We were buddies. We finished each other sentences, share the same warmth, hold each other's hands, even hugged when it gets too cold. We teased each other like siblings, and care just a little bit too much. We promised to be friends forever. Or so I thought.
Once the shooting for MG ended in London, it was as if all threads connecting Dylan and I, were severed like a disconnected telephone line.
I was waiting on the other side, listening and watching. But all the signal that was giving me now was a simple blank static. I was left alone in the so called friendship we formed. And the thing is, I actually decided to fall for him, the moment he decided to let go. Pathetic right?
Well that's me. The Shen Yue that has actually fallen for a guy for the very first time of her life. Oh I had a lot of crushes, a bunch at that. But no one ever did caught me off guard, the way Dylan Wang did.
He was so true, so real that you end up not hiding anything from him as well. He makes me smile so wide and laugh so hard, he makes want to just be a little bit better than I am now. So as much as I enjoyed his company, I ended up stucked in his very own gravity.
He was this pure storm raging forward in all his glory, and either you get caught up or you're left stranded in a mass of devastation.
I thought at first I was caught up, but I was now part of the destruction that he left on his wake. But still, I hoped. I hoped that maybe he was just too busy to catch up. Too busy to send a simple message like what he did before. But I don't know how long I could wait.
I was lounging on the window sill, watching the raindrops on the window of my apartment. I turned off the tv once the repeat of The Inn 2 was played.
I just saw the part were the cast were having dinner for the first time.
"I'm so tired of seeing her, take her away ge." He told Wuyi.
He's sick of me. And now he's discarding me like a ragged doll, giving me away to a stranger. I felt like an object being passed down to another.
I opened my jewelry box, getting out one of the pair of the couple bracelets that was used in MG filming. I never really knew why I kept it in the first place. Dylan seemed to have forgotten his, the moment the scene was shot.
I brushed my fingers along the charm. Wanting to tap it, wishing it would connect to its nonexistent pair. I don't even know where his bracelet was. Must've been stored somewhere by one of the staffs. I guess this perfectly symbolizes Dylan and I.
I am here still waiting for him to come back, but those wishes are just carried away by air, never sent never connected. I tried to tap the bracelet, but I left it without a charge for a long time that nothing even happened. I'll probably leave it like that. A simple memento, a memory of us.
I sighed. The weather was clearly dampening my mood even further. I held up one of my hands on my chest, trying to create some comfort. This was no nostalgia, this was that aching, emptiness you choose instead of feeling the pain.
"You're a mess Yue." I told myself. It's true, what happens in Arxan must stay in Arxan and that's why I would try my best to move on.
A few months ago, an offer was made by the Hunan TV for me to be a guest for the inn 2 that was going to be filmed in Arxan. I got so happy and excited knowing I'll get to work with him again.
I was wishing, deep in my heart that we'll pick up right where we left off. And boy was I completely wrong.
The day I arrived in Arxan, I called Boss Wang ke and introduced myself.
"Hi boss! My name is Shen Yue and I will be your temporary worker for a few days." I said to him.
"Nice to hear from you, Yue. How many luggages did you bring?" Boss asked me.
"I brought 3." I answered.
"3? You better carry that on your own." Dylan piped up.
The moment I heard his voice teasing me over the phone, my heart hammered as if waking up from a momentary slumber it had taken these past few months.
When I finally saw him, the same feeling of longing once again formed. I missed him. I really missed him.
After being introduced to the whole cast, we immediately bantered, falling into the same routine. He was bragging about the things they did in the Inn.
He kept on pranking and teasing me the whole time. Even Boss Wang ke noticed it, thus, partnering us for the house chores. I thought it would be a fun thing since we're already comfortable with each other.
I kept on tagging along wherever he went, but instead of seeing the smile I was so used to, I saw an ever present frown on his face.
"Hey Dy, you good?" I asked him, concerned.
"Why wouldn't I be?" He bit back at me coldly. Okay. I didn't really know what got him so irritated. We were comoketely fine awhile ago. So i just kept quiet and just asked Kido instead whenever I have questions.
Then I discovered the reason for his cold demeanor. He was actually annoyed about being partnered with me. In front of the camera we would be talking and annoy each other like good friends.
Once the camera stops running, so is the Dylan I knew. I didn't know what I did wrong. Maybe I even made a mistake coming here.
The first few days was so fast and long at the same time.
I tried to busy myself with all the chores, not getting any time to rest. I didn't even want to, because then I'll end up searching for him as hard as I try not to.
Sometimes I would steal a few glances, trying to figure out what Dylan's deal was. But it's a good thing the whole cast was fun, and I was able to forget about the whole situation for a short while.
That night, I couldn't anymore control the desperation I was feeling. I guess the more you try to suppress whatever feelings you have, the more it intensifies.
