"HEYA KID!" An unfamiliar voice echoed through Morty's room. He looked around for its source, and saw no one.
"H-Hello?" The boy said. "This better not be some dumb prank, Rick."
"OH BOY! THAT'S A NAME I HAVEN'T HEARD IN MILLENNIA!" He chuckled a little.
"Who are you!?" Morty asked, sitting up in his bed and closing his laptop. A golden triangle appeared on his wall, and out of it came a demon of the same shape and color. He wore a top hat and bow tie, holding a cane in his left hand. One large eye rested in the center of his triangular frame. The room around them went monochrome.
"I'M AN OLD ACQUAINTANCE OF YOUR GRANDFATHER'S! NAME'S BILL! BILL CIPHER!" He tipped his hat. "AND YOU'RE MORTY!"
"How do you know that?" Morty asked. He scratched his head. "Did Rick tell you or something?"
"DON'T WORRY SO MUCH KID! I KNOW LOTS OF THINGS!" Bill's eye opened wider. "NOT TO MENTION THAT I'VE HAD MY EYE ON YOU BOTH FOR A WHILE NOW!" His eye started flashing with miscellaneous images, several of which were from the boy's frequent adventures with his grandfather, Rick. The images were of places like the Citadel of Ricks, the Cronenberged world, and the house in which they currently resided. Bill also showed him places he had never seen, like a parking lot outside of a mall called 'Twin Pines', a pineapple that had sunken into the sea, and a statue of a figure holding four blocks outside of a large white mansion. But, most predominantly featured was a small rickety town called 'Gravity Falls', according to the sign at its border.
"So, then, what are you?" Morty asked, raising an eyebrow.
"HAHA!" Bill laughed aloud. "YOUR OLD GRAMPS SPENDS ALL OF HIS TIME TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A GOD HE IS! AM I WRONG?"
"N-Not really, I guess? I-I-I mean, he's my grandpa. I don't like talking about him behind his back. It's hard enough to even try. He is my grandpa."
"BUT HE HAS NO ISSUES INSULTING YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK!" Bill shouted. "HE DOESN'T EVEN CARE IF IT IS BEHIND YOUR BACK! HECK! I'D SAY HE PREFERS TO DO IT TO YOUR FACE!"
"So?" The boy said. "Get to the point."
"THE POINT IS THAT WE BOTH KNOW YOUR GRANDPA ONLY WANTS YOU AROUND FOR HIS OWN GAIN! HE THINKS HE'S GOD WHEN ALL HE'LL EVER BE IS SOME OLD MAN WITH A LITTLE BIT MORE BRAINS THAN ANYBODY ELSE!"
"No, you're wrong!" Morty stood up from his bed. "R-Rick wants me around!"
"HASN'T ANYBODY EVER TAUGHT YOU THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WANT AND NEED?" Bill's eye again widened. "IF YOU NEED MORE PROOF THAT HE'S JUST DECEIVING YOU THEN LOOK NO FURTHER! HE TOLD YOU HIMSELF!"
A video started playing on Cipher's eye. It showed Rick and Morty sitting in a diner.
"You know Rick, when I first saw all those Ricks and Mortys, I thought, gee, that kinda devalues our bond." Morty said. "But then I realized that it just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines!"
"Yeah, it's gotta be that way." Rick responded, still fidgeting with a device. "You're a camouflage."
"Camouflage?" Morty asked suspiciously. "W-W-What are you talking about Rick?"
"Ricks have a very distinctive and traceable brain wave due to our genius." He said, "The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves that make ours invisible. See, w-w-when a Rick i-is with a Morty," He started to draw two wavy lines intersecting with one another. "The genius waves get canceled out by the, uh..." He cleared his throat. "...Morty waves."
The video ended. Morty wiped a tear from his eye.
"SEE?" Bill asked. "IT'S JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU. ALL YOU ARE IN HIS EYES IS AN ITEM THAT KEEPS HIS ENEMIES AWAY. YOU'RE A NEED! NOT A WANT!"
"W-W-Why are you telling me all of this?"
"LOOK KID. I JUST WANNA HELP YOU OUT! I CAN GET YOU AWAY FROM ALL THIS TROUBLE AND FOR JUST A TINY PRICE TO PAY!"
