I don't even know, I just felt like writing something.
Title from Richard Siken's Dirty Valentine.
Nope, I still don't own TW or the characters.
Isaac thanks him, looking down at his feet as he stands in the doorway, but there's a tentative smile on his lips that Scott can't help noticing and he thinks –
Well, he thinks about punching Derek a little. Or maybe he should just call him to ask what the actual fuck, because this is still Derek he's talking about, and Derek has a tendency to make really stupid decisions when he's trying to be helpful. For all Scott knows, this could be a misguided attempt to protect Isaac. Derek might be an asshole but he's not heartless.
But then he looks at Isaac again, taking in the slumped shoulders and the wide blue eyes, and has to remind himself that there's a reason why Isaac chose to come here, why Isaac trusts Scott enough to let him see this vulnerable side that he usually buries under sarcasm and mock arrogance, and it's certainly not because Scott is the violent type.
So he lets his anger turn into protectiveness and smiles warmly at Isaac, hoping he can make this lost boy understand that he's safe here.
/ / /
Stiles isn't exactly happy when he finds out that they're living together now and Scott has no idea why. He's tried asking but Stiles waves him off every time and instead starts talking about anything that isn't Isaac-related.
When Scott finally gets it – honestly, he's mostly embarrassed that it took him so long to figure it out, but also amused and a bit baffled because seriously?
"I am not jealous!" Stiles denies immediately when Scott confronts him. Stiles' heartbeat disagrees and Scott shakes his head trying to bite back a smile while he listens to Stiles' ramblings. "I'm not – seriously, dude, why are you grinning? This isn't funny, man, I don't – oh for fuck's sake, Scott!"
Scott bursts out laughing when Stiles throws his hands up and turns around to leave. It's just the two of them left in the locker room, so he pulls Stiles into his arms using a bit more force than necessary.
"Jesus, don't use your wolfy strength on me. I'm fragile, remember?"
Scott hides a smile in the crook of his best friend's neck. He's so dumb. They both are. It's something Lydia likes to remind them on a daily basis and he's beginning to think she's right. Of course she is, she's Lydia.
"It's just – he looks at you like a lost puppy, man," Stiles mumbles disgruntled but keeps his arms around Scott, which totally counts as a win. "Like he would follow you to the end of the earth or something. Like he would do absolutely anything you asked of him and I – I don't know, man, I get that he's, you know, like you and everything, and he understands what you're going through better than I ever could and – "
"Shut up, you idiot," Scott cuts him off then because no. Just no. That's not what he and Isaac – no. "No one knows me better than you do," he assures Stiles, who nods and takes a deep breath. His eyes are closed and Scott isn't sure he's handling this like he should. He was supposed to comfort Stiles, not make him even more upset. "Look, man, Isaac just – I don't know either, it's – it's different with him. He needs a friend, you know? Someone he can trust. And I think I can be that person for him. I want to be that person for him, I want to help. But you're still my best friend. That's not gonna change, like, ever. Promise."
Stiles nods again but he's smiling this time when he pulls Scott in for another hug. Of course that's when Scott hears another heartbeat, recognizes the scent that's slowly becoming almost as familiar as Stiles' and –
"Hey, Scott – oh. Uh. Hi, Stiles."
Stiles looks like he wants to strangle Isaac. Isaac looks like he wants to disappear into the wall he's leaning against.
Scott sighs. He's got to fix this.
/ / /
He thinks that maybe they'll stop being ridiculous if he treats them differently. Which, in a way, is only fair. Stiles is his best friend of eleven years and Isaac is –
Well. He's a loose cannon most of the time and only seems to calm down when Scott is around. So Scott decides that Isaac is the one he should be more gentle with, at least for a while. Until Isaac learns to – not be so defensive all the time, Scott supposes. He wants to show Isaac that not everyone is trying to hurt him.
Unsurprisingly, Isaac isn't a very tactile person. He doesn't really touch anyone unless he's trying to fight them off. Scott has noticed the way Isaac's brows furrow whenever Scott and Stiles are all over each other, like he doesn't exactly understand how that works, touching without hurting.
