Guardian Angels in White

SUMMARY: "Death isn't the end, Albedo. Don't let it be the end of you and Rubedo." Sakura persuades the White Testament's final decision.

GENRE: Drama/Spiritual
RATED: G / K

COPYRIGHT NOTE: I don't own Xenosaga
STORY TAKES PLACE IN: Post-Episode II, most likely during A Missing Year
POV NOTE: This story is entirely in Sakura's first-person perspective

COMMENTS: So I conjured up this kooky, simple little idea of Sakura's spirit contacting Albedo in his White Testament form, much like she did with Jr. in Episode II's ending. I approached the story as more Sakura speaking into Albedo's mind, opposed to straight back-and-forth chitchat. Sakura and Albedo's relationship is controversial (yet fascinating to me), but I do think they shared one common ground. Viola!

Guardian Angels in White
Aiselne Nocturnus

I always loved Rubedo. I always loved Rubedo's brothers. The highlight of my life's final months had been meeting you boys; wonderful young men, devout to one another. But I had always suspected…more, something deeper between U.R.T.V.s. Something I couldn't hope to fully understand, not in life, anyway.

Because of my illness I had never had any friends outside my subconscious domain, except Mom and Dad, of course. Knowing so little about the "outside world," I guess I was in no position to judge other people's relationships, was I? Then again, I never meant to judge, so to speak—I simply wondered from time to time. You boys meant so much to me, but you also fascinated a sheltered girl like me.

Rubedo… The time we shared together was short but forever precious. I liked to think our relationship counted as "girlfriend and boyfriend," or as close as we could get considering my condition and Rubedo's militaristic life. If the job of being "girlfriend and boyfriend" was to please one another, that's all I wanted for him. My greatest wish? To play the piano for Rubedo by myself, without Mom's assistance. I just wanted to make him happy.

But looking back, I've released something. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make somebody happy. But who was I to assume Rubedo was not happy in the first place? Before he met me?

Rubedo is strong, he's stubborn, but he's sensitive, too, especially when it comes to the circumstances of his existence. But none of it stopped him from keeping a smile on his face, not to mention putting a smile on mine. I attributed it to his optimistic nature, one of the many aspects of Rubedo's personality that I admired, and fell in love with. But no man is an island, either—I remember Rubedo quoting that adage from one of his vintage books—and it's true. It took a short time, but eventually I realized why Rubedo behaved like a red ray of sunshine. He had to be optimistic, he was a leader, but he also had a pretty good reason to be optimistic, not just act like it. I credited it to his constant companionship. His brothers.

You know I never had a chance to meet my siblings. It hurts. I was an only child and I quickly deteriorated due to my disorder. All those years Dad worked with Realians, many made in my image, and I never met any of them—the Kirschwassers, the mass-produced 100-Series, and of course, my little sister. I was aware of MOMO before she was even born, but just knowing about her didn't fill my need to see her. There were so many things I wanted to share with her: tender words, "I love you, baby sister," and silly, sisterly advice like, "Mom tends to burn the edges of scrambled eggs, but if you just slice off the crust you'll find they're delicious otherwise." Heh, maybe it would have been fun to talk about boys, too. Who knows? We may have double-dated, and we may have fought over the same guy. I'm sure typical siblings don't always relish these trivial things, but…believe me when I say I'd pay any price to make those memories with MOMO. With all my sisters.

U.R.T.V.s may not have had the most idealistic of childhoods, but in many ways you were more blessed than other siblings. I was jealous of you boys. Rubedo explained to me how the standard children shared a collective consciousness, so they were never alone. The Variants were intended to be more independent, yet they never deviated too far from one another. Rubedo was always close to his siblings, physically and mentally, sharing everything and caring deeply. Watching you together—behaving like happy-go-lucky kids, teasing each other, laughing, bickering over some brotherly melodrama—I'd have to remind myself that U.R.T.V.s were in fact bioweapons, not that I ever really considered such. I didn't care if I was naïve or ignorant of the truth. To me, the boys named Rubedo, Albedo, and Nigredo were just boys, and wonderful ones at that. What you shared together was so invaluable.

