My brain's notes:
-want alpha bilbo x omega bard
-bardlings being cute
-company are blown away
-bilbo and bard are adorbs together
-bungo was conscripted by gandalf
-omegaverse happens only in hobbits and men. same-sex marriages common amongst dwarves but pregnancy with two males? WTF - Said Thorin's Company.
-also pre-botfa, before Smuag goes all bananas on Laketown
Disclaimer: I don't own anything 'cept the plot.
"Do it again and you're dead," the man threatened, the bow strung tight.
The dwarves all froze until an amused male voice from behind the man spoke.
"Bard, they're obviously unarmed."
'Bard' sighed and he turned to speak to his partner when Kili threw a rock. A blurred mass had Bard pulled behind it and a loud clang sounded as the rock was deflected.
"That was very stupid of you, very stupid indeed." A low, deep voice declared. The being straightened up, his sword in his hand poised steadily ready to attack and each dwarf gaped openly at him.
It was a hobbit but he seemed altogether different from the fussy one they had in their company.
This Hobbit had a dangerous edge to him; dressed in dark leather with his large feet encased in worn boots. He was broad shouldered and tall, reaching past Dwalin easily and of athletic build. But it was his face that keyed into his hobbit heritage; pointed ears peeked out from his cropped blonde curls and his open face paired with expressive green eyes.
"Stop ogling, you're making my wife angry." The hobbit smirked and it was true if the thundering expression on the man's face behind him was any indication.
Bungo this whole time had been squinting at the man, and then the Hobbit before gasping when he spoke. He pushed through the dwarves, a full blown grin on his face,
"Bilbo, my lad!" He exclaimed, his arms outstretched.
Bilbo gaped and quickly sheathed his sword, "By Yavanna's Grace, you're here!"
The reunion was heartfelt as father & son embraced, speaking in a sensual foreign language to each other. When they finally pulled apart, Bungo smiled warmly up at the man. "Bard, lad. Where's my hug?"
Bard smiled; making his whole face transform and he crossed over to the Hobbit, kneeled down and embraced him warmly."Hello Father." He replied softly.
"This is yer wee lad Bilbo, Master Baggins?" Bofur gaped, his eyes wide.
Bungo nodded proudly,"Yes-"
"How old is he?" Gloin interrupted, peering at Bilbo while the rest of the dwarves began to crowd around closer.
"Old enough to have a family of his own and I would appreciate it if I wasn't gossiped about, thank you." Bilbo frowned, his voice firm.
They were all dressed in warm clothing and stood amidst the barrels, watching the human and hobbit work harmoniously together on steering the floating barge.
"Your boy is married to a human." Dori frowned.
Bungo crossed his arms sternly, "One's Chosen is a gift from Our Lady. Be it any other race, it is still called love. Do you think I would object when my son has found his happiness?"
He paused and they all watched as Bilbo took over steering, passing Bard a warm cloak and a water skin with his gaze fixed on the stool a few feet in front of him. The man seated himself and paused mid-drink to study his husband; the hobbit in question was steering the barge expertly whilst also scanning overhead for anymore mounds of ice. The hobbit briefly glanced around the barge and noticed Bard's staring and cheekily winked at him, making the other roll his eyes as he turned to the front. This little scene made the company smile and nod to Bungo's wisdom.
"How many children do they have, Master Baggins?" Ori queried quietly.
Bungo smiled, "Three wonderful children; two girls and one boy."
"Maybe we should buy some fish and fill the barrels with it." Bilbo suddenly mulled aloud with a smirk.
"Son, you are terrible." Bungo sighed.
Bilbo just shrugged, "Alfrid's just so easy to easy to mess with." His smirk widened, "It's the only entertainment I get around here."
Bard's sudden scowl had the group taken aback."I don't like how he looks at you." The man growled, his jaw tense.
"The only thing that should matter in that situation is if I'm looking back at him," Bilbo said, his eyes serious until they danced mischievously, "But honestly, I'm usually far too busy staring at your bum, Darling. It's far more tempting."
