With All My Heart
As we stood in a circle listening to Tom, he suddenly quit talking as he looked up and stared over my left shoulder. I knew without turning around who he was looking at. My chest suddenly felt very tight. Mike Ayala, who was standing next to me turned slightly to look. Turning back around, he very gently placed his arm around my waist.
I sensed that they were approaching. Everyone in the circle must have known how I felt. B'Elanna had fire in her eyes. "How could he? What a jerk?"
Before she could continue any farther, they joined our circle. Chakotay looked around the circle with his eyes stopping on me. I could see the appreciative look in his eyes. I also noticed the way he looked at Mike when he realized Mike had his arm around me. Seven just stared at me with hatred in her eyes. She didn't bother to veil it.
"Chakotay, Seven." I nodded politely. Chakotay nodded back. Seven ignored me and began talking to Harry who looked very uncomfortable. Mike leaned over and whispered in my ear. I smiled up at him with this incredible smile I once used only for Chakotay.
"If you will excuse us, Kathryn and I will be dancing." He took my arm and led me to the dance floor. It was the first time he had ever called me Kathryn. I looked up at him and grinned. "I hope you don't mind, Admiral. I just couldn't resist."
"You are absolutely terrible, Mike. And, I love it. Please continue calling me Kathryn. I am no longer your superior." He grinned a devilish grin. He is a handsome one all right and full of the devil. He is going to make some woman a very happy person. We talked while we danced. He was holding me a little closer than protocol demanded, but not much more. He was a great dancer and an even better conversationalist. I had danced with him many times on Voyager and always had an enjoyable time.
"There is one set of eyes on this side of the dance floor following every move we make. On that side are several sets of Admiral's eyes following us. Oh my! Your mom is talking with Chakotay. Actually your mom is dancing with Chakotay!" My mouth must have dropped open with that bit of information. "If looks could kill, both you and your mother would be dead compliments of Seven. She looks furious. The EMH is now at her side. They are going to a table to talk." Mike kept up a running commentary. When Seven and the doctor were seated, he stopped.
"I see the way you two look at each other, Kathryn. You need to grab on to him and hang on tightly. You're good for each other. Don't let her have him. He is slipping through your fingers, but only if you allow it." He smiled, and I knew that he was talking from his heart.
"I just don't know how to prevent it. I know that I love him more than anything in this world, but I'm not really sure how he feels about me. Once a long time ago, I knew he felt something for me. He hasn't shown that side of him in years."
"I have it on good authority that he loves you. He told me he was only dating Seven because you didn't care about him. Tonight when he was looking at you, that wasn't disinterest in his eyes! He was practically devouring you with his eyes. Woman, stand up! You are one of the most beautiful women around. Any man would be thrilled to have you want them! But, Chakotay is the one you want! Go after him!" He gazed into my eyes. I decided that I needed a plan and soon!
I nodded toward Chakotay and mom. "How would you like to dance with mom?"
"I would enjoy it. She is some fine lady! Now I know where you get your looks!" We danced toward them. Finally getting next to them, Mike said to Chakotay, "Hey Old Man! How about we trade partners? I would love a chance to dance with the loveliest lady at this gala!" Mom grinned widely knowing what Mike was up to.
We changed partners gracefully. As Mike whisked my mom back to the center of the dance floor, I looked into Chakotay's eyes. I tried to show him the love I felt. He held me tightly. I lay my head against his chest. I could feel his heart beat. Finally, I felt that I knew what to say. I just hoped that I didn't blow it. I pulled back a little and looked up into his eyes.
"Chakotay, did you ever want something or someone so badly that it hurt inside?"
"Yes, I have" I heard the intake of breath as he said it.
"Sometime we realize that we could have had it but we find that we waited too late."
"Yes, I know what you mean."
"I just want you to know that I love you. I have loved you for the past seven years. I thought that when we returned we could finally be together. But, now I see that dream slipping through my fingers. Do you love her? Is she the one you want?" I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as I said it.
We stopped in the middle of the dance floor. He looked at me with such passion. "I don't love her. I could never have for her the feelings that I have for you. I don't have a right to say this, but I do love you. She's pregnant, Kathryn. I promised her that I would stay with her through this. I'm sorry."
