This really is NSFW. I don't advise reading if you truly can't stand Destiel/Slash fiction. I've said a few times before I thought the Pizza Man scene revolved around a porno Dean and Cas have watched before, so this is me putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak. Un-betaed, sorry for any typos!

Also, my first fanfic written in first person, which was an experience. It feels like when I write one of my OC's, but a little more graphic. I've said before they seem alike to me! But I've been told it does sound like Dean (at least, at first) so hopefully that's a good thing?

Look, I have needs, okay? Like, sometimes, I just need a few minutes away from my brother. Sometimes, he needs time away from me. So there's nothing to feel bad about if I decide to book into a motel on my own. Well, on my own except for a case of beer. I need it after we got caught breaking into the Campbell's.

He doesn't care, anyway. Sam without a soul … he's kind of a dick. Okay, he's a major dick. He's worse than most angels now. At least most of them can pretend they have some kind of human emotion. Sam's just being an asshat. He's not being my Sam. I just need to recharge away from the guy, have some me time, remember him as a decent person and do some things I wanna do.

Like drawing the curtains, and sitting around in just my underpants. Like charging all the porn I want to Gregorio Estevez's credit card, whoever the hell he is. Like beating one out to some girl-on-girl while draining that entire case and hating that this is what my life has become. I mean, I could go to some local dive, pick up a pretty bar girl, bring her back here, do the deed, get my end off. The works. But I really don't wanna put my pants on again.

So here I am, righty around my junk, lefty holding an ice cold bottle, and the sound low on some cheap porno blaring off the flat screen TV. Hate sex with my hand, best kind there is.

The action was just taking off, on the screen and in my hand, when I noticed it. I don't know when he got there, I don't know how long he was watching, but at some point, Cas had appeared on my bed, sitting on the edge at the side, staring at the screen.

'You're watching people fornicate?' Cas squinted at the fleshy-filled shots. Great. I let go of my dick and pulled my hands out my pants before he could turn around.

'It's a thing.'

'It seems unusual. I'm not sure my father would approve.'

Great, Cas' daddy issues. Well, if anything was going to chase the boner away, that would be it.

'It's porn, Cas.'

'Ah. Gabriel was-'

'Yeah, thanks!' I cut him off. That conversation isn't going to happen.

Because he'll find out I've watched enough Casa Erotica. I didn't focus on Gabriel, okay? Just the hot chicks he was trying to bang. Cas turned to look at me, and his eyes kinda … I don't know, it was like he was checking me out. There is all kinds of wrong with this situation.

'Cas, eyes up here,' I pointed to my face, and realised I had some spunk on my hand. Huh, already? The film wasn't that good. I wiped my hand on the bed.

'You normally wear more clothes.'

'I normally expect to have other people around. I'm just glad you didn't pop in when I was full frontal, dude.'

'What are they doing now?' Cas turned back to the screen, nodding towards the naked bodies.

'They're not watching porn with an angel.'

I could tell that confused him.

'No, that's what you're doing. I meant them.'

'Cas, you don't watch porn with anyone, not unless that's your kink.'

'Is that your kink?'

This guy. Sometimes, I can't even … how did he end up my best friend?

'Getting drunk and fucking my hand, right now, that's my kink.'

'Oh. Okay.'

And then he just sat there. Great.

'Cas?'

'Do you need another beer?'

I think I need a new best friend. But he went to the ice box, and got me another beer, passing it and sitting real close to me on the bed. And dammit, my chest felt weird. Hot, strained, fucking irritating.

'Cas? Personal space.'

He smiled at me like it was some kind of private joke. And stayed where the fuck he was.

'So that is sex?' He asked, nodding to the screen. The girl was bent over the bed, the guy behind her, their movements and sex noises totally fake and obvious. 'That's not what you were doing with your hand.'

I swear, Cas has no filter.

'That's it, I'm turning it off. You're making porn weird.'

I started to get up, but he put a hand on my chest, using his angel mojo to pin me in place. Asshole.

