The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.
This is an Earth Day story with lots of randomness. It wasn't originally written for Earth Day.
There is no excuse for this story, either… and I know that it makes absolutely no sense, so it would help it you got a little high (from SUGAR!!) before reading it.
Jill and Howard do not condone the use of drugs at all.
The Magical Mystery Bunnies of Wave Country
Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, and Naruto were training in a forest. Yay for forests. Plant and Hug your Trees.
However, it was odd that the forest was even there because they were on an island that needed a bridge to be built in order for the inhabitants to connect to the outside world.
Well, never mind that. Wave Country is small, yes, but they have a forest anyway. Technically, the climate should make it pretty hard for a forest to grow, but so that we can actually progress in this story, we'll just leave that alone. Plus, we all know how important forests are to the Earth's natural processes.
"Aagh!" Sasuke cried as he fell from a tree once more. "Oh, look, another bunny."
Kakashi pulled out a kunai and killed the bunny, just in case it was another sign of danger like the last bunny that Naruto had spotted.
He didn't notice the sweat-drops his three students were sporting.
"You just… killed a bunny, sensei!?" Sakura exclaimed. "That totally violates the spirit of Earth Day."
Kakashi nodded seriously. "That last bunny I killed yesterday was a snow bunny. Remember? Right after I killed it, we were attacked. It stands to reason that this bunny must also die."
"Shouldn't you not kill the bunny in case we're attacked again since your last bunny-killing is what provoked the attackers?" Naruto asked.
"Oh. Oops." Kakashi chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "Next time, tell me that before I kill the bunny," he said as Haku and Zabuza appeared.
"Hi, there!" Haku said happily, waving at Naruto, who he had met earlier in the day.
"Haku, we're here to kill them. Try to sound, and, um, look menacing," Zabuza said.
"Okely-dokely," Haku agreed happily. "Please excuse me a moment." He bowed to the Konoha shinobi, before turning and walking out of the clearing to find a library or bookstore with materials on How to Behave Like a Criminal.
Zabuza sighed and wearily rubbed his face. "Saying 'please' is certainly not threatening."
There was an awkward moment of silence as they waited for Haku to return. Sasuke got bored and went back to trying to climb up the tree.
Sakura actually made it up hers, and Naruto watched her carefully to figure out what to do.
"Is this better, Zabuza-sama?" Haku asked, all his makeup gone and his outfit no longer a pink kimono—he was now wearing a light blue kimono.
"Good grief," Zabuza sighed.
"Aagh!" Sasuke yelled, falling from a tree again. "I can't get this damn training!"
Kakashi turned to Zabuza. "Can you give us about ten minutes before we start killing each other? I want my students to master this tree-climbing exercise so they can help me kill you."
"Of course," Zabuza agreed politely. He sat down on a conveniently located rock that also happened to be shaped like a bench. The Earth is awesome in producing exactly what we need, isn't it? "Aah, so comfortable."
Haku stared at him. "I thought we were supposed to be menacing," he said.
Zabuza nodded. "We are."
"Then why did you just politely agree with his request?"
"Are they really a danger to our safety?" Sakura asked Kakashi, staring at the two Wave shinobi who were currently arguing over how polite you should be before chopping someone's head off with your huge sword.
"Yes," the man responded. "Right now, they're having a lover's quarrel, so we aren't in too much trouble, but if we interrupt their fight or involve ourselves in it, we're done for."
"Oh." Sakura climbed up the tree in front of her.
"Sakura," Sasuke came to stand under her tree, covered in black and blue marks, scratches and bumps from his MANY failed attempts to get up the tree. "Can you tell me how to do this?"
"Sure. Send chakra to your feet."
Sasuke's eyes widened. "Wow! Really? That's it?" he asked, astounded.
Sakura sighed. "You're kind of an idiot, Sasuke."
He smiled at her. "Yes, I am. I'm going to be the World's Dumbest Avenger! Watch out, Itachi!"
Sakura stared at him.
"Hey Sakura, can you tell me the secret as well?" Naruto asked.
"Sure," she replied, happy to get away from that conversation. She proceeded to give him an explanation that was 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times more complicated than the one she gave to Sasuke.
Four Hours Later
"Hey, it works!" Sasuke shouted from the top of a tree.
"Of course it does, baka-Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said, irritated.
Zabuza, Haku, and Kakashi paused their game of Egyptian Rat Screw (Send Jill a message for details).
"Oh, my," Haku said, looking at his watch. "We gave them four hours, not ten minutes!"
"Crap! Time for us to kill you guys, Kakashi!" Zabuza exclaimed, pushing the cards off the convenient table-shaped rock that also happened to be nearby. Thank you, Mother Nature. Earth Day rocks (hehe).
Kakashi looked sad. "But—but, we've become such good friends! You invited me to your birthday party!"
Zabuza sighed. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. I forgot about having to kill you."
"Another bunny!" Kakashi yelled suddenly, driving a Chidori through the bunny's heart. Well, Mother Nature kills, so we can kill too. Geez, stop looking at me like that. The bunny will be replaced. It's a natural process of life.
Haku started to cry.
"Kakashi-sensei, haven't you heard of PETA?" Sakura asked.
"Yeah! Put Elephant's Trunks Away!" he recited.
"No," Naruto said. "It's Please Eat This Apple."
"I thought it was I WANT VENGEANCE NOW SO WATCH OUT ITACHI!"
"Sasuke," Sakura said, the ever-present sweatdrop rolling down the back of her head. "That doesn't even match the acronym. And do you have to shout so loud?"
"Oh, well," he said, shrugging.
