Sometimes I wish my heart wasn't in pieces. I wish I didn't make the mistake of loosing my viginity to some guy who wanted only one thing. I wish I never had gotten hurt by people who I thought loved me, but never did. Love is hard sometimes when your 4'9, 20 years old, and look a bit younger than your age.
Men never understand me and they always break my heart. I never thought I would ever fall in love again but I did and he isn't human.
He is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle name Raphael, and he understands me, Just like how I understand him. I never thought I would fall in love with a Turtle, but I was wrong. I never thought anyone would have anything more in common with me other than my best friend, but I was wrong. We basically like the same things, and we help each other out with emotional problems.
His brother Leonardo can be a real strict SOB but I'm always there to help calm him down by making him feel happy. He does the same for me whenever I feel depressed or angry as well.
I love watching him work out in the weight room and Dojo. He can bench press 500lbs and that's 10 times more than what my older brother can do, which is very impressive. No wonder he's the strongest in his family. I work out with him, doing push up's, sit up's, and he even helps me bench press as well, spotting me when he wants to. I can only do 20lbs but with his help I know I'll bench press even more someday.
I spar with him as well, and he always win's of course. Like I could ever beat him. He says I'm good but I know I'll never be better than him, he's a good fighter of Ninjistu and his Father taught him so much, and so well. His Sai's are my most favorite weapons ever.
He does have a temper, and sometimes he maybe a little jerk to me at times, but in the end he always helps me out and is usually kind and sweet to me, in his own way of course. He chases and hits his little brother Mikey all the time and it makes me laugh so much. He is always there for his brothers even though they are a bit annoying to him. He loves his family as much as I love my family and that's what I really like about him, and also we have allot in common. He always calls me "Shortie" and I usually hate it when anyone calls me that, but when he says it, it makes me laugh and blush like no tomorrow which I guess is normal for when you like someone allot. Whenever I am around him, he grins down at me, but I know he is thinking that I could never fall in love or be with a being like him, which isn't true. I could tell he is always thinking that he is freak and that I shouldn't be around him.
He is wrong.
When I fist met him and his brothers, I never thought that he was a freak or a monster. I thought he was the most amazing creature I had ever seen. From that moment forward I fell in love with him, not because of his appearance, but because of what and is inside of him. Courage, Strength, Bravery, Loving, Loyalty, Independence, Kindness, Pride and Passionate. He may be self loathing about himself, but I will prove to him just how much that is all bull crap. I always will love him for what he is on the inside, not by his appearance or what is on the outside.
He saved my life twice and I intend to save him someday by telling him how much I love and care about him, and how much I need him to be my strength and to help my heart heal again, and to make me whole again too.
I want to make him stronger by loving himself just the way he is, because I do, I always have. I know he cares about me but he probably thinks I deserve better than him.
He is wrong.
Human guys hurt girls like me, allot. I have had better than what he probably thinks and they have all hurt me in ways he probably couldn't even think.
I know he wouldn't hurt me, I just know it. He is all I think about and I don't want him to shut me out. All I want is to try with him, and try I will.
I don't know when I'll tell him my feelings for him, but it will be soon. I have only known him for a year but it feels like a lifetime and I never want it to end.
If he doesn't return my feeling then at least I tried. It will be hard getting over it but I'll find a way.
He is always going to be worth fighting for, and to him I hope I am always going to be too.