Title: I Need You To Trust Me
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: cryptic references to rape
Words: ~2,900
Summary: Sirius seems to be suffering from Remus' attack just as much, if not more, than Remus is suffering himself. Sequel to Buildings Keep Crumbling.
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. Absolutely no profit is being made from this.
A/N: I honestly hadn't planned on writing a sequel for Buildings, but everyone seemed so interested, and the story seemed to want to be written : the ideas just kept coming. Thank you some much to everyone who read Buildings, and I hope this sequel does some justice to what you envisioned. :)
"Snivellus?" James says incredulously, turning to look fully at Peter. But Peter's reply is drowned out for Remus by the muggy fog of his thoughts. Warring with his shock and confusion is an un-ignorable sense of utter relief. He and Severus have never really gotten along particularly well – which Remus understands as he generally just sits by and watches while Sirius and James torment the boy. But Severus, in return for Remus' inactive part in his teenage torture, has never shown an overt hatred of the boy. Remus doesn't – can't – understand what made Severus do it. At the same time, he feels a rush of liberation that laps at his fear and dissipates it slowly. It doesn't matter anymore that the incident is an unforgivable offense because Sirius didn't commit it – there is no forgiveness necessary, at least when it comes to the one who matters most to Remus.
He slowly clues back into the conversation and realizes that Sirius is staring at him concernedly, hovering over him, brow knit with worry. The animagus' mouth is opening and closing, he is saying something that the buzz of Remus' mind seems to be blocking out.
"Sorry, what?" Remus says, trying to shake himself from his thoughts.
"What happened?" Sirius' voice still sounds far off, as though he is speaking from a distance and Remus looks to James in askance. The boy shakes his head – he has kept his word and hasn't yet dispelled Remus' secret; not even to his best friend. His brother. "Moony, what did he do?" Remus looks at Sirius, sees the worry etched in his face and wonders how it is that he could ever have confused Severus with the boy in front of him – their eyes are so very different. He realizes that Sirius still hasn't touched him, he's still hanging anxiously over, unsure of what action to take, though he is staring so fiercely into his eyes, Remus can feel the burn.
"I…I…he came in here. He…like you." Remus is still having trouble finding his words, he twists the damp towel in his hands and grimaces, embarrassed. He has never stuttered before, but in his nerves and confusion, he finds himself stammering.
"What about me?" Sirius says and Remus can tell that even though the oldest Gryffindor is trying, he is losing what little patience he had – even for Remus.
Remus opens and closes his mouth, a gaping fish out of water, at a loss for words. So he is grateful when James interjects to help him out. "Snivellus came up here and…attacked Moony." He winces before glancing at Remus for confirmation and continues when he receives a short nod. "He must have taken a potion or something because Remus thought he was you."
Sirius blinks and Remus can see that he is clenching and unclenching his fists in the air. Suddenly he spins on his heels and storms from the room, slamming the large door behind him as he leaves in a fury. "Shit!" James yells in the silence after the door slam, staring at the exit.
"Go after him, won't you?" Remus asks, tired and anxious about what Sirius might do just because he is playing the hero. Repentance for earlier sins, Remus thinks despairingly and shakes his head. It's a good thing we didn't tell him what really happened. James nods and hurries out the door, leaving Remus in his bed and Peter staring – confused – between Remus and the spot where James had been standing. He is clutching a blank piece of parchment in his hand, which Remus knows to be the map. Remus runs his hands over the towel a few times and sets it on his nightstand, grimacing at the pain the small movement causes. "Why don't you come over here and we'll see where they're going?" Remus offers. He has always felt guilty that Peter so often seems to be left out.
The younger boy grins and nods, hastening to join Remus at his bedside, unfolding the map to lay it on the boy's lap. Remus grabs moves to grab his wand from his bedside table, but it is gone. He shrugs, assuming it fell to the floor and promising himself that he will look for it later when he's up to it. He motions for Peter to cast the magic and shortly after they are searching the massive parchment for James' and Sirius' footsteps. They finally find them, in the middle of an old classroom. Severus is nowhere near them, in fact he is already back in the Slytherin common rooms. Remus swallows a lump in his throat at the thought of Severus telling anyone – he hopes that the other boy won't further the indignity of the situation by embarrassing him and sharing his secret. At least give me that, Remus thinks while staring at Severus' dot, trying to come to some conclusion as to why he was attacked.
"What do you think they're doing?" Peter says, reminding Remus of his presence.