Tears begin falling from my eyes. I couldn't help it. There was nothing more that could be said. I nodded and hurried away. The doors to the garden was standing open. I went there. I just had to get away from him.
Mike saw me leave and followed me out. By then, I was shaking. He took me in his arms as I sobbed out the story to him. He held me tightly until the sobbing subsided. "I should never have told him. I should have just let it be."
"No, you did the right thing in telling him. Don't ever regret it. Do you want to leave?
"Yes, I can't go back in there." As I looked up into his eyes, I saw not only concern but something more. He looked away. He apparently saw mom coming toward us.
"What happened? What did he say to you?"
"Gretchen, we need to get Kathryn home. She can't stay here! I want to take her back to your place in Indiana."
"You take her. I will get her shawl and make our excuses. We don't want to ruin the rest of the welcome home gala for the crew. I will be home shortly."
It seemed to take forever to get to the transport site. Mike had to hold me up. I just wanted to fall down and never get up. It hurt so badly.
Arriving home Mike led me to the couch. He went into the kitchen and got some coffee for us from mom's new replicator. I was glad he was with me. I wanted to be alone, but yet I didn't. Before we even finished our coffee, mother joined us. We still had dad's transporter padd in the study which made it easier for us.
"I just want to go to bed. We will discuss this tomorrow. Mike, I'm sure mom won't mind if you use the guest room tonight. I really want to talk with both of you in the morning. Mom?"
"Yes, Mike, you are welcome to stay as long as Kathryn needs you. In fact, as charming as you are, I just might need you!" She looked very serious for a few moments. Then that crooked grin gave her away. That was my mother! I saw Mike watching her grin. I think he realized then just how much alike we are.
The next morning, I found both of them downstairs at the kitchen table. I heard them laughing like old friends before I actually got to the kitchen. When I entered, mom got up to finish making breakfast.
"Feeling any better, Kathryn?"
"Actually, a lot better thank you. I am so happy that both of you were there last night. Thank you!" Suddenly I heard the whine of the transporter. "Are we expecting company?" I knew that Phoebe was in her ninth month of pregnancy with her third child out on Uranus. Her doctor didn't want her traveling. We would be going to see her as soon as her baby was born.
Mike got up and went into the study. When he returned he had B'Elanna, Tom and Harry in tow. "The Calvary has arrived!" Mike announced. Great all I needed was to bare my soul to an audience! But, they were all my good friends. B'Elanna began to help mom with the cooking. Tom and Harry took dishes into the dining room to set the table as the kitchen one wasn't big enough for all of us.
Once we sat down at the table, we began talking about last night. We managed to rake most of the stuffy Admirals over the coals. I told them some stories that I had heard about a few of those stuffy Admirals!
Finally, B'Elanna brought up Chakotay and Seven. "Seven looked horrible in that dress. Don't you think?"
"Well, I saw more of Seven last night than I ever care to see again! Wow! Hope Chakotay never takes the bottom position. He will smother!" As soon as he said it, Harry began to blush.
Of course, Tom was sitting there just waiting for the right moment to ask, "What happened between you and Chakotay last night? You were dancing, and then the next minute, you were rushing out the door into the garden. Chakotay left the dance floor, nearly pulled Seven out of her chair, and they left without a single goodbye. Then, your mom comes in and tells us all that you weren't feeling well, and Mike was taking you home. What gives?"
I looked at each of them before answering. I didn't want to tell them everything, but they would know this soon enough anyway. "Seven is pregnant. Chakotay intends to stay with her."
"Bummer!" B'Elanna snorts. "In this day and age, no one expects him to."
"You know Chakotay. It's his child. He wants to take care of it, and Seven really has no one to turn to. Remember how her grandmother didn't really want her coming to her home. She didn't feel comfortable with a Borg around." I tried to convince them and at the same time to convince myself!
"I always thought that the two of you would end up together, Cap...I mean...Admiral." Poor Harry couldn't seem to stop blushing today.
I did admit one thing to them. "I use to think that someday when we returned here, he and I would be together. It just didn't work out."
"What are your plans for the future, Admiral?" Tom asked in all earnest.
"I have been offered a desk job. Like all of you, I have the next six months off. During that time, I am going to decide if I will take Starfleet up on it or not. I have a lot of thinking to do. I might even decide to go back into space."
