A/N: This is the first part of a loosely connected series of scenes that take canon and totally redo it...mostly for comical purposes. I don't know how many I'll write or how often I'll write them, but I certainly plan to write more. ) Scenes are taken from the appropriate scripts and belong to Lucas, of course.
The sand planet of Tatooine emerged from total eclipse, her twin moons glowing bright against the darkness. A tiny Rebel blockade runner, desperately firing its aft lasers, raced through space. Its pursuer, a massive Imperial Stardestroyer, loomed close behind, blasting the area around the smaller ship with hundreds of laserbolts. Several shots found their mark, and the main solar fin of the Rebel craft disintegrated in a glorious burst of sparks.
Inside the Rebel ship, two droids struggled to stay upright as the craft rocked violently. Artoo-Detoo tootled worriedly but did a considerably better job of staying upright, unlike the droid's tall golden companion, See-Threepio. With each blast, the protocol droid was on the verge of toppling over in a mass of waving appendages.
"Did you hear that? They've shut down the main reactor. We'll be destroyed for sure. This is madness!"
Rebel troopers rushed past the droids, taking up positions in the main passageway. That could mean only one thing—Imperial stormtroopers would be knocking at the door any moment now.
"We're doomed!" Threepio cried.
Artoo bleeped a response, but Threepio paid no attention.
"There'll be no escape for the princess this time," the golden droid commented mournfully.
Realizing that Threepio was, once again, not listening, the little droid blurped rudely and rolled off down a passageway.
The ship rocked and metal screamed. Threepio waved his arms in the air. "What's that?" Only then did he realize Artoo had vanished. "Oh dear. Artoo! Come back! Oh, curse that hunk of metal."
Meanwhile, Artoo scooted through dark passages of the ship, beeping softly to himself. He hadn't gone through all this mess just to end up scrapped by the Empire. Unlike Threepio, the little droid knew exactly what was going on. And despite what anyone might have thought, the humans couldn't do anything now. As it had been for so many times before, it was all up to Artoo-Detoo.
He found the princess hidden away in a narrow hallway. She went through the motions of recording a message to Obi-Wan Kenobi while Artoo waited patiently. This wasn't part of his plan, but he knew it would be important to her to feel as if she had some control over the situation. At a sound from an adjoining hallway, the princess hurriedly cut off her message and stowed the information card in Artoo's memory slot. He tootled encouragingly, then rolled out of sight, leaving her alone.
It didn't take long for the stormtroopers to track down Princess Leia. They shouted warnings, got shot, shouted more warnings. They were all too busy to watch behind, where the real danger lurked. The three foot tall blue and silver-white killing machine shot from the dark with a shrill electronic shriek. The
stormtroopers hardly had time whirl and glimpse their doom. Electricity popped though the air. Sparks danced over the troops' white armor, shocking several of them quite literally off their feet. Blaster rifles clattered to the floor and screams filled the air.
The princess could only stand and watch as the stormtroopers writhed under the attack of the droid's vicious welding arm. And some credit must, of course, be given to her, for had it not been for her agile grace and speed, she would surely have been trampled by the troop of fleeing soldiers. Various distorted shouts of "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" echoed in the hall as they rushed past her. But at last, when the dust cleared, the princess was left alone with her droid in shining plasteel. The little droid tootled before the stunned Leia could say a word. Then, rolling once in a complete circle, he scooted off into the smoky haze.