Partying with Bruce Banner

by jakiratsenekazu

"Let's go to a party," he said. "It'll be fun," he said.

Bruce Banner was in a foul mood that day.

Granted, Bruce is always angry, but on normal days he can hold in his anger and go about as his normal, timid self. It was just today that he could not stand.

Perhaps it was the fact that he had been awake for over two days and he had only eaten twice during that time. He would normally be used to this since he would engross himself in his work regularly. However, it was probably the fact that whenever he did close his eyes, all he would see were nightmares. Therefore, he had decided to engross himself in his work.

He was grateful that the others had noticed his foul mood. The day before, Bruce had exited his lab to grab some tea to calm his nerves. He was greeted by Steve and Tony yelling at each other, Thor yelling and throwing dishes about the kitchen, and, worst of all, no tea. His frustrated growl at these circumstances had made the men silence themselves as Bruce left the kitchen.

Luckily for both them and himself, nobody has disturbed him since that incident. He was thankful for this because he would really hate to lose control and lose all of the data he had been working on these past sleepless nights. He had even started to feel the first signs of relaxation and peace since the start of this frustrating week.

…Until the door opened.

"Oh, Bruce! I thought you for dead!" Tony Stark feigned, a hand dramatically touching his forehead as he slid across the lab towards Bruce.

Bruce sighed and turned to face his fellow Avenger. "And why, 'oh Tony', would you think that?"

"It's been a whole day since I saw you, bro," Tony said as he sat on the desk, receiving a frown from Bruce.

"Well, I'm still here," Bruce muttered. "Anything else?"

Tony placed a hand on his chest and his face feigned disappointment, a gasp coming from between his lips. "Brucey!" Bruce scowled at the nickname. "I can't believe that you thought that I wanted more than just to see you."

"You always want more."

"You know me so well. We truly are becoming BFFs. We should make a clubhouse and have a secret handshake, tell Pepper and Natasha that they're not allowed. We could even keep Steve from our little clubhouse, that'll make him jealous. He'll never know what we're doing in there when we sneak off together…"

"What do you want?" Bruce cut him off.

"Jeez, Bruce. Take a pill. When did you last eat or sleep? You've been squandering in your own misery for days."

"Says the owner of Stark Industries."

"Touché," Tony smirked. "However, let's compare each other. I look completely healthy and you look like you got hit by a truck while being flung in a tornado as you…"

"Tony!" Bruce raised his voice. "You're getting off track again. What do you want?"

Tony hopped off of his seat on the desk and stood over Bruce. "Okay, okay." He sighed as he raised his arms defensively. "Look, there's some lame social gathering going on tonight and Pepper can't make it with me since she's out in California for a meeting. Since I am without a plus one and you are in dire need of social interaction, I wanted to ask you to come with me."

Bruce stared at him incredulously.

"So… you wanna…?"

"No."

"What?" Tony exclaimed. "Oh, come on, Brucey! It's going to be so lame without you to poke at!" he whined.

"Stop acting like a spoiled child," Bruce said. "Do you really think I am capable of attending a party filled with large, incredibly loud crowds while I am like this? I'm not having the best of weeks, so this will end badly. I'm not going."

"Oh, Bruce. You have more control than you think! C'mon, it's only going to be an hour or two. It's just an appearance!"

"I'm not in the mood to babysit you while you get drunk off your ass."

Tony flinched. "Um, ouch."

Bruce shook his head and looked back at his data, a glint of guilt in his brown eyes. "S-sorry…. I… Look, this isn't going to work out. There's no way I can do this right now."

"Which is why you need to cut loose! Let off some steam! C'mon, Banner!"

"Tony, I'm not going."

"I just programmed JARVIS to turn off all of the equipment that you were going to use and blast AC/DC into your ears for the next seventy-two hours."

"…I knew I didn't have a choice."

Just a few hours later, Bruce found himself in the back of a limo with Tony Stark, both wearing ridiculously overly-priced suits. The limo was close to pulling up to the entrance of an extravagant building, the flashes of cameras going off like strobe lights. Bruce felt a sinking feeling go right through his stomach.

"Tony, this was an awful idea," he muttered, sinking deeper into the leather seat.

"Nonsense!" Tony shouted, placing an arm over Bruce's shoulder that made him flinch away. "Oh, come on. You'll be just fine. Maybe all you need is to get laid."

"That's not funny."

"I wasn't laughing," Tony said, his smirk taking away from the seriousness of his tone. Tony's door had opened just then, a flurry of cameras and questions immediately invading their personal space.

While Tony smiled his signature fake business-man smile for the cameras and answered as many questions as he could hear, Bruce had started to sneak away from the crowd just to be grabbed by his jacket's arm and dragged into the spotlight with Tony. He heard the mumbles of confused reporters wondering who he was. That made him a bit grateful. Ever since the attack on New York, there were still many who did not know of the Hulk's alter ego. All the same, Tony had introduced him as "Doctor Banner, the second smartest man and best friend the smartest man could have". Bruce snorted, unsure if he should feel flattered or insulted. After five minutes, Tony lost all interest in the reporters and tried to push through the crowd, dragging Bruce as he went along. Bruce didn't even notice. He was too busy trying to breathe.

