Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both the schoolyard and the battlefield.
And at first, it seemed that both of them being frozen alive at various points, waking up in an entirely new world and having to adapt to the rapid changes had not changed this fact. Both men believed it would always be this way. After all, there was no reason it shouldn't. Steve had been so devoted of a friend he even cast his self willingly into the wanted fugitive pool just to have Bucky's back.
Bucky was thankful for his faithful little punk- but there was one thing that troubled him. Something that had not came up as of yet in their friendship and he didn't know how it would go.
That thing, was not a thing at all. It was another solider, a friend and a fellow freedom fighter.
Sam Wilson.
Like Steve and Bucky, Sam had been a solider, an Air Force pararescue airman. He was fierce, fearless, loyal. Everything you'd want in a friend.
James Buchanan Barnes found himself wondering what it would be like to be more.
This was all new and odd to him. He had grown up in a time so vastly different than where he was now- a time where one man having feelings for another got them coined as "not right" or worse. Many times there was violence over gay relationships being in the open. It was not something you talked about, much less admitted to if you found yourself having those sort of feelings.
Sam Wilson was something different for Bucky. Something he'd never felt before with a man, or a woman, for that matter.
He'd had dates, plenty of them before he went to war, if he was honest. But it was always the sort of situation where he would take a perfectly nice girl out to a museum or a play, have a bite and good conversation, then he'd walk her home. If the conversation were better than average, he may take her out again. Never had he come across someone who made his heart race the way he'd always been told it should. Not until now.
When he walked into the room, Bucky found himself smiling like an idiot, just genuinely glad to see the other man. Not that they spent too much time apart- Sam came to see him regularly in Wakanda where he was being treated and had begun to be himself again. He was the best listener that Bucky had ever met- though he knew that it was what he did for a living when he left the forces- he seemed to care when Bucky talked about his nightmares, flashbacks, his fears. He'd nod, ask questions, even occasionally put a hand on his shoulder in support.
He was more help than he knew, as Steve was not always around, or when he was he found himself occupied with Natasha. Which Bucky didn't mind- Steve had to live his own life, and just because they weren't always with one another he knew it did not weaken their friendship. But he worried this newest development might.
It worsened with every moment he spent with his new close friend, and on mornings like this he found it especially hard not to let his mind wander, and even ponder the possibility.
He'd never heard Sam talk about a girl, or anyone, who might be in his life- or had been before the German airport changed their lives. He spoke of healing, of better times, and the future they were going to fight for, for the entire world. Never on love or the loss thereof. But Bucky knew even this was tricky. Even if he found himself being willing to say, 'Alright. I am gay.', who knew if Sam would be interested at all. Would it ruin his friendship? Or even ruin his friendship with Steve as well for offending their mutual friend and being gay in the first place?
He knew this was probably not the case at all about Steve, who had honestly never cared about such things. He was a good man who judged a person by their heart, nothing else. He wished he could find the words to ask Steve for advise about Sam. Every time he thought he almost had it, he swallowed his nerve and kept quiet. But time was only making it harder.
Sam had made a habit of helping in the fields with the sheep and goats that Bucky kept while in Wakanda. Shuri, the princess and his main source of treatment, had suggested that he do something calm but involved to keep his mind clear, and Bucky loved the work. It was peaceful, quiet, honest work and the young princess was right- it kept his mind off the traumas of his past.
"Hey. Buck?" Sam called, looking more than a bit annoyed when Bucky finally did turn his attention to him. He had to blink a few times to keep from staring, as the hot Wakanda summer had caused him to abandon his shirt somewhere along the fence, and his warm brown skin glistened with sweat in the sun.
"Yeah?" Bucky answered, flustered and embarrassed.
"You look like you were punched in the gut, man. You good?" Sam ask, plopping himself down beside where Bucky sat, taking the water bottle from his friend's outstretched hand.
"I- uh." Bucky stammered, running his hand through his hair, pushing the fallen locks from his eyes. "Yeah. Just got to thinking, got lost I guess." He confessed.
"What did I tell you about thinking when you aren't used to it?" Sam joked with a smile. Bucky felt his face burn hot when he saw the grin on the other man's face.
"Hmm. Can't help it sometimes. I don't think even with Shuri's brilliance can fix a mind as scrambled as mine. I want to make sense of everything. I want to find out who I am- not who I was or was supposed to be. Because I feel like- That is all gone. You know?" Bucky looked back over at Sam, who sat listening as attentively as ever.
