Author's note: It's been months since I last posted a new story. I originally intended this to be a chapter in Bleached thoughts, but then it got too long, so I'm posting it as a separate work. I hope you'll find this guide both informative and enjoyable.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
Tourist guide to Soul Society
2nd, extended edition
Greetings, dear readers. So you've decided to visit the Soul Society? A marvelous idea. It is a great place full of many breathtaking sights. To help you orient better and to make sure you won't miss anything worthwhile, the Urahara Publishing Company brings you this guide. May it be your faithful companion on an unforgettable journey. Below follows the alphabetical list of the most noticeable locations and their short description.
Central 46 Chambers: Central 46 are the ruling body of Soul Society. Their place of residence looks accordingly. It is also the best guarded place in whole Seireitei. The audience hall is deep underground and dark. The figures of the Elders are obscured by slabs of smoky glass. It looks like something out of a horror movie setting. It's so scary and depressing that lately some visitors had been claiming that they had smelled blood there. But that must have been their imagination. There's no way there was really blood in the Central 46 residence. The scariness is fully intentional. People who are dragged in front of the Central 46 are in Trouble with a capital T and they know it. So they should be scared accordingly.
Eighth Division barracks: Though the setting and the architecture of the barracks isn't extraordinary, the Eighth Division barracks are known for Captain Kyouraku's private sake cellar. It is the largest collection of all brands of sake in the whole Soul Society. Captain Kyouraku spent his whole life adding to it, and that is a very long time. It is a marvel that he can keep this collection and resist the temptation to drink it. Another worthwhile thing at the Eighth Division barracks is the entertainment. You can always join in the game of hide-and-seek and help Lieutenant Ise find where Captain Kyouraku is hiding. In case of success, you'll be rewarded by the comedic show of Lieutenant Ise beating Captain Kyouraku. It never gets old.
Eleventh Division barracks: Are the liveliest of all the Gotei 13 barracks. Its architecture is probably the worst in Seireitei because of the constant damage done to the buildings. Nobody bothers to build anything fancy, because the rowdy members of the Eleventh are going to tear it down soon anyway. But if you are a fan of martial arts, especially kenjutsu, the Eleventh is a place to visit. The best kenjutsu experts are gathered in the Eleventh, namely Captain Zaraki. But don't engage him in a conversation about his skills. He tends to give practical demonstrations and you might not survive it. Also watch out for Lieutenant Kusajishi.
Execution pits: Those pits were once used for the executions of criminals. The criminals would be thrown down the pit made of sekkiseki stone and forced to fight Hollows until they died. It used to be quite a spectacle. The benches above the pits could accommodate up to a thousand spectators. Today, those pits are long out of use and there isn't much to see. Be sure you don't mistake them for regular garbage dumps. If you fell in, you won't be able to get out again.
Fifth Division barracks:Are completely unremarkable. Their gardens are perfectly maintained, but many other gardens in Seireitei are better. There just isn't anything of interest in the Fifth Division. It's completely ordinary. You can't find any more ordinary division no matter how hard you try. It's so ordinary it isn't normal.
First Division Barracks: This division Barracks are written with capital B, because they are so much bigger than all other barracks. They have to be the biggest, because they are the seat of Yamamoto-Genryuusai Shigekuni, the general of Gotei 13. The First Division Barracks are where the Captains' and Lieutenants' meetings are held. Because of all this, the First Division Barracks are the most important of all thirteen barracks and definitely worth seeing. Just make sure that your visit won't disturb either Yamamoto-soutaichou or Sasakibe-fukutaichou while they're drinking tea. Also try not to come while a captain's meeting is in session. They sometimes tend to get too lively.
Fourth Division barracks: It might come as a surprise, but the Fourth Division Barracks are the worst kept out of all the thirteen barracks. Considering that the Fourth Division specializes in cleaning and other chores, people expect them to keep their barracks meticulously clean, but it isn't so. After all the cleaning they do for the other divisions, they are too tired to take care of their own. Captain Unohana sometimes makes them clean it, but the moment her back is turned, her subordinates throw away their brooms and rags, determined not to touch them again unless they absolutely have to.
