Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or anything else that anybody could sue me for. I own nothing.
AN: This is a crack pairing that came to me. Let me know if you think it's workable.
Something Old, Something New
1. Step
Soi Fon had many differences from Yoruichi, ones he couldn't help noticing, but he also couldn't help noticing how their flash steps were nearly identical; from the tensing of the muscles beforehand to the concentration of energy under their feet.
2. Bested
The old habit of trying to best each other occasionally seeped its way into their relationship.
3. Jangling
She spend considerably more time in the Living World than she ever had, sometimes only to catch a curious glimpse of him walking to his car or teasingly jangling his keys over the heads of his children.
4. Elope
Kisuke Urahara continuously eloped his honor in favor of survival, a mentality she simply could not understand.
5. Plume
After he was asleep she would secretively run her hands through his plume of blonde hair.
6. Itch
It had been a mistake to succumb to that itching curiosity, even if both of them knew they probably wouldn't take it back if they could.
7. Comparable
Soi Fon couldn't decide what Kisuke was more comparable to: an ocean wind, or the sea beneath it.
8. Expansive
Since she started seeing him it was as if her world had expanded.
9. Personalized
After a while she noticed that he still wore a personalized haori in the style of the captains', however it had been hard to notice under the beach hat that usually demanded complete attention.
10. Unclean
It felt unclean on occasion, like betrayal often, and morally questionable almost always.
11. Healthier
Fortunately, Kisuke was a firm believer that it was healthier to not worry about the morally questionable.
12. Cry
She never saw him cry, even when Yoruichi died, it had taken her a long time to realize that the tragedy had nearly destroyed him.
13. Mangle
She had been there when Kisuke killed Aizen. Or more accurately she had been there when Kisuke had with calm precision defeated, cut, broken, brutalized, and mangled Aizen.
14. Deduction
It took her a while to get used to his practice of using skills for deduction to determine where she liked to be touched.
15. Con
He was a con artist at heart; sometimes he made it hard to remember.
16. Hundred
Soi Fon was stronger than a hundred proof; Good God Almighty how he loved that in a woman.
17. Clash
She was stringent and devoted to her position and authority. He had a problem with the authority that had just as quickly promoted as sought to execute him. They clashed sometimes because of this, though thankfully they could meet halfway for the most part.
18. Heresy
He was a vagabond, a heretic, he went against just about everything she had been raised to hold dear...and that made him more exciting than any other man she'd ever been with.
19. Harmony
With Yoruichi he had had complete harmony, they had been souls so completely in sync with one another their song had been beautiful; he had no illusions of finding such a perfect love again, but she wouldn't have wanted him mourning her the rest of his life.
20. Hypocrite
It was funny; she had always disapproved of Kisuke and Yoruichi as a couple due to their status, now she was a hypocrite.
21. Invisible
When the boy Ichigo had actually made the mistake of walking around the shop's living quarters during Kisuke's break hour, then accidentally into the shopkeeper's bedroom, she'd wished she was invisible.
22. Chose
She would never choose him over her duty, that was a given, but nothing else was above him on her list of priorities.
23. Composer
Contrary to popular belief he was not a brilliant composer of schemes, he let people think this, but after a while she began to suspect that he made the whole damn thing up as he went along.
24. Innocent
He laughed for real the first time since the Winter War when he watched the tiny, scary, stiff, 2nd division captain look like an innocent little girl as she tried to figure out a childproof lid.
25. Kiss
Their first kiss was terribly awkward, they both hesitated as their minds went over all the reasons why this was a bad idea. Still their thought process ended up at that first little peck on the lips, which led to more thorough exploration of the mouth.
26. Exploration
The rest of the night was spent on exploration too.