Funny how I envied you and your brothers' bond, yet one of those boys eventually became jealous of me. At first I didn't even realize I was worth envying, honestly. I considered myself an average-looking pre-teenager who was practically trapped in her mind. We had some good times in my subconscious domain, but it's quaint little house and rolling pastures could only offer so many amusements. Outside, my maneuverability was only a few beats better than a vegetable, so I didn't think I was an overly interesting girl. Rubedo thought otherwise, though, bless his heart. But when I first fell for him, I just didn't realize—and there was no way of my knowing—half of his heart already belonged to someone else.

The ways you looked at Rubedo—I looked at Rubedo in the same way. But I also saw the ways you looked at me whenever I was with Rubedo. It was never my intention to split up two previously conjoined twins, and even if that were my motive, what hope would I have had in succeeding? What you never realized was that you were unrivaled, Albedo. It was known that the Variant twins had been inseparable since before their first breaths. Two halves of a whole, and no one could hope to take the place that one half already occupied in his other half's heart. All I wanted to do was let Rubedo know that there was somebody else who also cared about him. I could tell Nigredo, each time he was relegated as the third wheel, also felt the same.

I don't believe love needs to come from only one person, nor do I believe there is only one kind of love. In twelve years I encountered all kinds of it. There was the love my parents shared, a love which made me, and a love which they gave me from the start and until the end of my life. There was the love I felt for my parents and the love I felt for my sisters, Realians living and yet-to-be born. Then I met U.R.T.V.s. I experienced puppy love, and I watched you and your brothers' unique, familial, sacred bond. And from what I saw, nobody was trying to tear anyone apart. You only thought so.

If you ask me—and I know you won't—the only ones who seemed determined to hurt one another were you and Rubedo. I'm not placing the blame on just you, either. I love Rubedo but those feelings don't blind me to acknowledging the mistakes he made. I want him to learn from those mistakes, too, to be able to pick himself up and move on, stronger than before. That's why I came back. The seraph gave me the chance to tell Rubedo the words he needed to hear. He would have died otherwise. I don't think either of us wants that to happen just yet.

But like I said, Rubedo is strong. He'll keep going despite the pain because that's just his character. He doesn't need me by his side anymore, just in his heart. My time is over now. But no matter how much I mean to Rubedo, I can't help but think there's someone else he needs to see one last time—to tell him the words he needs to hear, so he can say the words you need to hear. I don't think I'm the only one who deserves that chance.

Death isn't the end. You know that better than anyone, and I know it disappoints you. You wanted an end. You wanted peace. People say the deceased are at peace only in heaven—wherever they consider their heaven to be. I think we both know where your heaven lies and it's not here, not without Rubedo.

Rubedo released you from your physical torment but not your inner pain. You haven't let go of it all yet, either, and that saddens me the most. Haven't you boys suffered enough all these years?

You don't have to pretend the past never happened, but just stop dwelling on it. Neither of you are twelve years old anymore. Move on. Go to Rubedo! The one called chaos told me the Testaments know no bounds. Your new powers will give you your final chance, but it's only up to "him" how long they last. And the longer you wait, the harder it will be on Rubedo—the harder it may be for him to take you back. He'll always love you, but the heart can only be broken and rebuilt so many times.

I'm not expecting you to say anything to me. But I do know you're listening. Rubedo gave you what you wanted. Isn't it time you did the same for him? Your feud is over and there's no need to hold onto grudges anymore. So go to him and find a way so the both of you can finally be happy.

Death isn't the end, Albedo. Don't let it be the end of you and Rubedo.

The End

A/N: Wishing everyone safe and happy holidays and a promising New Year! :) Thank you for reading. I'd love to know readers' thoughts via review.