Before The Dawn
Summary: How had everything come to this? How had her actions led to the dawning reality that she would be spending the rest of her life alone? Snow, Charming and the night before the curse. Missing scene from 3x19.
A/N: Even though everything worked out, the curse scene was probably one of the most heart-wrenching things I have ever watched. So much so, that I needed to work out my angst through prose and so here we are. Tissues may be needed. Feedback is very much appreciated. Title comes from the Evanescence song of the same name.
Disclaimer: OUAT and all its characters belong to ABC...all I own is a heart which felt like it was being crushed alongside Charming's.
"That's it then…we have no other option."
Snow sat stone-faced at her husband's words, her gaze steadfastly avoiding the pitying and sorrowful looks directed at her from around the table.
"Regina, how long will it take you to gather everything we need?"
It was a testament to how far their relationship with her former nemesis had come that the Queen's voice was quiet and devoid of any of her usual snark or disdain.
"I already have most of what is required. The rest will not take me more than a day to procure."
A day? Snow's heart sank…she couldn't prepare herself to face this in a day. A lifetime would not be long enough yet alone one single passing of the sun and moon.
"A day…then tomorrow evening it shall be. Grumpy, Ruby, Robin, Belle…organize as many messages as you can to be delivered across the entire kingdom. Zelena may intercept some but we owe it to everyone to warn them what is to come."
Murmurs of assent rumbled across the table followed by the scraping of chairs. A procession of people approached her husband, some parting with hug, others with a firm clasp of his hand. Out of the corner of her eye she could see some of them tentatively move in her direction then change their minds at her rigid posture. Snow was relieved…she could not face them now, could not deal with the certain stream of condolences to come her way.
One by one they slowly filtered out of the hall, Regina the last to leave with only a quiet affirmation left behind.
"This will work."
She stood at the edge of the balcony under the dim light of the moon, the pearl satin of her nightdress gleaming. With her hands cradling her bump, she was reminded of a morning long ago when stood just like this, waiting for her husband to join her. Then she had been full of joy and anticipation, the knowledge that once more a tiny life was growing inside of her bringing an endless smile to her lips.
Now though, she could feel nothing but a growing ache. A gnawing sense of despair which swirled ever stronger with every minute which passed…minutes, which seemed like mere seconds. She wished she could slow down time, could make the next few hours stretch out into eternity but all she could do was witness as time sped by with no concern for the sorrow to come.
How had everything come to this? How had her actions led to the dawning reality that she would be spending the rest of her life alone? Raising a child who would never know a father's love, endless years stretching before her without the man who had captured her heart so fully that it had not truly belonged to her for more years than she could count.
"Snow."
She loved the way he said her name, the way it sounded like a verbal caress. She wanted to etch in her memory, for it to echo in her ears after he…
Warm arms wrapping around her waist stopped her thought in its tracks. His hands came to settle on top of her own, cradling both her and their unborn child in his strong embrace. She couldn't yet find the strength to look up, so instead she studied their intertwined fingers. She loved his hands, loved how they were rough from a life spent working and fighting yet could touch her with such gentleness and care. She remembered the first time they had touched, when he'd offered his assistance to her while crossing a fallen log. She'd been hesitant, unused to such a gesture after so long spent alone but when she had grasped his hand in hers it had taken everything within her not to outwardly show the small shiver his touch had invoked.
That feeling had never truly faded and as such, even now tiny sparks seemed to dance up her arms.
"Snow."
The worry in his voice at her silence finally gave her the courage to lift her head and speak.
"An eternity. That's what you promised me. The day you pledged yourself to me you promised eternity…and so did I. I've clung to that, through everything which has befallen us. Sometimes I lost faith, sometimes I knew that…."
Her voice faltered, unshed tears being held back by sheer force of will.
"But I never thought that I would be the one…that I'd be the reason you'd fail to keep your promise. And even if this works, even if it saves our child…I don't know how I will be able to live with the knowledge that I…that I was the one who killed you."
She lost the battle and tears started to drip down her cheeks. It was only his embrace which prevented her from collapsing into a torrent of sorrow. He was sacrificing everything for their family…the least she could do at this moment was try and match the strength he'd always given her.
Head bowed once more, she felt his arms guide her body around until she was pressed forward against his chest. One warm hand cupped her chin, raising her head until through her tear-blurred vision she could see his own red-rimmed eyes.
"Don't," he started hoarsely, hand trailing up so his thumb could gently wipe across her cheek, "Don't say that. You're not going to kill me. I am doing this of my own free will…I am giving you my heart…"
Here he stopped, grasping one of her hands and placing it against his chest.
"The heart which has always been yours, to save our family. A long time ago, I told King George that losing my life for love was a sacrifice I was happy to make and that has never changed."
Her voice, when she finally was able to swallow her tears enough to speak, came out small and childlike. The voice of the little girl who had lost her mother, then her father, far earlier than any child should.
"I'll be alone."
He brushed a stray tendril of hair back behind her ear.
"You'll never be alone. You'll have our baby, you'll have our daughter, our grandson, our friends…you'll even have Regina."
The last name prompted a small watery smile.
"And you'll still have me. Because as long as you carry me in your heart and your memories, I'll never truly have left you."
There was a conviction in his words she couldn't yet match…the same faith and belief which for so long had been her strength in the darkest hours. She wanted to cling to it, to believe it…and perhaps in the aftermath she would be able to. But now, standing before him as the minutes counted down, her burdened heart wasn't able to overcome the ever encroaching grief.
Instead, she sought to allay it with the only thing more powerful to her than words.
With a single-mindedness borne of desperation, she kissed him with every single drop of emotion she could muster. He responded in kind, drawing her closer, lips searing his love into her skin.
Frantic hands pulled at knots, fingers scrabbled against slippery fabric.
In moments they stood before each other, bodies and souls laid bare before he held out his hand and led her to their bed.
Between sighs and caresses, kisses and thrusts, she memorized him. Memorized every inch of skin, every dip, every line. Every scar earned in battle, every mark of the sacrifices he had made before in the name of love. It was something she had done a thousand times before but now she was desperate, desperate to ensure she would never forget any single thing about him.
His own touches were less fraught with haste, every one lingering as if he was savouring every infinitesimal moment of intimacy. She had never felt so cherished, so precious, so loved…
And when she could no longer hold back, when his name was elicited from her throat in a cry of passion and fulfillment…the knowledge that she would never feel this loved again, never feel this sense of completeness again, had her weeping into his still-heaving chest.