I Carry Your Heart With Me
Disclaimer: All of the characters and the Smallville Universe belong to the CW or DC Comics, not me. Many thanks to Irra who found the poem for me!
Timeline: Day after Crimson. Lois has just left the loft. She not only talked about what neither of them could remember (well, Lois, anyway), but told him that Chloe was devastated by what happened and raked him over the coals for how he has treated her over the years.
i carry your heart with me
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
--ee cummings
Chapter 1 - Repercussions
After Lois left, Clark stayed up in the loft thinking about what she'd said. How could he really not be in love with Lana, but in love with the idea of being in love with her? As long as he could remember, Lana was all he ever wanted. He was smart, but that one bent his brain. He was interrupted by footsteps on the stairs. He looked up to see Jimmy approaching. "Hey. Sorry about my behavior last night. I don't know what happened, but that wasn't me."
"Yeah, I know. Chloe said it happens sometimes," said Jimmy.
"Well," Clark continued, "I sure put my foot in it this time. I not only insulted Lex and Lana, but my mother and my apparent date, and to top it off, my best friend. I am not sure I can mend that one. Mom didn't say I insulted you too – did she just leave that one out?"
"No, you didn't say anything to me," Jimmy crossed his arms and glared at Clark. "You have no clue, do you? I went to see Chloe this morning to make sure she was ok, because yeah, you were a total bastard to her. She was devastated and humiliated last night, but today, she's totally fine and says she's forgiven you. She loves you so much she'll forgive you anything."
He crossed over to the window and looked out over the farm, then turned back to Clark. "I broke up with her this morning. I just can't compete with you any more. The kicker is that you are totally unaware you were the competition. Of course, she denies she is in love with you, but even before we started dating Lois told me that she's loved you since she was fourteen. She's always been your best friend, but has been in Lana's shadow forever, suffering in silence and deserves better. I can't give her what she wants because she doesn't want me, she wants you, and you don't get it. You're stupid and blind."
"Wait–" said Clark. "You broke up with her?"
"Yes. I could deal with the two of you being best friends and working together on these special projects or whatever it is you do. I just couldn't deal with the way she always looks at you when she thinks I'm not looking. I never get that look from her. I can't do it any more. I deserve better too."
Clark sat down on the couch and looked at the floor before looking up. "I am so sorry that I have come between you and Chloe. She's my best friend, so of course I do love her – but I love her as my best friend, that's all. I never wanted to come between you. Are you sure you can't mend things between you?"
As he watched him, and saw how he took the news, Jimmy could tell that Clark, if anything, was as honest as they come, and could see that he was wracked with guilt not only by what happened at the party but the resulting repercussions. Chloe was right when she had told him that Clark took responsibility for things even he had no control over. "C.K., I believe that you're sorry. It doesn't mean I'm not mad at you but I'll eventually get over it." He paused and walked to the stairs. "I've gotta run. You should probably go to her; she wasn't doing well when I left her at Lois' an hour ago." Jimmy held out his hand to Clark, and then turned to leave. On his way down the stairs he called back, "You're kidding yourself if you think you don't love her."