A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.
- John Keats
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Toph stares, unseeing, out at the sunset, thinking that she never had a chance.
She knows who she is - she is strong, and confident, and talented, and Sokka once called her pretty. But she wouldn't know...she's never seen herself. She doesn't know colors, she doesn't know light and dark, so how would she be able to know if someone was pretty or not?
Except...she does know.
But she only knows with one person.
Toph can't see beauty. But she can hear. Oh yes, she can hear.
She hears the sharp intakes of breath, every time she walks into a room. She hears the quickened heartbeat, every time she is speaking. She hears the faint, whimsical sighs, she hears the hitch in their speech whenever they talk to her. Sometimes, she even fancies she can hear their thoughts.
They call her beautiful, in their minds. They call her serene, and fiery, and graceful, and ruthless; but most of all, they call her beautiful. Toph wouldn't know about that...she's never seen beauty. She doesn't know what a person's face looks like - she would have to feel it, with her own hands.
But Toph knows that Katara of the Water Tribe...is beautiful.
Nobody pays attention to a blind girl. Just because she cannot see, they seem to think she cannot hear, either. But she hears - she hears them discussing her, in a language foreign to Toph. They speak of her blue eyes, so mercurial and placid at the same time. They speak of her chocolate brown hair, silky and flowing, much like the water she controls. They speak of her mocha skin, soft and smooth.
It's usually at this point that Toph walks away, disgusted by these men she does not know.
But deep inside, that is not really why she leaves.
She leaves because she knows Katara is beautiful.
You can even tell by her voice. Fury, joy, guilt, happiness, mishchief, love...beauty is apparent in Katara's tone, and the way she says her words.
Toph doesn't even know if Katara knows she is beautiful. She doubts that the waterbender would care - Toph certainly wouldn't care if random men thought she was attractive or not.
No...it's the people close to them, the people they both care about, that really get to Toph.
Sokka. Sokka is Katara's brother, so naturally he has no romantic inclinations towards her. He doesn't view her that way - Toph would be disgusted if he did. But even Sokka seems to acknowledge his sister's beauty. She hears the warning tones he uses with any man who interacts with her. She can almost hear him glaring, too - willing anybody to try and make a pass at Katara. He has never done this for Toph; he barely does it for Suki, even though she is his girlfriend. But what does Toph care? She doesn't. She thinks she can hear Sokka's thoughts: Stay away from her.
Zuko. Zuko is a paradox - he is kind and cruel and stoic and volatile all at once, reminding her of a certain someone, ironically. And whether Zuko knows it or not, Toph has heard. She's heard the slight shift in his breathing, whenever Katara walks by. She hears the tone he uses with her, a modicum softer than the tone he uses with anyone else; even Mai, his supposed other half. And maybe Zuko really does love Mai - but he is also attracted to Katara. He cannot help it. Everyone who meets her is drawn to her. She is a pulling force, strong but effortless. She hears Zuko's thoughts, too: I want...but I cannot have.
Aang. Aang is...
Toph curls her toes into the sand, and tries not to cry. She doesn't cry. Only a few people have seen her cry, and she is not about to shed her rare tears in front of an ocean, like some idiot. She pulls her knees up to her chest, and wonders if the sunset that she cannot see would be less beautiful if Katara were here, overshadowing it.
And then she scoffs, ignoring the burning in her eyes. No...Katara is an enhancer. She makes everyone else look beautiful, too. The sunset that she cannot see would only be more splendid if the Sugar Queen were here, casting everything else in her warm, all-inclusive beauty. But perhaps it is overshadowing after all - who would look at a sunset when Katara was around?
Toph is like that sunset.
And Aang seems to think so, too.
Aang loves Katara - everyone has known this, forever. Even the Sugar Queen, oblivious to everyone else's affections, knows this. And he has a special place in her heart - they haven't made it official or anything, but Toph hears the way they whisper with each other, the way they sometimes brush shoulders when walking together, or the way they kiss...but that makes the burning in Toph's sightless eyes come back, so she stops thinking about it.
And she hears Sokka huff in barely concealed irritation, and she hears Zuko's silent jealousy, in the way he crosses his arms, muscles taut.
Toph likes Aang; but nobody knows this. Not the Avatar, not the strategical Water tribe genius, not the Fire Lord...and not Katara. No, the waterbending princess would never think that the strong, confident, talented girl would like Aang. Because Aang is entirely devoted to Katara, and who would be stupid enough to chase after him after that?
Apparently, thinks Toph, as the gentle waves lap at her feet, she is.
Katara has been the mother figure of everyone in their group - Aang, Sokka, even Zuko. But now, the Avatar has staked his claim as her lover. And Sokka will be unhappy at first, but accept it in the end. And Zuko will perhaps never come to grips with it - but he will hang back, letting Aang and Katara live out their fairy-tale of a life.
A beautiful life. Katara is beautiful, so she deserves a beautiful life.
And Toph can never be a part of that.
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Beauty is unbearable, drives us to depair, offering us for a minute a glimpse of an eternity that we should like to spread out over the whole of time.
- Albert Camus
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Me: Wow, an Avatar fic! Cool.
Toph: I never thought I'd hate anyone more than Fire Lord Ozai - but now, I think I can safely say that I'm GOING TO KILL YOU.
Me: Whoa! Jeez, Toph.
Katara: She's right, actually. You kind of made Toph the outlier.
Zuko: Since when am I interested in Katara?
Everyone: SINCE FOREVER!
Sokka: (locked in a cage) Stay away from my sister!
Aang: Uhh...why is Sokka in the cage?
Me: Well, Sasuke wasn't available...so someone had to occupy it.
Everyone: Who's Sasuke?
Me: ...never mind. Review!
Zuko: (to himself) Since when am I interested in Katara?