{{A/N: Disclaimer ~ I do not own Naruto, that is owned by Misashi Kishimoto. I decided to write this just for the fun of it. So I hope you get many laughs out of it. I know the characters are a little OOC but I will try to get them as close to character as I can.}}
The Mrs. Konoha Pageant
"Yes it's a beauty Pageant… Yes Sakura was forced to join by Tsunade... Yes you have a right to be angry Sasuke… No you can not be a judge… No you can not hurt any man that looks at her… I know what you can do though," smirked Naruto from ear to ear.
Sasuke didn't like the sudden gleam that came to his knuckleheaded friends aquamarine eyes. He was right to be cautious as well,
"Naruto that is the stupidest, most ridiculous, harebrained, sneaky, perverted thing I have ever heard!" Sasuke exclaimed, the most words leaving his mouth since like, well ever.
Naruto pouted, "But Sasuke Sama, Tsunade-Baa Chan said that girls have been disappearing and she wanted us to explore and find out why."
"Then why don't you do it," Sasuke retorted annoyed.
Naruto looked at him like he was stupid, "Everyone knows what I look like so I'd be thrown out in a second, but you haven't so the decisions been made," he said with his trade mark grin.
Sasuke frowned and turned away, "No."
"Why not?" Naruto whined.
"Hn," Sasuke retorted and walked off.
"You'll get to be in the girls change room," Naruto taunted.
Sasuke smirked, "I'm not as big a pervert as you dobe."
"You'll get to see Sakura Chan naked," he bribed.
Sasuke faltered and turned his attention to the excited blonde who was grinning ear to ear, "Okay you win, show me, but this does not leave your mouth."
"Alright," Naruto cheered and showed Sasuke the correct hand signs.
Sasuke tried the hand signs and failed the first couple of rounds, causing Naruto to laugh and Sasuke to beat him stupider, until he finally got the signals right and created the perfect image, causing Naruto to cry.
"Why are you crying dobe?" asked Sasuke.
Naruto sniffled, "You've grown up so fast, I feel like a Sensei," he said wiping a tear from his cheek.
"Whatever," Sasuke muttered rolling his eyes, sometimes Naruto was just a plain Baka there was no getting around it.
Naruto smiled brightly, "Now all we need is your costume."
"Hn," was Sasuke's reply...
Sasuke still couldn't believe he was doing this. Naruto was such an ass. Sighing in frustration Sasuke fixed the top of his dress that hugged tightly to his breasts. Yes that's right Sasuke Uchiha performed the sexy no jutsu and took on the outer form of a woman. Shaking his head he grew a little nervous. What if one of the girls recognised him, what if Sakura did, just thinking about it made him feel queasy. Naruto owed him big for this one. Opening the door Sasuke walked into the room full of contestants.
Sakura was still having a hard time coming to terms with things. After all weren't beauty pageants degrading to woman and only existed to entertain the male species. Or at least that is what people told her. So then why was Lady Tsunade making her do this dumb pageant? Was it just to make fun of Sakura's figure? She knew that she didn't have the figure most of the girls did. Sure she was attractive and well built but she was no where near where Ino was. After all the blonde Kunoichi had a well rounded figure that made men beg. With her blue eyes, ample breasts and a firm ass, Ino was what she considered gorgeous. Then there were girls like Hinata, who many would find cute at first glance, but take away the baggy clothes and Hinata was a stunning young woman with large breasts, tiny waist, good hips, creamy smooth skin, and beautiful legs that just begged to be touched. Then you had more exotic beauties, like TenTen and Karin, followed by the rare dessert flowers, Temari, and Matsuri, and finally the class all in there own, the natural beauties, Ino and Hinata. Sakura didn't have a category, Tsunade just decided to throw her in to the pageant. Sometimes her Sensei could be so mean.
In the pageant each girl had a sponsor, in this case Sakura's was Tsunade, Ino's was the Yamanaka Clan, and Hinata's was the Hyuuga Clan, while other girls were just entered to represent the villages. Matsuri was represented by the Kazakage, while his sister was a village rep. All in all we were all doing this show for reasons unknown. However, some of us are just doing it to have fun, while others are doing it to prove that they are the best looking Kunoichi in all five great nations.
Sighing as she looked into the mirror that was positioned in front of her, for hair and make-up purposes, she noticed a new girl walk into the crowded room of woman. This girl was the essence of beauty, pale ivory skin, and dark mysterious alluring eyes, long raven black locks that hugged a slim neck and fell to her tiny waist, long dark eyelashes that framed her already dark eyes. Lips that were so soft and smooth looking screamed sensual. Yes this woman was the ideal woman. Sakura felt a bit envious of this woman's beauty. However, there was something about the strange woman that screamed Uchiha.
Sakura pushing her nerves and jealousy aside walked up to the black haired girl,
"Hello, my name is Haruno, Sakura," she said while extending a hand for greeting.
Sasuke looked at the outstretched hand and took it gently in to his, "Pleasure, to meet you," he said trying so hard to master the false female voice.
"What's your name?" Sakura asked softly with a pleasant smile.