And there was nothing I could do, because we weren't the way we are before. There was just no going back. I choked up on the tears that was slowly gnawing at me. The walls of my room was also suffocating me.
So I went out, while others were still having some drinks on the dining area.
I quickly walked towards the hammock. The tears ran down the moment I was out. The air, clearing whatever dark cloud has overtaken me awhile ago.
I looked up to the stars, and let the air dry the waterworks on my face. I suddenly wiped the tears when I heard the shuffling of feet towards me.
"Yue? What are you doing here? It's dark and cold." Kido said, squinting at me.
"I just needed some fresh air." I hid my face with my hair but I guess it was too late since I saw his eyes widen.
"Are you crying? What's the matter?" He asked walking closer to me.
"No. My eyes were just tired from looking at the skies for too long." I made an excuse, but even to me, it was such a lousy one.
"You sure? Why don't you come with us? We're still having some drinks. Come on! It'll be fun." He motioned for me to follow him.
"I'm good Kido. I'm really not feeling well. I'll just stay here for a few more minutes. The room was stuffy so I went out a bit."
"Okay. Do you need anything?" He asked, concerned about my health.
I shook my head. "Thanks Kido." He nodded and went back inside.
Breathing in, finally feeling that somehow my chest lightened, I finally went back to my room.
The following days were confusing as hell. Dylan will tease me nonstop in front of the cameras, and I would always fight back. It was fun while it lasted. I decided to just savor the moment, me right here with him.
But when it was just the four of us, him, kido, wuyi ge and me, he would do his best to ignore me. I don't think others notice it since he kept on messing with them. Kido's cool though, we quickly got each other's vibes. I kinda like working with him, he's like a real brother.
There were times the topic of Wuyi ge's ideal girl kept on coming up.
We were eating at the dining table and they asked him again about it. The poor guy must've been sick of all the questions. I will be too.
"So you mentioned her as your ideal type?" Tao jie asked him.
He just nodded and smiled.
"It's not like he's got a choice jie. He only got 3 options. Me, a deer and a cow." I jokingly said.
They all laughed.
Dylan, for all the love of gods decided to piped up at that moment.
"If it was me, I would definitely choose the cow instead." He said.
I just swallowed whatever words he said. The words bitter in my throat. I smiled tightly at him. He must've figured he said too much,so he covered his mouth and tried to laugh it off.
I on the other just kept quiet, appearing to be listening to their conversation, when in fact, I wasn't present in the moment at all.
I'm a thick skinned girl. I could take insults thrown to my face even if it hurts the first time. But every single word said by Dylan, even as a joke actually creates a cut in my heart.
Why? I think it's how it is when it' s your first time to fall in love. You are overly aware of that person that you notice every little thing they do or say.
I am tactless and straightforward. And they told me I was cool to take a hard joke. But when it comes to him, I am a softie like everyone else. Damn him.
The next day, I was so happy because there were kids around. I got to play around with them, even Dylan was really hyped up.
"Hey do you want to ride up on my shoulders?" He asked the youngest kid.
The kid was so excited and immediately agreed. I helped him up on Dylan's shoulders.
It was one of the moments that I actually see the sides of Dylan that I knew before. And it was such a warm moment that I would treasure forever. We played around with the kids, like children left on the playground.
But that night quickly went downhill when once again Dylan tried to teased Wuyi ge about me. He even urged him to sing a song for me.
"Okay, I'll try to play something." Wuyi ge then started strumming.
"Play Qing Fei Di Yi." Dylan demanded. Wuyi ge just nodded.
Feeling bold that night, I decided to play along and actually hummed to the tune Wuyi ge was playing.
I was really enjoying it, wanting to just let it go and not think about anything. But then I saw the glare Dylan was throwing at me. His eyes were looking at me intently, daring me to continue whatever I was doing. I immediately shut up and felt really uncomfortable.
Shouldn't I play along? I thought we were supposed to follow the staff's cues?
I looked around seeing that nobody noticed it, except for me. I thought we were okay. I thought we were cool. But once again, I assumed wrong.
I glanced back at him, only to see the frown reappear on his face. How long will I have to walk on thin glass, just so I can somehow understand whatever his mind was thinking? I can never really enjoy freely around him.
It's either I fake it in front of the cameras when I'm with him. Or quietly accept the sharp words he sent to me. And if I try to get along with Wuyi ge because that's what the others was trying to do, even Dylan was pushing him to me. I earn a sharp glare or a hint of frustration from his face.
What in the world does he want me to do? I don't dare talk to him because it was clear he was aggravated by everything I do. When I have fun with others, he also gets pissed. Am I missing something?
I can't ever understand the signals he was giving off. I guess my radar for him was no longer working.
A/N: Enjoy a bit of an angst for some Diyue content.
jclaire101 signing off... ? ﾟﾌﾻ?