"P-Price?" Morty asked.
"JUST A TINY FEE! NOTHING OUT OF THE WAY! ALL YOU'VE GOTTA DO IS GET ME RICK'S PORTAL GUN! SEE? IT'S SIMPLE!"
"Rick's portal gun...?" He could tell that was a bad idea.
"YUP! THAT'S IT! IF YOU CAN DO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT! LIKE FREEDOM FROM RICK'S INSANE MISADVENTURES! OR A NEW AND IMPROVED FAMILY! HECK, I CAN MAKE YOU IMMORTAL! SO WHAT DO YOU SAY KID? DO WE HAVE A DEAL?" Bill held his hand out and it lit with a cobalt blue flame. "IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU STOPPED WORSHIPING FALSE GODS!"
Morty fearfully debated on what to do. He knew the dangers of crossing Rick, but what was even worse was that he didn't know the dangers of crossing Bill.
"I-I-I-I-" Morty stuttered. He was cut off by a voice from the hallway.
"Morty!" Rick called his name.
"UGH. HIM. GOTTA GO! THINK ABOUT THAT DEAL!"
"Morty! Get up!"
Morty woke up in his room. Bill was gone, and Rick was standing next to him. The color had returned to the walls.
"W-What were you dreaming about Morty?" He asked in a panic.
"T-T-T-This guy named Bill Cipher, I think? He was, like, a triangle?
Rick gave him a blank stare. "This isn't good, Morty. We need to look around."
"W-W-What?" Morty asked.
"W-We need to look around Morty! We need to look around!"
Morty stood up from his bed. "For what?" Rick threw Morty's pillows on the floor and started removing his bed sheets.
Rick turned to Morty and grabbed his shoulders. "Pictures of him, Morty! Find pictures of Bill!"
"Who is he!?" Morty asked.
"*urp* I'll tell you after this!" Rick burped. "J-J-Just find the pictures of him Morty!" Rick started ripping the posters off of Morty's walls.
"Rick!" He protested.
As the last poster came off of the wall, underneath a picture of Bill was revealed to have been poorly doodled on the wall in marker. It was just as Rick had stated. "Sta-*urp-stay here, Morty!" Rick ran out of the room. A few minutes later he came back with a chainsaw. He revved it up.
"Rick, no!" Morty yelled in confusion.
He turned it on and started loudly cutting through the wall and around the Bill picture. They heard a high pitched scream from the living room.
"It's ok Summer, grandpa's just saving the universe, probably because your dad's an overly trusting idiot!
"What?" Summer called from the kitchen.
"Dad, be nice to Jerry." Beth called from her bedroom.
"Hey!" Jerry called from the living room.
Ruck turned back on the chainsaw and continued cutting a whole into the wall. He grabbed the wood that had Bill on it and walked into the living room and Morty followed.
"Hey overly trusting idiot," Rick said. "You want to explain this?"
"I..." Jerry said, not making eye-contact. "I... No...?" He gave a weak smile.
"Jerry," Rick started to question him. "what did you do, what did he offer you, how many more drawings are there, and where are they?"
"Ok! Ok!" Jerry gave in. "When Beth and I went to couples counseling on Nuptia Four, I saw an image of Bill on a monitor. Then, those... creatures they made out of our negative interpretations of one another started to attack and destroy everything around us!"
"What?" Morty asked.
"Keep going..." Rick said.
"I was being chased by one of Beth's slug interpretations of me, a-and suddenly, it was like time froze! Everything was grey, the universe was dark! Reality was just an illusion!"
"Yeah yeah yeah, get to the point where he made you start talking like a fortune cookie already." Rick commented sarcastically.
"I-I'm serious! Then Bill confronted me, and it was terrifying! He said that he could fix my marriage, and that all I had to do was draw pictures of him around the house!"
"Oh my god, you ****ing idiot..." Rick put his face in his palm.
"What!? He seemed trustworthy!" Jerry pathetically attempted to rebound.