"Anyway," Zabuza said irritatedly. "Can we start the epic battle now?"
"No. Someone give Haku a tissue," Kakashi said, ignoring the fact that it was his bunny-killing that caused the boy/girl/thing to start crying in the first place.
"Here, Haku," Sakura said in a kind voice as she dragged Sasuke over to the other boy so he could blow his nose on Sasuke's shirt.
"Thanks!" Haku said, sniffling. "Anee!" He blew violently into the back of Sasuke's shirt. "Huh. The snot perfectly matches the Uchiha symbol," he told Sasuke, who proceeded to throw up.
"Let me see!" called Naruto, coming over to admire the new pattern.
"Excuse me, but are we going to actually fight now?" Zabuza asked, still looking for an excuse to bring his big sword out to hack someone's head off.
"I think they're ignoring you," Kakashi told him.
"We're ignoring you," Sakura said, patting Haku's back.
"Fine." Zabuza crossed his arms in a huff, but couldn't remain angry for long. He got up to check out the Uchiha Snot symbol as well.
"Wow, that's really cool!" Gato said, appearing out of nowhere. "Can I use that as the symbol for my company?" he asked Sasuke.
Unfortunately for Gato, a bunny hopped onto his head. "Ack, a bunny! Get it off! I HATE BUNNIES!!" Gato screamed shrilly, ignoring the fact that it was Earth Day so he should love everything from the Earth.
"Don't worry, I'll save you!" Kakashi proclaimed, striking the Hero Pose, which is remarkably similar to the Nice Guy pose, but with a different name.
"Sensei, no!" Sakura screamed, remembering that it was Earth Day so they shouldn't kill bunnies. She leapt forward to restrain him.
"Sensei, go!" Naruto cheered, leaping forward to help him.
"Itachi, die!" Sasuke shouted, momentarily confused about his surroundings, as he, too, leapt forward.
"Hey, I'm not done blowing my nose!" Haku called, also jumping forward, intent on getting his personal Uchiha Sasuke Tissue back. Sustainability rules.
"Ah, what the heck?" Zabuza shrugged, before jumping into the fray with the others.
"Ow," Haku and Naruto said.
"Ouch," Sakura and Zabuza agreed.
"I got him!" Kakashi cried.
"That's my leg—ouch, let go of my leg, you maniac!" Sasuke shouted.
"Oops. Where's the bunny?" Kakashi asked, pushing himself off the ground. The others tumbled off of him.
"I think he's dead," Sakura said.
Kakashi did a victory dance, in total violation of the whole point of Earth Day. Hippies everywhere are having heart attacks as this story is read by you all.
"Not the bunny, Gato," she snapped.
He stopped dancing. "Oops."
"You seem to be saying that quite a lot," Zabuza noted.
"Well, you've been sighing for over half the time we've been here, so oh well," Kakashi returned.
"Nyah!!" Zabuza stuck his tongue out.
"Nyah nyah!!" Kakashi stuck his tongue out.
"They're worse than use by far," Naruto remarked to Sasuke.
"Yeah. Who's hungry?" Sasuke asked.
"Me!"
"Me!"
"Me!"
"Let's go get some tomatoes!" Sasuke said. "Since it's Earth Day, and all..."
Sakura, Haku, and Naruto nodded, and they went off to find a vegetable stand while Zabuza and Kakashi continued their tongue-sticking out contest.
A bunny appeared, but was, surprisingly ignored. A victory for Earth Day at last.
About an hour later, Kakashi and Zabuza agreed, through sign language, to a truce. Neither of them could talk, and their mouths were numb and dry.
"Hey, whem eunmuhends non?" Kakashi asked.
"I munna," Zabuza answered.
"Om," Kakashi said, understanding the conversation fully. Over the last hour, he had learned a new skill. Kakashi the Copy Ninja had mastered the art of speaking… Numb Tongue. It's all the rage in France.
So roughly translated, Kakashi had asked, "Hey, where have our students gone?"
Zabuza replied, "I don't know," and Kakashi said, "Oh."
With that settled, they picked up the cards from earlier (because littering is bad and shouldn't be done, but on Earth Day in particular, it isn't good to leave your garbage everywhere), and proceeded to build a Card House.
"Cool! You built a bathroom!" Kakashi gushed.
"It's nowhere near as good as your Card Kitchen," Zabuza said modestly.
"Thank you!" Kakashi replied.
"What the vengeance is this?" Sasuke asked. He slammed the door shut behind him and… the last seven hours of Zabuza and Kakashi's lives fell down.
"NO! OUR CARD HOUSE!" they screamed in anguish.
The four young people sweat-dropped.
"Did anyone else just realized they are suddenly still hungery, even after eight hours of eating ramen and tomatoes?" Naruto asked his bloated friends.
"Yeah!" the three agreed quickly.
They ran away, leaving the sobbing Zabuza and Kakashi behind.
However, instead of returning to the ramen stand, our friends Haku, Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto found a stand operated by PETA, who were banging on about being nice to animals. The four decided not to mention that three of them had a deranged teacher who kept killing bunnies, and instead agreed to look over the pamphlets and consider a membership.
Then Naruto found a Hippy Booth, operated by people completely out of it on drugs. Sakura began asking them serious questions to see what sort of answers they would give, and Haku stole their money when they weren't looking. Sasuke, of course, stole their drugs, and Naruto stole… their clothing.
Then he put it on.
While everyone was extremely grateful to see him in something other than a bright orange jumpsuit, they were not all convinced about the practicality of a ninja wearing… bell bottoms and an open-cut shirt.
Hinata loved it.
And that is why Earth Day is so important.