Childhood is what
you spend the rest of your life overcoming.
Wonderful
Note:
Hmmm....anyway, I wrote this one in four hours straight because once I
started I just couldn't stop till it was all done. It involves four of
my favorite Shinra guys as kids between the ages of 8 and 10: Rufus, Tseng,
Sephiroth and Reno. Now in the story it's not revealed who's who until
the very end, but it's not that hard to figure out who's who. I Well, I
really hope you enjoy this one. The lyrics are taken from the song "Wonderful"
by Everclear, and I really love this song....I take no credit for the lyrics
used in this story. They're the property of Everclear. This is one of my
favorite songs ever. I can't get enough of it. It's so sad...when I first
heard it, I thought "oh my god....." and then I thought of the Shinra guys
as kids, which lead to this....
Oh
yeah, and I don't own the FF characters either. *sob* Don't remind me!!
Hey,
ain't life wonderful? Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful....isn't it wonderful
now?
He shivered in the cold, alone in the alley. Closing his eyes he could
still feel the flames reaching up for the sky, the smoke filling his lungs
and suffocating him. A tear slipped down his cheek as he remembered how
he had almost died. But he was still dying.
I close my eyes when I get too sad
Mom....dad....Cari....Leven.....why did you have to die? Why couldn't you
have escaped like I did? Sometimes I wish I had just fell asleep in that
smoke filled room....
I think thoughts that I know are bad
He took a deep breath, drawing his thin shirt closer to his body and bringing
his knees to his chest. I want this to all be a dream....maybe if I
count to ten, then open my eyes, I'll be home with everyone again....and
it'll all be fine again.
Close
me eyes and I count to ten
Hope
when I open them
"Ten."
I want to be in my room again. "Nine." I want to see my
sister. "Eight." I want to see my brother. "Seven." I
want to see my mom and dad. "Six." I don't want to be cold anymore.
I
want all the things I had before
"Five."
I don't want to be hungry. "Four." I just want to be
back in my old house. "Three." With everything. "Two." And
everyone. "One."
Like
a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
His black eyes flickered open, but all he saw was darkness. Drawing himself
into a ball, he finally gave in and cried.
I
wish I could count to ten
Make
everything be wonderful again
He lay silently in his bed, the covers drawn to his chin. He was listening.
Listening to them fight again, as they so often did now. In the next bed
his sister was deeply asleep, but he was wide awake, wondering why they
had to fight like this, and why he had to hear it.
Hope
my mom and I hope my dad
Will
figure out why they get so mad
His blue eyes wouldn't close until there was silence, and that seemed so
far off now.... The intensity of the voices frightened him, and he hoped
they wouldn't hurt one another. Why? Why can't they just let me sleep?
Hear
them scream, hear them fight
"Dammit!" He heard a loud banging sound and felt himself start to shake.
"What do you want to do about it, huh? Fuck! Fuck you!"
Finally he shut his eyes, but only to try and stop the tears. He tried
to choke them back, but they forced a path down his pale, thin cheeks,
and he sobbed quietly.
They
say bad words that make me wanna cry
Gradually the voices faded away, saving words for another night he knew
would come. Still trembling, he pulled the blanket over his head and shut
his eyes, trying to block out everything he had just heard.
Close
my eyes when I go to bed
He dreamt of pleasant things, of normal, simple things the day shut out.
It was the only part of the day when he felt like smiling.
And
I dream of angels who make me smile
"I just want to know if everything will be okay. I don't wanna ever hear
that ever again...."
"You won't. Everything will stop. Everything will go back to being peaceful
and quiet, just like it was. Everything...."
I
feel better when I hear them say
Everything
will be wonderful someday
He spoke to his father on the PHS, a smile spread wide across his young
face. "You'll come visit me, dad?"
"Of course."
"Promise?"
"...yes. I promise. I'll see you tomorrow."
Promises
mean everything when you're little
And
the world's so big
He waited for his father. He waited and waited and waited as the hours
faded away and a promise became useless. H waited, head in his hands, tears
in his eyes, hoping this time it wasn't just another lie. Hoping this time
was different. That his father would really show up. That there would be
no more excuses.
"I'm sorry," his teacher apologized, sitting down besides him, "your father
can't make it today."
He turned his head, tears in his eyes, a smile on his face. He could pretend
too. He could pretend he was fine, just like *he* could pretend he was
coming. "It's all right."
I
just don't understand how
You
can smile with all those tears in your eyes
"Of course it is," was the answer. "You father's just busy. He'll come
see you as soon as he's able."
No he won't. He never has come to see me. Why must I be the only kid whose
father never comes to visit them? He was sobbing inside, but on the outside
he put on a smile.
Tell me everything is wonderful now
That night, alone in his room at boarding school, he let out everything
he had been holding back. He collapsed on his bed, crying loud enough to
wake the dead, wondering why he wasn't wanted. No one came.
Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
At school he smiled and acted like normal, even thought he was screaming
inside, begging someone, anyone, to love him.
"Did your father come? You told me he was."
"No. He was busy."
"Oh. I'm....sorry."
He kept on smiling like he was being paid to. "No. It's okay. He'll come."
Walking away, he wondered who he was lying to more, himself, or everyone
else.
I go to school and I run and play
I tell the kids that it's all okay
He laughed the loudest at every joke, trying to laugh away the pain. If
I ignore it, it won't hurt as much.
Some people commented on how he was acting. "You're in a good mood today",
or "why you so happy?" they said. He just smiled and told them everything
was wonderful.
I
laugh aloud so my friends won't know
"Have a nice afternoon," the teacher said as the last bell of the day rang.
He just sat in his seat, staring straight ahead as everyone around him
jumped out of their seats, excited about their afternoons. Don't make
me go back to my room. I don't want to be by myself anymore....but he just
won't come...
When
the bell rings I just don't wanna go home
He slammed the door shut, a hand pressed against his stomach. He could
feel the blood soaking through his shirt and he began to hyperventilate.
It never had been this bad before. He closed his eyes, wishing away he
dizzy feeling in his head.
Go
to my room and I close my eyes
Behind the door he could hear him pounding, demanding to be let inside.
No....I'd rather die... Ignoring the chaos behind the door and the lightheaded
feeling sweeping over him, he focused on a new world, on a new life, where
no one could ever, *ever* hurt him ever again. Such a pleasant thought....
He smiled.
I
make believe I have a new life
"Let me in there!" he demanded from behind the door. "Everything will be
fine."
Everything will *not* be fine as long as you're taking care of me.....
"Let me in now!"
"No!" he called back.
The adult called his name in anger, pushing hard upon the door.
"No...." he slipped into unconsciousness and crumpled to the floor.
I
don't believe you when you say
Everything
will be wonderful someday
He woke slowly, surprised to find himself in his own room. Stripped to
the waist there was a bandage where the blood had been earlier. He could
remember it running over his fingers....
"You've lost blood," explained the one who had done this to him. "You could
have died, you silly child. Why didn't you let me in?"
Green eyes narrowed. "Don't hurt me anymore."
The old man sighed. "It was an accident. I'll never hurt you like that
again. I promise."
