Finnian's hands shook, his whole body was quivering.
A stray dog had wandered onto the Phantomhive grounds, and Finny had spotted it sniffing around. Of course the young master would despise a dog around, so he had to get rid of it. His plan was to swipe some food from the kitchen (Mr. Sebastian's, Bard's would probably make the dog sick).
He had made quick work of retrieving the raw meat not alerting Bard or Mr. Sebastian to the thievery. He was careful not to make any noise, or knock anything over. The mansion was such a delicate place, and Finny was not delicate, he was clumsy and not in control of all his strength contained in his somewhat petite body. One touch could send something flying, he had to learn restraint. It was like the world was made of glass and Finny was a hammer smashing it all to pieces, an intruder in a world he would never belong.
He laid the stolen meat out in the open and waited till the dog finally was tempted enough to approach it. Finny waited patiently, which was a challenge, but he didn't want to startle the dog while it was eating.
The dog looked mangy, it had boxed ears, its brown coat was caked with mud. Finny wandered if could give it a bath, spray it with the water hose.
Funny slowly left his hiding spot behind the rose bushes (they didn't have many buds since Finny had chopped them off in an attempt to prune them). The dog looked up, having finished eating. It didn't bolt and Finny tried to resist the urge of throwing his arms around d the dog. He reached out his hand, but the dog didn't shy away. He was able to pet the dog's ears, it flinched but didn't leave, and it became calmer as time went on.
The dog looked calm, happy. Maybe Finny could find a home for it, some place safe. Finny was overwhelmed with a happy feeling, the dog's tail wagging cheerfully.
He got on his knees and threw his arms around the dog.
SNAP
He was gentle, he didn't squeeze, he had been careful, yet the dog went limp in his arms, its head bent at an awkward angle. Tears were forming in his eyes, somehow he already knew. He pulled away, praying he was wrong, but it was obvious the dog's neck was broken, its eyes lifeless, the warmth of its body fading, and the slow rise and fall of the dog's chest had ceased.
Finny started to sob, tears splattering down his face. He had snapped its neck, snuffed out the life from the happy, resilient creature. What had it ever done to him? How could he just kill the dog? Just like that. He was a monster.
He held on to the dog, burying his head in its mangy, matted fur, whole body quivering. He didn't know what to do; he stayed there for a long time, before he shakily got up. His first instinct was to run to Mr. Sebastian, and beg for help.
He acted on that instinct, and ran towards the mansion, forgetting to be careful he ran inside, looking panicked and frenzied.
"Finny?"
Mey-rin had found him, shaking, still crying, and her face was twisted in confusion and worry.
"M-m-mey-rin" he bawled, reaching his hand toward her, wanting to throw himself around her, bury his head and sob, but he suddenly pulled his hand back, horrified.
Just like the dog, he could hear her neck breaking, her eyes going blank. He couldn't, he needed her to comfort him, but he couldn't. She was so breakable, like the dog; if he clung to tight she would be gone too.
"What's wrong?" she looked worried, panicked, he silently gestured outside.
"Show me." She said, understanding something was wrong. Her eyes made it seem like she expected it to be a bush he had destroyed, but when they got to the body of the dog she gasped.
"I KILLED IT." He sobbed, falling to his knees again. "I'M A MONSTER."
Mey-Rin stooped down and took him in her arms, not exactly sure what else to do. He quivered at her touch, how dangerous it felt, after he had snapped the dog like a stick. She stroked his head, and just held him.
"I'm going to get Bard, ok?" she got up, looking somewhat apprehensive about leaving him alone, then she rushed off.
She came back with Bard in tow, and he whispered a "Damn" under his breath.
"I'll bury it somewhere." He said simply.
As he passed he ruffled Finny's hair in an attempt to comfort him.
Finny watched as Bard took the dog over his shoulder and walked away, he left his heart drop farther and farther. He got up on shaky legs, glanced at Mey-Rin, then ran off.
He found his favorite spot in the garden, in between bushes that smelled so nice. He sat clutching his knees, sobbing.
He couldn't touch anyone or he would break them, he broke the dog, the broke all sorts of gardening tools, the tree, anything and everything in the manor… what if one day he broke Mey-Rin or Bard?
He closed his eyes. He wasn't meant to be in a world so delicate, he just didn't belong, he could never belong.