After love
Thanks to zargon and ian for betaing - even if they don't like Spuffy :)
TITLE: Afterlove
AUTHOR: Etrangere
PAIRING: B/S
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Set anywhere between Wrecked and As You Were
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the world, don't own the people, they are all Whedon's and ME's and I'm but their sorry slave 'cause they own me too.
A vampire.
When it's over - when the fight and the sex is over and done and we're just lying there exhausted and I can't go yet and I think he's sleeping just not to have to see me leave - sometimes I watch him sleeping and I find him so quiet and still that it chills me.
Not like a corpse would be. No. It's just that's usually he's so restless and nervous, always moving, doing something, saying something, so full of - well not of life, obviously. He couldn't be. But then, after love, he's not even anxious anymore, and he looks calm and almost serene. Satisfed. Sated.
I know he's not happy, I know that this, this thing that we do, it's not what he wants, not really. But it's like, he'll get whatever he can get from me and enjoy it to the bitter end, even if it's not really what he wants. He has it, the trick. The way to enjoy life without getting what you want.
I don't.
When I look at him, as unhappy as I am by this thing yet serene and sated, I can feel how much I'm not. How much I still need and want. How much I'm hungry. And I'm so empty it's like a huge gap in me screaming for feelings and emotions, and there are so many of them in him, you know, his eyes are so filled with love, it seems like I can just drink it and I would feel better. I would feel at all. So I do. And for a while it's enough.
I don't want to, because I always need more, and I know it hurts him, and it hurts me too, but I need the feeling, I need it to fill me so, I come again, and again, and again.
As I said, a vampire.
Thanks to zargon and ian for betaing - even if they don't like Spuffy :)
TITLE: Afterlove
AUTHOR: Etrangere
PAIRING: B/S
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Set anywhere between Wrecked and As You Were
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the world, don't own the people, they are all Whedon's and ME's and I'm but their sorry slave 'cause they own me too.
A vampire.
When it's over - when the fight and the sex is over and done and we're just lying there exhausted and I can't go yet and I think he's sleeping just not to have to see me leave - sometimes I watch him sleeping and I find him so quiet and still that it chills me.
Not like a corpse would be. No. It's just that's usually he's so restless and nervous, always moving, doing something, saying something, so full of - well not of life, obviously. He couldn't be. But then, after love, he's not even anxious anymore, and he looks calm and almost serene. Satisfed. Sated.
I know he's not happy, I know that this, this thing that we do, it's not what he wants, not really. But it's like, he'll get whatever he can get from me and enjoy it to the bitter end, even if it's not really what he wants. He has it, the trick. The way to enjoy life without getting what you want.
I don't.
When I look at him, as unhappy as I am by this thing yet serene and sated, I can feel how much I'm not. How much I still need and want. How much I'm hungry. And I'm so empty it's like a huge gap in me screaming for feelings and emotions, and there are so many of them in him, you know, his eyes are so filled with love, it seems like I can just drink it and I would feel better. I would feel at all. So I do. And for a while it's enough.
I don't want to, because I always need more, and I know it hurts him, and it hurts me too, but I need the feeling, I need it to fill me so, I come again, and again, and again.
As I said, a vampire.