Author's note: According to the time span of Dragon Age: Origins (1-2 years from Ostagar to Fort Drakon, approximately) and the course I want this fanfiction to take, Elissa Cousland has not been the Warden depicted in Awakening, so I leave this job to the Grey Warden from Orlais - not that it matters to this story. Witch Hunt wasn't pursued, but more details will be revealed throughout. I am sorry for any errors both in time span/spelling, but if you detect any please say so and I'll correct it! Any kind of review is appreciated, since it's been a long time since I've written on a regular basis.
- Prologue -
So that was it. The Landsmeet was over.
Everything seemed to be going well for Elissa Cousland. She managed to lead a group of misfits through all of Ferelden, saved Connor and Arl Eamon, helped put an end to Uldred and his twisted plans, settled disputes within Orzammar by supporting the new King Bhelen, ended the Werewolf curse, and helped put Alistair on the throne.
So it was only natural she and her companions were celebrating, since there was only one threat left: the Archdemon.
"You know, I still don't get why you decided that that poor excuse of a human being is actually fit to rule Ferelden," Morrigan sneered. "What will happen should he fall?"
"Morrigan, please, do not cut the mood. It is nothing to worry about. And should it happen – which I'm positive it will not – Arl Eamon will then decide what to do, I believe", Elissa replied. "After all, he's Alistair's relative. In a way."
Leliana seemed to awake at that. "Speaking of Alistair, where is he?"
Just as if it was expecting it, a clanging sound from an armor begun to be heard in the room. When everyone's eyes turned to the door, Alistair walked in. Turning himself towards Elissa, he whispered, "We need to talk." Elissa nod her head in concordance and then they both went to the corner of the room, shielded from the ears of their companions.
"I'm not going to question why you made me king," he started. "I even think I'm starting to come around on the idea, anyhow… It could be an interesting future for me. But being king… that raises some questions about us. About you and me."
"Questions, Alistair? What kind of questions?" Elissa smiled nervously.
Alistair sighed. "First there's the fact that both you and I are Grey Wardens. It's not just a question of obligation, but of blood. You know that Grey Wardens don't usually live to become old, right?"
"Yes… I still don't see how that affects anything."
"As king, I'll be required to have a child – even more so because my death is assured. And that's assuming anyone with the taint can or even should have a child."
Elissa looked confused. "Don't Grey Wardens have children?"
Alistair's voice suddenly deepened as his face grew sadder. "Not with each other. Even one parent having tainted blood means having children is not recommended." He sighed once again, knowing the words he was about to let out would cause irreversible damage, both to him and to his beloved. "I will need to find a wife, one who can bear a child… who will live to raise it." Noticing Elissa's jaw dropping with incredulity from what he was actually saying to her, he added rapidly, "I don' relish it, but… I will have a duty as the king."
Elissa couldn't speak. Tears started to form in her beautiful, sea green eyes and she was too shocked to even blink.
"I love you," he continued. "More than I ever thought possible, but… I have to face what this means. I can't run away from it anymore."
Every single word that came out of his mouth was like a dagger straight to her heart. This isn't happening. Maker, please, tell me he is joking.Elissa finally gathered the strength to talk back. "No… I won't accept this, Alistair. Not after all we've been through. I just can't – how could I ever?"
"I'm sorry you feel that way." No, he didn't just say that. "My duty isn't going to stop being important to me, I can't change who I am –"
"So must I?!" Her eyes showed nothing but anger as they pierced right through Alistairs'. He had never seen her like this and he wished he hadn't. But there was nothing he could do.
All eyes in the room were drawn to her, as it was unusual for her to yell at him. Leliana and Wynne exchanged looks and Morrigan actually showed something remotely close to surprise as her eyebrows rose.
Alistair got caught up in the moment. He wanted to hold her, to tell her to forget everything he just said, that he was being a pathetic fool and what he wanted the most was to be with her – but at the same time he knew he couldn't. They had to part ways, not literally, but emotionally. Andraste knows how much I love this woman.His eyes darted down, he could no longer see her hopelessly sad and angered. "I… I need to go back to the camp. Be by myself for a while. Arl Eamon…"
Elissa didn't hear what he said next. She felt like she was in the Fade, not sure if what was happening was real or not. But assuming it was, she froze, divided between letting him go and slapping him in the face.
"The Blight awaits, right?" With that, he turned around and walked away, leaving Elissa without looking back. She couldn't move. She didn't want to believe it – had he really ended all they had? All those promises about being together no matter what, of going together to the Deep Roads when the dreams start haunting them – all gone, just memories, now broken and stepped on. How could he ever be so cruel?
A warm hand on her shoulder woke her up. "Come, child, let us go get some fresh air," said Wynne with a smile while leading her out of that dreadful room.