We continued talking most of the morning. Finally all of them left except Mike. As they left, Tom gave Mike a funny look. I think he thought that there was something between Mike and me. If he only knew, I am sure he would be disappointed.
"I guess I had better go to, but I would like to return in a few days. That is if you want me to?"
"I want you to, Mike! I think mom would like that as well. You are welcome here anytime. Come stay awhile the next time." I kissed him on the cheek just before he left. As he was dematerializing, I thought that I was lucky to have a friends like Mike and the three stooges!
Over the next month, Mike visited often. Sometimes he would just come for dinner, and sometimes he would stay two or three days. I could tell he was lonely. His ex-wife had remarried, and his boys were grown and lived off-world.
A couple of times we met - once in Paris and once in New York. We went to the museums in both places and ate at fabulous restaurants. Mike was always the gentleman.
The fifth week, mom and I went to visit Phoebe and family. The new baby was adorable. The other two were terrors. Mom was exhausted by the time we left. I thought it was really good for mom that they lived that far away. She didn't have to deal with the children often. She loved them, but she didn't have the endurance she once did. On the way back on the shuttle, my thoughts were with Mike. I had missed him and was looking forward to seeing him again.
None of us had decided on a future as yet. We knew that we needed to start some planning. I began to look around for job opportunities that were different from the usual. My opportunity came in the form of Mark Johnson. Actually it was Mark's wife, Carol, who approached me. We met and hit it off right after Voyager returned. I felt no jealousy for her, nor did she for me. She was the perfect wife for Mark. They were very happy together.
Carol worked for the Avendale Group. They were looking for people to help them reclaim desert land in old Mexico. They had plans to make it into a thriving, livable area instead of a wasteland. They thought that the crew of Voyager would fit in perfectly with their plans. They needed people who could be spur of the moment inventive. People who were willing to work in such an area was hard to come by. Their biggest drawback was that it would be a four year commitment.
I stopped by their offices and Carol introduced me to the owners. They discussed plans and showed me blueprints for the entire day. Their plans were very detailed. The most important thing that came out of the meeting for me was a sense that this group cared. They weren't in it for the money as much as for wanting to see their dream fulfilled. I left with an arm full of charts and a promise to call them within a week.
The following day, Mike, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry and I had a meeting in our dining room. We spread all the charts out on the table and looked them over. Soon, all four of them were as excited about the project as Iwas. We made a list of former crewmembers that we thought might be interested and what they would be able to do. Soon we had potential jobs for most of the crew. Now, all we had to do was sell them on the idea.
By the end of the week we had one hundred and twelve people lined up. Several more indicated they were interested if what they were doing didn't work out. Those with families were assured that their families would be able to join us within six months.
I felt happy that I was able to call John Avendale and give him thenews that we would accept his offer. He wanted to have a meeting with the five of us to get the ball rolling. Things seemed to happen fast. Those of us that were still in Starfleet resigned. The call of doing something new and different was hard to resist for all of us.
Two and a half months later one hundred and twelve people found themselves on dry barren land in the middle of Mexico. We began sitting up camp. Shuttles were bringing most of the heavy equipment. B'Elanna and I decided that the main equipment would be dropped where we were located. Other equipment would be dropped to different parts of the area.
Within days we had portable cabins set up for the crew members, four to a cabin. B'Elanna and Tom along with Miral were with Mike and me. We had a huge mess hall, and Chell had come along to do the cooking. He brought his brother, Rend, with him. Rend had a lot of cooking experience. Between the two of them, we were looking forward to some good meals.
The next few days, we mainly worked in the mess hall. We divided the crew into groups. Tom, Harry, Mike, Jenny Delany, John Ashmore and Noah Lessing each headed a group. Those six reported to B'Elanna and me. We made sure each group knew what their jobs were to be. We would also do cross training when we could to keep down the boredom.
We set a work schedule. Breakfast was scheduled between 5:30 and 6:45. The crew was expected to begin the day by 7am. We were no longer using a twenty four hour clock which took some getting use to. We would work until 11am. Lunch would be served between 11:30am and 1pm. Because of the heat we would resume work at 2:30pm and work until 5:30pm. This gave us only a seven hour work day, but we felt it was important for the crew to be out of the heat at certain times. Later, we would be able to work different hours.
