Written for the lovely taserfox as part of the 2015 Tasertot Secret Santa Exchange.
Catnap (Or: How Not to Conduct Yourself in the Presence of Royalty)
By TheFictionFairy
Darcy had managed to make it a whole month without falling asleep on the job. Considering her days consisted of mind-numbing, endlessly repetitive tasks performed while keeping absolutely quiet and unseen (a good servant was an invisible servant, after all, as the head housekeeper was obsessed with reminding them), she considered this quite an accomplishment. And because even getting a position in service at Asgard's royal palace had been an incredibly impressive feat, she insisted her month-long exemplary service to be labeled nothing short of miraculous.
But her mother had been up all night with the new baby, meaning everyone in the house had been up all night as well, and Darcy had been making beds for an hour, and the plush, silken mattresses had just looked so comfortable that she had somehow slipped into oblivion on top of her last duvet of the morning.
Darcy started awake when the door to the room banged closed. She jolted up in a panic, glaring around blearily and trying in vain to straighten out her hair and clothing while simultaneously untangling the sheets that had somehow slithered all around her legs. If she was reported to the head housekeeper, she could kiss her new position goodbye, and with a black mark on her record to boot.
"You know, I don't think I've ever found a woman in this bed that I didn't lead there myself," announced an unfamiliar male voice from behind her.
Darcy yelped and overbalanced on the edge of the mattress, tumbling to the floor. She tried to scramble upright, but the sheets were still tight around her legs, leading her to flop around the polished floor like a fish on a deck.
"I – I didn't, that is to say I wasn't–" Darcy rolled over onto her stomach to undo a difficult twist of blanket that had somehow become tangled across her back between her left knee and right elbow. "The prince must have–" Darcy grunted, attempting to unbind her ankles, holding an uncomfortable half-sit up position to see properly, "must have spelled the bedclothes to attack! Yes, that must be it! I hear he's always playing tricks on the servants… Aha!" Finally freed, Darcy flopped backward to regain her breath, eyes closed as she attempted to think on her feet quick enough to save her job.
"Does he now?" asked the man from directly above her.
Darcy opened her eyes and squeaked in terror to find Prince Loki leaning over her. She had never seen him up close before, but his sophisticated features and short, dark hair were unmistakable for any citizen of Asgard. Darcy stared up at his amused half-smile, blinking in shock for a moment, mind racing to try and fix the situation.
"Of course not!" Darcy backtracked, injecting as much authority into her voice as she could while stumbling clumsily to her feet and backing away a few steps. "That's just… my… um… cover story!"
"Is that so?" asked the prince, eyebrow raised. He clearly didn't buy it, but Darcy would take the consolation prize of him playing along.
"Absolutely," she chirped, before remembering that she was addressing royalty (her mother would never believe her; the head housekeeper would never forgive her). "…Your highness," she added quickly, dipping herself into a sloppy curtsy.
"Concerning what, if I may ask?" The prince sidled closer and leaned in with a conspiratorial smirk, as if he were in on the joke. Darcy prayed it meant he wouldn't be reporting her.
"Well, I can't exactly have the other servants know I've been hired as the official bed tester, can I?" Darcy asked in what she hoped was an entirely reasonable tone of voice.
The prince cocked his head to the side, smirk turning a bit confused but still staying in place. "Of course not?" he offered. "Though, I assure you…" he trailed off.
"Darcy," Darcy replied automatically, because she was an idiot. She slapped her hand over her mouth and closed her eyes, sure she was doomed to be sacked.
Prince Loki straightened up from his conspiratorial lean and offered her his hand. Not knowing the proper protocol for interacting with the royal family, Darcy hesitantly took it. (She was sure both her mother and the head housekeeper would be appalled.)
"Darcy," Prince Loki confirmed, leaning over again to brush a light kiss across her knuckles. This whole situation – a prince kissing her hand! After finding her asleep in his bed! Her mother would be so scandalized at the implications! – was so utterly absurd that Darcy had to stifle a sudden, hysterical giggle. "As I was saying, I can assure you that my bed is quite satisfactory." There was nothing overtly flirtatious in his tone or face, but Darcy really did begin to giggle at the double entendre.
The prince smiled dropped her hand and backed away a step, eyes sparkling with amusement. "May I ask what led to the suspicion that my sleeping arrangements were somehow inadequate?"
"Oh, well," Darcy thought fast, trying to pick up on her previous train of thought, "security reasons. You know. Food tasters, bed testers. It's a secret mission you understand, all very hush-hush. You never know when an assassin might try to poison the sheets! I hear those laundresses can be shifty," Darcy informed him, nodding smartly.
"I see," Prince Loki chuckled, beginning to pace back toward the door. At a loss for what else she was supposed to do, Darcy followed him. "Well, I shall have to keep in mind what a thorough job of security you're doing," he said, mock-serious as he pulled the door open. Darcy took the hint.
"Yes, well, everything looks secure in here, so I'd best be on my way," she agreed, keeping her tone clipped and business-like as she marched out the door. Darcy couldn't believe he was actually going to allow her to get away with it. This was the luckiest she'd ever been.
"Oh, and Darcy?"
Darcy froze. "Yes, your highness?" she asked voice high and tight as she fought the urge to turn around guiltily.
"I do believe those dastardly laundresses have left drool stains on my bedsheets. You might want to investigate."
Darcy squeaked and looked back at him over her shoulder. Prince Loki grinned at her, head peeking out from behind his door. He threw her a wink and then disappeared inside.
This was officially either the best or the worst job ever.
Remembering Prince Loki's handsome features and sparkling eyes, Darcy decided she would stick it out and see where it went.