However, he allows Scott to touch him, and Scott thinks that's a good place to start. So he begins to bump their shoulders together after he tells terrible jokes that Isaac always laughs at, puts his hand on Isaac's forearm and smiles reassuringly whenever Isaac gathers enough courage to open up and talk to Scott about his past. He hugs Isaac as a thank you for making breakfast or for helping him do the dishes even though it's Scott's turn or simply because it's Thursday.
His mom gives him meaningful looks and subtle smiles, and Scott wants to scream at the top of his lungs how much he loves her when he sees her ruffling Isaac's hair or kissing his forehead before she leaves for work.
On a Monday morning, as they're getting ready for school, it's Isaac who initiates the hug and when Scott asks what that was for, he shrugs and says, "Just because."
Scott doesn't stop grinning for at least a couple of hours.
/ / /
He doesn't pay much attention to it at first. It's just –
He doesn't really know, actually. It doesn't bother him. It bothers Stiles, but that's a different story.
It's unusual, though. Or maybe it isn't and he's being an idiot, as per usual. Which is highly likely considering that it was Stiles who got him to think about it in the first place, and sometimes Stiles' reasoning is – uhm. Unique.
But when he turns his head to look at Isaac who is sitting in the back row, he finds Isaac already looking at him and –
That. That's how it always is. For some reason Isaac is always looking at him and Scott can't understand why. He really, really isn't that fascinating.
Isaac smiles at him suddenly, and it's a warm, genuine smile, not the smirk he seems to love using so much when he's at school. It's the smile that he gives Scott when they're in Scott's bedroom having Batman vs. Spider-Man debates, dunking Oreos in warm milk.
And it's –
God, it's so stupid and it doesn't even make sense, but Scott can feel the heat rising to his cheeks.
/ / /
They fall asleep on the couch, Isaac's head in Scott's lap, and it's – it's nice, Scott thinks when he wakes up to find Isaac sleeping soundly, a small smile on his lips. There's a warm feeling spreading throughout his entire body, a pleasant kind of warmth, like the first sip of hot chocolate on a cold, rainy afternoon. It's comforting and relaxing and it makes him fall back asleep with his fingers tangled in Isaac's curls.
It still feels nice when it's Scott's bed instead of the couch. It's not a big deal, he's always sharing a bed with Stiles when they have impromptu sleepovers, and while he is aware that's not something most boys their age still do, it never feels weird with Stiles, so. Why should it feel weird with Isaac?
Admittedly, he doesn't remember waking up with his heart jackhammering in his chest because he and Stiles were cuddling, but.
Stiles and Isaac are different people, he's already established that. Different people that make his body react – differently.
That's how Stiles finds them fifteen minutes later, legs tangled and arms wrapped around each other. Stiles opens his mouth but thankfully doesn't say anything, only raises an eyebrow and points at the still-sleeping Isaac. Scott panics and jumps out of bed.
Shit, what is wrong with him?
/ / /
Everything is happening so fast and he thinks he might be going crazy. It terrifies him, that flash of red he's seen on more than one occasion. It terrifies him that he feels it before he can see it. Feels something changing inside of him and –
He doesn't want it. Doesn't want to become one of them, to become a monster, to become Peter, to lose his humanity, and he doesn't understand how that's even possible, but –
But it's happening. He knows what's going on and, shit, he can't – he won't –
He needs –
He needs Isaac to stop looking at him the way he does.
This thing, this wolf thing, pack thing, whatever it is – it's messing with their heads and it has to stop.
/ / /
He doesn't see it coming, he really doesn't.
One day Isaac only tolerates the others because they are Scott's friends, and the next he's making moon-eyes at Allison.
And the look she gives him –
Scott knows it all too well.
/ / /
"What the fuck?" Stiles asks one day as they walk into the cafeteria, glaring at Isaac and Allison who are laughing – giggling? – and completely ignoring Lydia, who is sitting across from them.
Oh, that's why Stiles is pissed.
Scott rolls his eyes. "I think even Lydia Martin needs to, like, breathe for a moment, and not be the center of attention all the time, man. I know girls claim to like it, but think about it, dude, that's gotta be exhausting as fuck."
