(A/N:...yep...this is what I choose to do with my life...)
Zim was sitting at the kitchen table, doing his homework for the weekend, when GIR shot out of the toilet like a bullet.
The robot shrieked and cried. He cried and shrieked. He had a seizure on the floor. His tears doused every inch of the kitchen.
Zim looked up from his paper."GIR. It has come to my attention that you're upset about something."
GIR nodded, still sobbing, then buried his face in the floor.
Zim stepped over and picked GIR up by the leg. Then he sat on the couch and put his SIR unit on his lap.
"Tell your Uncle-unit Zim what is wrong..." Zim said in a deep voice.
"My piggy...HE'S DEAD!" GIR wailed, soaking his master's tunic.
"Really?!" Zim asked, breaking his "uncle-unit" character for a moment."Uh, I mean, how did the little fellow die?"
"He blew up!"
"GIR, were you playing with my 'blow things up ray' again?"
"Mm-hmm...AND NOW MY PIGGY'S DEAD!"
"You know, GIR, the humans say that when people die, then they've gone to a better place," Zim told GIR.
"SNIFF...like MacMeaties?"
"Yyyeah...sure."
"YAY! PIG'S AT MACMEATIES!" GIR grabbed his puppy disguise and dashed out the door.
That's when Zim sprang into action!
"HIYAHHH!" he exclaimed in an unusually high pitch as he leapt off of the couch. He did a cartwheel through the kitchen and dove into the toilet."AHHHHHH- -OOF!" Zim nearly coughed up his squeedily-spooch as he landed ON TOP of the elevator.
"Argh...Why is this still at the bottom?!"
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Zim stood near a table with a white cloth over it. Electricity crackled from the machinery behind him, and rain pounded against the roof above. You know, the whole Frankenstein shebang.
"It's alive! ALIIIVE! AHAHAHA! Ahem." Zim added the final touch, then stepped back to admire his work.
Just then, GIR came down the elevator looking more depressed than ever before. His black ears drooped, he hung his head and he barely picked his feet off of the ground.
"GIR, in order for you to stop whining, I've created something for you, something FAR better than that pig you loved so much!" Zim announced.
GIR didn't say a thing and allowed himself to be dragged over to Zim's table.
"Behold!" Overly dramatically, Zim yanked the cloth off of the table and bright light shined from underneath."MY EYES!"
With a blinding flash, Zim's creation appeared. GIR's jaw dropped.
His master had crafted a new pig, but not just ANY pig. It was made entirely out of meat products that were crudely stitched together. It had a ham hock body, sausage limbs and tail, a stacked salami nose, pig's eyes for eyes (wasn't that obvious), and bacon ears. Zim had animated it with electricity in just under an hour, and it was sure worth it.
He was so proud of himself.
"OINK!" The pig exclaimed in a deep voice.
"I LOVE YOU!" GIR shouted at it. He tackled the pig to the floor in a strong hug.
"Yeah, it's not like I deserve a 'thank you' or anything..." Zim muttered under his breath. He tossed off his lab coat and marched away to do more evil stuff."Ungrateful little..."
XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX
"Okay! I've nearly perfected the plan!" The little mastermind gushed over his blueprints."Now, GIR, I need you to- -"
"I'm playing with my piggy!" the robot called back from what seemed like miles away. Another deep "OINK!" was heard.
"GIR, you have to pay attention to this operation!" Zim scolded him.
"Nyah!" Minimoose squeaked in agreement.
"See? Minimoose is listening!" The Irken gestured towards the purple robot moose beside him."Come here NOW!"
"Alright..." It took a bit, but GIR walked up in front of Zim, still clinging to the new piggy.
Zim growled at the sight of it."ANYWAY, here's the finalized phase of the plan. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, DOOM, blah."
GIR groaned out of boredom. Then he looked to the piggy in his arms.
"...oink," it...oinked.
A smile grew on GIR's face. A very creepy, impish smile.
"And another blah- -OUCH!" cried Zim as the piggy hit him in the face. A second later, GIR hopped off of his head to retrieve it."GIR, I told you to stop messing with that thing! There's work to be done!"
"OINK!" the pig snorted again.
"My piggy says work is for chumps!" GIR explained cheerfully. Then he rocketed away."Woo-hoo!"
"GIR! GIR, get back here NOW or else you're not going on the mission with us!...GIR!...fine, then! Minimoose and I can and WILL do it without you! Come on, Minimoose!"
"Nyah...!" Minimoose objected.
"Nope!" Zim cut him off."We don't need GIR! We'll be fine by ourselves!"
XXXXXXXSOONXXXXXXX
Zim and Minimoose managed to stay out of the rain by covering themselves with a random tarp. They shuffled their way over to a nearby house and hid.
Zim peeked out of a bush."Okay, Minimoose. That freaky leg-nub man is becoming suspicious. All you have to do is fly into that window, and put these bombs of...stink into his bathroom. Then when he uses it tomorrow morning, it'll smell SO bad in there, that he'll run outside into the street, where I will have hijacked an oil truck and be there ready to flatten him. So, take these."
He handed Minimoose some stink bombs.
"Nyah!" it nodded.
"NOW GO!"
Minimoose slowly began its ascent towards the bathroom window, with the bombs in its nubs. Along the way, it got slower and slower until it crackled with electricity and dropped back down. Upon contact with the ground, all of the stink bombs exploded.
Zim stared at the gas that was approaching him, then pulled out a notepad and began to write."Note to Zim, enable Minimoose with waterproof circuitry," he noted."AHH, THE STINK!"
"HEY! What's all that racket out there?!" That man with the nubs for legs looked out of his window with a flashlight."I told you kids to stay out of my bushes! Them bushes are evil!"