The first couple of weeks we had several set backs. Some of the equipment we were sent was faulty. B'Elanna managed to come up with solutions to fix all of it. Ron Chapman had a large metal pipe fall on his leg. He was hurt fairly bad. Tom was able to repair the damage, and within a week, Ron was back on the job. Several other people had minor accidents. Finally, it was decided that we needed a doctor. I called Carol and she said she would discuss it at the next meeting which was in two days.
Two weeks later, we got a message that a doctor would be arriving later that day. We were surprised when the shuttle landed and our old EMH walked off. At the debriefings, he had been made sentient. He didn't have to remain under Starfleet's control. He was happy to be there with us. We had a med station which he immediately set about reorganizing. Later when he wasn't busy he would be helping me with some of the paper work. I always thought that Starfleet went overboard with their paperwork. Their paperwork was nothing compared to what Avendale Corp. expected.
When we had free time, the doctor and I talked. He still did not know the whereabouts of Chakotay and Seven. He did say that Seven should be nearing her due date. He had not been the one to examine her. Therefore, he was making a guess when the actual date would be. I hoped for Chakotay's sake that all would go well. As we were talking, I realized that I hadn't thought of Chakotay in weeks. Most of the time, I was too tired to think of anything.
We worked Monday through Friday and an occasional Saturday morning. There was a town about forty miles away. Often some of the crew would take shuttles over there during their time off. Mike went with them several times. He would always bring back Mexican food for me. He knew that I loved it. I sometimes thought that he went into town so that he could sleep in a real bed as they would stay overnight in a hotel. Here he was sleeping on a cot in the living area.
After a year, you could really tell the difference in the land. It was beginning to look green and irrigated. We were proud of our work. We had many people from Avendale come out to see the progress. They were impressed.
When John Avendale visited, he looked around with wonder. His dream was coming true. One thing he wanted to change was our living conditions. Right on the spot he ordered huge trailers to be sent to us. Many of the crew now had their families with them, and things were a little cramped to say the least.
Within a week we had the trailers. Each couple had their own. Those that was not part of a couple shared with one other person. We also had two portable class rooms, a nursery complete with an outside playground and a new medical trailer. There was also six spare trailers incase the need to use them arose.
Mike and I had grown so use to each other that we didn't hesitate to share a trailer. We had yet to become lovers, but I knew it wouldn't be long. I had begun to realize that we both needed someone. I didn't want to lose Mike the way I lost Chakotay. I didn't want Mike slipping through my fingers.
It happened just a couple of weeks after the new trailers arrived. Our trailer had two bedrooms and two baths, one at each end. When I came in for the day, I heard his shower running. Since it was Friday and we were not working the next day, I assumed he was getting ready to go into town. I headed toward my bedroom stripping as I went. I threw my clothes in the refresher and stood before the mirror.
I don't often look in the mirror. I am never impressed with what I see. My body is still thin even after my time spent here. My face, arms and legs have tanned from the constant sun, but the rest of my body is very white. My breasts are full but certainly not as perky as they use to be. The rosy tips of my nipples stand out against the whiteness.
My face has begun to get a few lines around the eyes. I know that the doctor could take care of them, but I resist. I feel that somehow I have earned every one of those lines, like a badge of honor! My eyes are shinning. I had a sudden thought that they shinned because I was happy.
My hair had light golden streaks running through it. The sun kept it lighter than I had ever had it. Still no signs of gray. My mother still has fairly dark hair. I smiled as I thought that I must carry her hair genes!
Finally I headed to the shower. Tomorrow I will spend a couple of hours in the bathtub, but tonight, I just want a fast shower. Perhaps, Mike will still be here when I am finished. I want to see him off. Maybe I can get him to bring back some of the Mexican chocolate that he brought back last time.
Finishing up, I put on a pair of shorts and a short top. I heard him in the other part of the trailer. I headed out of the bedroom to catch him and run right into his body. He caught me as I start to fall. We began kissing. The next thing I know, he was carrying me to my bed.
We spend the next several hours making love. Yes, I suddenly realized. It was making love and not just having sex. I am in love with Mike, and I whisper those words into his ear. He tells me the same. I love him with all my heart. That night we slept in my bed. I had the best nights sleep that I had in years.