Garbage dumps: Just regular holes in the ground. Nothing interesting about them. But some slow-witted people tend to mistake them for the old Execution Pits. So in case you are standing above a hole in the ground and aren't sure which one of those it is, there is an easy way to tell: is there garbage inside? If yes, it's just a regular garbage dump. If no, you're probably looking at an Execution Pit. So don't fall inside. Unlike the Garbage Dumps, there is no ladder to climb out. Though you really don't want to fall into either.
General Relief Station: For an unknown reason, this is a place nobody wants to visit. It might be because of the bad memories associated with being sick or injured, but if nothing currently ails you, you'll find that it's a really entertaining place. You can watch the healers and nurses scurrying after their duties. You can watch the Eleventh Division members bully the Fourth Division members. You can watch Captain Unohana scare the Eleventh Division members. You can watch the patients suffering and be glad you aren't one of them. And if everything else fails to entertain you, you can invite Lieutenant Kotetsu to some fishpaste.
Gin Tonbo:Located in the shopping district of Seireitei, this shop supplies the best glasses and other eyewear. Many of their products are equipped with special functions like x-ray vision or zoom. You cannot find better and classier designer glasses anywhere in Soul Society. This is where the nobility buys their glasses. They are the only ones who can afford it.
Great Holy Wall: Is a really big, plain wall in Seireitei. Nobody today has an idea why it is called 'Holy' or what is so remarkable about it besides being big. Many agree that the big empty wall looks boring. There were suggestions that some decoration should be added to it, but so far everything has been rejected. The authorities are against any decorations in public places, insisting that everything has to look as bland and boring as possible. Nobody knows why either.
Great Spiritual Library:Located within the compound of the Central 46, this library stores copies of every documents in the Soul Society, should the ruling body ever need them. Records on everything are accessible to those with clearance high enough. If you ever committed any crime, got drunk in public, came late to school or had bad grades, they can read about it.
Ice cave: This is the private training ground of Captain Hitsugaya. It is located close to the Tenth Division barracks. Despite being completely underground, it's really big. The entrance is small an inconspicuous and is easy to miss, but once you get inside, you'll be treated to the sight of a giant landscape made fully of ice. The walls are completely covered in glittering ice, huge ice stalactites are hanging from the ceiling and snow is lying thick on the ground. You'll never see a more beautiful ice cave anywhere. Just be careful not to slip and not to be inside while Captain Hitsugaya is training. You might join the ranks of the icicles.
Inuzuri district:The 78th district of South Rukongai. It's one of the worst and seediest parts of Rukongai. Nothing remarkable about this location, expect that the Kuchiki sisters come from here. A real Cinderella-style fairytale happened here! Ever since that day, the girls of Inuzuri are trying to reenact it and ensnare a noble, but so far their success is negligible.
Kuchiki manor:The biggest, richest and most luxurious estate in Soul Society. As the Kuchiki are one of the Four Noble Families (and consider themselves the most noble of them), they have to show off their wealth, good taste and general noble-ness. Nobles tend to be like this, but the Kuchiki even more so. Because they are the noblest of all nobles. Their manor is something to marvel at. It has stylish buildings, large gardens full of koi ponds (though their fish have been disappearing lately) and cherry blossom trees and the headquarters of the SWA. That isn't approved by the current head of the family, but it's very hard to make Kusajishi Yachiru leave. The Kuchiki manor is a place worth seeing, but be sure to obtain an invitation. If you come uninvited, you'd be escorted out by dozens of pink and purple clad ninja. If you came with an invitation, you'll get to see Kuchiki Byakuya's collection of Wakame Ambassadors and Kuchiki Rukia's collection of Chappy.
Kusajishi district:Lies right next to the infamous Zaraki district. It's a tough place. Really tough. Really, really tough. Even babies here are tough. Just think Yachiru.