"AHHHHH!" Zim threw the tarp off of him and up to block the window, hopefully suffocating the human. But unfortunately, now the rain was striking him.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! THE STINKING! THE BURNING! THE AGONY! ABORT! ABORT!"
XXXXXXXSOONXXXXXXX
"Honey, I'm home..." Zim grumbled sarcastically. He entered, drenched from the rain, through the front door. His skin was scorched, his wig was crooked, and under his left arm was a limp Minimoose.
GIR was in the living room, still playing with his piggy. He took a moment to greet Zim,"HI!" then got back to snuggling it.
Zim hissed in response. Then he pulled out one of Minimoose's antlers and tilted it to the side, emptying out all of the liquid. The robot sprang back to life.
This pleased Zim. He replaced the antler."Ah, Minimoose. Now that you're awake, you can help me with the next scheme!"
Minimoose squeaked with alarmed discontent and fled from Zim.
"Hey, wait, come back!" Zim called out, but Minimoose was already gone. He stifled a groan."Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. SKOODGE!"
"YES!" Skoodge popped out from behind the TV."You need me for something now?!"
Zim simply stared back at him."...how long have you been standing there?"
"What day is it?"
"Never mind! I need you...to come on a mission with me. Just a- -"
"I'LL DO IT!" Skoodge gave Zim a forceful hug.
Zim frowned deeply."You just touched me. You should not have done THAT."
With that, he pulled a remote from out of his PAK and pushed the button on it.
A bunch of robotic tentacles burst out of a panel on the wall and pulled the screaming Skoodge in. The wall closed again. (A/N: *shudders*)
"Hmm...it's not like the roboparents can assist me...can they?" Zim looked to one of the doors near his base's entrance and his robotic "mother" peeked out, grinning creepily. He shot a glare and "she" slunk back in.
"No," Zim dismissed the idea."But no matter! Zim can do this on his own! I don't need you, GIR! I DO NOT NEED YOU!"
"...Piggy! Let's go build a house out of teeth!" GIR grabbed the hunk of meat and flew off to do so.
Zim's sneer softened, he even looked a little hurt, but he ignored it and got to work.
XXXXXXXHOURSLATERXXXXXXX
"I have it! Computer, I have it!"
"Your will, in which you leave all of your possessions to me?"
"What? No! My plan! It's finally complete..." Zim stared at the paper endearingly."So evil, so clever...aren't you going to ask me what it is, Computer?"
"NO..." Computer scoffed.
"...well, since you're so eager to know, my plan is to attach a gastric pump to the earth's South Pole, and pump this forsaken planet full of helium! Pump it until it is larger than the Dib's head!"
XXXXXXXELSEWHEREXXXXXXX
"My head's not big!" Dib cried out randomly.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Then I'll just tie a string to it, and use the Voot Cruiser to tug it to the Tallest like a balloon! Are you impressed?"
"...that's probably your worst idea yet." came Computer's dry reply.
"No, it isn't!"
"Yes. It is."
"..."
"..."
"Well, I don't care what you say! I care not! I'm going anyway!" Zim headed for the door."But how to maneuveur through the rain?"
Just then, GIR showed up with his piggy. They were getting macaroni EVERYWHERE.
Zim grimaced."So, still having fun with that...piggy?"
"YEP!" GIR replied loudly.
"You're not sick of it one bit?"
"NOPE!"
"Where did you get all the meat for that thing anyway?" Computer asked Zim.
"I have a life outside of YOU!" the Irken answered, crossing his arms.
"OINK!" exclaimed the piggy.
"Piggy says you're lonely and jealous of our friendship!" GIR explained.
"Of course I'm not!" Zim raised his hands defensively."Why would I, Zim, be jealous of the relationship between you and that pork beast when I have...Computer?!"
"Wait, what now?" asked Computer.
"YES! Computer and I are the best of friends..." Zim hugged the wall.
"Initiating shut down..." Computer shut itself down, but the emergency power still kept light in the house.
"..." GIR clutched his piggy tighter.
"Alright! I can take it no longer! GIR! Please! Help me!" Zim pressed his face against the floor."Be my robot again! I need you!"
"Hmm..." GIR mulled it over, but his piggy interrupted his thoughts by oinking and nudging him in the head."My piggy says that you'll be mean to me."
"No, I won't!" Zim got back on his feet."I promise! I'll never mistreat you again!"
"Hmmm..."
"And I'll take you to MacMeaties every other week!"
"Ooh!"
"OINK!" The pig interrupted again.
GIR held it up and smiled at it. Then he tossed it into his mouth and swallowed it in one gulp.
Suddenly, the storm outside ceased and the sun came out once again. A rainbow even stretched across the sky. Strange...
"Let's go to MacMeaties, Master!"
"Yes! Ahahahahaha!" Zim spread out his arms and ran towards GIR.
GIR did the same, laughing as well.
After what seemed like an eternity, they reached each other and embraced, but GIR just sort of clung to Zim's head, and Zim seemed to be trying to clasp his hands around GIR's neck. He gave up and instead started to poke the SIR unit in the chest.
"How dare you nearly choose that pig over me! How dare you!"
"Hey!" GIR sat on Zim's head."You gotta be nice!"
"Eh, I had my fingers crossed." Zim shrugged.
"Oh...can we go to MacMeaties anyway?"
"Yeah, sure..." Zim said nonchalantly."But we're still going to the South Pole tomorrow."
So, Zim and GIR got their disguises on and went to MacMeaties.
END!
(A/N: Most of the reason I wrote this is because in "Tak Is Back", my main story, then Zim was being kind of a jerk to GIR, so I wrote this to, like...make myself feel better, I guess. And not like some kind of GIR hater. I LOVE HIM, OKAY?!
SO! Please review, fave, and I'll see you next time, mes amis! Au revoir!)