'I want to carry on watching. I have many questions.'

I just wanted a night to myself! But no, Cas has to be full-on douche nozzle. I collapsed back into the pillows, resigning myself to the worst. Mainly, awkward sex questions with the man-child claiming he's an angel beside me. I didn't even get to finish. And the asshole never sleeps, so I can't even wait until he's dozed off to go crack one out.

Just as some pizza guy was showing up, or some shit like that, Cas cuddled up against me. Like, girl-mode, arm across my chest, head in that dip in my neck, leg cocked over mine.

'Cas? The hell are you doing?'

'Is this not okay?'

It's so not okay. It's also not okay that I only partly deflated when he showed up and somehow, I'm right back to attention. Cas, of course, has noticed.

'Dean? Isn't a stimulated penis a sign of arousal?'

'Shut up, Cas.'

His leg is right against me. Like, against my junk. And he keeps moving his leg, like he's trying to get comfortable. And did he just kiss me? I turned and glared at him, and he stared back like he was some innocent little puppy who had no idea it was wrong to shit on the rug.

And then he grabbed my dick himself.

Okay, it felt good, and he had the right amount of pressure on me, and something in his hold made my eyes roll back in my head, it was so good, but really? Really, Cas? Why can't he stick to the boundaries? Why is he even going there right now?

'Cas,' it was meant to be a command, like leave my fucking junk alone but no, I sounded all breathy and girly, like I wanted this. Fuck, do I want this? He started moving his hand up and down, and I kinda moved with it, even though this was so fucking weird.

Okay, I want this. Not with Cas, but I want someone to touch me, to sleep with me. Maybe if I shut my eyes real tight, I could pretend it was some skinny, flat-chested, hairy girl-

Oh God, oh GOD! How the fuck is he doing that? How comes I sound like I need an inhaler already? Did he just straddle me like he's going to ride me?

'Cas? We don't talk about this, ever,' I managed to pant out. He didn't answer, just took the hand that wasn't already busy in my pants and scraped his nails slowly down my chest. Fuck. Who told an angel to play dirty like this? And he didn't stop scratching until both hands were in my pants, and he was - oh man, his hands are on my balls - where the hell did he learn this stuff?

'Oh, Dean,' he whispered, and leaned down to suck on my neck, finding this sweet spot just by my ear, under my jaw, his hands still working their magic. Okay, I need to stop thinking "he", it's not a guy working me over, it's not Cas who has me bucking like a fucking cowboy. It's someone else. The hot chick on the beer ads. The girl in this porno. Carmen. Ca-Cas. It's Cas. It's Cas and I'm about to blow my load. I'm about to blow all over his hands and I'm making stupid, embarrassing noises like I can't get enough of him. What the hell?

'Dean? My hands are wet.'

'Mmmmuuuuuurrrrrgggghhhhhhh.'

Yeah, that's all I said. I blew, okay? Over a fucking hand job. And now he's holding up his hands, all covered in my juice, looking at them with that confused-yet-intrigued face he gets while I'm trying to get my breath back.

'That's an interesting reaction,' he commented.

'Shut up, Cas.'

'What do I do about this?' he held his hands forward.

'I don't care Cas, lick it off, whatever.'

He did. He licked his hands, frowning like he hated the taste, but not stopping as he licked and-

Fuck. Even that's turning me on. What the hell is wrong with me? What's wrong with him? He caught my eye again as he ran his tongue up his middle finger, and I could see the smirk he was trying to hide. Bitch knew what he was doing the second he flashed in, didn't he?

'You taste pretty good, Dean.'

'Stop talking,' I grunted, even as my body twitched under his. Geez, already? He noticed too, he looked down at my body and grinned.

'We could do other things they've done in the film, Dean. We could order pizza-'

'Fuck, no!'

'We could do what that man did, bending over the bed.'

I just stared at him, half-hoping he'd take the hint and half- trying to understand if I even knew what the fuck hint I wanted to give him. Do I want him to leave, or do I want to claim his ass?

'We should do that. Unless you can't get up?'