By the time they finally entered the building, Bruce was hoping that the slight tint of green and sweat on his skin was seen as sickness. Tony did not notice. He was too occupied with shaking hands and trying to head his way towards the bar.

"See, Bruce? This isn't so bad!" Tony finally spoke to him as he ordered their first scotch. Bruce just tugged at his tight collar.

The drinks were finally prepared, so Tony handed Bruce his glass. Bruce just raised an eyebrow. "Tony, I'm not drinking."

"Dude, you really need to lighten up about booze."

"Oh, gee. Sorry that I don't want to turn into a giant, raging monster at your little party because you want me to drink," he spat.

"Brucey, you're causing a scene!"

"I would slap you so hard if it might not throw you into that wall."

"Oh, domestic violence now, too! Oh, Brucey. Where did we go wrong?"

"Tony!"

"Bruce!"

Bruce just stood there, clenching and unclenching his fists. He breathed in slowly, deeply, and closed his eyes. "Tony," he said quietly. "Do not do this today. You won't like the result."

"Actually, I think I would. This place is totally boring."

"Tony."

Tony raised his arms up. "Alright, alright. I won't provoke the Big Guy. Whatever makes you happy."

Bruce sighed. "Thank you."

Tony smiled and placed an arm around his shoulder. "Great! Now, let's go interrupt some conversation."

It had been more than just a quick appearance at the party. Bruce looked begrudgingly at his clock. It had been, in fact, five hours since the two had gotten there. He had been dragged from boring conversation to incredibly rude conversation and, quite frankly, he was tired and quite irritated. Tony, finding his plus one boring since he had to stop messing with him, had drunken himself into his usual stupor and refused to leave. Thus, causing the rude remarks of others to start.

"Mr. Johnson! How wonderful to see you!" Tony greeted a bit too excitedly, dragging his frustrated plus one along with him. "How is the auto industry working for you?"

The 'Mr. Johnson' that Tony referred to rolled his eyes at the group he was talking with and smirked. 'Oh boy, here we go,' Bruce thought bitterly.

"Ah, Mr. Stark! I had heard that you made one of your, shall we say, dramatic appearances here," he said, his group stifling giggles behind him. Bruce already didn't like him. "We have been doing quite well, thank you very much. I heard that you have been stepping into the power industry. Tell me, how has that been working for you?"

"Well, just fantastic, obviously," Tony boasted with a smile. "After all, you have seen my tower. Everyone has. It runs on the same kind of energy that I run on myself. It's definitely going to innovate the future! Perhaps we can discuss some ways of getting your own automobiles to run on said energy?"

"Oh, yes Mr. Stark," the man said, bitterness radiating from him. Oh, God. Here it comes. "Tell me, will it innovate our future the way you innovated our nation's terrorists' weapons?" The group behind him didn't even try to stifle their snorts of laughter. Tony showed hurt in his eyes for a split second and then returned to his fake, business-man demeanor. Bruce felt his fists clench.

"Well, Mr. Johnson. I can confirm that I have created new programs in my own artificial intelligence that can track where my power is being used, who is using it, and what purpose it is being used for."

"Is that so?" Johnson grinned, placing his arms on his hips and sticking his head out towards Tony, his entire presence reeking of intimidation. Bruce could feel the sweat start to drench his tightening collar. "Well, Mr. Stark. You just have all of the answers, don't you? Tracking down the personal property of your own customers. You sound like Big Brother."

Tony laughed, though weakly. "Mr. Johnson, I…"

"Isn't it such a shame that you have become the very same people you sold your weapons too. You are no better than those terrorists. Your father must be rolling in his grave," his entire aura screamed self-righteousness as he placed an unwanted hand on Tony's shoulder and looked directly in his eyes.

Tony flinched. "I…"

Tony was interrupted once more, but this time by Johnson being punched into a wall on the other side of the room.

The entire ballroom paused in that moment. The soft, classical music recording the only noise playing in the entire room. The party-goers stared, gasped, and muttered amongst themselves as Johnson looked up from his position on the ground.

"What the fuc-."

He lost consciousness.

Tony's mouth was agate. He slowly turned his head towards his left to look at Bruce.

"T…Ton..y."

Bruce looked absolutely terrifying. His mouth was turned down in a permanent sneer, his teeth grinding together. His entire form was shaking, sweat dripping down his face. His eyes, though fearful, were glowing green.

"T…Tony…" Bruce gasped, grasping his chest. His skin tinted green.

"Oh," Tony stared at Bruce.

"Oh shit."

Bruce's head jerked up.

"What…what are you d-doing? GET ME OUT OF HERE."

Tony snapped out of his bewilderment. "Yeah. Yeah, okay." He grabbed Bruce's reinforcing arm and dragged him out of there as fast as he could move.

They hadn't gotten too far into the clear when Bruce started groaning, his breath heavy. Tony realized that his hand was falling off of Bruce's arm, said arm starting to widen. Tony dragged him into an empty alley.

