Chapter One - "I've Got a Thing For Ferryboats."

Meredith Grey stood motionless as she stared calmly out of a big bay window. It was the only thing she actually liked about the strange apartment she lived in. The window had a spectacular view and made her feel less like a prisoner and more like a human. The apartment was familiar, but it didn't feel like home. She felt trapped. Even with her own belongings and framed pictures scattered throughout the rooms, she felt restless most of the time. She could hear someone talking behind her, but she couldn't make out the words. She was distracted by a ferryboat in the water across the bay. Meredith smiled, "I have a thing for ferryboats."

"Mrs. Shepherd?"

Meredith's smile remained and she turned away from the view that pleased her.

"Dr. Grey?"

Meredith's eyes landed on a nurse. She searched her thoughts for a moment before responding, "Mrs. Shepherd is fine." She liked the way it sounded. It soothed her. Hearing 'Mrs. Shepherd' made the constant, nagging, feeling that something wasn't right dissipate.

"Mrs. Shepherd, your daughter and sister are here to visit." The nurse smiled, "Are you up for a visit?"

"Lexie?" Meredith scoffed as her eyebrows furrowed, "What is she doing here? She should be working."

"Not Lexie, Mrs. Shepherd," The nurse said gently, "It's Dr. Pierce."

Meredith shrugged. She turned back to the window. Her ferryboat was gone. The disappointment was overwhelming. Ferryboats made her feel peaceful. Ferryboats brought a light to the constant daze that her daily life had become.

"Mom?"

Meredith sighed and turned back to the doorway. Two women stood there. They looked vulnerable, familiar, and timid. One was older than the other. She searched, knowing she should be able to place their faces with a name. As she struggled to find a familiar memory, the older woman slightly startled her as she spoke.

"Hi, Meredith," Maggie greeted, "How are you today?"

Meredith scowled as she searched her memory. She knew them. She'd seen those faces before. She recognized Maggie's voice. 'Derek would know.' Meredith thought, 'Where was he? She needed his help.'

"I know you." Meredith announced.

"Mom, it's me... Zola."

Meredith stared at the younger of the two women, "Zola." She could remember Zola. As a tiny little girl. Her 'Zo-Zo.' A happy little girl. She had a daughter; a beautiful, grown, daughter.

Meredith walked into the foyer of her mother's old house prompted by the doorbell. She was hoping for a pizza delivery boy, but froze when she found a pleasant surprise.

"Meredith?" Derek called from the kitchen where he waited for her, concern evident in his voice.

"Derek?" Meredith was frozen. She stared at the front door of her house, "Is that our baby?"

Derek joined her in the foyer, "Yes. Yes it is."

Meredith watched him walk quickly to the door to take Zola from the social worker. She was theirs. They were finally a family.

Meredith felt her eyes sting a little as frustrated tears threatened her eyes, "You're so grown up."

"Yeah, Mama..." Zola smiled, "I just got married remember?"

Meredith searched her brain for the memory. She tried to remember Derek walking their daughter down the aisle. She couldn't find it. Instead, she smiled and reached out her hand to her daughter, "Honey, I'm so proud of you."

Zola smiled and grabbed her mother's hand with her left, "Remember my ring?"

Meredith stared at the sparkling diamond as she held tightly to her daughter's hand. She did remember the ring, "Yes, it is so beautiful! You married a doctor." She found comfort in knowing Zola would be taken care of, regardless of what happened to Meredith. Her daughter was happy.

Zola nodded, "I did... He's very dreamy."

Meredith's grin widened, "Just like your dad."

Zola's voice caught in her throat as she replied, "Yes mama... Just like daddy."

"I knew you'd remember," Maggie beemed with pride, "Did you also remember he's the newly appointed chief resident?"

Meredith laughed, "No...? That's wonderful."

Zola and Maggie nodded.

"He'll be chief of cardio in no time," Zola winked as she playfully shoved Maggie's shoulder.

"I tried to tell you that neuro is where it's at." Meredith sighed with a tease and shook her head playfully.

"Well Bailey listened to you..." Zola shrugged, "Aunt Christina never had a bad thing to say about heart surgeons. I think I played my cards right."

"He's a great intern, Mer..." Maggie defended. "He's going to be a great surgeon."

Meredith stared at them. She felt confused. "Dr. Bailey is not an intern."

"No, Bailey my brother..." Zola giggled, "Remember? He's interning at Grey Sloan Memorial. He makes everyone call him Dr. Derek Shepherd there. He totally dropped the Bailey."

Meredith felt pleased by this. She loved the thought of her son following directly in his father's footsteps, but she made a mental note to remind him of why Bailey was an important part of his name.

"So, your new husband is chief resident and he's into cardio." Meredith smiled, "I'm impressed. Christina would be proud."

"And don't forget that he's dreamy..." Zola reminded with giddy, girlish, charm.

'McDreamy' Meredith thought to herself. Was it a thought or a memory? Sometimes she couldn't tell the difference.

The room fell silent as they all searched for the right words to say next. Meredith felt her chest tighten. She was unsure why, but it was hard to ignore. She felt tears in her eyes. She never knew where they came from anymore, but they sure came often.

"Mer?" Maggie said quietly, "Are you okay?"

Meredith stared off into space. She could hear his voice so clearly, almost as if he were standing right behind her.

"Seattle has ferryboats." Derek announced.

"Yes?" Meredith replied as she stared questioningly at his face.

"I didn't know that. I've been living here six weeks. I didn't know there were ferryboats."

"Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides," Meredith playfully pointed out.

"Hence the ferryboats. Now I have to like it here. I wasn't planning on liking it here. I'm genetically engineered to dislike everywhere, except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferryboats."

Meredith smiled contently and went back to the window. She found another ferryboat in the water. This time she felt her throat closing.

'There was smoke. Fire. People. People everywhere. Children were crying. Cries for help and cries of pain were being swallowed by the sounds of sirens and helicopters. Dead people everywhere. Emergency response teams were running. They were running every direction across the pier. The ferryboat. There was a little girl with blonde pigtails. She was lost. Blonde braided pigtails. The water. There was water. Seattle was surrounded by water on three sides. The ferryboat. The water. The water was cold. She was trying to swim. The ferryboat. She needed to help save these injured people. Derek. Where was Derek? Did he see the ferryboat?'

"Meredith."

Maggie's voice shook her from the scene. Meredith suddenly inhaled and shook her head softly. She glanced at Maggie and then back to the bay. The ferryboat was still there. It wasn't on the pier. People were safe. She was in a room watching ferryboats. She liked ferryboats. She could hear him again. She wanted to hear him all the time. Hearing his voice made her feel less trapped.

"So, it's intense. This thing I have for ferry boats I mean."

Meredith replied, "I'm so taking the stairs this time."

"You have no self control. It's sad. Really."

Meredith giggled. His voice made her feel warm and fuzzy inside. She could hear it so clearly. She could see his blue eyes. She smiled as she thought of his scrub cap.

"Mom?" Zola questioned, "What are you thinking?"

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself, "He likes ferryboats."

Zola nodded and moved her disappointed eyes in Maggie's direction.

"Who likes ferryboats?" Maggie questioned Zola in a barely audible whisper.

Zola gave a half hearted smile and whispered back, "My dad."