He shifted his weight slightly, and I realised his dick lined up with mine. Way too far. Especially when his is as hard as a rock.

'Okay, Cas, okay … you win,' I groaned. He smirked. Dick.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Cas is a dirty bastard, for an angel of the Lord, and all. He totally made me his bitch. I woke up in the morning with a really painful ache in my ass and an angel snuggled up to me, spooning. Somehow, he kept his hand between my legs, and as soon as he knew I was awake, he started sliding his hand up. Way up.

'Cas, I gotta check out, get back to Sammy.'

'There's still time, Dean.'

'Do you ever take no for an answer?'

Cas just smiled at me. He's such an asshole.

'Look, I gotta take a shower, okay?'

'I'll come with you.'

I shot him a look that I hoped clearly said that I would stab him if he tried, and got out of bed, heading into the bathroom. He stayed in the bed, and I breathed out as I took off my underpants, turned on the shower, and took a quick piss in the toilet while the water heated up. And then I got in, rubbing the water over my face, as someone slid their arms around my waist.

'Dammit, Cas!'

He cuddled me from behind like it was acceptable to share my shower. I turned around, and burst out laughing.

'Really, Cas? Back in your clothes?'

'Have I made a human error?' He sounded like he didn't get it, but I knew he did. He's testing me. Is this how he gets his rocks off?

'You'll find out when you soap up, I guess,' I shrugged. He did that innocent-puppy-whose-pee-you-just-trod-in face, and I rolled my eyes. Dammit, how does that always work? 'Okay, Cas.'

I reached over and pulled off his trench coat before it got totally ruined. He stood there and let me shuck it off, and his suit jacket, and his shirt. I left the tie on. He kept the eye contact the whole time, and it was like I could see him replaying last night in his head, the way he pushed me about and forced himself into me, the way he grabbed my hair, scraping my head, steadying me with his hand on my back while I braced myself against the bed, feeling a little weird because I had some guy's dick in my ass and it wasn't actually the grossest thing ever. It was pretty fucking amazing actually. Not that I'm ever going to admit to that. It went on for ages too, like he never got tired of fucking my ass. He probably didn't. He probably stopped when he figured I was tired.

He shoved me down, so I was on my knees in front of him, and I got it. And I guess I stopped caring about anything else, because I was tearing at his slacks before he could clue me in on what he wanted, pulling them down lightning fast, and choking down my laughter as he tossed them outside the shower with the rest of his clothes. He really is a kinky bastard. He's in a bright pink thong, which barely holds him in.

He pulled my head closer, mushing my face against his dick. It's way too early for this. But he's not going to quit until he's got his end off, is he? I pulled the thong off, hoping it cut into his ass and at least left a mark, even if his angel powers means he can't feel pain. He gasped anyway, and I smirked up at him.

'Sorry.'

'No you're not.'

'Stop talking,' I frowned up at him. 'Or I won't do it.'

'Yes, you will.'

I flipped him off, and he smirked before shoving my face against his dick again.

'It's not how this works, you know!' I choked out, forcing my head backwards. 'Let me,'

And I did to him everything I like chicks to do to me when they have a mouthful of junk. I worked him like a popsicle. It wasn't so bad, a little squishier than I thought it would be, but it tasted better. Not that I plan on doing this ever again. He flattened himself against the wall and my head got pounded by the warm water, and he basically fucked my face, still holding my head in place. And again, it wasn't as gross as I thought it would be, even when he released straight down my throat.

'You have no gag reflex,' Cas muttered. The fuck did he hear about one of those from? I pushed away from him, standing up and grabbing the shampoo, scrubbing it into my hair and ignoring him as I got clean.

'Come on, Cas, we gotta go meet Sam.'

He grabbed the loofah sponge off the wall and poured some shower gel on it from that stupid thing on the wall they use to stop you stealing their supplies. And then the freak washed me while I rinsed my hair, and kissed my back before stepping out of the shower. I turned the water off, and stepped out myself, grabbing the biggest towel and looking at him. Bitch had zapped his clothes back on, bone dry.