Bruce immediately crashed his body into a brick wall and lowered himself to the ground, clutching his arms to his body and shuddering.

"Bruce…" Tony said softly, approaching him slowly with arms out peacefully.

"T-Tony. I'm… I can't s-stop."

"Bruce," he said calmly, softly, sinking down to his level. Bruce let out a cry as his body jerked inhumanly. "Bruce, breathe. You need to breathe."

Bruce attempted a cold laugh. "I'm a bit pass that stage, Ton-gah!" Bruce's body seized once more. The seams of his pants and jacket snapped open and slowly tore as green-tinted skin pushed through.

"Okay, Bruce. It's going to be alright. Nothing bad is going to happen. I promise that you will wake up and everything will be alright. Do you hear me?"

"C-call the Mark VII."

"I won't need it because you'll be fi-"

"CALL THE FUCKING SUIT."

"You got it, big guy. No problem," he said as he activated the bracelets on his wrist.

Bruce's screams were the only noise that could be heard in Tony's head despite the nightlife of New York. He could only sit and watch as Bruce grew more than twice his size, as Bruce's screams turned deeper, and as his body contorted grotesquely.

The Mark VII had arrived by the time the Hulk came out. The Hulk breathed deeply through his nostrils as he looked down at Iron Man. Tony removed his helmet.

"Hey, big guy!" Tony waved at the giant. Hulk snorted.

"Tin-man."

"Well, actually, it's Iron Man. Or Tony. Whichever works for you. I am partial to genius, billionaire, playboy…" Hulk roared. "…Right, getting off track. Sorry."

Tony watched as Hulk growled at him, fear never flickering on his face. Maybe that was why Hulk had saved him before; he respected his guts.

"So, I'm not complaining, but mind telling me why you have come out to play?"

"People…" Hulk grunted, "noises that hurt Hulk's head, puny fat man…"

"Wait, that's what set you off in the end? Johnson?" Hulk growled at the recognition of the name. Tony snorted. "What did he do to set you off?"

"Hurt Tin Man. Nobody hurt Tin Man!" Hulk yelled as he flew a fist into the middle of a dumpster.

Tony didn't even flinch. "It's Tony. My suit isn't even made of tin. You know what, forget it. I've got a nice place for you to smash." Hulk grunted in pleasure. If you come with me calmly, then I'll take you to the smashing place, got it?" Hulk roared in his face again.

"Hey, it's not an order! You can do what you want; you're a big boy." Tony grimaced as he wiped the spit from his face. "I'm just offering you a wonderful place to smash things."

Bruce woke up with a start, snapping his body upward and then scowling at the head-rush. He glanced at his surroundings through one eye, blocking the rising sun with one hand and supporting himself with another. He was in some industrial junk yard on top of a pile of scrap metal and smashed car parts.

And he was naked.

"Good morning, Captain America."

Bruce looked up at Tony, armored with the Mark VII and a smirk, two coffees in a cubby in one hand and a bag of doughnuts in the other.

"More Sleeping Beauty jokes, Stark? You've got to start thinking up new jokes for him," Bruce said through a ghost of a smile.

"And I was being so nice to you, bringing you breakfast and supplying your naked ass with some clothes," he feigned, nodding towards the pair of clothes on Bruce's right. Bruce nodded a thanks and quickly pulled the pants on.

When Bruce started buttoning his shirt, Tony sat down and placed the coffees and bag in-between them. "You know, if this keeps up, you are going to beat Pepper's record of me seeing you naked the most."

"I'm honored," Bruce joked, taking a coffee and sipping it. The two enjoyed the sunrise, coffee, and doughnuts in silence for a while. When the colors of the sky started changing to blue, Bruce finally dared to speak.

"Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't hurt anyone or…"

"What did I tell you earlier? Everything was going to be fine. And guess what? It was. Stark: five hundred, Banner: zero." Bruce let out a laugh of relief.

"Since when have you been right at a ratio of five hundred to zero?"

"Since you came into my life, big guy."

Bruce let silence take over once more as he took a doughnut from the bag and started chewing on it.

"So… about last night…" Tony started. "Our jolly green giant happened to mention a 'puny fat man' as he beat the shit out of some old steel."

"Oh dear God," Bruce muttered, turning his head away to hide the pink tinge.

"I didn't think that a guy like him could break your Zen, Doctor Banner."

"The guy was an asshole, but it wasn't just him. It was the fact that you took me to a crowded area filled with loud, obnoxiously disgusting people while I was not in the happiest of moods. Why the Hell were you even invited to that party anyway if those people were just assholes to you?"

Tony opened his mouth, ready to say something, but closed it. He blinked a few times and looked away, trying to hold a smile from his lips and failing to hold one in his eyes.

"…You didn't."

Tony snorted and tried to hold down laughter.

"You took me to crash a party?"

"I was right though! Your presence really did keep the party from being lame. That's Stark: five hundred one and Banner: a still incredibly measly zero!"

"…I can't believe you." Bruce looked at him condescendingly just to let out a small laugh.

All Tony could do was smile.