"The darkspawn is an empty, soulless vessel, but a Grey Warden is not."
Riordan's words kept spinning around in Elissa's mind as she left the room.
"The essence of the Archdemon is destroyed… and so is the Grey Warden."
I need to get some sleep. Otherwise I don't think I'll last another day. Elissa smiled at her own thought. I'm so funny. Alistair's humor must be get- No, I will not think about him. Tomorrow we fight, I kill the Archdemon should Riordan fail, and then everything will be alright.
"Do not be alarmed. It is only I."
Elissa jumped at those words. She was so deep within her own thoughts she hadn't even noticed Morrigan standing by the fire in her own bedroom.
"Morrigan? Is everything all right?"
"I am well. 'Tis you who are in danger."
So she knew.
Morrigan started talking about some ritual – a way out, she said. Elissa listened to her plan without saying a word. And she left her room just like that.
"I see you can't sleep either," Alistair said with a grin.
Ignore him and get to the point, Elissa. By the love of Andraste, resist and do not slap him.
Elissa proceeded to tell him why he must lay with Morrigan, avoiding personal dilemmas and making her case coldly. She just wanted to be able to live, Alistair to be king, and to take care of her Teyrn.
Alistair sighed. "Let's go and get this over with… Before I change my mind."
She just wanted to get out of there. Elissa kept on elbowing Fergus's arm, begging with her eyes.
"Elissa, enough! We have to wait till the end of the coronation. We're the last Couslands and we shall not bring any more disgrace to our family." Fergus turned to look at her. "I also believe you were the one who put that man on the throne, were you not?"
Elissa rolled her eyes. "Yes, I was. Let's just go! No one will notice we're gone!"
"Shhh, the king is doing his speech!"
Fergus brought her back to reality. There he was, the mighty King Alistair in his golden shiny armor. "Of those who stood against the darkspawn siege of Denerim, there is one in particular who deserves… commendation. The one who led the final charge against the Archdemon remains with us still— an inspiration to all she saved that day."
Oh no. Please, no. Do not dare to call me up there.
"Elissa…" Alistair called. She froze in place. She wanted no more attention than what she already got. Fergus elbowed her and pushed her forward. She looked at him with annoyance, and reluctantly walked to stand facing Alistair. Hundreds of eyes were watching her, and all she could think about was the comfort of a nice bed, a hot bath and, by the Maker, being away from the man who broke her heart in a million little pieces.
"Ladies and Gentleman, may I present to you the Hero of Ferelden," Great name Alistair, it's catchy and I can't wait for people to call me that all the time! "The first Grey Warden to defeat the Blight since Garahel four centuries ago!" The crowd cheered, and Elissa couldn't do anything but put on a fake smile and wave. Maker, get me out of here.
"My friend," Ouch. "It is hard to imagine how you could have aided Fereldan more. I think it only appropriate to return the favor. Is there a boon you would request of Ferelden's king? If it is within my power, I would gladly grant it." Well, my king, you could pretend you never said what you said to me in the eve of the battle. I would like you to apologize to me and beg me to be yours again. Or should I ask you for that slap I've been delaying for so long? But another thought came to Elissa's mind.
She almost whispered, "I ask that the Howes pay for the slaughter of my family and the unlawful seizure of our lands."
Alistair looked surprised, as if he was actually asking for something else to come out of Elissa's lips. "Very well. The Howes are hereby stripped of the Arling of Amaranthine and their status as nobles of Ferelden. Let it also be known that the Arling of Amaranthine will be granted to the Grey Wardens. There they can rebuild, following the example of those that came before them."
The crowd cheered once again. Alistair got closer to Elissa and whispered to her, in a way only she could hear him, "What are your plans?"
Elissa bit her tongue so she couldn't say all the things she truly wanted to say. "I will help my brother retake Highever."
"… And then?" Alistair almost looked… hopeful. Or was it Elissa projecting her own wishes on others?
"I am not sure." Staying in Denerim certainly wasn't part of her plans. But she was pretty sure of what she would make of her future.
She would never forget Morrigan opening the door to her bedroom after the ritual, telling her that love would always be a weakness, and that Elissa's friendship made her whole ritual a lot harder. Morrigan opened herself that night, and Elissa was so fragile she hugged her. She just needed a friend around, not to cry, not to talk, but just to be there. When she pulled away, Morrigan's hands accidentally ended on Elissa's stomach.
She would never forget the look of shock on Morrigan's face, and the words that followed…
"'Tis a girl… But she possesses no taint!"
Author's note: I have to thank LyriumLove and sarahannmarie123 for their help in this chapter, as I didn't even notice some of the idiotic errors I have made. Go check their profiles!