Remus shrugs and immediately regrets it. His ribs are throbbing and he's sure he's broken them again. "'m not sure. Listen, Pete, do you think you could go and tell Madam Pomfrey that I've re-broken my ribs? Only it's a little painful to walk." Peter looks excited at the prospect of being useful seeing as he rarely has the chance. He nods and leaves Remus with the map, rushing out of the room, leaving Remus to his thoughts.
What Remus really and truly wants is to pretend that the events of the last hour never happened. Once Madam Pomfrey has had the chance to heal his ribs the only remaining scars from the event will be the pain in his ass, and he's sure that that can't last for too long. He scrubs his face with his hands and looks desperately out the window, wishing now – more than ever – that he had a time turner. He knows that he should get out of bed and look for his wand, he's starting to feel a little exposed in its absence, even if it is just somewhere under his bed, but all he wants to do is take a shower, change and burrow into his duvet. Never come out again. He decides that he'll wait until Madam Pomfrey heals him, then he can find his wand and go take a shower. He'd prefer to bathe in the prefect's bathroom, but it's too far to walk and besides, he just wants to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible.
To occupy his mind while waiting, he looks back down at the map and sees that James and Sirius are coming back to the common room, moving faster than most of the other people around them. He folds the map, there's no need to keep it out anymore, but leaves it on his lap. One of the other boys will have to clear it for him. It's another five minutes before the door is pushed open once more and Sirius and James come through, breathing hard as though they have run. "Is everything okay?" Remus asks as Sirius falls onto his own bed and runs angry hands through his hair. James shakes his head. "What's wrong?"
Again James shakes his head and Sirius says nothing, lets his hands fall to either side of his body, his legs draped over the edge of the bed. He is wearing Remus' favourite pair of Converse – old and dirtied by too many adventures trying to plot the map. Remus forgets himself for a moment but when Sirius sits up to remove his shoes, he startles Remus from his reverie. "Is there any way you could check under my bed for my wand?" Remus asks James quietly. "I think it must have fallen in the…scuffle." He says the last word quietly and closes his eyes when he is done speaking.
James acts fast and ducks under Remus' bed to search for the AWOL wand. Remus blinks his eyes open and looks over at Sirius, but the boy has his hands shielding his face, effectively blocking out the world. Remus isn't sure why he would be, but Sirius behaviour makes the werewolf concerned that Sirius might be angry with him. James bumps his head on the bottom of the bed, Remus feels the thump just before he hears James' expletive, muffled by the bed. It seems to give Remus the courage he needs. "Sirius, did I do something wrong?" he asks quietly, cautiously. Sirius doesn't lower his hands when he shakes his head, doesn't check to see if Remus has registered the small gesture before rolling over onto his side, his back to Remus. James wriggles out from under the four poster, glasses askew and hair messier than usual. He wipes the dust from his trousers and fixes his glasses and Remus tries to swallow his panic when he sees no trace of a wand.
"Sorry, mate," James says as he rises with the assistance of the bedside table. "No wand." He pulls his own wand from his back pocket and smirks. "Should have done this to begin with. Accio Remus' wand," he says and the two of them wait for a few seconds, hoping. Remus can't tell if Sirius is waiting too or if he's asleep. After a few moments there is still no sign of the wand and Remus groans, James murmurs what he is thinking. "Snape must've taken it." With the realization, Remus finds himself feeling even worse, even more desolate than he did only minutes prior and he hadn't really thought that was possible. It wasn't enough for Severus to take away his control of his body but now he has seen fit to take away his control of his powers as well? For some reason, Remus feels a rush of shame at the thought, but then the dormitory door opens and Peter is leading Madam Pomfrey and the feeling flickers out like a lamp losing gas.
"What happened?" she starts, bustling over to Remus' bed, prodding him gently. "I told you to rest!"
Remus shrugs, not wanting to rehash the events of the last hour, not even in his own mind. Let her think that he was intentionally rough housing. If Peter didn't see fit to tell her what had happened when he got her, Remus sees no point in doing so now. Sirius sits up in his bed and looks at Remus and then to Madam Pomfrey. "He was attacked," he says flatly and his tone unnerves Remus.
Madam Pomfrey gasps and waves her wand over Remus. There's a sudden cold rush of something unseen to all of Remus' aches and pains. He looks down at his torso and sees his ribcage glowing a faint red, even through his t-shirt. He groans inwardly, knowing he should have expected the spell. It's the same one she uses after every full, to reveal the parts of him that are hurt the worst so that she'll know where to heal him, because most of the time, he's unconscious and couldn't tell her even if he wanted to. Remus presses further into the bed and just hopes she doesn't ask him to stand or move. She tsks out loud. "You've broken your ribs, again," she says. "I'll have to take you back to the hospital wing and put you on some bone enhancers for the night. I can't heal them again, they're too weak."