Less than a year later, I gave birth to the most amazing little boy that I had even known. He was beautiful. He had Mike's good looks. Mike and I both thought that he was the most wonderful thing that had ever happened to us. He made our life complete. We named him John Michael Janeway.
There would be no more children for us. I had a hard time giving birth to him. The doctor had warned me when he found that I was pregnant that because of my age, the birth might be difficult. Afterward the doctor had to do a hysterectomy. I was devastated, but at least we had John Michael.
He grew fast. He was walking at eight months and by two he had an unbelievable vocabulary. Even then you could carry on a conversation with him. At three he got tired of trying to find someone to read to him, so he taught himself to read. We cherish every moment we spent with him.
Our last year on the project, we received news from John Avendale. He would be bringing off world guests. He sent in ten more trailers to accommodate them. Those that were coming were Ambassadors and their immediate families from several different planets. They all were highly interested in our project. Each hoped to contract with Avendale to do the same thing on their planet.
The crew was excited about the prospect of more work. We wanted to stay together. We had indeed become a family. We had everything ready for the visit. When the shuttles began arriving we were very excited.
The first shuttle contained John Avendale and many other representatives from the company. We knew them all well from their many visits here. They were as anxious to make a good impression as we were. One by one the shuttles landed bringing the Ambassadors and their families. We stood in line and they shook our hands as they walked to the mess hall. I was standing between John Avendale and B'Elanna. Suddenly B'Elanna grabbed my arm as she murmured to me, "Oh, my god!" I looked to see what she had seen. Walking toward us was Chakotay holding tightly to the hand of a little girl about five. Apparently Seven wasn't with him.
When he saw us, his shock almost equaled ours. John didn't seem to notice. He introduced us. In turn, Chakotay introduced his daughter, Taya. I bent down to tell her welcome, when Chakotay said, "Taya doesn't speak." She had a wonderful smile, Chakotay's smile. After shaking hands with me, he continued on down the line and into the mess hall.
When we were finished in the receiving line, we headed for the mess hall as well. I walked by the table where he was sitting with Taya and several others. I had barely gotten by when John Michael came running up, "Mommy, mommy! Look what I made in school today." He flew into my arms giving me hugs and kisses. He had made a picture of a frog on a rock surrounded by water. I told him how wonderful it was and that we would put it on the bulletin board we had at home for his art work. Mike came up to us.
"Daddy, look what I made for mommy?" Mike admired the work and took John Michael from me. Together we headed to our table. As we were walking, Mike told me he had seen Chakotay and the little girl. He squeezed my hand. I think he knew this was going to be a hard week for me.
While the adults toured the area each day, their children went to our schools. The teachers there had many activities for their little visitors. The next day I went to pick up, John Michael. He ran up to me holding Taya's hand. "Mommy, I have a new friend. Her name is Taya. Her doesn't talk with words. She talks to me in here." He put his hand over his heart. Chakotay had walked up to us. I turned to look at him. I saw a look in his eyes that I had seen years ago. I felt myself blushing slightly.
"Ambassador. I see our children have made friends with each other. How would you and Taya like to join John Michael and me in the mess hall for some ice cream?" The children looked at each other with glee at the proposal.
He looked down at them. I could tell that he would do anything for Taya to make her happy. "Taya and I would like that." It seems that the children broke the ice between us.
Upon entering the mess hall, he took the children and sat them at a table while I got the ice cream. As we ate, Chakotay and I began to talk. He told me that he had left Earth right away and gone to Dorvan. He made no mention of Seven while we talked. I finally realized it was because Taya was there. When the children finished their ice cream, I told John Michael to take Taya over to the playground where they could play. I knew there was someone there supervising. John Michael took Taya's hand and they left the mess hall.
"Tell me, Chakotay. Tell me about Taya."
He told me that he had gone to Dorvan with Seven. She hated Dorvan the moment they set foot on the planet. To top it off, her pregnancy had not been an easy one. Most days she had morning sickness a good part of the day. Taya's birth had not been an easy one. After Taya was born Seven became even more despondent. Then, they found out that Taya was unable to speak. Seven finally left after signing over all her rights to Taya. She didn't want Taya as she considered Taya to be imperfect. She had been gone since Taya was a year old. Chakotay had no idea where she was.
I felt sorry for him but more so for Taya. She was a wonderful little girl. She needed someone to care for her besides Chakotay. She seemed very intelligent.
