I ran out of the house, utterly and completely disgusted with myself. I had worked so long to resist my cravings, and this is what it came to? Almost slaughtering and draining my brother's only love?

I shook my head, and ran, as much to get away from the scent as to get away from them and the way they would try to sympathize with me.

None of them had any idea of how much I struggled, not even Edward. Not even my Alice knew how hard it was for me to resist feeding off of any human that made a sudden movement in my sight.

The scent of the blood! It drove me crazy, and much as Alice tried to assure me she felt the same, she never had almost attacked Bella!

I ran through the trees until I got to the spot that I liked. It wasn't Edward's meadow, not at all. It was a circle of large trees that had a ring in the middle so that you could rest upon the trunks, and I liked to study in the shady light that filtered through their thick green canopies.

I didn't hear her come until she threw herself lightly next to me.

"Jasper," she sighed.

I shook my head and looked away. I didn't want to meet her kind eyes, I didn't deserve her forgiveness.

I had almost ruined everything and she felt sorry for me.

I pressed my lips even tighter and then felt her cool fingers brush across my forehead, smoothing out the wrinkles and furrows of my confusion.

I closed my eyes at her touch as she sighed again.

"Jasper..."

"Stop, Alice." I snarled at her.

I could feel her understanding. She wasn't even hurt by my anger. She was so perfect, and I felt my love pouring from me before I stopped and let my guilt and anger wash over me once more.

"It wasn't your fault, Jasper. It was an accident. No one could have prevented that from happening."

"Couldn't you have seen it?" I lashed out at her once more.

"You know I can't see everything," she said, shaking her head.

"What's Edward going to do now?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. He hasn't decided yet. But, it doesn't….look good, Jazz."

I buried my head in my hands. There was not telling what stubborn Edward would do about this.

I could only hope it wouldn't hurt Bella, for her sake and his.

"I feel…so terrible about what I did." I told her honestly. I had never had a problem sharing my feelings-it was the only way I could sort out mine and the ones around me. And Alice understood me. She always did.

"I know," she replied softly. "I know."

"Jasper, you can't keep beating yourself up about your past."

I shook my head once more.

"I don't deserve you," I told her.

"Yes, you do. We belong together, Jas. It was fate."

"I know. I just…it's so hard, Alice."

"I know it is, Jasper. But I can help you. We'll try everything we can to put this right. And remember? She will be part of our family soon. It's set in stone."

I couldn't possibly bring myself to apologize to her anytime soon, I knew.

But the knowledge that soon I would be safe from her blood's siren call reassured me. One day, I could explain everything to her. And she would be a sister to me.

Alice saw me thinking, and her face became blank as she saw my decision.

"That's good, Jasper. You can tell her then."

She took her hand from my forehead and brought it into mine. I closed my fingers against her delicate ones, remembering as we always did, the first time we had done that, in a dark diner years and years ago.

"I..."I started to tell her that I loved her, but had to close my mouth over the flood of emotion coming from me and her.

"I know. I love you too, Jasper."

I kissed her on her delicate lips, and we sat for a while longer, both thinking about nothing in the future, just the sun on our cold stone skin and the feel of each other.

I would apologize to Bella. Edward would come around.

And Alice and I would soon have a sister, to hunt with and travel with and as I knew Alice was thinking, shop with.

We enjoyed the light as it began to dim and twilight fell once more before standing up, hands still intertwined, and headed slowly back to the house.