Stiles frowns. "Huh? What's Lydia got to do with – whatever it is that your girlfriend is – "
"She's not my girlfriend," Scott interrupts because, well, it's the truth. They aren't together, not anymore. It's been months since they broke up. And Isaac isn't seeing anyone either, so. "She's free to date whoever she wants."
"But Isaac – "
"Isaac is single, too. It's okay."
"But – "
"Stiles, seriously, let it go."
"But – "
/ / /
He isn't jealous.
Well, maybe he is a little, but. They're just flirting, it's nothing. It's –
Fuck, he really wishes Isaac would stop looking at him like that. It's not like Isaac needs Scott's permission or blessing or whatever if he wants to start dating Allison. They can do what they want, it's none of Scott's business.
They can –
Fuck. Whatever. It doesn't matter, it's okay.
/ / /
(and then)
/ / /
Isaac kisses him one night and suddenly the ground beneath his feet starts shifting.
/ / /
Scott isn't the kind of person who divides their life into before and after. He could, he's been blessed (cursed) with plenty of life-altering moments, but he doesn't see the point. The before is part of one's life as much as the after, so why label and categorize and use all these different drawers like that could erase some of the memories or something. Like –
For fuck's sake, he's been a werewolf for ten months now, but it's not like the kid that he'd been for sixteen years died the night he was bitten and is now gone forever, because no, he isn't.
So he doesn't start thinking in terms of before-Isaac-kissed-me and after-Isaac-kissed-me.
Except he sort of does.
/ / /
The thing is –
It's not –
He's never really thought of boys like that and –
He used to be pretty damn sure he was straight?
/ / /
They don't talk about it.
Isaac and Allison are still doing their not-really-dating-but-actually-kinda-yes-dating dance, which Scott wouldn't mind if Isaac didn't keep giving him looks too.
But he does, and Scott is confused and afraid because suddenly it seems like he has no idea who he is anymore.
And for the love of everything, it's not like he's a homophobe or something, he's friends with Danny, remember. But. It's – it's about him and how he feels and how terrifying it is that he doesn't actually know himself as well as he'd thought.
And if that's something that can change, then –
Maybe other things can change too. Things that have nothing to do with his sexuality and everything to do with the shadow of a beast that keeps following him everywhere he goes.
/ / /
Two nights later Isaac apologizes and Scott listens closely to his heartbeat, needs to make sure that Isaac is being honest.
He is, and Scott feels like an asshole for doubting him.
"Why'd you do it?" he can't help but ask. Because, obviously, he's an idiot.
Isaac doesn't answer, not really. He looks into Scott's eyes, looks at him like he always does, like Scott means the world to him and, shit, Scott wishes that was only the loyalty of a Beta that he's seeing in Isaac's eyes, not –
Fuck, what is this, what are doing, they can't, Allison –
"I'm sorry," he says, pulling Isaac closer, cupping his face.
"I'm sorry, too," Isaac agrees before Scott kisses him.
/ / /
He kind of wants to tell his mom. He doesn't think she would mind if he told her he's into boys too. Or maybe it's just Isaac that he's into, he doesn't know yet, needs a little more time to figure that out. But he needs to talk to someone about this, and his mom is the best, so.
And his dad –
Yeah, no, screw him. If Scott needs to talk to a father figure, he'll go talk to Deaton. Or to the Sheriff. Or to Chris Argent.
But, predictably, the first person who finds out about – whatever is going on, is Stiles.
He doesn't seem surprised. Not even a bit and Scott feels like crying. Stiles puts an arm around his shoulders and tells him he's going to be okay.
Scott wonders who else realized what was happening before he did.
/ / /
It's not like Scott thought that he and Isaac would become the teen version of Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka, but –
Yeah, it definitely hurts when Isaac and Allison become an official couple.
And he knows that in a way it's his fault, that he let this happen because he was too afraid to actually do something about his feelings, but he still doesn't know what exactly it is that he's feeling, so. Maybe they're all better off this way.
Still, Isaac doesn't stop looking at him – longingly, wistfully, but he doesn't do more than that either, and Scott supposes he's afraid too – and Allison doesn't stop looking at them both, confused and hurt, and –
Scott doesn't understand how something like this could happen.