I do not own The Big Bang Theory and all scientific principles, calculations, etc. are fictional/made up

Leonard was awoken from a rather rapturous dream that involved being presented a Nobel Prize for physics by Liv Tyler dressed as Arwen by a nasty thumping sound in the living room. He fumbled for his glasses, saw it was 4:11 in the morning. He let out a low groan.

"Sheldon, ten after four in the morning is not the time to be editing posotronic-isolation calculations, no matter how much they excite you," he mumbled as he stumbled into the living room, and stopped short when he saw it wasn't his neurotic roommate but his goddess of a neighbour, slumped sideways in his favourite chair. But somethign was off. She didn't have on her normal 'fancy-face' (as he secretly called it) that she would have worn out with her friends; in fact she was white as flour and shivering , knees drawn towards her chest. She also didn't have her normal scanty Hello-Kitty jammies; they were now replaced with with black sport shorts and a baggy black t-shirt.

Leonard wasn't quite sure what to do. If she was drunk, she wouldn't remember his gallant, hidden-secret-love actions and if he woke her up, he'd run the risk of facing her wrath like Sheldon had when he'd tried to'help' her organize her apartment. As he pondered what to do, he found himself rooted to the spot when Penny gave a rather loud snort and lifted her head off the armrest like she'd been electrocuted.

"No more nut soup!" she yelped as she came to, her eyes blinking rapidly as they focused on their surroundings. Her brow furrowed in confusion. "This isn't my apartment."

Leonard somehow found his voice and responded, "What was your first clue?"

"Leonard? What are you doing up?"

"I heard a noise in the living room and thought it might be Sheldon working on his board again."

"That guy needs a girlfriend, desperately." Penny swung her legs down and leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. "Seriously how'd I get over here?"

"I don't know, but, um...you don't look so good." The truth was she looked like hell's leftovers that the dogs wouldn't even touch, and if Leonard could see that through his metaphorically-rosy glasses, then she must have been in seriously bad shape. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm good." Penny grabbed ahold of her stomach with one hand, pressed the other one, gagging something fierce. "On second thought, no I'm not."

Leonard jumped out of the way in time just before she bowled him over in her rush to the bathroom. Now he was genuinely concerned as he heard the most vile sounds eminatinfg from behind the door. He cautiously edged towards the bathroom, wondering what he could possibly say that wouldn't make the situation any more awkward than it was, when there came a shrill voice from the second bedroom.

"That's it!"

Leonard buried his head in his hands as he waited for the beanpole frame of his roommate to cast a shadow in the hallway. Sure enough, Sheldon zoomed out of his room and made a beeline for the living room to his board, not noticing Leonard in the hallway. "I was thinking about the first distilled halogens when it occured to me that most of these elements need to be combined with others to make them less toxic and more potent at the same time. That way..." Sheldon trailed off. "You're not listening, Leonard, i'm on the verge of a polarized ionic laser breakthrough, and you've got that vapid 'Penny just hugged me' look on your face that tells me you're off in candyland thinking about her mammary glands pressing up against your pectorals."

"No, I'm not!" Well not any more Leonard added silently, going to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of Pepsi. "No, I came out here and Penny was sprawled in my chair, and now she's in the bathroom being sick."

Sheldon went glassy at this notion. "Sick? In our apartment? Oh no no no no no, that's not permissible, do you know how many pathogens are carried by air born and water carried pollutants?"

"Thankfully there's a little silver knob on the toilet to make them maigcally vanish!"

"Well I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask her to leave." Sheldon started towards the bathroom, then did an immediate pivot back towards the living room. "What day is it today?"

"The 24th?"

"Oh God, it's worse than I feared."

"What, she has the ebola virus?"

"No."

"Food poisoning?

"No."

"Oh my god, don't tell me it's the dreaded sniffles?"

"No it's..." Sheldon looked around furtively, whispering to Leonard like it was a dirty secret. "It's that time of the month."