"I do. You have to figure out who all these new experiences have carved you into being." Sam said after a moment. "Its gonna be tough, man. I can't even imagine what you have been through- Nobody can. Cap is our closest guess but he was never... Ya know..." He trailed off, wanting to spare Bucky the reminder of his captivity and brain washing.
"Yeah." Bucky said, shrugging and giving a sigh. It felt odd, this gesture, without the weight of his robotic arm. He found his own eyes lingering on the hand laid on his shoulder, which Sam seemed to pick up on and he pulled his hand back and moved slightly away.
"I know that what you have going on is hard to put into words, Buck..." Sam said, looking a bit sad at his friend, "But you do know I am always here if you want to talk. I don't sleep all that much anyway, so it really does not matter what time."
"That- That means more than you know, Sam. Thanks." Bucky said with a small, shy smile. He looked to the ground and let silence fall between them. But Bucky didn't mind the silence, he found Sam was good company even when neither of them spoke a word.
"So-" Sam said leaning over enough so that his shoulder shoved playfully into Bucky's, "Want to go grab a bite to eat in town? We could go to that place that has the huge milkshakes. Perfect for this hundred and ten degree weather." He suggested, making an honest attempt to cheer the other man up. Bucky gave another half smile. He liked the little town he was living in, about 20 miles shy of the Wakandan capital city. It was calmer, more laid back, and rural. He had made friends with many of the villagers, and the children all seemed to love to hang out with him.
"Sounds awesome. Just uh- Should probably get cleaned up first." Bucky reminded him, gesturing to their dirt and dust coated clothes.
"I don't think there is any amount of cleaning up that can help you, man." Sam joked with a smirk, but he agreed and stood up, then held a hand out to help Bucky, who did not balance as well with just one arm. He felt as if a jolt of electricity went through him as his hand was firmly clasp in Sam's, but he let him go as soon as Bucky was firmly on his feet, and the feeling faded just as fast. Bucky just smiled at the jest and shook his head, as they headed inside to get cleaned up to go eat.
The more Bucky sat and thought about it, the more he felt like he was beginning to trust his gut. His mind was swimming with the way things were when he was young, born to a world who did not want just anyone to have rights. But now- in a world that in some ways, sure was worse, but in many others was so much better- he knew he would be okay.
He thought of the women he'd kissed when he was younger, taken to soda fountains and on walks. It was pleasant enough, the softness of their lips on his- but nothing had given him such a flutter in his chest that simply being near Sam Wilson had. He had thought on it for days, contemplating what he should do, who he could talk to about it. It was a bit of back and forth with himself before he made up his mind. He was going to talk to Steve.
He had to wait a while, and even see Sam again before Steve came back through Wakanda and stopped in for a visit. Bucky bit at his lip the entire time that they exchanged niceties, and Steve and Natasha told him about the latest village in the middle east they had helped rid of terrorists and freed the local people, putting them back in control of their own homes and lives. Later in the evening, when Natasha had volunteered to clear up the dishes from their shared meal, Bucky took his opportunity.
He and Steve had stepped outside, Bucky using the excuse of showing his oldest friend his new motorcycle that T'Challa had set him up with to travel into town or to his appointments with his doctors or Shuri on. It was a nice, very modern bike, very streamline and flat black. Steve had just straddled it to try how it felt to ride, when Bucky felt like his tongue was swelling he was so anxious to get this off his chest. "Hey, uh, Steve?" He ask, calling the blond's attention up to him.
"Yeah?" Steve answered, his face dropping the amusement of the new motorcycle to a softer look when he saw how troubled his best friend was. "What's up, Buck?"
"I-" Bucky stammered and looked down. He'd rehearsed this at least two hundred times in his head, but now he felt like his mind had gone blank.
"Hey, you okay?" Steve ask, moving off the bike and over to his friend. The moved over to a large rock nearby and sat down side by side.
"I don't know how to say what I need to say." Bucky confessed. His head hung low and his hair fell into his eyes. Steve furrowed his brows.
"Wasn't it you who used to say, 'Plain talk is easy understood'?" Steve reminded him.
"It's a common saying." Bucky replied, slightly humored at Steve's attempt to help.
"What I mean is- Just spit it out. You'll feel better when you do." Steve suggested.
"I kind of don't want to." Bucky replied, pulling his arm up and across his body, holding the shoulder where he'd lost his other limb.
"Why not?" Steve questioned.
"Because its... Its one of those things that changes how you look at someone. If there is nothing else I remember from the 40's, its that." Bucky said with a sigh.