'You look good when wet, Dean.'

'Nothing happened, right Cas?'

He reached over, and pulled a thick hair out from between my teeth. Fuck. Gross. Okay, I totally need to scrub my teeth. Preferably with acid. He flicked it away as I grabbed my toothbrush and put half the tube of paste on the bristles.

'You should take the towel off,' Cas smiled. I glared at him in the mirror, and he sighed.

'Got it, nothing happened. I'll wait for you in the Impala.'

Oh, thank Christ. He zapped out, and I scrubbed my mouth, hard, checking for any more stray hairs. The hell was I thinking? Did he like, angel-mojo me for a dick suck? Did I actually swallow?

Did I like it? And what was it I said to Sam the other day? Daily rape shower. Yeah, it totally felt like it now. Sam was wrong about the soap-on-a-rope comment though, even that wasn't gonna help with Cas around.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I found Sam easily enough. Even without his damn soul, I can tell what that boy's going to do. He's just being more of an asshat about it than normal. He was all up on research, and I figured, you know, why not? We need to get to the bottom of the Crowley crap. So we holed up on the table of the motel room Sam had booked and he was all over his laptop while I read some old book of Bobby's, and Cas was just watching TV, waiting for us to be enlightened. Well, I figured he was.

'It's very complex,' Cas said out of nowhere. I admit, I was only half-listening.

'Mmm-hmmm,' I tried to focus on the book.

'If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter,' what the hell? 'Why does he keep slapping her rear?'

I looked up, and yep, he's found the porno from last night. He's such a bitch. And I could tell Sam had made the same connection I had. Well, maybe not the same one, but he knows porn about as well as I do. Shit.

'Perhaps she's done something wrong.'

I am going to kill him.

'You're watching porn?' I asked, giving him the chance to, you know, shut the fuck up. He looked at me, like I was the problem here. 'Why?'

'It was there.'

He turned back to the screen. Is he taking tips? And why does he have to do this with Sam in the room? Soulless or not, Sam's not stupid. So now I have to do damage control.

''You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes,' he looked at me again, and I know he was thinking about last night. 'And you don't talk about it. Just turn it off!'

Shut up, Cas. He's looking at me like that's not what you said last night, Dean. Yeah well, go fuck yourself, Cas. He looked down and … is he hinting?

'Well, now he's got a boner,' Sam looked up as I said that. Shit, great, how do I get around the fact I noticed Cas's pants? Sam hasn't said anything yet … but someone knocked on the door. Oh, thank God, I need this to get even more awkward. I grabbed my gun and got up, peering through the door. Samuel. Great, that's not even more awkward. I let him in, and of course the first thing he noticed was what Cas was watching. Of course he had to comment. At least Cas seemed to get the message that he needed to stop, you know, hinting at what we were doing last night before Sam actually got it.

'We're not supposed to talk about it.'

He's not funny. I went over to the set and switched off the TV before ignoring the little bitch and talking to Samuel. You know, before Cas made me do something about the boner, or before we needed to think of a reason to throw Sam and Samuel out.

Did I just think that?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

We started working the case properly, hunting Crowley, teaming up with Meg. I felt dirty. Especially when Meg seemed to stick close to Cas. Like, what the hell, woman? It wasn't your ass he was in last night. He's my damn angel! Fucking demons, man.

And then there were hellhounds. Fuck. And Meg was a little bitch, trying to smoke out just when we needed an actual demon. At least Crowley did some mojo to stop that happening. At least she agreed to hold the damn things off while we ran to find Crowley. And then she was kissing my Cas. MY Cas. What the hell, bitch?

And then he pushed her up against the wall, kissing her back like … well, like that porno. What the hell? Was he playing with me, or fucking about with her? Did he not realise she'd stolen his angel blade? Was he trying to make me jealous? Because mission accomplished, Cas.

