Characters: Lisa, Shunsui, Nanao, others
Summary: Lisa, New York and memories.
Pairings: past Shunsui x Lisa
Warnings/Spoilers: spoilers for Turn Back the Pendulum arc
Timeline: post-Turn Back the Pendulum arc, pre-manga
Author's Note: New York City seemed like a good setting for this. Also, I'm sure that at some point the Vizard had to take jobs in order to support themselves, though they probably would have had to skip town once every few years or so once their employers realized they weren't aging.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Lisa doesn't know why, but she almost likes New York City. It's loud, crowded and the air's so thick that at times she can barely breathe. The crime rate's off the charts this summer of 1976 and all Lisa has to do is switch on the battered television set in her apartment to know that someone else has been mugged, someone else has been murdered, and on and on and on.
When she thinks about it, it's the anonymity. That may be it, may be why she doesn't leave. Lisa doesn't mind being an ant; sure, she has to dodge out of the way constantly to avoid being squished, but at least no one knows her name. No one ever looks at her as being anything out of the ordinary.
Here, she can disappear seamlessly.
This evening is much like other evenings. Home from work at Belk, back to the tiny, somehow musty apartment with its rust-colored walls and rust-colored carpets. Eating Chinese takeout once again because she's so sick and tired of frozen dinners and wondering if life really can get more monotonous than it is right now. The television's going wild about Jimmy Carter again and there's the familiar thump-thump-thump of footsteps from above on the sixth floor.
Lisa only ever props her elbows on the windowsill and sticks her head out the window of her apartment when she goes to smoke. The obligatory hand waving is done to the Italian woman in the apartment building across the street, and Lisa flips out her lighter and breathes in the smoke, sighing deeply.
'Lisa Yates', as she's known at Belk, has a reputation of permanently appearing as though she has a migraine. English comes so easily to her now but the words still run through her mind only with difficulty at times and though none of her co-workers can tell that she's anything but American-born, it's hard sometimes. She never smiles; when the customers come up to the cashier's desk to pay for their goods they always duck their heads and avoid her flat, intense stare. Sarah finds it funny how frightening the customers find her; their supervisor isn't quite so amused.
'Lisa Yates' is well-known to be something of a chain smoker, smoking because it helps her stress. No one's sure just what it is she has stress over; it's not like being a cashier at Belk is all that stressful of a job and no one knows about the voice in her head anyway.
'Lisa Yates' may soon be out of a job. Her supervisor's been dropping hints about the general opinion considering her behavior and even less subtle hints about what will happen to her if she doesn't lighten up a bit and smile, because for Christ's sake it's not natural when women don't smile.
Lisa Yates can't care less and Yadomaru Lisa wonders in frustration if life could possibly be a little more monotonous; after all, her thoughts are still running in unique lines from day to day. Small wonder she needs the nicotine fix every night, along with that snide little voice intruding constantly on her thoughts.
"My, my, so rude. Now what do you want to do to them for that?"
"Oh come. You know she couldn't possibly do anything to hurt you if it came down to a fight."
"You truly are so pathetic. You know you want to break your supervisor's jaw and yet all you do is put those little tubes of death in your mouth and light up every time you get frustrated. You were a Shinigami once, and you are part-Hollow now. You are half me and yet you choose to behave as a doormat."
Sometimes, the temptation strongly runs in the direction of wanting to take the spider up on her offer of bloody vengeance.
Lisa closes her eyes, and breathes out a blue column of smoke. Her muscles start to relax, and her mind clears of the jumble and ruckus of the day's events. As of this moment at the night, after the first inhale and exhale, Belk, the intimidated customers, Sarah, other coworkers and her bitch of a supervisor all float away. It's not important anymore, not that it ever has been.
Of course, there is a downside to this.
Inevitably, as the present starts to become remote and hazy and the future isn't thought about at all, the past starts to show its face with clarity, and Lisa can't hide behind tobacco smoke clouds and keep her face hidden.
Cool jade eyes, slightly bloodshot, narrow behind the lenses of ruby red horn-rimmed glasses. Cars go rushing past outside; a taxi sends a sheen of dirty water flying from a puddle. Shouts echo from the streets, vendors and people recognizing each other. Neon signs flash everywhere she looks. The sounds of construction come from far away. Her evening symphony to set a tune to her memories.
Sometimes, Lisa wonders if Shunsui ever thinks about her when his mind is abstracted and there's nothing else to fill it. God knows she's stuck thinking about him all the time. At the worst her mind is accosted with the image of a tall, burly man, slovenly dressed with a messy shihakusho and a wrinkled silk kimono over it. The sakura print ripples with every move and his booming, sonorous voice fills every inch of the room in warmness.
How could he? How could he?
Lisa's lip curls.
Good riddance to faithless men.
Deep down in some part of her that she doesn't like to acknowledge exists, Lisa feels pain. She feels… betrayed, believe it or not. She feels betrayed and she knows she should, because damn it Shunsui condemned her to death, because he didn't even bother to try to speak up in her defense. Because he should have at least tried to help her. Because Shunsui of all people…
Lisa's jaw clenches, and she recoils from the foul taste as part of his cigarette falls into her mouth and the other half plummets to the street below. She spits it out, gagging and lets it too fall to the street. Let the pedestrians deal with it.
It hurts dully, her bones hurt dully because Shunsui threw her to the wolves. Lisa's never come quite so close to hating someone as she does Shunsui, because he failed her and didn't even give a thought to…
Well, those are the thoughts and the absent phantom echo-sensations that keep her from sleeping well at night.
Lisa pulls out her lighter and the pack of Virginia Slims, lighting up once more. She's been trying to limit herself to one cigarette a night, but since she lost the first before she could even get a decent pull out of it, Lisa relents and decides she can be forgiven for having two.
Her mind immersed in memories goes from Shunsui to a topic no less painful.
Nanao should be nearly grown by now. She won't look like a child anymore but maybe a teenage girl or a young woman. Lisa can just picture her: slender and pale, glasses over blue-violet eyes and blue-black hair gleaming under light. She won't be the small, pudgy-handed child Lisa remembers who wanted her to read to her and help her with her zanpakuto.
Lisa's jaw nearly clenches again, but she stops herself just in time, not wanting to waste another cigarette or feel that horrid taste fill her mouth again.
What do I miss, living out here on the edge of anything?
Good grief, I had dreams once. I had things I wanted to do, places I wanted to see and people I wanted to see them with. Now I'm just working a string of jobs that bore me out of my skull. I hate them all and I can't find anything better, and God knows I'm ruining my teeth, so why—
The thoughts stop themselves so the spider can't take over. Lisa's inner Hollow grumbles about not being allowed free rein and Lisa ignores her.
She breathes in deeply, lets smoke fill her lungs.
Accordingly, her agitated mind calms a bit.
Who knows, maybe Nanao's in charge of things and running the place by now. I'm sure Shunsui's still taicho but if Nanao's lieutenant she'll be de facto Eight Division head since Shunsui can't be bothered to do anything.
Shunsui can go to Hell for all Lisa cares, and Nanao will make a good lieutenant. She really, really doesn't care anymore.
That's why she needs a cigarette at night to calm her down.