"Are you going to confess you were a soviet POW who killed people? Because, Buck, I hate to tell you this, but I already know that..." Steve laughed, his sarcasm not amusing his friend in any way.
"This is one of those things that is all on me." Buck replied. "Not Hydra. Not SHIELD. Just me."
"Okay?" Steve said, crossing his own arms over his body, tensing up a bit, wondering what his friend could possibly have to tell him which would shake him up this badly. "Again, Buck. Just let it go."
"I think I'm gay, man." Bucky said in one breath, his words so hurried they ran together. Steve didn't react at all. He sat quietly, seeming to be thinking about what he had just been told. Bucky grew more and more nervous with each passing moment. But finally, Steve spoke.
"Okay." He nodded. "Why has this revelation upset you so much?"
Bucky was taken aback for a moment. Steve looked at him with nothing but concern for his well being, and he didn't quite know what to say to this man who was as good, or better, than a brother to him. He felt relieved about the first half of his confession, but he knew that even Steve knew there was more to tell.
"Hello? Earth to Buck? Come in Buck?" Steve said, waving his hand in front of Bucky's unblinking face.
"Because." Bucky said. "I-"
"Oh man. It's not me, is it?" Steve said, a half humored smile playing at his lips. Bucky knew that Steve was just trying to get a rise out of him, so he played along.
"Come on, Punk. You know you're not my type. I like them handsome." He replied.
"So it sounds like you have someone in mind." Steve said, knowing he was chipping away at the wall the brunet had built around this secret.
"I- Uh, yeah." He nodded. Steve waited, hoping Bucky would confess. They stood in silence for a few minutes, then Bucky smiled sadly and looked up a Steve. "Its Sam."
"Ah." Steve said, trying very hard to hide his surprise. "Not a bad choice."
"Really? Because I feel like he will go ahead and break my jaw if he gets wind of this. And he's my best friend, like you. I don't think I could handle Sam hating me." Bucky sighed. "And I don't think he, you know..."
"Likes men?" Steve ask, an eyebrow raised.
"Hmm." Bucky hummed, nodding.
"You know, there is only one real way to find out." Steve said softly.
"Yeah, no." Bucky shook his head. "No, no, no."
"Why not?" Steve demanded.
"He could HATE me." Bucky sputtered. "Where you not listening at all?"
"Its not like it was, Buck." Steve assured him. "Many places, gay folks can get married, including here in Wakanda. People accept it as part of life more now. I won't tell you that the hate and the discrimination is gone, because it really isn't. But I do know this. Sam Wilson is my friend. He is your friend. He is a good man. Big heart." Steve paused and read Bucky's face, seeing that Bucky was considering his words. "He is not the sort who would fly off the handle about something like this. I'd say he'd take it as a compliment, at the very least. And who knows?" Steve said, holding his hands up in a shrug, "He could feel the same. I have never heard him mention a girlfriend or a boyfriend."
The two men turned when they heard a car horn honk behind them. Natasha was standing at the driver's side door, waiting for Steve. The sun was setting, and they had been up a long time. The redhead looked ready to sleep. "You better go." Bucky said, laughing. "Before Nat kicks your ass."
"She does that for fun." Steve replied, agreeing. He hugged his friend close and gave him an extra squeeze. "Please think about what I said." He asked. Bucky nodded and agreed, waving as Steve headed over to the car with Natasha.
"So." Natasha said, smiling as Steve got into the car. She shifted down into gear and sped off down the dirt road back toward town.
"Yeah, yeah. Foot rub for a week." Steve said, nodding. "Why do I make bets with you again?" He laughed as she reached over and laced her fingers through his hand. Natasha laughed at this, amused at how Steve always bought into her schemes.
"How was he?" Nat asked, genuinely concerned. Steve sighed.
"He's scared. Do you have any idea how hard it was for a gay person in the 40's? They beat people in the streets. No wonder he internalized it and ignored it for all these years." Steve shook his head.
"Can't blame him, though." Natasha said with a small shrug, "Sam is a hottie."
"Hey." Steve pretended to pout.
"I like a man in uniform, that's all." She laughed.
"You know what, Romanoff? Just drive." He said with a wink. "Tomorrow I think we need to do a little recon mission on Mr. Wilson."
"You got it, Captain." She agreed, shifting gears on the car again as they rolled onto the pavement of the road from the dirt, heading back toward the capital.
My first WinterFalcon fic- Hope everyone is enjoying it so far. Will be about 5 chapters long. Please review and let me know what you think!