Considering where she lived, it was surprising Amy had never smoked before. Marijuana essentially surrounded the girl. She still remembers the first time she mentioned the funny smell at the Ashcrofts to her mother. It had been a few months and more than a few tantrums before she was allowed back. And of course, weed and high school went hand in hand, especially at a place like Hester. The bathrooms always had that pungent smell. She'd even been offered a few joints at some of Shane's party, but she had never obliged. Amy didn't really feel the need to escape from anything or to let her inhibitions go. She liked being constantly aware, and cynical. And as she hated being social as a principle, she never felt the need to forcefully lower her walls with drugs.
Boy had that changed. When Karma called her after their absolutely failed girls' weekend saying that her parents gave her some pot to deal with her sore back, Amy rushed to her best friend's home. Things had been weird between the girls, and that was putting it lightly. If it took some weed to get them comfortable with each other again, then so be it. Amy was ready to embrace stonderdom if it got her relationship with Karma back to normal.
Rolling a joint proved to be a difficult process. They weren't even high yet, but that didn't stop both girls from giggling and getting distracted. After an hour, they finally had something smokable. It was lopsided and poorly made, but it would get the job done. After climbing out onto Karma's roof, the girls lit up.
It tasted like shit and the back of Amy's throat burned like hell. When she went into a prolonged coughing fit, Karma handed her a little applesauce pouch to alleviate the burning. Karma always did look out for Amy. Watching as Karma took a few unsure puffs, Amy waited for the high to hit. This was her chance to just relax with Karma. It would be look old times. Hell, it would be even funnier according to all of those buddy stoner comedies that Amy secretly loved. Once they were both high, everything would be awesome.
"Awesome. Awesome. Awwwwwwesomeeee. Why do we even say awesome? Is anything even awesome anymore. Like seriously, when was the last time something awed the fuck out of you?"
"Last week. Bruce had picked up some of those kick ass apple cider donuts from the place down the street and I popped a few in the microwave before going upstairs to finally watch that documentary on child slavery in Bangledesh."
"Donuts? Sad Netflix documentaries? Those are awesome?!" Karma fell back into her bed, bursting into a fit of laughter.
"Yes Karma. Donuts taste like heaven and they represent emotions you know? You can cram your mouth with donuts, but you will always have a hole, just like a donut. It's your feelings and shit. Just a fucking gaping, empty hole"
That hole was where Amy's heart had been before Karma had inadertedly torn it out on the night of the wedding.
"And the kids?" Karma asked, rolling with Amy's philosophical bullshit.
"The hole is where their childhood should be. But it got stolen by evil and stuff. Like worse than Voldemort evil. Even he didn't do child slavery. And those slavers have a hole because of the guilt of enslaving kids. Guilt can leave the biggest hole, I think."
Guilt. Amy fucked Liam. Guilt. She slept with the one person her best friend had ever really loved. Guilt. It was a secret she would carry her entire life. Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
Guilt.
Donuts.
Amy needed more donuts.
"Can we just go get some more donuts? I can confirm the whole 'munchies' thing right now"
"Trying to fill your hole their Amy?"
"I don't have a hole, ok?! I'm fine. I just really associate with donuts right now. We should all be more like donuts. Donuts are good. They are happy. Everyone loves donuts. You can't disappoint a donut. You never have to worry about whether or not a donut will love you back. You can just eat your fucking donut and go on with your life!"
"… ok. I was just trying to set up a good 'That's What She Said', but your thing works too." Karma laughed.
In her state, she was somehow oblivious to Amy's crisis, and for that, Amy was relieved.
"Wait, what the fuck are these?" Amy asked, grabbing a container of vaguely ring-shaped lumps.
"Organic, gluten-free, non-fried donuts."
"… what the fuck?"
"You know my parents Aimes. You're too fucking high to taste the difference anyways."
She was. Karma was always right. It's funny how things worked out like that. Even when she was so wrong, she managed to be right. It was just another constant of their longtime friendship. Cuddling was another constant, and one that Amy much prefered. After finishing off the whole dozen of donuts, the girls made their way back upstairs, wher e the fell onto Karma's bed.
What started as an innocent cuddling session turned into a full on play wrestling match that stopped only for frequent giggling breaks. This was the normalcy that Amy had desired. She and Karma were finally comfortable again. They could touch each other and roll around and laugh without really thinking of anything.
It was beautiful. Karma was beautiful, Amy realized for the millionth time as she hovered over the girl. But she quickly pushed the train of thought aside. She wasn't going to make this weird. They were done being weird.
"When I was a little girl, I always used to picture our wedding." Karma stated, as she pulled Amy down onto the bed with her.
Ok, so maybe they weren't done being weird.
"At the time, it didn't seem weird for us to be getting married. We both had gorgeous white dresses and long flowing hair and we always ended the ceremony by sharing the cutest, most chaste little peck you could imagine. But at some point, I realized that we were both girls and that girls didn't get married. God, did it make me sad. I wanted to marry you more than I wanted anything else. Then fourth grade came around…"
"And so did Tommy Atkins. " Amy finished for her friend "I helped plan your wedding at least 15 times. Wasn't it going to be on a beach in Australia?"
"Yeah," Karma giggled "and after Tommy, there were plenty of other guys. It should be Liam now, you know."
"It's not?" Amy realized she was playing with Karma's hand and quickly released it.
"No. I mean, I think I love him. He's so handsome and perfect. I really think he'd make a great husband."
Amy laughed under her breath. Karma deserved infinitely better in her eyes. She deserved the world.
"But I just can't see myself married to him. When I picture myself in that white dress, it's always been you that I've been across from. You've always been the one that I've kissed. You've even carried me across the threshold a few times. You're perfect for me, you know that right?"
Yes, Amy did. Her heart was soaring and her pulse was off the charts and she couldn't quite breathe right now. Karma was suggesting something that Amy had forbade herself from thinking about. This couldn't be real. Her feelings couldn't be reciprocated.
" I think I've loved you since I was a little girl. Been in love with you. You captured my heart before anyone else even cared to try. How could I marry anyone but you? How could I even love anyone but you?"
Amy froze, but Karma leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to Amy's lips.
"I'm in love with you Amy Raudenfeld. And I'm also so fucking tired. I'm like this close to crashing…"
And with that, the moment was gone. Amy didn't know what to say. She didn't want to push Karma or to taint the situation, so she simply let it drop. Karma was asleep within 5 minutes anyways.
Amy woke up with a pillow of red, lavender-scented hair surrounding her. Karma was curled against her body, and Amy could feel the steady rise and fall of the girl's chest. Heaven. This was what heaven felt like, and Amy knew it.
"Morning love" Karma rasped, burrowing her head into Amy's neck "Last night really fucked me up. I don't remember a thing. At least my back pain is gone. You didn't have to give me a rub or anything!"
"Oh…" Amy said "Well that's good."
She didn't remember. Of course Karma didn't remember. Tomorrow she'd return to her new plan for winning Liam back. And she'd work even harder at rebuilding her friendship with Amy. But at least Amy knew the truth now.
Karma loved her. Karma really loved her. Or at least a part of her did. And she saw the same future that Amy thought had existed only in her wildest dreams. Maybe, just maybe, everything would work out alright. Until then, she now had something to give her faith.
Amy might've lost a battle the night of the wedding, but she was going to win this war. Karma Ashcroft would be her girl some day. Amy knew it.
AN: I hope you guys enjoyed it. Not really proofread or anything, and I'm not super happy with it, but oh well.