Also, he's a pretty awesome kisser, because it was kinda hot. Woulda been better if it was me, but hey, maybe next time I book a room in a motel with mirrors on the ceiling.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

I don't wanna think about the case. About getting locked up, and having to deal with my douchebag Grandfather stabbing Sam and me in the back. About being dragged into another room to fight off Crowley's little projects until Sam saved my damn bacon. I don't wanna think about how I saved that little bitch who stole a kiss off my Cas. I don't even wanna think about dealing with fucking Crowley, or that little bitch Meg smoking out after Cas burned Crowley's bones. I just wanna keep picturing Cas showing up, bitchslapping Crowley, and refusing to spend another five minutes - or an hour - with Meg, playing innocent like he wouldn't know what to do with her. Or the way he admitted to feeling defeated by all the shit in Heaven he was dealing with. Or just Cas.

So the next time I checked into a hotel on my own, I made sure there were mirrors and cheap satin sheets and a tacky black-and-red theme to the room. I made sure there was plenty of porn on offer and paid for. And this time, I stripped off completely, no beer, and laid on the bed just waiting as the screen blared out one of Carmen's movies.

He didn't show. I felt like a dick, as the second porno started up, and I was still on my own, butt naked, on my bed. I knew what he was waiting for. It's like he wanted to play God.

'Cas? It's me. I need you a second.'

Nothing. What's he waiting for?

'Cas? It's Dean. Come on man, you never keep me hanging like this.'

Still nothing. What's he want from me? Are prayers to specific angels private, at all? Is he hoping his brothers hear what I want? I'll play chicken if that's what he wants.

'Cas, I am butt-naked on a questionable motel bed, hoping you'll suck my dick. You in?'

'I've been here the whole time, Dean. I've been enjoying the view.'

Bitch appeared at the foot of the bed, fully clothed and staring at my crotch. I wriggled my hips a little, and saw him fighting the smile.

'Okay, Dean,' he agreed, and put a knee on the foot of the bed.

'Uh-uh, strip for me. No one gets on this bed with any clothes on. Except maybe your tie.'

I winked, and he smirked, clicking his fingers and his clothes disappearing from his body, forming a small, folded pile on the chair nearby. And then he crawled slowly up the bed to me, hovering just above me.

'What's changed your mind?' He whispered, still barely touching me. The only part of him that could reach was his dick.

' , you know, you're not Meg's.'

'I'm not?' He sounded puzzled, even though I knew he was trying to play me. I pushed him over, rolling on top of him, pressing down and noticing how warm and soft he was. How smooth his skin was.

'Nope,' I kissed his neck. 'You're mine.'

'You're wrong.' He whispered, as I kissed down to his collarbone. 'You're mine.'

'I'm not arguing,' I promised, still working my way down his body. 'Still, this is just between us. No Meg, right? No unsubtle hints while watching porn in front of my brother.'

'I don't understand what you're talking about.'

'Yeah you do, you lying bitch.'

He flipped me on my back so fast it took me a second to realise what he'd done. He was leaning heavily against me, and he started kissing me roughly, shoving his tongue down my throat, grinding his dick against mine, biting on my lips, and God, I was so turned on, grinding up against him too, kissing back as hard as I could, pulling him closer because dammit, it wasn't enough.

'Trust me, Dean,' he whispered as I grabbed like, two seconds of air. 'I'm going to make you my bitch. Again, and again, and again.'

'Stop talking and just fuck my brains out,' I snarked back, tugging him closer. He smiled, and crashed his mouth back on mine, his fingernails scratching along my sides again, my entire body moving under his, trying to get closer. And even when I felt his dick neck to mine, hard and warm but soft and … yeah, that was actually kind of a turn on. I looked up at the mirrored ceiling, at the way he was pressed against me, at the huge grin on my face as he started chewing on my neck. And I kept watching as he made his way down my body, kissing and biting and scratching and wrapping his lips around my dick, sucking on it like a popsicle. And watching it in the mirror was so freaking hot. He started working my balls again, and I couldn't watch any longer, my eyes were rolling back again. And then he shoved a finger in my ass.

