They'd reconciled years ago, but Roy Mustang still felt like he owed so much to Winry Rockbell. And so much of it had to do with the way they'd reconciled: their mutual adoration of a certain blond alchemist.
Even after Ed had crossed the gate for the first time, and Roy had let himself get to know his youngest subordinate's childhood friend a little bit more - because Winry had allowed him in, finally lowering her shields, finally forgiving him - he hadn't gotten that close to her. There was still a little bit of an edge between them, a bit of a roadblock. But it was enough to see it written all over her face, every time Ed came up in conversation. Hell, if Roy was honest, he'd seen it when the girl had first come to visit the Elrics in Central, all those years ago. The time she and Ed had been captured by that serial killer. It was written all over her face, with the way she lit up or let her cheeks go crimson every time Ed paid her particular attention. Heck, he knew Winry Rockbell loved Edward Elric before he knew that he himself did.
Ah, to be a teenager and in love. To be able to show the world you're in love. Roy missed those days.
He couldn't afford to be anything other than poker-faced even with the women he wooed to his bed for one-night stands. He couldn't let them know how little he wanted from them. But he especially couldn't afford to show his cards when it came to his youngest, most brilliant subordinate, from whom he desired far too much.
And yet, wasn't he going to Risembool for this exact reason? To discuss with Miss Rockbell the thing they, such unlikely comrades, had in common?
To give her a chance - now that he knew there was a chance - at the thing that he knew she deserved, so much more than Roy ever would?
And Winry, in turn, had seen right through Roy's defenses when they'd first met at Hughes's grave and decided to put aside their differences. The way that Roy seemed to be eternally sure that Ed was still alive. And the way he'd given up everything because of his turmoil over Ed's disappearance. The sparkle in his eyes, whenever Edward Elric's name was mentioned. The sparkle he tried so hard to hide, but if there was one thing the automail mechanic knew, it was all things that sparkled and flashed.
Winry knew it could only mean one thing.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?" she'd said to Roy Mustang, after he'd confessed where he'd been all those years, and why. Her eyes had narrowed knowingly beneath her long blonde, slightly overgrown bangs.
Roy had been startled at the question. He'd considered it many times - maybe he'd finally reached the point where he truly believed it himself, on at least some level - but he'd never confessed it to anyone else.
He hadn't needed to. Winry had smirked, in that way so peculiar to teenage girls who think they've found some juicy piece of gossip. Even teenage girls who had seen so much of the world and its cruelties as she had.
"I think you are," Winry had replied, her smirk growing, turning into a sly grin.
Roy had continued to blush and stammer. Winry's smile had grown further, but different - more understanding - and then it had faded into a sigh as she looked away from Roy and back to the gravestone.
"It means we have something in common, then," she had said. Perhaps she had thought it was news, but Roy had had a feeling even Winry knew how much he had already picked up from her over the years.
"And maybe it makes it easier for me to finally forgive you. To know you had the same reaction to Edward as I did - as so many people did who came into his life." She took a deep breath. "He really had no idea what he did to people, right? How easy he was to love?" She had looked at Roy longingly.
Roy's nervousnesshad vanished as he'd smiled sadly, and nodded. "No, he really doesn't."
Winry had returned Roy's sad grin. "I can't pretend that I believe he's still alive," she'd continued, "that he really would leave everyone who loved him behind - vanish without any attempt to contact me or Granny, or Al, or even you. But..." She'd tentatively reached out a hand, to place on Roy's shoulder. It was trembling as she did it; Roy knew that some part of her still resented him, try as she might to change her feelings. And he would never blame her for it.
"But...I want to believe in him, like you do. And if you can love him and you can keep up faith in him, then that's how I know you are a good person underneath it all, Colonel Mustang. No bad person can have that kind of connection with Edward Elric." That's when she'd removed her hand and walked away, but not without a quick "Give me a call if you ever need anything, Colonel."
"I'm not a Colonel anymore," he'd tried to correct her, but it was too late. Winry was already out of earshot.
Though they'd talked on the phone since, the meeting still haunted him, years later. He'd been able to admit what he felt for Edward in the years since - that Winry was absolutely right about it - and he'd been able to recognize that it had started ages ago, but it was only during his isolation in the North that he'd really been able to come to terms with it. When he had less to do, more time to think. More time to work over his feelings, about everyone and everything, but particularly about the young boy with the blond halo and gleaming metal limbs who so often invaded his thoughts.
And then Edward had returned, and Roy had, oh so briefly, felt alive again. But just as quickly, he was gone, returned to the other side of the Gate.
And Roy was lonely again. And thinking too much again. He hadn't gone back to the North, but even Central, the gleaming, bustling metropolis of Amestris, felt empty without that rush of energy in a long red coat. No one was the same after Edward Elric entered their life, least of all Roy Mustang.
And it was time to slowly ponder things. Slowly, carefully consider his options.
Roy knew his life in Amestris had become meaningless. Even after saving his country from that madwoman from the other world, his chances of ever becoming Führer were ruined by his murder of the previous title-holder. It had been the right thing to do, but it had come at the cost of Roy's dreams. There were other worthy successors to Grumman - like Olivier Armstrong, the Major-General he'd technically worked under when he was in the borderlands - who could take what was once Roy's possible place and, hopefully, turn this country into at least some version of what he had wanted it to be. But it couldn't be Roy himself. The people would never accept it.
And the more he accepted that fact, the more it felt like there was truly a hole in his life. An Edward-Elric-shaped hole. He had ripped through East and Central HQ with his brother and transformed all of them, but Roy thought he'd, at least, be at peace just knowing Edward was alive, even if he'd never see him again. As long as Ed was happy and reunited with his brother - convincing Al to hide in the armor had been Roy's parting gift to the Fullmetal Alchemist - Roy could be satisfied.
But as the months and then, years, went by, he knew that wasn't the case. Ed still haunted his thoughts, every day and every night. In his dreams, when he wasn't still re-living the horrors of Ishval, it was all Edward, Edward, Edward.
Others had suggested that he maybe try his luck in another country. He had relatives in Xing, after all; maybe he could make something of himself there, try to learn their unique brand of alchemy. But Roy knew there was only one answer to his torment, and it lay on the other side of the Gate. He'd closed it, per Edward's request, but he knew it wouldn't take much to re-open it - just a rogue alchemist with too much of an interest in human transmutation. Hell, the military had had several close calls with those in the past few years; the country's transitional, unstable state meant there was still plenty of strife throughout Amestris, resulting in plenty of desperate people willing to resort to desperate measures. And Roy always asked himself why he hadn't taken the opportunity to tumble through and find the man he loved on the other side.
Maybe it was because he still didn't feel worthy of Fullmetal's affections, after all these years.
But he knew someone else who was, and now that he'd made up his mind about his course of action, he may as well ask her if she wanted anything to do with it.