What Can Never Be
Summery:Sequel to If Only He Were Mine. Remus reflecting on why he can't be with Sirius. Starts where the Sirius' ended and works backwards…sort of. And at the end Remus makes some rather depressing predictions. RLSB. SLASH.
Warnings: Slash, Angst. Don't like, don't read.
A/n: Baby if you're reading this I tried to paragraph it just for you. Aren't I nice? And everyone else I might post a longer sequel to this from James' POV. where Remus and Sirius have to face each other. Tell me if you think it's a good idea.
What Can Never Be
He thinks I am asleep but I'm not. I feel his soft lips press lightly against mine. And I hear him return to his bed, his quiet sobs ring in my ears. But mostly I hear him whisper that he loves me and I long to say it back but I don't, I can't. I want to reach out and pull him back to me, feel his lips on mine again. But my fingers won't move and my voice has stopped working. Because if he were to know that I am awake and that I don't mind what he's doing, I would have to admit that I love him, as much as I know he loves me. He thinks I don't notice the lingering looks he gives me, that his girlfriend's have started to look a lot like me. But what he doesn't notice is that my girlfriend, the first I've ever had, could be his twin they look so similar.
Now I don't mean to say that he's self-absorbed but he's so wrapped-up in his feelings for me, he's failed to notice I feel the same way about him. So why don't I open his eyes? Tell him how I feel, let us live happily ever after and all that? Because I don't want to live happily ever after, not with a man at least. I want to pretend that this isn't happening, that I don't love him, then maybe it will go away. It is bad enough to be a were-wolf but a gay were-wolf. The very thought could kill my parents. And it's much easier to pretend to be something you're not without a romantic attachment.
So I bite my tongue when he kisses me, turn my head away when he looks at me with that loving look in his eyes, kiss my girlfriend while trying to convince myself that I'm not pretending she's him and wait till he's finished crying himself to sleep before I do the same. And I hope, I pray that none of it shows through when I do permit myself to look at him.
And when the times comes, and I know it will, that he can't hold it any longer and he has to tell me how he feels, I will make excuses to get away quickly. And if that doesn't work and he tells me anyway I will quickly and painfully break both our hearts in the same breath. I will walk away from him and pretend the pain isn't killing me. And the next day maybe we will pretend to be friends again because friends is better nothing and it's all I can offer. But it won't be the same as it was before. And really I will have lost my best friend and my one chance at true love. All because I couldn't, and can't face that I have been made different again. So everyday I hope he can keep his silence and that I can keep mine. And secretly I will hope that he keeps kissing me, because sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day is the thought that he'll kiss me at the end.
Is it just me or does that make me sound really pathetic?
A/n: Hmmm, I don't think I like this one as much as the first one. Tell me what you think.