'Holy-'

'Shhhhh, Dean. No more talking.' He said around my dick. The vibrations sent shivers down my back. Wow.

'At least grab some lube, man,'

'I said no more talking. Don't make me zap your power of speech away.'

The fucker would actually do that, wouldn't he? I couldn't help myself though, every lick and suck and every millimetre his finger slipped further in my ass, it made me moan and grunt and basically sound like a farmyard animal. And every single one made him worse, made him add a finger, made him lick his way down me, working me over completely. I forced my eyes open, and grabbed his head, pushing him down further on my dick, panting like crazy. I'm so gonna blow in his mouth. The thought made me smile again, just as I felt the release, heard Cas choking as I unloaded. And that sound definitely made me smile. Yeah, he's making me his bitch. Right. He pulled off my junk, and crawled back up so he was pressed against me again, pressing his mouth on mine. I pushed my tongue out, into his, and got rewarded with a mouthful of liquid.

Fuck, maybe I am his bitch. He pulled away with a shit-eating grin.

'Swallow.'

I spat into his face. He laughed, and rubbed his head against my chest, coating me in my own juices.

'Stop watching the mirrors,' he whispered. 'Focus on me.'

And then he pulled my legs up quickly, wrapping them around his waist, lifting my ass up and forcing his way into me before I could focus, again. And God, he felt so good in there. I started trying to watch the mirror again, but he forced my face back so we were looking into each other's eyes. Which is kinda weird, when he has my dick in his ass. He smirked, like he knew what I was thinking, and rammed into me, hard.

'Say my name,' he whispered, kissing my nose for a split second before ramming into me again.

'Cas,'

'My full name.'

'Like your surname too? I don't know what that even is!'

'Dean,'

Oh god, when he says my name like that … I felt my dick move against his stomach.

'Castiel.'

'Say it louder. Scream it.'

And he carried on pounding into my ass, holding me up to get deeper into me.

'I can't,' I panted out. He's not expecting too much here, is he?

'Do it, Dean!'

'CASTIEL-ARGH!'

He's been holding back before. This entire time. Because it now feels like he's trying to rip my ass apart.

'Say you're my bitch,' he demanded, grabbing my face as it started to roll away, doing that squint-thing as he looked into my eyes. Damn.

'I'm your bitch, oh God, I'm your bitch!'

'Castiel, I'm your bitch,' he corrected me. He's a perverted little fucker.

'CASTIEL, I'M YOUR BITCH!'

He crashed his mouth against mine again, still fucking my ass like a jackhammer. It felt like he wasn't ever going to stop again, and I was okay with that. I would happily die in Cas's arms like this. Not that I'll ever admit to that. Even to him.

'Fuck me, Cas,' I panted.

'I believe that's what I'm doing right now.'

I burst out laughing, and he stopped for like, a second.

'No, Cas, carry on, I groaned, rocking against him, reaching my hands down to push him into me further. He grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head.

'Uh-uh, I'm in charge.' He grinned again, and pounded into me faster than before, over and over, his face so close to mine that I had no choice but to stare into his eyes as he pummelled into me. 'Do you love this, Dean?'

'Uh-huh.'

'What?'

'Yeah, I love this, Cas.'

'Do you want it every time you're alone in a hotel room at night?'

'Even when we're in the car.'

'You'd let me fuck you in the Impala?'

'Yeah,' I whispered. 'I would.'

'Good.' He licked my neck, and then groaned into my ear as his body relaxed against mine. I threw a blanket over us, and looked at the television where they were now having one of those freak show, dialogue-heavy scenes Cas pulled out of me slowly, curling up around me and scraping his fingers lazily through my hair as he looked at the screen too.

'So, it's okay to watch porn in a room full of dudes if you're having sex with them?' He asked innocently. He's such a dick.

'When it's just you and me. That's when it's okay to watch porn with another dude.' I said to the screen. He kissed my cheekbone briefly, before watching the TV himself, his hands slipping down my body again as the action picked up again in the movie. And this time, I was more than ready.