Sasuke panicked, shit he hadn't thought of a name, "um, my name is…Sa…Ruby, yea that's it. My name is SaRuby."
"That's a very interesting name," Sakura replied before she was put in a headlock by someone.
Ino was playfully holding Sakura in a headlock, "Say your prayers Forehead you'll need to, in order to beat me."
"INO PIG!" Sakura roared as she spun and glared at Ino, they were in nothing but towels.
Sasuke tried, he tried so hard to ignore that fact, the fact that all that was holding the towels up were there breasts. He stood there stiff unmoving.
Ino turned to look at the new girl, "huh, looks like this isn't going to be as easy as I thought, well, I like a challenge."
Sasuke stared at the blonde, she was quite beautiful, but to full of herself, that was why he never paid that much attention to her. He actually never paid much attention to any girls, he only started noticing woman a few months ago, and it was mainly Sakura he noticed. Shaking his head he glared at the blonde for no reason in particular. Maybe he was thinking about another blonde with blue eyes.
Naruto sneezed. Someone must have been talking about him, or thinking about him. The thought made the blonde knucklehead smile as he walked into Tsunade's office his hands folded behind his spiky, blonde head.
"My contestant will win, she has the reputation of the Hyuuga riding on her shoulders," Hinata's father, Hiashi Hyuuga snapped at a group of other people in the room.
Ino's father, Inoichi chirped in, "My daughter is more beautiful then any of the other woman in this pageant, she will win."
The Kazakage sat in silence.
Tsunade Baa-Chan sat in silence as well.
"Is this a private battle or can any sponsor with a girl in the pageant join?" Naruto asked upon entering the room.
"You, Uzamaki, you're a sponsor?" questioned Hiashi.
Naruto grinned, "I plan on being Hokage one day, and both Tsunade and Gaara are here, so I figured I should be to."
"Oh yea, well who's your contestant!" Inoichi demanded.
Naruto shrugged, "I found her wondering around and asked her if she wanted to be in a pageant. She was so excited she jumped around and hugged me, such a cute girl," Naruto finished with a snicker. Sasuke was going to murder him if he found out.
"I would like to meet this girl you talk about," voiced Gaara, and Tsunade agreed.
Naruto frowned, "Awe, you can do that when the first event starts," he said.
Gaara and Tsunade pondered.
Both Ino's and Hinata's dad just looked at them.
"Very well Naruto welcome aboard," Tsunade said.
Both Hiashi, and Inoichi groaned and went back to arguing over there daughters.
Naruto looked at the Hokage with a big grin, "So have you hired security yet?" he asked.
"Yes, Neji, Shikamaru, and Sai are all the security we need, I would have asked Uchiha but he is at home sick." Tsunade said with a smirk.
Naruto paled, she had to pick those three to be security, they would notice something completely off about Sasuke's beautiful disguise. Naruto had to talk to them. He had to talk to them now.
"Sorry Tsunade, Gaara, I'll be right back, need to use the washroom," Naruto laughed awkwardly as he backed out of the room and ran down the hall in search of Neji, Sai, and Shikamaru.
Sai was walking down one of the random halls in the building where the pageant was to be taking place. He was a bit flustered, he didn't know why he had to go around and patrol the bloody area. None of the girls had disappeared lately and he found it was just plain annoying. He would have preferred to just sit in his house and paint. Sighing he looked around a few nooks and kept moving forward. This was going to be a long week. He was just about to turn the corner when he heard a familiar voice on the air,
"SAI, WAIT UP!" shouted an obnoxious blue eyed blonde haired ninja.
Sai plastered his famous fake smile on his face, "Hello dickless," he taunted.
"Don't call me that Sai!" Naruto shouted.
Sai cocked his head to the side, "What brings you here?" he asked.
"I have a favour to ask of you Sai," Naruto panted catching his lost breath.
Sai continued to look at him with the fake smile.
Naruto grumbled and explained the situation.
"So Bastard is dressed like a woman in the pageant," he stated rather than asked.
Naruto frowned, "His name is Sasuke not Bastard and yes it's a part of my plan, please don't rat him out."
"I can't make that promise, sorry dickless," Sai started to walk off.
Naruto panicked, "I'll get you a new paint brush, I'll get you pictures of Sasuke looking like a woman, anything!"
"Anything you say," Sai pondered and sighed, "I want a copy of Kakashi's book, for artistic purposes."
Naruto grinned, "Pervert."
"It needs to be Kakashi's, if not then no deal," Sai said showing no emotion but that blasted fake smile.
Naruto sighed, "I'll be right back," he said as he set out to steel Kakashi's book.
This was going to be hard, how the hell did Sai plan on him even being able to get to the books, and since when did Kakashi have them locked in a glass case. Shaking his head the blonde ninja snuck into his old Sensei's room and crept over to the books, trying extremely hard not to be noticed by the ninja in the shower. Naruto was about two feet from the case when he heard the shower turn off and footsteps coming closer to the door. Freezing he looked back at the case and acted as quickly as he could. Jumping the last two feet he smashed the glass and grabbed the first volume before making a mad dash. A rather concerned and angry Kakashi leaving his bathroom in only a towel to see what the commotion was, upon seeing a book from his favourite series gone he grew extremely depressed and angry. Following the intruder onto the roofs in only a towel, Kakashi made chase.
