Harry Potter
And the Year of Regret
Chapter one: Enter the Snake
In Little Winging, Surrey, there is a block of streets where whoever designed the houses must have given up design in disgust and made them all the same. It is the most boring block of streets (architecturally speaking) in the whole of Great Britain. The most central of these streets is Privet Drive.
As we zoom in on this group of extremely dull and boring monotonous houses we see a young boy chasing a snake around the garden with a stick. The boy is extremely fat and unintelligent and goes by the name of Dudley Dursley.
"HA!" yelled Dudley "I've got the ruddy thing now!" as he cornered the snake. Harry Potter ran out of the house and pushed the boy aside.
"What did it ever do to you?" he asked annoyed at the vicious brutality of his cousin.
"It's a snake!" he replied
"So?"
"It's a brutal killer!"
"It's a common garden snake, non-venomous!" Harry replied
"Whatever. Why don't you try talking to it you freak. It's not like you have any other friends. At least, not ones you killed."
"What was that?" Harry's voice grew slow and furious.
"I said you killed them. At least that's what you said last night." Dudley smirked as he imitated Harry's voice. "No! Please! Cedric, Sirius, Mum, Dad! It's all my fault! I killed you!"
"How dare you!" Harry swung his fist and knocked his fat oaf of a cousin to the ground. "HOW DARE YOU!" Dudley screamed and ran inside as Harry advanced on the boy.
"Ssssssstop," a voice behind him said. "He'ssssssss not worth it." Harry turned round searching for the source of the voice and found no-one behind him. "I'm down here ssssssssilly!" the garden snake was slowly slithering up his leg and around his arm.
"You are a talking snake?" Harry said "I thought snakes just understood the language and only the basilisks spoke Parsletounge..." Harry had encountered a basilisk in his second year at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry. "I'm not sure whether I should be inssssssulted or not." The snake replied. "Parsssssseltongue issssss the language of ssssssnakessssss issssss it not?"
"I didn't think snakes were sentient," Harry replied.
"All animalssssss are ssssentient. Ssssssssome are jusssssssst sssssssssmarter then otherssssss," it replied.
"I'm Harry Potter, do you have a name?" Harry asked.
"Of coursssssse Harry Potter. I'm Ian."
"Ian?" Harry repeated "I was expecting a name like Samuel or Simon or…"
"Ssssssiriussss or Ccccccedric?" the snake finished as Harry looked at the ground. "Sssssssssssorry."
"It's nothing."
"I sssssence an awful amount of guilt about you Harry Potter," said Ian
"I am responsible for the death of my parents because they died to save me, the death of a friend because I convinced him to go with me to the place he died and the death of my godfather because he died trying to rescue me" Harry said gloomily "Why shouldn't I feel guilty?" He asked
"I'm guessssssing that they were all killed by the ssssssame persssssson?"
"Yes…"
"Then it isssssss hissssss fault," the snake said simply.
"But…"
"You cannot blame the evil of othersssssss on yoursssself," the snake started "Or elssse no-one would ever be able to get on with their livessssss."
"Ian?" Harry started.
"Yessssssss Harry Potter?"
"Thanks."
"I was only joking when I said you should try talking to it." Dudley said scornfully at 11 oclock at night
"Ian, could you chase him away?" Harry asked.
"Of courssssse Harry Potter," Ian replied and slithered after the tubby child.
"Thanks," Harry said after Dudley had ran away squealing like a stuck pig.
"No problems." There was a tap at the window and Harry saw three owls lurking outside the window. Ian hissed in terror and hid inside Harry's shirt. "OWLS!" He screamed
"Owls?" Harry asked.
"Owls EAT snakes!" Ian screeched at the top of his voice.
"Their mail delivering owls. I need my letters." Harry said
"I'm not moving then," Ian replied from within Harry's shirt. Harry opened the window and a large snowy owl landed gracefully on the bed followed by a barn owl carrying three letters bearing the Hogwarts crest, a grey, old looking owl that flopped embarrassingly onto the bed and fainted and a small owl that twittered around the ceiling. Harry removed the letters and opened the Hogwarts ones first.
Dear Harry,
As your head of house it is my duty to inform you of your OWL results of last year. I'm sure you remember my promise to you last year that I would do anything to make sure you became an Auror. It seems you are doing just fine without me. Good luck for the future.
Minerva Macgonnagle
Deputy Headmistress
Harry, below are your OWL results. These are graded by letter which is shown in the key below.
P=Poor(lowest fail) D=Dreadful(fail) A=Acceptable(low pass)
E=Exceeds Expectations(good pass) O=Outstanding(highest mark)
For each subject it is possible to receive two OWLs one for the written exam, one for the Practical. You received a grand total of 13 OWLs putting you in the 99th percentile of your year. Marks are awarded as follows.
Subject Practical Theory
Astronomy: A A
Charms: O E
Transfiguration: O A
Potions: O O
Divination: P O
History of Magic: N/A D
Herbology: A A
Defence against the Dark Arts: O O
Congratulations.
Harry sighed with relief. He had passed all the important subjects. He was particularly amazed that he managed to pass potions and divination.
The next was surprisingly from Luna Lovegood.
Hi Harry,
I know you must be beating your self up about the department of mysteries but I just wanted to say thanks for the DA last year. Without your training I would have died then. My father and I managed to catch a Crumple-Horned Snorkack! My dad thought it would make a nice birthday present and a thankyou for the interview you gave to The Quibbler. It was amazing how much sales we made!
Luna
There was a small egg inside the envelope which fell into Harry's open palm. The shrinking charm wore off as soon as it touched his hand and the egg grew to the size of a small dog. Harry groaned inwardly as he opened the next letter from Ron and Hermione
Hi Harry,
We're back at the Burrow and Hermione says she misses you. Honestly she'll be seeing you next week when the order picks you up. I can't say much in case this Owl is intercepted but we both miss you heaps.
Ron
Harry sighed as he chucked the other letters in a pile beside his desk. He glanced at the egg Luna had sent him and chuckled to himself. 'Hermione will be really peeved that she was wrong about that things non-existence,' he thought as sleep claimed him.