Title: Mojo Trouble
Author:YappiChick
Summary: Written for Camy's Newspaper challenge over at GW. And yes, I know this story would never happen on the show. It's called fun for JT shippers. :)
Elizabeth threw down an open newspaper on her desk in front of Sheppard and Teyla. In the middle of the page, there was a black and white picture of the two of them with their hands on the back of their heads; the headline read MAN, WOMAN ATTACK OWNER OF LOCAL DOJO.
"Who's going to explain this?" she asked furiously.
Teyla and John exchanged a conversation in a glance. Though they had already explained their actions to SGC, there was something more intimidating having to tell Weir what happened. Finally, it was John who spoke. "General Landry already heard our story and cleared us to return to Atlantis."
Weir's eyebrows rose. "The last time I checked, I was the leader of this expedition."
Sheppard winced. He hadn't seen Elizabeth this mad since Rodney blew up a solar system. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Teyla frown. Despite the tension in the room, he turned to her and winked as if to say "don't worry". He sat in the chair, knowing their story would take a while.
"As you know, General O'Neill and Landry wanted to talk with Teyla about her recent encounter with the Wraith Queen, so they ordered us to Earth. After she had given her account of what had happened, they allowed us to have a day of short leave and that's when the trouble began…"
24 hours earlier
"So, are you excited about finally being able to see Earth?"
She looked at him with a slight smile. "I am excited about visiting the elaborate marketplaces you have."
"Malls. They are called malls," he reminded her. "Let's get that out of the way. But first, I need to stop by the bank."
She looked at him inquiringly. "A bank?"
"It's where we keep all of our money…the stuff we use to barter," he explained.
After a few minutes of driving, they pulled into the parking lot. A very full parking lot. "Of course, there are no spots in the front. I'll have to park in front of the other building."
He put the car into "park" but left the motor running. "I'm going to run in by myself, if you don't mind."
She knew why he wanted to go alone; one odd question would cause unnecessary attention to the two of them. Though she had lived with many of Earth's people for a while, their culture was still foreign to her. "Go. I will stay here and wait for you."
He left with a smile and Teyla took in her surroundings. Though she had visited "Earth" many months prior, this visit was no less impressive to her. The number of cars, the height of the buildings, and the amount of technology this world had was nothing, outside of Atlantis, that she had ever seen.
Another thing that impressed Teyla was the overall kindness humans seemed to extend to one another. People holding doors open for each other, allowing people to pass in front of their cars, saying a friendly greeting as they walked by. So many planets she knew, people were suspicious of each other, often only trusting their own village.
She looked at the storefronts from her seat in the car. There was a place that served ice cream; there were many people inside. Next to it was a place that appeared to groom people. She saw several women sitting in tall chairs while another person trimmed their hair.
What she saw through the next window appalled her. There was an older man, dressed in white wearing a black belt and he was attacking a child! The man kept kicking as the young boy blocked him. What was even worse was the fact that the people in the room just sat and watched!
Without thinking, Teyla jumped out of the car and ran to the building. There was no way she was going to sit there while the child was being attacked.
When John came back to the car a couple of minutes later and found Teyla gone, his stomach sank. Where could she have gone? Within seconds he got his answer.
A woman from one of the stores he parked in front of came running out. "Help! This woman is attacking my son's karate instructor!"
"Oh crap," Sheppard muttered as he ran into the dojo.
Running inside, he saw chaos. Teyla was easily defending herself against the older man, delivering a solid punch to his stomach. "Teyla, stop!" he yelled.
At once, she complied. The older man, seeing an opportunity, kicked her legs out from under her. Sheppard saw red as he pushed the older man against the wall. "What's your problem? She stopped," he gritted through his teeth.
Unfortunately for Sheppard, that was about the time that the local police came to the scene. "Sir, back away with your hands up."
The older man ran to the officers. "That woman, she attacked me for no reason and when I tried to defend myself, he pinned me against the wall. I have been an instructor for fifteen years and nothing like this has ever happened to me."
The officers led the two outside, having each of them put their hands on their heads as they patted them down. John noticed one of the parents taking a picture of the two of them. Great, he thought, just what they needed.
After they were put in the car, Teyla leaned to John. "I was merely trying to help the child in trouble."
John flashed a look at her; he knew most police cars had an audio pickup. "Teyla, don't say anything. When we get to the station, don't answer any questions no matter what the officers say."
She nodded, obviously putting her vow of silence into effect.
Hours later, Sheppard was staring at the ceiling from his jail cell. This wasn't exactly the way he had envisioned his trip to earth with Teyla. He heard footsteps approaching his cell.
"Well, Sheppard, you sure got yourself into a hell of a mess this time, didn't you?" asked an annoyed Landry.
John sat up and looked at his CO. "Sir--"
"We just posted your bail. Let's go," Landry instructed.
