have.

Your world is falling apart around you and there are no pieces to which you can cling. There are no pieces to which you actually want to cling, and perhaps that really is the worst of it all.

They're so busy arguing amongst themselves about the reason why you're doing this, why you're turning your back on the ideas they spent so long teaching you, the values they deem so essential to life, arguing about whom they should blame for your change of heart, that they almost don't notice you getting up and reaching for the door.

Almost.

The room is suddenly eerily quiet as you put your hand on the door and they realize you are prepared and that this isn't just a whim you have.

"Then so be it," you answer quietly as you step through the door into an empty and snowy street under the disappointed, bewildered and angry looks of those who once called you family, your heart feeling like it's breaking all over again as no one tries to stop you.

Except the street isn't that empty.

Ted is there and your future doesn't seem so dark anymore.

v. (fifth act – there is always someone to help)

You go back to Hogwarts because you have to finish your schooling. Slytherin House becomes your hell and your prison practically overnight, and you spend every hour you don't have to be there with Ted, who in turns introduces you to his friends.

You go by Andromeda only now, because as your parents shut the door behind you that night, they also took your name with them. You can't be a Black anymore, but that's alright because you don't think you really want to be one anymore.

One day you're very surprised though when a small dark-haired fury jumps on you from nowhere and hugs your waist tightly.

It's not until the boy steps back that you recognize you young cousin Sirius. For a moment you're bewildered as you know that no proper Pureblood would associate himself with someone who lost their name, and even less if it was someone from the same family.

Then you remember that this is Sirius, the one who got Sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin, the one friend with a Potter and openly defying his parents, especially his mother, every chance he gets.

Gone is the young child you used to babysit and in his place stands almost a young man (you can even see inklings of the man he'll become in those proud dark grey eyes of his), one who you know never hesitates to speak his mind, even when this same mind contradicts everything it shouldn't.

But in this moment, as you feel him holding on to you like a drowning man to the piece of wood that keeps him afloat, he feels every inch of the young boy he still is.

"Do you think I'll ever be brave like you?" He whispers from somewhere in your shoulder.

(personally you think he's braver than you, because it took you so long to see what he always has, that there is more to the world than supposed supremacy)

"Of course," you answer, "you're a Gryffindor. You're supposed to be brave. And in time I know you'll do what's right."

You say those words because you know they're the right ones, even though there are a hundred, a thousand of others you'd like to tell him.

Instead you hold on him just that little tighter and you hide him from the world for those few seconds where he can be safe and away from reality's harshness. He's only eleven now, but he already is too aware that he'll end up on his own.

You just want him to know, even if only for that moment, that he won't be.

(you'll always be there for anyone from your family who fight for what is right, and from the look of it, Ted will be there too, right alongside with you)

AN/

This was written for:

-the Eggheads Competition, Round 2 (Character: Sirius Black, Pairing: Ted/Andromeda, Word: Rise, win, Action: someone must look in the mirror, Dialogue: 'I can't help you, I'm afraid,', Object: A pendant)

- the Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry Challenge/Competition (Transfiguration - Write about something that is difficult to do, Words: Dangerous, Action: A character must hug another character, Quote: When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better. – Malcolm S Forbes, Genre: Angst)

- the Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry Challenge/Competition, Advanced Arithmancy Studies (difficult)

-the Popular Songs Competition, Hall of Fame – The Script

-the HP Potions Competition, Black Fire Potion

-The Legendary Creatures Competition, Griffin

-Weasley-Potter-Prewett Category Challenge, Lucy Weasley

-The Legendary Gods and Goddesses Competition, Amaterasu-oumikami

-The Ultimate Side of Disney Movie Challenge, Mulan