"Chakotay, why don't you take her over to see our doctor? He is the same one that was on Voyager. Perhaps he can help her. After all he has a lot more knowledge that most doctors." He looked surprised.
"I will then. As soon as Taya and John Michael are finished playing."
He then asked me about John Michael and that led to Mike. As we started to leave, he took my hand for a moment and looked into my eyes.
"I am happy for you, Kathryn. Mike is a good guy. I know he has cared a lot about you for a long time. Longer than you may realize. John Michael is a wonderful little boy. And, he is lucky to have parents like the two of you. May you always be happy."
We walked to the playground and picked up the kids. He and Taya headed to the medical facility. John Michael and I headed home. On the way home, all I could think about was Taya. She was a beautiful child. Her coloring was a little lighter than Chakotays. She had his hair and eyes. She even had his dimples. I could see nothing of Seven in her. Perhaps that was a blessing.
The doctor did a lot of tests on Taya and finally came to the conclusion that he could fix what was wrong with her, but it would take two operations in order to fix the problem. There would be a waiting period of two weeks between operations. He could do the first operation the next morning if Chakotay was willing.
Chakotay decided to stay and have both operations done. He came to me and asked if he could help out while they were staying here. It was decided that he could help Mike's group.
The next day, the doctor performed the first operation. According to him, it was a success. Taya would still not be able to speak until after the second operation was performed. Chakotay was excited with the possibility that she would soon speak.
I tried to keep my distance from Chakotay. Deep down I still had feelings for him. Mike had always known that I had those feelings. Mike didn't say anything to me about it. He knew I was trying to be a good mate to him. I think he also knew Chakotay was the reason why I had never agreed to marry him.
Two weeks later, the doctor performed the second operation on Taya. John Michael had spend a part of every day with Taya and was quite taken with her. He declared them to be "bestest buddies"! I had told him that after the operation, Taya would be leaving with her father. John Michael had put his hand to his heart, "Taya be here!"
The doctor had Taya wait two more days before she could try to speak. She waited patiently. Chakotay, John Michael and I were in the medical facility when the doctor said she could speak. She looked at
Chakotay and said her first word, "Dad-de Daddy". Chakotay took her in his arms and let the tears flow. I had tears in her eyes. Taya pulled away and looked at John Michael. "John Mi.." She finally got it out, "John Michael". John Michael looked at her wide-eyed as he whispered, "My Taya!" He was so excited that Taya could speak.
Two days later the doctor gave Chakotay the okay to take Taya back to Dorvan. Mike, John Michael and I walked to the shuttle with them. The children hugged and kissed their goodbyes. Chakotay thanked me as he kissed me on the cheek. As he shook Mike's hand, he said, "Take care of her, Mike. Never let her go. You have something special." Mike nodded his head in agreement. After Chakotay and Taya left, life got back to normal. At first, John Michael talked about Taya constantly. As time passed he talked of her less and less.
Once our work was done in Mexico, the crew moved to Davlos III which was out near Klingon territory after a well deserved three months off. We were going to set up the same program there. We had made a few mistakes in Mexico which we had to go back and correct as we discovered them. Now we knew how to avoid those mistakes as well as to do some things a little differently. This contract was for a three year program as the land was not as barren nor the weather as bad.
The settling in was easy. The people of Davlos III were very kind. And, the area that they wanted rejuvenated was close by a large city. It was easier for our people to get there for work went much faster this time, and our crew was growing. We all felt like family to each other.
Eleven more months and we would be leaving. Our next site would be on Dorvan. We were all excited about seeing Chakotay and Taya again. I knew there would be no problem with Chakotay. I could handle being around him. I still loved him deep down with a love that I knew would never go away. At the same time I loved Mike as well. I would never leave Mike. He was my mate and the father of our child. He was very special to both of us.
John Michael was attending a sleep over for Joey Carey's birthday. I was getting ready for bed when there was a knock on the door. Before I could answer, Tom opened the door. From the look on his face, I knew something was wrong.
"What is it?"
"We have to go into the city. There's been an accident. Several of our people have been hurt. The doctor is going with us. Come on."
I ran to the hovercraft with him. Inside were the doctor and Harry Kim. I was grateful they were going with us. Mike had gone into the city. I was worried that he might be hurt.
