A/N: First of all, I'm SO sorry for the "Complications of War" chapter three delay. It's coming, I promise, I just hit some major writer's block with that chapter but I am working on it. I wrote this oneshot to hopefully hold you over, even though it's definitely not my best work. But the idea came to me after the last episode and I had to write it for you guys, so I hope you enjoy! It's just some light fluff that we've all been waiting to see on the show.
The morning sun streaming through their curtains is what pulled Gabby out of a deep, peaceful, and much needed slumber. She already had a soft smile on her face as she stretched out her limbs, bringing life to her fatigued body. Her eyes squinted against the harsh light and as she sat up a little in bed, she realized she was alone. The fact brought a small frown to her features and she longingly placed her hand on his usual spot. However, as more of her senses awakened, she realized the shower was running and she could faintly smell the scent of his body wash. Her smile was back in an instant, and she happily dropped her head back on the pillows.
God, she was so in love with her husband. After a decade of friendship, three years of dating, and over a year of marriage, she still had no idea what she did to deserve him. He was her rock, his patience with her blew her mind every day, and she could go on forever about how proud she was of him. Matthew Casey was a perfect man. Her man. And after last night, after listening to his interaction with Jake Cordova in their own home, she fell in love all over again.
She took him for granted at times, she knew that, but she hated it. And she was going to change that. Matthew Casey deserved the absolute best. He deserved honesty, patience, and he needed to know how much he was loved and appreciated. Granted, she was pretty sure she did a great job of that last night, but she wanted more for him. As a couple, they had been through so much, and they needed something that would be a constant silver lining.
She wanted to start a family with her husband.
She was confident in this, but she was still hesitant about bringing it up to him. The last time she had remotely mentioned it he had basically shut the idea down, but she didn't understand it. Yes, they had just lost Louie, but it was Matt's dream to be a father. What had changed?
She was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of him walking back into their bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist and his gaze on the dresser he was headed towards. He didn't realize she was awake, so she took the moment to appreciate her view. Drops of water ran their way down his body, and she followed their path from his collarbone to the towel. His hair was a little wild, and she guessed it was because he ran the towel through it as an attempt to dry it. His fresh scent made its way to her nose and the familiar smell comforted her as well as drove her a little crazy. She watched as he lifted his hand and brought it to his hair, smoothing it down and bringing it back to its usual neat state.
His eyes met hers then, and they exchanged smiles only reserved for each other. "Hey beautiful," he greeted her softly. He changed his path and walked to the bed instead of the dresser, leaning down to kiss her. His lips were damp from the shower but they still felt perfect on hers, and she pushed herself into the kiss as she held the back of his neck. Her nails grazed his hairline and it erupted goosebumps on his skin, which she undoubtedly felt. She pulled back ever so slightly, just enough so she could talk to him.
"I love you." It was quiet, a whisper, and it shocked him a little. His brows furrowed but instead of thinking about it too much, he answered her with the same quietness. She pulled him back to her then, and he placed a hand on the bed to support himself as their lips moved in a perfect, well-rehearsed pattern.
She suddenly giggled then, something Gabby Dawson rarely ever did, but here she was now, giggling against her husband's lips. His brows were really furrowed now, and he pulled back to give her a confused look.
"I'm sorry," she laughed, her hand dropping from the back of his neck. "You keep dripping on me and it tickles." He understood now, and he smiled widely as he watched her wipe the small drops of water that had fallen on her face.
"Well someone has to shower you since you don't do it yourself," he responded, resulting in a gentle kick to his back as he walked back towards the dresser. He smiled, watching her reflection from the mirror. She was starting to get up from the bed, the blankets falling off of her body as she yawned. As she stood, he appreciated her form. Her hair was gathered in a low bun that had grown messy overnight, and strands of her dark hair framed her face. She had slept in his shirt and as always, she looked better in it than he did. After their second round of sex last night, she had planned to just sleep naked but the Chicago cold proved to be too ruthless. But too tired to get something of her own, she had just reached down to the floor for Matt's discarded blue shirt. It hung loosely on her and although Matt would always call himself a gentleman, he really appreciated how sexy his wife looked in his clothes.
He watched then as she sat back on the edge of the bed, a somewhat lost look filling her features. He turned around while simultaneously pulling a clean shirt over his head, a worried look on his face. "What's wrong?," he asked, and his voiced seemed to pull her out of a deep thought.
"Huh? Nothing, why?" She stood back up, smiling a little as she took the few steps towards him so she could get close enough to give him a soft kiss on his lips. He wasn't convinced though, something in her voice told him that there was something bothering her and he gave her a knowing look. She sighed softly at that, but her facial features didn't show annoyance, only nervousness and sadness. "We'll talk about it over breakfast," she promised, kissing his cheek before starting towards the bathroom. He looked worriedly after her, but trusted she would tell him.
As she stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later, the smell of breakfast immediately filled her nose and her stomach growled in anticipation. When she first started dating Matt, she had guessed she would do about 98% of the cooking, but Matt had done nothing but surprise her on that front. Not only did he cook about half of the time, he was actually really good at it and she looked forward to the nights where he held control of the kitchen.