This declaration had the company cheering and Bard's face go crimson.
"Bilbo Aster Orion Oliver Baggins!" Bungo yelled, in a scandalised tone.
"Yes, my dear Father, how may I help you?"
The innocent tone had Bungo wag a finger at his son. "How can you speak of such things in public?!"
Bilbo's face was brazen when he spoke as he met his fathers eyes, "I would announce my love for my Wife to the whole of Middle Earth if I could or if my Wife let me. I'm not ashamed of how I feel."
"You're just like your Mother." Bungo sighed, a smile twitching on his lips.
Bilbo smiled proudly until Bard gave him an exasperated look. "You better not be ogling my arse while father's here."
"I can't promise that, love." Bilbo responded, making the boat occupants howl with laughter and Bard scowl halfheartedly at his hobbit husband.
As they disembarked from the barge (after Bilbo was able to charm the gatekeeper to let them in), Bard and Bilbo led them through several walkways and over a wooden bridge to a well built wooden house. Bofur, and Bifur hummed in approval as they checked over the home, testing the wood.
"Did ye build this laddie?" The behatted dwarf asked, running a hand over the smooth wood of the stair's handrail.
"Aye," Bilbo replied warmly, "Tis a marriage custom on my fathers side that we build a home for our spouse. Plus, I was mostly a carpenter back in the Shire so at least I knew what I was doing."
Bofur and Bifur gaped openly around the house as they entered it, it was open and spacious but held the same cozy atmosphere of Bag End.
"Beautiful." Bofur breathed and grinned when Bifur signed excitedly to Bilbo.
Surprisingly, Bilbo grinned back, "Would you both like a tour of my work room?"
The cousins nodded excitedly and soon the three began a deep conversation in the dwarvish language as they walked away.
"Your son knows how to speak Khuzdul." Thorin deadpanned disapprovingly.
Bungo huffed, "Don't look at me, I didn't teach him. He became an apprentice to this dwarf smithy and that's how he learned."
The dwarves indignation deflated at that and turned to follow Bard into the spacious kitchen. The man bid them to sit at the large table and placed plates of scones and pastries in front of them. It was just as the tea was being poured and served that another chorus of voice yelled out,"We're home!"
"In here! There's someone here to see you!" Bard yelled back.
The sound of running feet was heard and then the door to the kitchen burst open and the newcomer's faces lit up when they saw Bungo.
"Grandpa!" They yelled and bounded forward to the beaming hobbit.
"My, Sigrid, you must have the lads and lasses of Laketown falling over their feet." Bungo addressed to the tall, lithe young lass. She was dressed in breeches but wore the vest and coat of the Shire and although she had the height of Men, her hazel eyes and her plaited blonde hair was curly just like her fathers; her ears pointed, and her visible feet were smaller than Bilbo's but still had a smattering of hair on top.
"Thank you for the clothes, Grandpa! I had so much fun altering them and the like." The lass smiled, embracing her grandfather tightly.
"My girl's apprenticed to a seamstress." The man added, his smile warm as he sipped his tea.
"Bain, lad! You've grown so big and look at this muscle. How's the forge?." Bungo exclaimed, hugging the boy. He was tall and stocky for his age dressed in the fashion of Men with cropped dark hair and resembled Bard more than his eldest sister. His chestnut brown eyes however were friendly as he studied the hobbit and then the dwarven guests.
"It's been busy," The boy grinned.
"Good, good," Bungo smiled and then embraced the youngest child,"Tilda, my girl!"
"Grandpa! It's so good to see you." The young one chirped, she too was dressed in Shire breeches and a colourful vest with it. Her hair was a mixture of both parents colouring but her eyes were a piercing emerald green.
"Oh! Ma, I picked up the order from the market." Tilda beamed at Bard before racing back to the door and then carrying a large basket in and placing it on the counter.
