"Safe!" the umpire yelled, and Paige threw her hands in the air, letting out a groan of frustration.
"You throw like a fucking girl," she said, not aiming her words at anyone in particular.
"Oh, fuck you, McCullers!" Emily was not in the mood. She had made one bad throw; it wasn't as if she didn't know how to play the game. "If you had been backing up first base instead of standing there like a spectator," Emily barked, pointing her mitt in the direction of the other team's runner, "maybe he wouldn't be standing on second right now!"
"Well, maybe," Paige shot back, stalking her way out to the infield, "I thought that my second baseman would be able to handle a routine throw to first!"
"I'm not your second baseman! I'm not your anything!"
"Hey," Caleb shouted, reminding them, "You're on the same team!"
Emily and Paige both glared at him, but they backed away from each other. He had a point. They needed to concentrate on the game, not on their spat with each other.
When the final out was recorded, after shaking hands with the other team, Emily sped over to the bench, eager to get on with her life.
"Hey," Paige said accusingly, with her hand on Emily's shoulder. Emily wriggled out of her grip and glared back at her. Paige rolled her eyes at the reaction and continued, "I can give you some help with your throwing."
"I don't need your help," Emily spat back. "I don't need anything from you."
"You do if you want to stay on my team!"
"I don't give a fuck about your team!"
Hanna, who had been watching silently, gasped at that statement. She looked at Emily, her eyes pleading, shaking her head as her lips formed a silent, "No!"
Hanna needed for Emily to be on the team. It was her only excuse for being there herself. Her softball skills were somewhere between dreadful and non-existent. She hated the game, she hated the uniforms, and she hated getting dirty.
About the only thing that she didn't hate was the third baseman, Caleb Rivers. He was the only reason that she was willing to get up early on a Saturday, put on the horrible uniform, and run around getting all dusty and sweaty. She needed Emily on the team so that she would be able to say that she was there to support her friend, not there to stalk Caleb.
"Fine, whatever," Emily said, relenting for Hanna's sake. She turned back to the bench and started packing up again. She still felt Paige hovering behind her, though. "Was there something else?" she sneered
Paige just raised her eyebrows, as if Emily should know.
"Oh, God – you mean now?"
"Well, yeah," Paige said condescendingly.
"God… Fine, whatever." Emily looked to Hanna apologetically. "I'm really sorry, Hanna. Do you think you can get a…"
Before Emily could get the words out, Hanna shot her a coy smile and sidled up to the spot where Caleb and his friends were chatting. He immediately turned his attention to her as she, with her hands behind her back and her head tilted to the side, charmed him into offering her a ride home.
"I just have to lock this equipment up," Paige explained, fishing for the keys to the field house, somewhere in the bottom of the equipment bag. Emily rolled her eyes. She just wanted to get on with it.
Paige turned the key and pushed the door open, and, before she knew it, she was crashing against the old beat-up couch in the corner, with Emily on top of her.
"I throw like a girl, huh?" Emily growled. "You want to see what else I do like a girl?"
Before Paige could answer, Emily's tongue was jammed down her throat, tickling her tonsils. Emily was pawing aggressively at Paige's softball jersey, so Paige raised her arms, thinking that Emily wanted to pull the jersey over her head, but Emily didn't have time for that. Her focus was lower. Her goal was to get the jersey untucked from Paige's pants and to get her hands there in its place. In a matter of seconds, Paige was bucking uncontrollably off the couch.
The equipment room smelled like an old, dirty sock dipped in stale cologne. Emily and Paige were both sweaty and covered with dirt from the infield. Never before had Emily so completely understood the term, "doing the dirty." She didn't care. She needed to be inside Paige, and to feel Paige inside her, again. The dark shadows of the equipment room, the coarse feeling of the worn leather that was leaving friction burns on her exposed skin, the pungent smell of the room and each other – taken together, it felt like an appropriate setting for them to go at each other like animals.
"Hey," Paige whispered. Emily lifted her head from Paige's chest and forced her eyes open, looking around a bit to remember where she was.
They had worn themselves out and fallen asleep again.
Emily knew the drill. Paige would have to lock up soon.
"Do we have time to take a shower?"
Paige nodded, but Emily didn't get up. She put her head back on Paige's chest and wrapped her arms a little tighter around her. Paige chuckled contentedly.
Emily, not bothering to look up, started tracing her index finger around the underside of Paige's breast. "I know why you do it, you know," she said in a soft voice that sounded almost apologetic.
"You do?" Paige wasn't sure what Emily was referring to.
"Yeah. I know why you say things like, 'You throw like a girl,'" she repeated in a mocking tone.
"And why is that?"
"You just want to get me all riled up."
Paige laughed. "Yeah," she confirmed, circling on top of Emily and straddling her waist. Her tone was teasing. "And there's nothing you can do about it except wait until everybody's gone and we finally can be all by ourselves."
"Why do we have to keep it a secret." Emily said it as a complaint, rather than a question. She knew the answer.
It was always like this: some dirty back-room or out of the way venue, where they wouldn't be seen – or, if they were seen, they wouldn't be recognized.
Paige smiled, tipping up Emily's chin so that she could see her eyes. "That's your rule, remember?"
"I know," Emily whined, drawing out the syllable. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I kind of like it."
Emily looked at her skeptically. "You like this?"
"Yeah, Paige said, untangling from Emily to sit beside her on the bed as she let down her hair, preparing for the shower that they would have to get up and take eventually. "It's like our dirty little secret. It's primitive and it's hot and it's…" Paige stopped when she saw the sad look in Emily's eyes. Emily knew her better than to believe what Paige was trying to convince her of. "Em, it's okay," Paige assured her. "You're not ready, and that's okay." Paige put her hand on Emily's cheek, to let her know that she was being sincere. "As long as we can be together."
Emily sat up and turned away from Paige, slightly. "Paige, I…" Emily stopped and shook her head. It didn't seem right for her to say those three little words to Paige when she couldn't even tell anyone that they were seeing each other. She put her head down, ashamed, and rested her chin into her curled-up hands.
Paige pulled one of Emily's fists away and held it as she kissed Emily on the cheek. "I know, Emily. I do, too."
Emily stood up sadly, remorsefully, and took Paige's hand, stopping to look back at her a few times as she led her to the shower. She came to a halt and rested her back against the tiled wall on the outside of the shower room. "I was lying before, you know."
"Lying?"
Emily nodded. "When I said I wasn't your anything." It was as big an admission as she could muster.
Paige smiled and pulled Emily in for a kiss. "You're my everything."