Maggots' nest:It's an underappreciated location, mostly because few people know of its existence and even fewer know where is it located. But if you manage to get in (which is easier than you would think considering the guards at the entrance), you'll find that it's a pleasant setting, though the company might be lacking. You can do anything you please there. Except leaving.
Men's bathroom: On the first glance, it's just a regular bathroom. But once a month, the Shinigami Men Association meets there. The manliest men of whole Gotei 13 gather here to devise ways of becoming even manlier. Their goal is to become so manly they'd die of testosterone poisoning. They ended up meeting here after the SWA kicked them out of their storage room, proving that all the testosterone in the world isn't enough to face the wrath of Ise Nanao.
Ninth Division barracks:The barracks itself were built in the standard Seireitei style, but what sets them apart is the decor designed by Captain Tousen. It consists of many paintings and calligraphies depicting Justice, Path of Justice and the Path of Least Bloodshed. It's really very inspirational. The colors also clash horribly, because Captain Tousen is blind. But nobody dares to change it, because that would be against Justice. Ninth Division barracks are also the headquarters and the Publishing House of the Seireitei Communication. This is where you can see your favorite magazine being produced and where you can submit your contributions to the esteemed periodic. Just don't bug Lieutenant Hisagi right before the deadline.
Onmitsukidou headquarters: As the name suggests, this is the headquarters of the secret shadowy organization known as the Onmitsukidou. Because it's so secret and shadowy, access there is limited to Onmitsukidou members only. Which is really a shame, because the building of the headquarters is really grand. If you want to see it, dress in the Onmitsukidou uniform. With the mask on your face, nobody will be able to tell that you aren't supposed to be there. But if somebody does realize you are an intruder, well, let's just say that you should write your last will before sneaking in there. Captain Soifon is strict and has no sense of humor.
Oomaeda manor: The Oomaeda family is one of the richest in Seireitei and they want their estate to show it. Their house is one of the most pimped-out buildings in all Seireitei, if not the one. There is gold everywhere. Gold and jewels. It isn't beautiful, because the Oomaedas have no taste, but it's definitely worth seeing. Though all the gold might blind you. It's also a good place to go if you are hungry and have no money. If you ask nicely, you can get lots of luxurious food for free. If you don't mind eating leftovers.
Rukongai:Rukongai, or the Alley of Lingering Souls, as it is also known, covers the largest portion of Soul Society. It also has the most inhabitants. Rukongai is divided into four sections (East, South, West, North) and each of those sections is divided into eighty districts. The Rukongai is a rustic place with picturesque villages and lush forests and meadows. The districts close to Seireitei are peaceful, but the further you get from the center, the wilder the districts get thanks to the lack of law enforcement. The shinigami are so busy fighting Hollows they don't have time for anything else. So if you want to visit Rukongai, make sure you stay in the low-numbered districts. Don't visit the higher numbered ones unless you have a lot of good bodyguards or a death wish.
Second Division Barracks: The Second Division Barracks are written with capital B, because they are the best barracks in all Seireitei. Lieutenant Oomaeda, being a pampered rich noble, couldn't bear living in the same barracks as everyone else, so he paid for the reconstruction of the Second Division Barracks. They now have central heating, air conditioning and doors that open automatically. It makes the Second Division barracks the best to live in. And if that didn't convince you, the entertainment there is good too. You can always watch Captain Soifon tossing Lieutenant Oomaeda around. If you don't mind being showered with rice cracker crumbs.
Secret training ground: Located inside the Soukyouku Hill, this secret training ground offers you all the privacy should you ever need to train in secret. It is shielded, so your enemies won't be able to find you by your reiatsu, no matter how high you raise it. Well, unless they're really trying. And if you're exhausted and beaten after a day of strenuous exercise, you can use the healing hot spring. It will cure your minor wounds and restore your energy in no time. And not to mention, it's also very comfortable. Only now that we've described the secret training ground here, it isn't really secret anymore, is it?