Naruto cursed his luck as he moved as fast as he could but his previous Sensei was catching up to him. Damn it why did he always get himself into these positions. Jumping down into a crowd of town's people he eventually lost Kakashi or so he thought. As he was walking around a corner a hand reached out and dropped on his shoulder making the blonde ninja jump almost out of his skin. Spinning uncomfortably he looked up into his Sensei's grinning face,
"Hello Kakashi Sensei, why are you out here in a towel?" he asked him nervously.
Kakashi smiled darkly at him, "I think you know why Naruto."
"I honestly don't Sensei," Naruto said almost pissing his pants.
Kakashi moved in closer a dark aura emitting from him, "Really."
"Really," Naruto said actually pissing himself.
Kakashi stood up and rubbed the back of his head, "My mistake," and just like that he took off.
Naruto slumped to the ground his legs Jell-O, "Sai had better keep his word," Naruto muttered and headed back to where Sai was.
Sai was still making his rounds it was almost time for Shikamaru to take over his shift. He didn't think Naruto would be able to pull one over on the older perverted ninja, but in case he did Sai didn't want any witnesses to see him except the book. Taking a deep breath he started to head back to where Shikamaru would relieve him. It was a large job, to surveillance the entire building by ones self for hours on end, but Tsunade only appointed the three of them. That was what had Sai so confused. If she was so worried about kidnappings, shouldn't she have called for more guards? Shaking it off he heard an annoying voice that was all to familiar,
"Hello again, dickless," he said.
Naruto fumed, "Here is the book, and don't call me dickless!"
"You actually pulled it off, so then I shall keep my word and not say anything, later dickless." Sai waved callously as he walked over to where Shikamaru was supposed to relieve him of his duty.
Shikamaru was the easiest to manipulate into keeping the secret, Naruto just had to threaten to make Tsunade give him more work for sleeping on the Job. Shikamaru had agreed quite readily with a shrug. He was getting used to Naruto's hair brained schemes.
Neji had just taken over Shikamaru's position, and was starting his shift, when he was interrupted by an exhausted Uzamaki.
"Naruto, why are you here?" Neji questioned.
Naruto looked up at him through tired eyes, "Neji, please do me this one little favour," he said.
"Depends on the favour," Neji countered seriously.
Naruto groaned and explained the situation for the third time that day.
"Uzamaki that is beyond stupid, what are you, some type of Baka pervert," Neji steamed storming in the direction of Lady Tsunade's office.
Naruto ran in front of Neji and fell to his knees holding onto Neji's legs, "Please, please, please, Neji Sama, Please don't rat him out."
Neji sighed, "There is absolutely nothing you can say or do to change my mind," he said.
"Wait here if I'm not back in 10 minutes you can tell Tsunade," Naruto exclaimed and took off, leaving a very wide eyed Neji.
Naruto couldn't believe the shit these people had him do, of course Neji didn't ask him to, but still he knew it would work. Sneaking into the contestants changing rooms, he found a pair of red frilly underwear that had been amongst TenTen's ninja attire. Smirking from ear to ear Naruto gathered the panties in his hands and snuck out, nearly being spotted by Sakura and Ino. If Sakura saw him, he would be a dead ninja. Managing to sneak out without being spotted he headed back to Neji, that was the scariest thing he had done all day, he almost shit himself when he saw Sakura heading in his direction. Sighing he made his way back to Neji who was still standing there tapping his foot impatiently.
"Uzamaki, I am scared to know what you just did," he said and looked at the grinning ninja.
Naruto handed him the red panties, "This should change your mind."
"You think your going to change my mind with a pair of red frilly panties?" he asked.
Naruto grinned wider, "There not just any pair of red frilly panties, they belong to TenTen."
Neji blushed scarlet as he looked at the panties in his hands, before neatly folding them and slipping them into his back pocket,
"I'll keep the secret if you never mention any of this to anyone," Neji said seriously. He was so serious he added, "If anyone finds out about this Naruto, you shall know the true meaning behind ass raped by a pole."
Naruto gulped and left to finally relax, and return to the other sponsors in Tsunade Baa-Chan's office.
Neji quietly waited for Naruto to disappear, before he looked both ways with the Byakugan activated. Seeing that no one was near he pulled out the red panties and brought them to his face, to inhale the scent. Neji was a very big pervert. Then he heard TenTen scream,
"Damn it, where are my PANTIES!"
Neji quickly put them back in his pocket after juggling to keep a hold of them after the scream and walked away whistling innocently.
Naruto walked back to where all the sponsors were gathered and entered the room, only to be greeted by very annoyed and tired looks,
"Geez, Naruto how long does it take to have a shit?" Gaara questioned.
Naruto blushed red, he couldn't believe that this was only day one, and he was already so exhausted.
{{A/N: This was a long chapter and my brain is now dead, lol, sorry about that perverted Scene with Neji, it was just so hard to think of some way to bribe him. I hope you liked Chapter one, stay tuned for Chapter 2.}}