"Ma?!" The dwarves gaped at the man, eyes roving over his form.
"Didn't you all know?" Bungo said, plating some of the scones for the young ones, "Bard here gave birth to my grandchildren."
The children grinned and helped Bard put away the goods from the market.
"So that's why he calls you Wife." Bombur mulled aloud around a mouthful of a scone and froze at the sudden stony stares of the children.
"Da's the only one allowed to call Ma that." Sigrid said, her arms crossed sternly.
"Husband is what you call Ma." Bain added coolly.
"Or ." Tilda huffed before joining them at the table.
Bilbo's voice carried from the sitting room, "Children, have you washed your hands?"
"Not yet, Da." Bain answered.
"We were defending Ma's honour." The trio answered and they all smirked simultaneously at their father as he entered the room. Bilbo mirrored them with a smirk of his own before he joined an unamused Bard in the dinner preparation.
After the large dinner was eaten, and plans were discussed; the Baggins house finally settled down. Soon the only sounds were the light footsteps of Bilbo and Bard as they secured the house, checked on their children and made sure their guests were settled. Once that was done, the duo finally made their way to their bedroom.
"What a day." Bilbo yawned, stretching as he changed his clothes for bed. He paused however in the middle of buttoning up his nightshirt when he looked up to see Bard's unmoving form. "Aren't you getting ready for bed, darling?"
Bard was sitting on the edge of the bed still fully clothed minus his boots. But it was the troubled expression on the man's face that caught Bilbo's attention. He walked up to his Wife and calmly lifted his chin up with a finger to meet his eyes; clearly startling the man out of his thoughts.
"You're worrying again." The hobbit finally said softly, studying the face he loved, "What troubles you?"
"Smaug." Was the whispered reply, "They will wake the dragon and all that was prophesied will come to pass." Brown eyes stared forward in unseeing horror, "All that we know will be covered in fire."
"It is a practical fear you have, my love." Bilbo replied quietly, brushing back a stray lock of his hair. "We shall raise the alarm amongst the common folk to have their emergency boats and supplies ready and stocked. The Watchmen will be warned." Bilbo drew the man into his arms, "Take heart, Bard. The practice alarms have readied the people. Our children are aware of what to do...as do you. You and that dragon's fate are intertwined but I will not forsake you...for only death can part us now, love." Bilbo's emerald green eyes were resolute, "And where you go, I go."
Bard's grip on his husband tightened and the vow was sealed by a kiss; a sweet promise full of love before slowly breaking as the two embraced tightly. The tense moment passed as the man's form relaxed and the pair shared a smile of understanding.
"I love you."
Bilbo's smile only grew as he passed Bard his clothes from the dresser. "And I, you." He replied, pausing to nuzzle his mate's clothing-covered neck where he knew his claiming mark was. "Come, let's get some rest."
Wrapping up loose ends:
-I would think that Bofur and Bifur would be entranced with a well-built house due to their occupations (toymakers). They can appreciate a work of wooden art.
-Pretty much Bungo had written to Bilbo that he would be visiting so Bilbo had made sure to always bring extra clothes, etc on the barge. just in case.
-Bungo was made to come on this trip by Gandalf since said hobbit was keen on staying in the Shire, forever mourning his wife, Belladonna. The only times he travels is to visit Bilbo (who is still called Mad Baggins by other hobbits because who marries a human? Only Mad Baggins...) so he's known in Laketown too.
-Bilbo totally knows how to play games with the Master of Laketown and his minions so he gets away with a lot of shit. This is mostly due to his gentlehobbit upbringing - being able to say one thing and meaning something completely the opposite is part of the Game of Thrones..ah, I mean, hobbits.
-And yes, nicknames are a thing. Bilbo calls Bard his 'wife' because it's cute. Heck, I'd call my partner 'wife' too - it just sounds so adorable. :3
Sorry for any choppiness or grammar mistakes. Hope you enjoyed this rather long oneshot!