Walking back into their bedroom, her mind soon drifted from food to the conversation she promised they'd have. Her heartbeat quickened a bit at the thought of it, but she tried to tell herself she had no reason to be nervous about the conversation itself. She was more so nervous about his answer, nervous that he would tell her he didn't want kids anymore.
She sighed as she dug through her dresser, picking out jeans and a casual shirt. Surprisingly, they didn't have anything to do today, so she looked forward to having a cozy Sunday on the couch wrapped in his arms. But first, she'd have to talk to him about wanting to start trying for kids, which she hoped would result in an even better Sunday. So after towel drying her hair, she stepped out out of the bedroom and smiled at the sight of her husband putting plates down on the table filled with their breakfast.
"It looks great babe," she told him, touching his arm softly as she kept walking towards the fridge. She took out the orange juice and he supplied her with the glasses, and she thought to herself about how perfectly they worked together as a team.
Moments later, they were seated in their usual spots at the table, but silence filled the space between them as they quietly ate the breakfast Matt prepared. While they stole curious glances at each other, neither one of them had initiated the conversation that was inevitably going to come sooner or later. She realized he was probably going a little crazy in his head, wondering what bomb she was about to drop. It seemed as if she had a lot of so-called "bombs" dropping lately, but once again, his patience with her blew her away.
"I uh - I'm sorry," she told him quietly, bringing the glass of orange juice to her lips. His response was just a shrug, but he focused on her intently.
"What are you sorry for?"
"Being less than spectacular at communication these days," she admitted, her voice slightly shaky with nerves.
"Gabs," he urged gently. His utensils were down now and his forearms rested on the table, his eyes studying her with curiosity. "What do you need to tell me?"
"It's more so of a question," she sighed. Alright, it's happening. No turning back now. "Do you still want to have a family with me?"
They looked at each other intently, one stunned by the question, the other one growing more nervous by the lack of a response. Gabby's eyes held fear and vulnerability, while Matt's held shock and something along the lines of...sadness.
"Gabby," he started, his face scrunching in confusion as he was clearly taken aback by the question. "Of course I do." He stood up then, and the sound of the chair moving back across their floor disrupted the silent space. He took the few steps over to her side of the table, and as she watched his movements, he took a knee next to her chair and searched for her hands, which she surrendered to his touch. "What's on your mind?"
As she drifted her gaze away from him, she took a small breath and thought about how to explain it. Meanwhile, his eyes never left hers, and her nervous demeanor was causing him to grow more concerned. Did she still want a family? She fiddled with his fingers and soon her eyes found his again. If the circumstances were different, she probably would have actually melted from the depth she saw in his soft stare.
"I want kids with you, Matt," she started. The simple statement brought a small smile to her husband's features, but he let her finish. "I want kids with you now. But I feel like something has changed...I feel like you've deserted that dream." Her voice was gentle and quiet, and she was almost too nervous to even keep looking at him. But she watched as his features turned more solemn, and she felt like she was watching his heart break.
"Gabby that's crazy," he assured her. "Where is this even coming from?"
"It's just not something you've brought up recently," she explained with a sigh. "And after Louie left, and I asked you when we would have our own family, you just said we're already a family. And I know we are, but your answer just seemed like it implied you don't want our family growing at all." Before she could even finish, he was already shaking his head.
"No Gabs, I'm sorry, that's not what I meant." He stood up then and moved himself to the chair next to Gabby, settling himself in it before continuing. "I said that because the wound from Louie leaving was still so fresh. I needed to get used to the fact that he wasn't going to be around anymore, and I didn't want to rush anything. I wanted to make sure you were okay, too. And I'm just…," he stopped then, taking a deep breath before going on. Tears brimmed the surface of his eyes and at noticing this, Gabby moved her hand to his cheek. "I'm scared. I don't want to lose another one."
Tears came to Gabby's eyes now, and she nodded solemnly. She understood. She felt the same fear. Not only had they lost Louie, she had also had a miscarriage. That pain would never go away, and even now, she frequently finds herself thinking about what life would be like if that pregnancy had succeeded.
She imagines a boy. She imagines them taking long strolls through the park, the three of them hand in hand. She imagines him taking his first steps and Matt's wide smile in witnessing it, she imagines reading stories to him at night until he falls asleep, she imagines Antonio and Kelly as the perfect uncles - she imagines it all. She's gone over every event in her head, some make her smile in hope and sometimes, instead, she cries over the loss itself and what will never be.
And now she knows Matt has done the same. She pulls him close and they hold each other at their dining room table, mourning the loss of their baby together, something they haven't done enough of. They cry silent tears, giving each other support as the other one aches. They stay like that for a few minutes, thinking about what could have been but also moving forward in the healing process.
Matt begins to pull away, and as he wipes the remaining tears off of Gabby's face, he gives her a promising smile. "I'm ready if you are, Gabby. I want kids with you. I'm sorry I've been acting like I don't, I guess I have to work on my communication, too." They exchange smiles at that, and she holds his face between her hands as she kisses him. She rests her forehead against his and sighs contently.
"I cannot wait to see you as a father, Matthew Casey." He smiles at her gentle words and they embrace each other once again, their doubt and fear now transformed into excitement and elation. Their images of 'what could have been' were not dead, they would get that happiness they imagined and that's all they needed.