AN: Hey, this is my first Avengers fanfic. I see the movie tomorrow, but I obsess over the fandom, so yeah... This will be a collection of general Avengers stuff. The first, a depressing oneshot on Tony. This stuff is based mostly off a few video clips I've seen and fanfics I've read. It's very short :P
There were days when I'd wake up and wish that I'd never been born.
Or maybe that I hadn't been born as Anthony Edward Stark. Because whenever my name appeared on a magazine, or my face on the news, loads of people were looking at it and thinking. This guy has killed millions. Or they'd tell there children. "Kids, this is what you call a bad man. You don't want to be him."
I'd look in the mirror and a monster was staring back at me. Not the guy I wanted to be. Sure, I wanted to be respected, but deep in my heart I didn't want to be feared.
Because it was all true. I had killed, I'd killed so many people, and I just put a fake face on and ignored it all. I made stupid sounding comments, and flirt with women reporters who were evidently insulting me.
And then it was all different. I realised that I wasn't that powerful when I was out on my own. I'd invented things that could penetrate the protection I wore. All I was, well, I was just a rich man with genius-level intellect and an MIT degree. I wasn't a fighter at all.
So, that was what I was useful for. A genius who can build weapons. A dying genius, by that point. Dying because of shrapnel from my weapon.
I was alive for that moment. So I refused with all my power to build the stupid missile. Well, it wasn't stupid, but the reason was so stupid.
And I just don't function when I think about the rest. I used to be an okay swimmer. Not Olympic standards or anything, but more of an average 'I won't die if I'm chucked in a pool with clothes on' kind of ability. But after that... I haven't swum since. Don't think I ever will again.
And I tell you, PTSD is not fun at all. Especially when you make an announcement that means that you're gonna make a lot of enemies that you don't fucking want. The people who used to be your friends.