Seireitei:The big city in the middle of Soul Society. This is where the shinigami and the noble families live. Seireitei is surrounded by a circular wall of sekkiseki, which emits a spiritual barrier protecting the whole city. The only way to enter is through one of the four gates guarded by giant guardians. Once you are in the city, you'll see it's a beautiful sight of snow-white walls and golden roofs. It looks like something out of a fairytale, though it gets old quickly. The streets in Seireitei are narrow, look all the same and have lots of twists, turns and dead ends. It is designed to confuse any intruders. Unfortunately it confuses the residents too, that is why you can find many Kenpachi-shaped holes in the walls.
Senzaikyuu:Another place nobody wants to visit. It's a shame. It's the sturdiest built structure in Seireitei, as well as the tallest building. It's constructed to last. It isn't ornate, but the clean lines give it an appearance of stern beauty. The view from the Tower of Penitence is spectacular. Especially the view of the Soukyouku.
Seventh Division barracks:Another typical unremarkable boring barracks. There isn't much to see. You might play with the captain's dog Goro, but that's about it. Some people keep trying to peek under Captain Komamura's helmet, but even that gets boring fast.
Sewer system: This is another unappreciated sight of Seireitei. No-one but the fourth Division ever sets foot there. Though the sewers are concealed underground, they are quite spacious and the Fourth keeps them clean. Some people might find the corridors repetitive and boring, but visitors with great patience can discover many treasures there. Like the keys to high-security locations.
Shiba residence: It is the most interesting house in all Seireitei. We cannot describe how does it look like or where it is, because it gets rebuilt often and in different locations. But every time it has a very distinctive look. If you see a house looking so crazy that it makes you wonder what did you accidentally drink, you know it's the Shiba residence. The Shiba residence is also famous for its inhabitants, the once high-noble Shiba clan. They are also known as the best experts on fireworks in the Soul Society. Especially the current head of the family, Shiba Kuukaku, is a master in the department. If you ask her nicely, she might show you some. If you don't ask her nicely, she might stuff you into the Kakaku cannon. She has a short fuse.
Shinigami Academy:Founded over 2000 years ago by the current Soutaichou Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni, the Shin'ou Reijutsu Academy is the prime place of learning for future members of Gotei 13, Onmitsukidou and Kidoushuu. The building housing the Academy is vast and easily one of the most impressive in Seireitei. It's the place where the young shinigami learn to fire their first Kidou, swing the asauchi and some of them even release their zanpakutou. Considering how much poorly-controlled power these old walls had to withstand, it's a wonder the structure is still standing.
Shinigami Health Land: Is the prime hot springs resort in Seireitei. Inside is everything you can dream of. Luxurious dressing rooms and lounges, big pools of both hot and cold water with healing properties, bathing attendants and masseurs, a tea shop, a beauty salon and a gourmet restaurant. But they don't allow children in unsupervised. No matter their rank.
Shinigami Research and Development Institute:Founded over a hundred years ago by Urahara Kisuke, the SRDI is the prime institution of science and progress in Soul Society. All the fabulous inventions you use every day, like gigais, soul phones, soul candy, and many others were developed here. You also now know where to complain when that wretched thing doesn't work. But before you go complaining, consider carefully whether it's worth it. The current president of SRDI, Kurotsuchi Mayuri, is always looking for new test subjects.
Sixth Division barracks: The Sixth Division has been connected with the Noble House of Kuchiki ever since its foundation and this close connection is apparent throughout the barracks. It isn't just the Kuchiki symbols adorning the walls, everything in the barracks has to look noble. Everything is new, smooth, clean and perfect. The gardens of the division are full of beautiful cherry blossom trees. All the division members do everything in their power to keep the barracks spotless. If they didn't, Captain Kuchiki would use Senbonzakura on them. Their work is made especially hard by Kusajishi-fukutaichou's frequent visits.