Arriving at the hospital, we jumped out of the hovercraft and raced inside the emergency room. We saw a couple of our crew members in the waiting room. I hurried over to Jenny Delany.
"Jenny, what happened?'
"Several of us went to a bar over on Clete Street. Across the street is a pool hall which several of the others went to. We were sitting around drinking and listen to music when we heard a loud explosion. We ran out to see the pool hall caving in. It was like a bomb had exploded. We helped to get as many out as we could and out as fast as we could. There are still bodies there. The cities' emergency unit is going through the rubble. All of our people are accounted for. There are twelve being treated in there." She nodded her head toward the left.
Our doctor and Tom were able to go inside to help with the patients. The rest of us sat around waiting for news. No one wanted to leave. We sat for what seemed like hours. Tom came out once and announced that Ken Dalby, John Ashmore and Billy Telfer were being released in a matter of minutes. He also said that Ray Moritz and Remi de Hann had not made it through their surgeries. The other seven were still being treated.
We were trying to give comfort to Ray's wife Audrey when I noticed Tom trying to get my attention. I went over to him with a funny feeling in my stomach. I knew what he was going to say. Somehow, I didn't want him to say it. I didn't want it to be true.
"Kathryn, Mike is holding on, but it doesn't look good. I don't ..."
"I need to see him, Tom. I need to, please!"
He nodded his head and went back in. I stood waiting, hoping this was a night mare and I would soon wake to a normal day with all being well. He was only gone for a few minutes, but it seemed like forever.
Quickly he showed me into the room where Mike was lying on a biobed. He looked terrible hooked up to all kinds of tubes and monitors. The EMH was leaning over him doing some adjustments on the machines. He looked up as he heard them enter. He shook his head in a negative motion and motioned for me to come forward.
Stepping forward I took Mike's hand. He half opened his eyes and tried to smile.
"Kat.."
"Rest, Mike. I'll be here with you. I love you."
"Almost time to go." I had to lean very close to catch his words. "Don't let John Michael forget me. Go to Chakotay. He'll take care of you both. I love you." I felt his hand slipping from mine as he slowly closed his eyes.
All the monitors seemed to go off at one indicating he had left us. Tom was by my side. I turned to him with tears sliding down my face. He took me in his arms and let me cry. I felt as though a big part of my life had been ripped from me.
The rest of the time on the planet, I seemed to spend in a haze. John Michael was my first priority and he amazed me as usual. As Tom would say, he was nearly seven going on thirty. One Sunday soon after Mike's death, I took him into the city to a park for a picnic. He was delighted as the park had a lake where we could go out in a boat. He loved boats although he had never been on one. Seeing pictures of them, he imagined what it would be like to be on one. This boat lived up to his imagination very well.
Later after the boat ride and lunch, we lay on a blanket looking up at the clouds. We were trying to make shapes out of them.
"There, Mom, see that cloud!" He pointed to one all by itself. "It looks like an eagle." Looking at it, I was surprised at how right he was. It did look like an eagle with it's wings spread wide. "When we get to Dorvan, Chakotay will take me to see the eagles."
I was amazed that he remembered what Chakotay had told him. "You remember that?"
"I dreamed that he told Taya and me that he would. He will, won't he mom?"
"I think he will if there are eagles there. You'll have to ask him when we get there."
He smiled as he closed his eyes. "I will. Daddy's soaring with the eagles." I wondered where he got that idea. He was sleeping, so I lay quietly next to him thinking about how our lives keep changing all the time. I wondered what kind of life John Michael would have once he was grown. Sometime he seemed so grown up for a seven year old.
The time between then and when we actually arrived on Dorvan was hectic, but it was something we were all looking forward to. We had received much information about Dorvan from Avendale, and were amazed at all the work that had been done there since our return from the Delta Quadrant. Work that Chakotay had been responsible for.
Once we were in orbit around Dorvan, our crew began beaming down the equipment that we had. They were excited as we had a lot of new equipment.
We had been in constant contact with the planet. Chakotay and I talked often. The first night, he and Taya beamed aboard to have dinner with us. Taya was a beautiful young girl of eight now. And, she talked constantly. Chakotay laughed and said she was trying to make up for not talking for so long.
John Michael and Taya seemed to take up where they left off. We noticed that when they were alone together, they didn't talk as much. Later John Michael explained that he and Taya talked with their hearts.