"Ugh! Why do you have to take your moronic tendencies out on me!?" Rick complained. He groaned. "Bill is a demon who manipulates people into doing his bidding. If they don't uphold their end of his deals, he punishes them in unimaginable ways. He gave Washington nightmares until he ground his teeth into dust while he slept, and only stopped when the president put him on the dollar bill."
"...So, this is bad?" Jerry asked.
Rick turned to Morty. "Oh my nonexistent god your father's an idiot!"
"You have no idea." Morty said.
"This is the only time I might agree with that statement." He turned back to Jerry.
"Right." He said, frowning. "So, what does he want? Several portraits of himself?"
"Dad, this is what I meant about times where you don't have an input!" Summer yelled from the kitchen.
"I do too!"
Beth sighed from the bedroom. "Shut up jerry."
"Seriously? You too?"
"Hah! Those're my girls!" Rick shouted.
"Uh, guys, can we get back to the whole, 'demon,' thing?" Morty asked. "I-I-I'm a little worried about that."
"Oh, Morty." Jerry crossed his arms. "You just want an excuse to belittle me."
"We've got plenty of those, Jerry." Rick said. Summer walked into the room.
"Seriously though, can we talk about this Bill guy?" Morty said.
"Fine." Jerry rolled his eyes. "Rick, tell me what he wants."
"He wants to create a portal to his world, because he wants to release a 'Weirdmageddon' onto our world."
"Weirdmageddon?" Jerry asked. "What kind of a name is 'Weirdmageddon?'"
"Seriously? This is the one thing we agree on?" Rick asked sarcastically.
"Wait, what's going on?" Summer asked, putting away her phone.
Rick ignored her. "Clearly Bill wants to get his hands on my *urp* portal gun and use it to let out his weirdness farts."
"What do the drawings have to do with that?" Jerry asked.
"I don't understand any of this!" Summer said.
"Drawings of Bill indicate peep-holes from his dimension to ours. He can see everything we do in front of him. It's why I don't carry one dollar bills. They let him enter your dreams."
"Sooo, all of this is my fault?" Jerry asked.
"YES! ENTIRELY! THAT'S WHY WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION, YOU MORON!" Rick yelled.
"Oh god Rick, w-what're we gonna do!? We can't just let him destroy the world!" Morty said.
"What's going on?" Summer asked.
"You're right, Morty. And that doesn't happen often." Rick responded. "Have your idiot father take you to the rest of the Bill drawings and cut them out." He tossed the chainsaw to Morty, who immediately dropped it.
"You're seriously entrusting my son with a chainsaw!?" Jerry asked.
"I mean, when the alternative is you, sure." Rick said.
Jerry opened his mouth, and then shut it again. He lifted his hand like he was about to say something, but then put it down. He did these same things a few times, before giving up and leading Morty out.
"What do I do, grandpa?" Summer asked.
"Go into my garage and find my case of unicorn hair." Rick said.
Summer paused. "Unicorn hair?"
"J-J-Just shut up and listen to me!"
"You have unicorn hair in the garage?"
"Yes, Summer! If you really have to know, I fought a unicorn, and ripped out its hair! They're an insanely aggressive species, Summer! I-I-I took the hair because it has properties that deflect element 3.14!"
"3.14? Pi?"
"Y-Yes, the scientific name for the element is 3.14, but it's usually just called 'Weirdness.'"
"Ohh. I see." Summer finally understood a little.
"Good. Now would you shut the **** up and listen to me!?" Rick said.
"Ok, ok! What do you want me to do!"
"Take the unicorn hair and spread it in a circle around the perimeter of the house. I-I-I-It makes a *urp* weirdness barrier! Now go already!"
"Ok, ok, I'm going!"
Beth walked out of her and Jerry's room, covered in sawdust. "Dad, what's going on?"
"Your moron husband tracked a demon into the house."
"Ugh, again?"
"Yup. After he and Morty finish cleaning up his mess, I'm gonna take Morty, and we're gonna go get Sixer."
"Ford? Has Morty ever met him?" Beth asked.
"Nope."
"I think he should. Those two would get along well."
"Guess we'll find out." Rick responded. "In the next chapter! Eyyyyyooooo! How 'bout that cliffhanger! See you next week, suckers!"
Beth laughed. "Shut up, dad."
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