Soukyouku hill: The giant cliff towering in the centre of Seireitei. This place is a must-see for everybody who visits Seireitei. The view from the top is spectacular. It is also a location of great historical significance. Not only does the Soukyouku stand there, but it is also a site of many great battles. Everybody who ever invaded Seireitei decided to hold their final battle there. It is great testament to the Soukyouku hill that it is still standing today. Considering all the destructive energy that had been unleashed there, any lesser hill would have been completely obliterated centuries ago.
Tenth Division barracks: The seat of the Tenth Division and its command. While the buildings themselves are unremarkable, being built in the standard Seireitei military style, there is much to see there. Namely the two heavenly mounds and the valley of gods of the Tenth's lieutenant Matsumoto Rangiku and the irresistibly cute Captain Hitsugaya. It is also a great place to visit during summer when the heat is unbearable. The Tenth Division has the best air conditioning in the whole Soul Society. But make sure not to annoy Captain Hitsugaya too much, you might end up with severe frostbite.
Third Division barracks:The barracks are the typical example of Seireitei military architecture. The only feature that sets them apart is the large persimmon orchard Captain Ichimaru planted in the old training grounds. If you want to visit it, we suggest making sure that Captain Ichimaru isn't there. He isn't someone you'd want to meet in a dark alley or a forest.
Thirteenth Division barracks: Thirteenth Division barracks aren't grand, but they are built with taste, making them beautiful in a subtle way. They are among the best the barracks of the Gotei 13 can offer. But their serene beauty has been recently disturbed by the constant arguments of the Third Seats Kotetsu and Kotsubaki. So if you want to visit, don't forget earplugs.
Twelfth Division barracks:The Twelfth Division is closely associated with the SRDI and their barracks show it. They are the best equipped with various gadgets, even more than the Second. But this close association has also its downsides. Being so close to the building of SRDI, anytime something happens in the laboratories, it influences the barracks too. They are often hit by all kinds of weird smoke with unpredictable effects and escaped experimental specimens tend to run through here, creating havoc. Living in the Twelfth Division barracks is a serious health risk. Just look at the bizarre appearances of some of its inhabitants if you don't believe us.
Ugendou: The private residence of Captain Ukitake. It is a small house on the shore of a lake. It is the perfect place to enjoy a cup of tea with one of the most senior captains in Soul Society and admire the nature. Until Kiyone and Sentarou show up.
Walkway with columns: This walkway isn't particularly important. It's elevated, so it allows the visitors a good view of Seireitei, but not as good as the Soukyouku Hill. But this walkways has been the site of many fights and duels. The reason why the fighting parties favor this walkway so much is unclear. It has no strategic importance. But the columns framing it look very pretty when they topple like dominos.
West Gate: Is one of the four entrances to Seireitei. As the name suggests, it's in the West. It's also known as Hakutoumon, or the White Road Gate, but nobody actually remembers that. The gate itself is a huge slab of the sekkiseki stone, fitting perfectly into the great sekkiseki wall of Seireitei. The West Gate is guarded by Ikkanzaka Jidanbou, a giant with a gentle heart and two humongous axes. He's kind to friends, but merciless to enemies, so don't you ever try to get through without a pass. Thanks to Jidanbou's friendly nature, the West Gate is the most used entrance to Seireitei. Every invasion force tried to get through there.
Zaraki district: The place of origin of Kenpachi Zaraki, the only man in the history of Gotei 13 to ever achieve the rank of captain without even knowing the name of his zanpakutou. If you saw the place he comes from, you'd understand why. It's the rowdiest place in the whole Soul Society, so don't come anywhere near it unless you want to be mugged and/or murdered.
This is the end of the Tourist guide to Soul Society. For those ot you who enjoyed it, Urahara publishing, Ltd. is preparing Tourist guide to Hueco Mundo. It should hit your stores whenever it hits them.
Omake:
"Damn," Ichigo said closing the book, "Urahara should have given us this before he sent us to the Soul Society."