Our group settled in quite well with the help of Chakotay and his friends. Dorvan looked different already from the photos that were taken after the Cardassians left. Still there was much of the planet that was still barren wasteland. Our job was to get the planet in tip top shape. It was a three year project.
Chakotay had many friends who began working beside us. His sister and several women volunteered to cook for us as Chell and his brother wanted to return to their home planet. Their father had died, and their mother needed them as she was an invalid. I figured with all of us working together we would meet our deadline.
Chakotay was saddened to hear about Mike's death as well as the others. It's always hard losing a friend no matter what. He sat with me many nights and told me stories about the Maquis and especially Mike. They had been very close. He told me things that Mike had never mentioned. It helped in laying my grief aside and moving on with my life. I will always have a place in my heart for Mike. He was truly a special person. I miss him a lot, but I know I must go on for John Michael's sake.
The work on Dorvan progressed rapidly. Each month we were able to look at what we had done and know that the job would be a success. Our people seemed happier here than they had elsewhere. I began to get the feeling that when we were finished, there would be many who would want to stay. I could understand their feelings. We had been roaming for many years. Perhaps now was the time to settle down. I contacted John Avendale and talked with him about it. He agreed to send out other workers to learn the job so they could carry on the Avendale tradition once they moved on to another planet.
Chakotay tried to spend as much time as he could with Taya and John Michael. Yes, he did take them to see the eagles that lived near the mountains. John Michael talked of nothing else for days. A few days later, Chakotay presented John Michael with an eagle that he had carved. It was a majestic looking bald eagle with its wings spread wide. It stood on a branch and seemed ready to take flight. John Michael put it on his dresser next to a picture of his dad. Ever night he looked at the picture and the eagle before falling asleep.
As time went by, Chakotay and I began to spend more and more time together sometimes with the children and sometimes alone. It wasn't long until we fell back into our old relationship that we had aboard Voyager. We seemed to know what each other were thinking.
I laughed as I thought that if he was really thinking the same thing I was, soon we would be in bed together. Yes, I had decided that I wanted a relationship with him. I was in love with him. My days were often filled with thinking of him, and my nights were filled with dreams of him.
One night several members of Chakotay's tribe, who had been off world when the Cardassians came, built a huge campfire. We all gathered around as they told stories, many of which I had heard aboard Voyager, and they danced many of their native dances. They served traditional foods which everyone enjoyed. It was a wonderful night. The children had a great time running around and trying to dance. It was a fantastic piece of sharing.
Later, B'Elanna and Sam had a sleep over in a huge tent they erected for the children. Several others volunteered to help them out. B'Elanna quietly whispered in my ear that it was a chance for me to 'let down my hair' with Chakotay. I smiled at the words. My hair had been let down a long time ago. Now all we needed was to consummate the relationship. I thanked her and went looking for the man of my dreams.
Walking up to him, I took his hand. As he looked into my eyes, we both saw the love there for each other. He leaned over and said, "It's time." Not a question, but a simple statement. I nodded, yes it was time.
We walked slowly back to my trailer and went directly into the bedroom. I had him sit on the bed as I stood before him and undressed. I could see his face in the moonlight and saw the appreciative look on his face as his eyes roamed my body. There was no 'first time' jitters at all. He pulled me too him and kissed my stomach. Standing up slowly, his lips made their way slowly and sinuously up my body until they reached my lips. Taking me in his arms, he gave me the most passionate kiss I had even known. Picking me up, he laid me in the center of the bed.
Then slowly he undressed for me. I certainly appreciated his strong muscular frame and his fluid body movements. I gasped at how well endowed he was.
Joining me in bed, he preceded to show me what a magnificent lover he was. Our love making was the best I ever experienced. We seemed to both know exactly how to please the other as though we had done it hundreds of times; perhaps that was due to all the dreams we both had about it.
After what seemed like hours of foreplay, we both suddenly felt a tidal wave of enormous power wash over us as wave after wave of uncontrollable, shuddering contractions hit us.
Later lying sated in each others arms, we knew we had finally arrived at the destination fate had intended for us. From that moment on, we would live our lives as the family we were meant to be. I loved Mike with all my heart. And, he will always be a part of me. I now love Chakotay with all my heart!