Yeah, so...this little brain fart kind of came out of nowhere. I kinda got inspired by these series of Girl Meets World one-shots by tiramisuspice (If you're a Lucaya fan, please go check her out, especially if you are also freaking out about the whole Texas fiasco.)
Anyway, I just really wanted to write a stupid little Kick one-shot where Jack and Kim are passing notes in class and things get very stupid and sexual and they're probable sooo OOC but it's like two o'clock in the morning over here and I've been writing this for like an hour non-stop so yeah.
DON'T BE MEAN, 'KAY?
'Kay. Good. Thank you.
(BTW, Jack is in italics and Kim is in bold :D)
~.~
Hey
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Hey
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HEEEEEYYYYYYY
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So Jerry tells me he saw you wearing socks with sandals last Sunday
What?! I would never - That little bastard, he didn't tell anyone else, did he? Oh, he would just love to embarrass me like that, the buffoon!
Ha, he didn't really. But thanks for finally answering me, this class is so boooriiingggg
Jack, it's AP French. You signed up for this class, you don't get to be bored
So then how come I have the urge to blow my brains out?
I dunno, maybe because you're an idioooootttt?
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Really? You're sulking over this?
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Wow. Baby.
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This is ridiculous, I didn't even want to pass notes in the first place. You're on your own, Brewer.
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Aww come on, I was actually gonna answer you after that one.
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Just distract me until the end of the lesson, pleeeeeaaaaasseeeeee? I'll be your best friend with benefits ;)
Ugh, you are such a pervert.
I don't see you complaining ;)
Really? 'Cause I thought that that was what I just did.
Nope, that right here was you trying to clear out all of the dirty images of us, together, naked and sweaty, whispering naughty words to each other out of your dirty little mind. I bet the thought of being friends with benefits with me gives you such a lady-boner.
Puh-lease, if there's one of us with a boner right now, it's you. God knows you get them often enough. I mean, what could possibly get you turned on in a history class? And please don't tell me it was Mrs. Dobbs, because she's, like, eighty and I really don't want to projectile puke right now.
Oh my God, you're seriously not gonna let me live that down, are you? And no, it wasn't the old hag, I just happened to get a pretty decent view when a certain someone bent over and flashed her black, laced panties at me. Come to think of it, she might have been trying to seduce me ;)
Jack Brewer, you are so unbelievable! I was bending down to grab my pencil! And if you had any decency in you you'd have looked away, you pervert!
Okay, first of all, ow. Did you really have to dig your heels that hard into my foot? Also, while what you wrote may all very well be true, I didn't see you deny your attempt at seducing me. For all I know, it was all part of your five-year plan to get into my pants ;)
God, you really are a pervert, aren't you? And to be honest, I think we both know that if I had wanted to get into yours, or anyone else's smelly, unwashed underwear, I wouldn't need a five-year plan. I wouldn't even need lacy, black underwear. I mean, have you met me? Blonde, southern belle, captain of the cheer squad, flexible beyond relief and sporting a more than decent rack?
...I think you forgot modest.
Pssh, who needs modesty when you're every straight guy's wet dream? Hell, even Stephen from my bio class told me last month that I was at the top of his 'Would fuck if I were straight' list. Isn't that the cutest thing ever?
Uhh, yeah. Totally...But you know Stephen's not gay, right? I literally saw him making out with Paula Jefferson in the guys' bathroom earlier. Looked like they were gonna do the nasty, too.
Well that doesn't make any sense. Why would he tell me he was gay if he's not?
Umm, I don't know, to get in your panties, maybe? You said it yourself, you're the walking embodiment of the horny teenager's wet dream.
But...wouldn't telling me he's gay lower his chances at hooking up with me? What kind of fucked-up reasoning made him do that?
Beats me, the challenge maybe? You'd be surprised by the number of women who get so fucking turned on at the thought of turning a gay guy. Weren't you there when we went to watch Horrible Bosses 2?
Yeah, but I just figured that that was just one of that freaky dentist's weird kinks. I didn't realize that it was an actual thing...
Like I said, you'd be surprised.
Hmm. Well, I suppose I should be flattered, then.
Yeah, sure, 'cause there's nothing creepy about what he did at all.
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Kim?
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Don't tell me you're gonna start turning gay guys now? I mean you're already a handful for the rest of us ;)
Honestly Jack, did you not see the death glare Miss. Kay shot us? You can't keep passing me notes, you're gonna get us into trouble! Now concentrate on your work and leave me alone!
But Kiiiiimmmmm, I'm booooooooreeeedddd :(:(:(
Yeah, so I've heard. Why did you even choose this AP class in the first place? Surely you'd have been better off in Music Theory. You're great at playing the guitar, I'm seriously confused as to why you didn't pick that.
Well maybe I just didn't feel like it. I mean, you're always on twitter but I don't see you enrolled in any AP Computer Science classes.
...Jack, I'm not sure you quite comprehend just what exactly Computer Science is all about.