"What about Teyla?" asked John. There was no way he would let Teyla stay there alone, even if this whole thing was her fault.
"She's in the car already." He said, walking out of the cell area.
When Sheppard got into the car, Landry frowned. "Do you know how much scrambling we've been doing since this whole ordeal started?"
Teyla leaned forward. "I apologize, General. I thought that the child I saw was in danger."
"You should have never got out of the car. If you think there is a problem, you are to wait for instructions from Sheppard or anyone else in SGC. You don't know enough about us to have the privilege to walk about earth freely," Landry scolded.
Sheppard wanted to jump in to defend Teyla, but knew that it would do more harm than good. He gave her a reassuring smile.
"We spent the afternoon creating an identity for Miss Emmagan since she doesn't exist anywhere in unclassified databanks and we needed a cover story," Landry said.
"Which is?"
"That she experienced a flashback of a horrible attack that she suffered years ago," Landry explained.
"You are going to make her sound crazy!" Sheppard argued.
"What idea do you have? That she came from another galaxy?" shot back Landry.
Teyla put her hands on John's arm. "It is alright, Colonel. I am sure this was the best idea that they could come up with."
Landry fidgeted. It was an odd sight; Sheppard didn't think he had ever seen him do that before. "That's not the entire story."
Sheppard turned to him. "We have to explain your actions too, Colonel. So, you two are now married."
"What?!" both of them said at the same time.
"We were going to try to pass her off as your sister, but that story could have been too easily debunked. The guys at SGC whipped up a fake marriage license, along with a phony social security number and driver's license for Teyla."
"Now, you're going to go make nice with Mr. Alan Kim. Apologize and make this story believable. Hopefully, we'll be able to settle with him and make a plea deal with the court," Landry said.
John sighed; there was no way of getting out of this one. "All right, what do you want us to say exactly?"
Ten minutes later, they were pulling up to an unfamiliar home. Sheppard walked Teyla up the driveway. "Somehow, I didn't picture us being married this way."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, she raised her eyebrows. "You have pictured us married?"
He stammered for a few seconds before they reached the door. Tentatively, he knocked on the door. Mr. Kim opened the door with a scowl. "Oh, it's you two. Your lawyer said you would be stopping by."
John put his arm around Teyla's shoulders. "Mr. Kim, we just wanted to apologize for our behavior this afternoon."
Teyla nodded. "I am truly sorry. When I was a young girl, I was attacked in front of a large crowd and no one ever stood up to that bully. I was attacked brutally and made a promise to myself that if I ever saw anyone in harm's way, I would protect them."
John was impressed; he almost believed her.
Mr. Kim narrowed his eyes to gauge how honest she was being. "Didn't you notice the sign saying it was a dojo?"
Teyla smiled sympathetically. "I am afraid I did not."
"I have to apologize too. When I saw you attacking my wife, I just lost it. Nothing is more important than she is," John said, dropping a kiss in her hair.
Mr. Kim sighed. "It is ok. I must admit I was rather angry this afternoon, but appreciate the fact you took the time to apologize. I was lucky. Other than being a bit sore tomorrow, I should have no injuries."
Teyla's smile was sincere. "That is good to hear."
"Though I have to ask you. What type of fighting were you doing? In all my life I have never seen moves like those," Kim asked.
John froze. They didn't practice any answers for that question. Fortunately, Teyla had one in mind. "It is a style of fighting my family developed many years ago."
"Really?" he said, intrigued. "Where are they from?"
"New Jersey," she answered simply.
Sheppard knew this conversation could go downhill very quickly if they weren't careful. "Sorry to cut this short, but she has an emergency appointment scheduled with her therapist."
Kim nodded. "If you ever can get your impulses under control, you should considering opening a dojo yourself. You could teach a lot of people some impressive moves."
Teyla nodded. "I will consider that. Once again, I am sorry."
Sheppard forced a smile. "Me too."
"…and that's pretty much it. It was just one of those intergalaxy miscommunications," John finished.
"And you two are now married?" Weir asked, a bit a humor in her voice. Now that she had heard the whole story, she had to admit, it was a bit humorous. No wonder Landry had let them off without too much trouble.
"Well, on earth, technically," John answered. "But, I promise, it won't affect our working relationship here. Everything is the same."
Teyla smiled. "John assured me that if I ever wanted to pursue a relationship with another man, he would not stand in the way."
Elizabeth picked up the newspaper off her desk. "All right, you two can go. But, please, use more caution when going to earth. I really don't need the IOC getting mad at me because two people on my expedition have been arrested."
"Thank you," Teyla said, as she and John stood up.
John smiled. "I don't think we'll be taking any more trips to earth for a while." The two of them left Weir's office, John being a couple of inches closer to Teyla than he normally stood. He leaned down to her ear and she laughed.
Weir smiled softly. "Somehow I don't think everything is the same, John," she said under her breath.