Remus will do anything to avoid getting out of bed right now, but his longing to feel better is fighting a fierce battle with his fear of being found out. Every breath he takes causes him pain, and it's only getting worse by the minute. His face is also smarting, he's sure that he has a spilt lip. But he'll do anything – anything – to keep his secret. "I'm fine," he lies. "I don't need to go to hospital wing."
Madam Pomfrey shakes her head, because she knows better than to trust Remus Lupin when he tells her that he's fine. "Come on," she says, "up with you." And before he has any more say in the matter, she pulls him bodily up from the mattress and gasps at what she sees. Sirius sits up and Remus hides his face in his hands so that he doesn't have to see the look on Sirius' face that he knows is there, the look that James had not so long ago. That sickening cross of disgusted pity. He leaves the dormitory with Madam Pomfrey's hand on his elbow and is grateful that the common room is empty as they exit.
When Remus wakes the next morning, he is unsure of why he feels so upset. It takes a few moments for the events of the night before to come back to him and when they do, he leans his head back so fast it smashes into the metal railing that subsists for a headboard on the hospital bed. He's been changed into the hospital pyjamas which is nice because they're better than his own, but disturbing because he doesn't remember changing. He glances around and realizes he's in a small sectioned off area, similar to where he is put after the full, but not the same bed. He also realizes that Sirius is asleep in a chair next to his bed, head lolling back, mouth open and emitting a quiet snore. Sirius is still wearing the clothes from his date with Kia, although he has put on an old sweater that Remus is quite sure is his own.
The clock that hangs high on the wall of the hospital wing says that it's five o' clock and since Remus has no windows to look out of and Sirius is here and not at supper, Remus thinks it is safe to assume it's morning. Remus doesn't intend to wake Sirius, but he has to use the loo and when he's shuffling out of bed, Sirius stirs. "It's early," he whispers, gripping the waistband of the too large pyjama pants. "Go back to sleep. I'm just going to the loo."
Sirius rises from the chair and is quickly at Remus' side. "Do you need help?" he asks concernedly.
"I think I've got this one covered, thanks." Remus says before shuffling to the bathroom. When he comes back, Sirius is sitting awkwardly at the end of the bed. Remus plops down next to him and leans against him so that their arms are pressing together. It feels slightly strange touching Sirius like this, after what he – Severus – did to Remus the night before, but Remus feels that returning to normalcy is the best way to get over what has happened. Sirius wraps an arm around Remus and he stiffens. It is only for the smallest of nanoseconds, but Sirius notices it and snaps his arm away, clasping his hands in his lap.
"I can't believe he did that," he says, and his voice is raspy and thick. The only times Remus has ever heard it like this before were after the Prank and after Sirius ran away from home. "I'm going to fucking kill him. As slowly. As. Possible." His clasped hands clench together and turn white in his lap. Remus knows that he should admonish Sirius and tell him no. He knows that he's supposed to be the reasonable one, the responsible one. He knows that he needs to be brave right now. But he doesn't say anything, he doesn't do anything. He sits next to Sirius and feels like crying, feels like howling, wants to smash his fists into the walls. He doesn't do anything because he finds at the moment, he is afraid to touch Sirius, to be even this close to him. He doesn't say anything because he agrees with Sirius and killing Severus is just what he thinks they should do.
Of course, he knows that they can't kill Severus. But he certainly wants revenge. More than he's ever wanted it before. He isn't sure if it's the fact that it's just after the full and wolf is still lurking close to the surface or if Sirius' anger has swollen his own, but whatever the reason, he finds himself blinded by it. Last night, he had been shocked and scared, frightened and bewildered. But now, in the morning, feeling stronger than before, he is furious, livid, that someone would try to take something like his friendship with Sirius away. He can't believe that Severus would think it was just okay to take liberties like that, to steal someone's pride and dignity while using a friend's façade as a cover up to do so. His hands shake as he pushes himself from the bed and he is about to tell Sirius that he's right when Sirius says something that makes him stop still.
"I can't believe you thought it was me, Moony. I thought you trusted me." And Sirius rises from the bed, exiting the curtain that blocks Remus from the rest of the hospital wing. Remus isn't sure why, but he doesn't follow.