Pff, I know enough. Anyway, French may be dull as hell but at least by the end of it I'll be able to flirt with all those sexy french maids in their tiny little outfits ;)
I think you've been watching a little too much porn, Brewer. Those types of women do not exist in real life. And even if they did, there's no way that they'd ever lower their standards to screwing a perverted, lazy slob who insists on always belching the alphabet.
Aw come on, you know you love it when I do that!
...That's beside the point. What I'm saying is that you really have a seriously fucked-up vision of french culture, and that those late-night dates with your right hand and a slutty maid need to stop before you fry your brain.
What, would you rather have me fantasizing about you in some ass-hugging daisy dukes, riding me like a pony and calling me cowboy? ;)
You seem to have already thought that through before x) Think about me a lot late at night, cowboy?
Oh yeah. You, Daenerys Targaryen and Dora the Explorer in a kinky threesome with some fluffy pink handcuffs and plenty of lube ;)
Oh, Dora the explorer? Maybe you should've chosen Spanish, then, as your AP class. I didn't realize you liked them so young x)
Ah, but then I wouldn't be able to pester you, then, would I, Kimmy-bear? 3
Ah, so he reveals his true motives. ^^
Oh, yes. When I heard you were taking this class I told myself that I absolutely had to join because I've been in love with you since the moment I met you, and any time we spend apart is like a knife to my heart.
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Just in case I wasn't clear enough, that was sarcasm. As if I'd ever be in love with you. Psshh, yeah right. Gimme Dora any day.
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Not that there's anything wrong with you, of course. You're amazing just the way you are.
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Really? Nothing? Even after the Bruno Mars quote? Jeez, tough crowd. Wanna come over and play video games later?
Whatcha got?
Wow, great to know what you value in our friendship. I feel so used and dirty.
Oh please, you'd love to be used by me. I see the way you check me out when you think I'm not looking ;)
Ohohoh, now who's the pervert?
Hey, what can I say? You rub off on me.
You wish that I'd rub off on you ;)
...I'm not even totally sure how that's sexual, but it still made me gag a little.
Ouch. That hurt, Kimmy-bear. Like a blade to the wrists, a knife to the back, a bullet to the head!
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...like a pen to the hand!
You had it coming.
Yeah, I totally did.
But srsly what games did your old man get his hands on this week? God, I really love having a rich best friend.
Yeah, I bet you do. Meanwhile, I'm still not certain what I'm getting out of this relationship...
A little less air in that huge head of yours for one thing. Also, I make great brownies and give boner-inducing massages ^^
Hey, I already told you, that was because you had your boobs all squished up against my back and you know how much I love boobs!
Why Dora, then? She's as flat as Kristy Verona's hair on a humid day.
Ah, but she's a latina, you see, so I'm just waiting for DAT ASS to show up X)
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Oh my God, that was so funny :D Did you see the look on her face? Priceless! That was good thinking, by the way ;)
Yeah, well, remind me never to think again. Only I would tell a teacher that we were sending each other steamy notes. She probably thinks I'm some sort of sexual deviant now...
Well, it could be worse; she could have asked you to read them aloud. In french.
Yikes. Now that would be sadistic. Anyway, what games do you have?
Yeesh, impatient, much? He only got one this week, but you'll be happy to know that it's the new CarJack game, with three additional weapon choices and now you can even run over little old ladies :D
Oh my God that is sooooo cool! All they need now is a female protagonist.
Really? I just got the new CarJack game and you're going on about feminism?
That was not feminism!
Yu-huh
Nu-huh
Yu-huh
Nu-huh
Yu-huh
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Well I win.
NU-HUH
God, you are so immature. SMH.
Oh, that's rich, mister 'Hey, let's put fake spiders in the girls' bathroom just for shits and giggles!'
Ah, good times.
Typical. Anyway, I should be able to make it tonight. You got any ice-cream?
Yeah, but I ran out of your favorite.
Strawberry Cheesecake?
Duh. What other favorites do you have? I swear, if you could, you would live off that stuff.
So? It's delicious. And it's not like you wouldn't, either.
Nah, I'm more of a Peanut Butter Cup man, myself.
Of course, how could I forget. You're one of them...
One of who?
The soulless people who actually like the taste and texture of peanut butter. You're the worst type of human. You're right up there with gingers and left-handed people.
Wow...okay. You know Milton's ginger, right?
Yeah, but only half. That means he still has half a soul so it's all good.
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What the hell was that?!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just couldn't help it! You really are ridiculous, you know that?
Yeah, well, get ready for a whole fistfull of ridiculous later, because now that we've got detention, on a Saturday morning no less, I won't be able to buy my tickets for the big Ricky Weaver concert next month. I hope you're happy, now.
...A little bit, yeah.
Yeah, sooo...that was something. I feel like I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm kinda swamped right now between school, exams, writing the next chapter for DACB and planning the next one for the Dubai one-shots.
Aye, papi. I need to rest.
Anyway, I'm too swamped to write anything else, so cheeri-o!
-CCC